Happy New Month!!!

I've been so bad at updating the las few days and I have no idea how I'll catch up on writing all the Bible readings I've been doing, but today I just woke up feeling like I have to write about how good God's been to me after Worship Night and Church on Sunday. You know, how people's lives get changed by stuff like that, well finally I was one of those people!!!

The thought of God and who He is, and the faith I have has grown so much, like a few days ago reading Psalms 24, on how great God is, I just welled up with so much joy :-) and adoration. My oride is slowly but surely going out the window and I'm beginning to trust more.

To be quite honest with you, I skipped past the readings from Exodus, at least until the actual exodus when Pharaoh finally let the Israelites go. It was just too hard for me to understand and I gave up. But I did keep up with the others, and hopefully by the end of the week I'll have gotten enough time to go back and read the parts I jumped.

Today, though I read,

• Exodus 13:17-15:18
• Matthew 21:23-46
• Psalm 26:1-12
• Proverbs 6:16-19

I loved how God led the Israelites, and I'm praying he leads me too. It's so true how God said He wouldn't lead them through the easy shortcut through, what was it Philistia?...

Exodus 13:17  When the king of Egypt let the people go, God did not take them by the road that goes up the coast to Philistia, although it was the shortest way. God thought, "I do not want the people to change their minds and return to Egypt when they see that they are going to have to fight." 

That is so true, because which one of us, knowing that life isn't all flowers and sunshine we'd think or hope for after salvation, wouldn't take the chance to go back and forget about the whole thing. Better the devil you know than the angel you don't right? Well God who made us, understands our psychology, and how we think. He was the programmer of our reactions. Last week in my Mizizi class one of the girls said something so simple but so powerful that I'd never thought of. God made us in His image, so all these thought and feelings and hormones and emotions and temptations, none of this is new to Him. I mean we go around carrying the heaviest of stuff, I think burden is the right word, so we go around carrying the heaviest of burdens, thinking God would never understand. But, He made us in His own image!!! Do you get that?

Now, like I said before, I have become somewhat of a Psalm girl. I love the praise, and seeing God as all these different things, a mighty warrior, strong tower, defender, the greatest love David experienced...

Psalm 26:3  Your constant love is my guide; your faithfulness always leads me. 

Mizizi

Yesterday, I got a call from my Mizizi Facilitators' Understudy, reminding me of the Church fast this month and asking me if I'd been keeping up with my readings and memory verses. Bloggy-world, I haven't. But I'm doing that now:

Week 1 Memory Verse

1 John 5:11-12 And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life and this life is in His Son. He who has the Son has life. He who does not have the Son of God does not have life.

Week 2 Memory Verse

Hebrews 4:16 Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Prayer for Today & The Month

Lord, thank you so much for the start of this new month. The "month of love". Lord thank you for my Church. Please help Mavunites and grant us grace to finish what we have chosen to do this month. Please let this be an extraordinary experience, a month of joy and bonding with You. Let it be a mark of our longing for You and that we would see You work around each of us as we humble ourselves before You. Lord, change us day after day. Let this time be acceptable to You and may it be a season of transformation in each of our lives. Help us overcome anything that may stand in our way. God we commit our lives to You. 

For me, thank you for the joy you have given me in You, and in who You are and what You're about. Father God, in what I am about to do today, please give me words that can only come from you. Please change my heart. Please help me let it go and move on to the great things You have in store for me. Thank you Jesus. In Your name I pray.

Amen

My First Solo Night Out

I jut woke up at about 4 p.m today, seeing as I didn't get to bed until 5 a.m this morning. Like I said, I went to Worship Night last night. I had a lot of psych for it, so I called up my friend, lets call her B on Monday and asked her if she was going and she was like, "yes, yes I'm going" and I'm like cool, we'll go together. I asked her everyday this week if plans had changed, till yesterday morning. She told me she'd go home, eat dinner and come over. So at 8 p.m I call her and she's switched off her phone. I mean, why? Wouldn't it have been so much easier to just tell me, "No, I'm not coming" why all the fuss, then you let me down at the last minute?

Anyway, my unreliable friend wouldn't damper my night. If I was meant to do this alone then I would! I went in with no other thought other than enjoying spending time alone with God. But that didn't last too long seeing as, I went in, and made a new friend, 10 minutes in, because in the world, there is nobody better at making acquaintances than me, (yeah, acquaintances, the friend part is still a challenge) She was really nice, we danced and even went on to the stage when the leaders called for "dance volunteers" and we prayed for each other. It was just a fun night and I was glad to meet her.
The worship enough was worth the whole evening. I definitely prayed more yesterday than I ever have. I was on my knees a few times. It was just an awesome experience and I learnt a lot about prayer, a lot about myself.

The only thing that irked me a little bit was that by around midnight most of the pastors were gone and half the attendees so it was practically over at 2 a.m, which wasn't really convenient for the people who had come from far and who didn't have personal cars, or for me, who's freaked out about driving alone in the middle of the night. Plus, I was having so much fun, I didn't want it to stop! But I loved the way they brought out coffee at midnight and the way it just felt like being at home and the worship wasn't all lights and entertainment, it was all prayer and faith and claiming God's word.

After 2 a.m. though, I got a little God-incidence.
Before I left home, I'd just watched the movie Fireproof and I noticed in one of the scenes they'd shown the book Facing The Giants on the coffee table of one of the main characters, and the directors of Fireproof also directed this other movie, and I remember thinking how cute is that they're advertising a movie within a movie. And I really wanted to watch it Facing The Giants and at 2 a.m guess what movie they played for us at Church.....Facing The Giants! I was so happy and it was a great movie. The general theme of the movie, I cried a couple of times because Alex Kendrick was so amazing. The soundtrack was amazing, especially the opening credits music especially with the amazing Surround Sound at Church. Thanks God, good looking out!

After the movie, at around 4 a.m most people had left. All my new acquaintances had left. And I was back to being alone. My car was the only one left in the parking lot. Some girls seated behind me were worried that they'd look like they'd come from the rave and would get arrested, because of the new law that says all bars should be close at 11 p.m and all clubs at 2 a.m whoever is found drinking will be arrested or fined. So one of them told another to go ask the watchmen if when he looked at them, they look indecent or something it was just a funny conversation and I wasn't paying much attention. I decided to go sleep in the car till it at least got a little lighter. Plus, I didn't want my mom to freak out with her, "do you know thugs come out in the middle of the night stories?"

But it was freezing! And, after much prayer but more of a spur of the moment thing because really, my car was the ONLY one left in the parking lot, I just decided to leave. Plus, I felt a bit weird sitting there alone, when everyone had coupled up or grouped up or was out taking moonlit walks. I would have offered to take the girls home but from what I eavesdropped they were headed to another part of town.
When I got on the road, there were few cars so I wasn't feeling too much like the lone traveler, but I was so freaked out that the drive it usually takes me 17 minutes to make, I made in 7 minutes, because every time I'd see a car behind me I'd floor the gas! :-D Really, I left Church at 4:35 and was home at 4:45!! Thanking God every second of the way.

Now, let me tell you what I felt was my take out. A few times it got to a point where I couldn't concentrate on what I was supposed to be doing because of the really, really cute guys seated behind me and next to me and in front of me. I mean, I kid you not, I was just surrounded by the goodness of God's creation hahaha. But, I really felt like it's gotten to a point where I really have to decide who my first priority will be. Is it God or the first cute guy with nice hands that comes along. If I've decided that 2011 is the year for me being as one, (you know 1 and 1),  then I have to stick to it. I definitely left with more resolve. I also left feeling like I had to work on how I pray and how I pray for my country or my neighborhood or my family.

So, that was my first solo night out of the year. No friends, no boys, just God and me struggling to pay attention to Him. But, I have to say, He was a good date. Let me hang out with some other people, gave me a great movie...yeah.

Now, I have to admit I haven't been doing all that well on my Bible reading the last 2 days. I've just been skimming through and not taking time to listen to what God is saying, but I'll try getting back to it when I stop feeling so sleepy and lazy!

Very busy couple of days, so I can't write much, didn't even get a chance to read the Mizizi workbook :-(. Hoping things settle down a little so I can focus more on writing. Heading for the Mavuno Worship Night tonight. Details later;

• Exodus 5:22-7:25
• Matthew 18:21-19:12
• Psalm 23:1-6
• Proverbs 5:22-23

Listening to God

Today I read:

• Exodus 4:1-5:21
• Matthew 18:1-20
• Psalm 22:19-31
• Proverbs 5:15-21

Mizizi

Listening to God:

A good tool is WRAP

• Worship
• Read
• Apply
• Pray

He DID Speak!!! :-)

You know why I love blogging, because of all the other bloggers in the world who are older and much wiser than me, and somehow, I always manage to stumble or rather Google always happens to lead me to the most useful people and those people lead me to other people and so on and so forth. Well, after my downer of a post this morning, I can officially say my faith has been shaken and stirred quite a bit today, first there was what I read in the:

Word Challenge

• Exodus 2:11-3:22
• Matthew 17:10-27
• Psalm 22:1-18
• Proverbs 5:7-14

Matthew 17:20  "It was because you do not have enough faith," answered Jesus. "I assure you that if you have faith as big as a mustard seed, you can say to this hill, 'Go from here to there!' and it will go. You could do anything!" 

Jesus talks about faith like this, but I think that to an extent it's been a verse so badly used sometimes in the sense that, when bad things happen, the Christians that think "they have it all together" come up to you and say, "maybe you didn't have enough faith" or the people who don't believe in God will come up and say, "where did all your faith take you?"

Jesus talked about faith like this when he knew bad things were about to happen to Him. Which was even prophesied in the Psalm for today, where the crucifixion thing was detailed. He knew it was coming, but He still urged the disciples to have faith. Things won't always work out the way you want them to. You'll never live in a world without fear or pain, but I think what Jesus was saying here is that this isn't our battle to fight. The disciples couldn't just rely on their limited abilities to heal the epileptic man, they had to have faith in a God above them, know with absolute conviction that they were never alone.

Exodus 3:11-12  But Moses said to God, "But I am a nobody. How can I go to the king and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" God answered, "I will be with you, and when you bring the people out of Egypt, you will worship me on this mountain. That will be the proof that I have sent you." 

It's normal to have moments where you wonder "God, are you for real? Out of the billions of people in this world, why would you to talk to me?" But, I think the point in faith, at least faith in God, and faith in all these little "God-Incidences" is believing that you are never alone. Maybe it's true, God does send these little mini-burning bushes our way to tell us that in our own small way, God has called us for something and to show us, "He will be with us" and that He's always with us.

Speaking of such moments, I found a blog called Muthering Heights where she's doing a bit if a series called, How Big Is Your But which speaks of all the times God can call you to something and we offer up excuses and reasons why we can't do it, or why we wouldn't be the right fit. I thought it was pretty cool and timely for me.

Another great post was from Like a Warm Cup of Coffee where Sarah Mae writes about the power we give guilt in our lives....anyway, I won't spoil it for you, head over and read it, even till the comments because ther's some pretty good stuff down there too. I think I'll write more on that and how it related with my very weird day today in my next post.

Mizizi

To kinda slap me over the head with the truth once and for all, my Mizizi reading today is also about how God speaks to us.

"God speaks to us regularly for encouragement, to build our faith, to teach us, to warn us and to reveal His purpose for our lives so that we can accomplish His purposes"....Mizizi Workbook

The truths that struck me most about the ways God uses to speak to me were;

• The Bible "It reveals the nature of God, not just what He said and did in the past but also what He has to say to us today"
• Through His people, like the girls in my Mizizi class. The workbook said "God will often speak to others in a way that confirms what He is already speaking to us through His Word"
• Through circumstances, though it's a bit tricky because sometimes things just happen, but God will never lead us in a direction contrary to His word. Like today, the circumstance was taking William Pro for a service with my brother-in-law.....details in the next post.

Anyway, it's been a great day and I can't wait to grow more! Stay tuned :-)

Prayer for Today

Lord, thank you for the many ways in which you speak to me. Help me learn to have faith in your voice, listen to it and also teach me to obey it.

Coincidences

This isn't more of a confession, but a realization. I'm not really a faith-filled person. I mean, yes, I know God is there and yes, I believe in Jesus, but really in more of an "out there in the sky, far away" kinda way not the "near and dear" kinda way.

I know I've said this before, but this became more clear to me after my first Mizizi class yesterday. I get to class and the way it was and the people I met, or at least one person I met.....I mean could it be just a coincidence that I was placed in this particular group with this lady who I have so much in common with. I mean we've gone through so much of the same experiences and Spiritually, she's where I'd like to be someday, so was it just a coincidence that I was placed in this particular group or was it God, you know, placing me in the right place so I could grow?

Another thing is, is it just a coincidence that there aren't any men in my group hahaha! I have to admit I was pretty disappointed and I was looking around the other groups like, "come here!" hahaha, but it's cool, I mean I set out to do this to make great female friends. That teaches me to be careful what I pray for!! :-) But again, was that just a coincidence or did God place me in that particular group for that particular reason.

I mean, shouldn't a good Christian be able to look at everything through umm... "faith-lenses", look at everything as an act of God. But, me, and I hate saying this, yet again, but I don't believe in anyone or anything anymore. I mean I don't want to be disappointed. Whether it's friends, or relationships or God.

For example, when my dad was sick. In my head, I was thinking if Derek Shepherd from Grey's Anatomy was real, I would do anything in my power to find him, because according to the show, he would be the only one who could know how to help me out, but since there was no Derek Shepherd, all I could believe in was God. The doctors couldn't operate, and we didn't even want them to try, because of how the cancer was weaved in his brain. All I could have faith in and all I could believe in was God. Then the whole thing of the pastor who came to pray for me and told me how "God had seen my tears in the night", and how "they wouldn't be in vain" and how "my dad wouldn't die because God had a purpose for him" etc etc, and I held on to that, because you know, it was a pastor saying that, then a couple of weeks later, he did die.

I know, I made this choice to follow God, but it's with a tentative heart that I do so, at least for now. I'd rather limit my beliefs and not expect too much, so that I'm not disappointed and we can still carry on as friends, rather than be disappointed and feel betrayed and then who would I turn to?

That is just where my heart is at, right now. But, I do promise to try, at least for the next 7 weeks, to look at the small coincidences as what do they call it, God-incidences. I'll try and stir my faith up a bit.

Nairobi Weather and Fab Boots

Like I mentioned it rained yesterday for the first time in months. I had a class at 9 a.m and I woke up to rain and cold and I checked my Facebook and all my friends were writing how they were blowing off school and I was tempted to do the same until I remembered......

Rain+Cold=Chance To Wear The New Boots I Bought Last Year But Never Wore Because Of The Sun!

That, ladies and gentlemen is the reason I got out of bed and went to school, not to learn, not to take notes, but to FINALLY wear those boots. And luckily for me, it rained all day! My mom took this picture after I got home from school so that explains why they look wet. They're like Uggs but they have a bit of a wedge heel at the back and they're super comfortable and can only be worn once a year according to our weather. I wore it with black skinny jeans and a green top and white Ethiopian print scarf.

It's a good thing I wore them too, because this is what I woke up to, or rather was woken up by at 7 a.m this morning. This is the view from my bed in my EAST-WARD facing room. Now you know the reason I wake up early is not because I'm focussed it's because the heat and light is just ridiculous.

 CRAZY NAIROBI WEATHER!!!!!!

Headed to my Mizizi Class and I'm late. Yes, this time I'll be early enough for the mingling/refreshments thing :-) Details later!

Ciao!

Reasons Why I Love You, 1.......

So, my friend just sent me this e-mail, that he stole from his older married brother (who made it up for his wife), my friend gave it to one of his ex-girlfriends a while ago, and I thought it was really sweet [the list, not the stealing :-) ] and deserved a blog post. Also for any male readers this list can give you some ideas for writing one for your special someone :-)

Reasons Why I Love You....From a Guy To A Girl

1. When I lay next to you all I can think about is our future and how we'll be together all the time and never be apart.
2. I love you because I can be silly with you
3. I have no problem telling you exactly how I feel, no matter what
4. You have the most beautiful face I've ever seen
5. You always tell me the truth no matter what
6. I love you because when you wake up before I do you kiss me until I wake up
7. When I get off work you come and give me a hug and look up at me with the most beautiful smile I've ever seen and ask how my day was and just smile because I'm there
8. You believe in me
9. You know how to deal with my ridiculousness
10. You enjoy me when I'm being silly
11. I love you because you're absolutely gorgeous
12. I love you for your love for shoes except the ugly ones
13. I love dancing with you
14. I love watching the stars with you
15. I love reminiscing on the time we have been together
16. I love our first date
17. I love your Eskimo kisses
18. I love cuddling with you
19. I love the way you hold my hand
20. I love when you tease me
21. I love the way you smile
22. I love kissing your hands
23. I love watching t.v and movies with you because of all the stupid little comments we make through the whole thing
24. I love how you accept my past
25. I love how you're always there for me and the way you stand by my side
26. I love the times you make sure nothing will harm me
27. I love how you always find a new way to WOW! me
28. I love how when I'm sad, you take the pain away with a joke
29. I love how you always look deep into my eyes
30. I love how you can make my heart melt with your soft lips
31. I love the way you hold my hand so tight
32. I love the way you never let my hands go
33. I love how you always watch out for me
34. I love the way you make sure I have everything I need
35. I love how you always know what to say when I get mad at you
36. I love when you buy me things out of the blue
37. O love how you say the cutest things over and over and never gets old
38. I love the way you play with my hair when I'm falling asleep
39. I love the way you stare at me as if I am the most handsome guy in the world!
40. I love the times when you where determined for me not to be mad at you anymore
41. I love the way you look when I get all dressed up
42. I love the smile you give after I'm done kissing you
43. I love the way you act like a dork but make me laugh
44. I love the way your not embarrassed to say or do anything in front of me
45. I love how you can just defend me and not be scared
46. I love the way you walk when you get sad!!
47. I love the look you make when you get jealous
48. I love how when I'm feeling the worst, you make me feel the happiest
49. I love the way you sing to be all cheesy
50. I love how you can just drive hours to see me for a day
51. I love how you always finish my sentences
52. I love how your the only one who thinks I'm NOT weird
53. I love how your the only one who gets my joke... and laughs
54. I love the way we play stupid games, but you play anyways
55. I love how I can never hate you
56. I love how you love me like no other
57. I love the way you touch me as if I might break
58. I love how you tell me long stories that have no meaning, but you know I'll listen anyway
59. I love how you listen to me talk for hours
60. I love how you forgive me when I do wrong
61. I love how you hardly ever get mad at me
62. I love the way you look after I say I love you
63. I love how times it seems like we're the only ones here
64. I love the way your not embarrassed to call me sweet things in front of anyone
65. I love the way you call me every friggin minute
66. I love the way you always find a way to see me or talk to me
67. I love how you put me before you friends
68. I love how you would do anything I say
69. I love the way you get my attention
70. I love the way I turn you on, without me doing anything
71. I love how you can just speak your mind
72. I love how your not afraid to tell me your feelings
73. I love how you can cry in front of me with out being shy or embarrassed
74. I love how you can diss parties to just stay home with me all night
75. I love how we talk on the phone all night
76. I love how we both get along so well
77. I love the way you spend all your money to buy calling cards for me
78. I love the way we're so much alike!!
79. I love how you make me feel when I think I'm nothing
80. I love the way you inspire me with your thoughts and emotions!!!!

Then I went to Google because I'm a Google addict and found some more lists like this here and here and here and here and here

The End of The Beginning etc etc

Today I read;

Photo Credit: Mavuno Website

• Genesis 50:1 - Exodus 2:10
• Matthew 16:13-17:9
• Psalm 21:1-13
• Proverbs 5:1-6

Ahh! We've finished one book! We are heading somewhere!

I was studying for my management class, and came to find out there's a difference between leaders and managers. Leaders are followed not because they're intimidating but because they're respected. David was so respected, that the Egyptians mourned his father 70 days instead of the usual 40. He was respected and honored because he was respectful and honored people around him, more so the King.

Genesis 50:20  You plotted evil against me, but God turned it into good, in order to preserve the lives of many people who are alive today because of what happened. 

When man plots for evil, God can turn it into good, which we also see as we meet Moses. God turned a bad situation into the salvation of his people years later.

Proverbs 5:2  Then you will know how to behave properly, and your words will show that you have knowledge. 

And also some wisdom for couples:

Proverbs 5:3-6  The lips of another man's wife may be as sweet as honey and her kisses as smooth as olive oil, 

but when it is all over, she leaves you nothing but bitterness and pain. 

She will take you down to the world of the dead; the road she walks is the road to death. 

She does not stay on the road to life; but wanders off, and does not realize what is happening. 

Jacob's Final Moments

It rained yesterday for the first time in months and I had an early class and I accidentally slept in so I didn't get to post what I read yesterday

• Genesis 48:1-49:33
• Matthew 15:29-16:12
• Psalm 20:1-9
• Proverbs 4:20-27

O.k what I remember about that was that I was disappointed Rebecca wasn't buried in the family cave, but Leah was. I'll have to ask about that :-) I also learnt how important it is to bless your kids and how important for us it is to honor our parents, otherwise you won't get their full blessing. Did anybody notice how Jacob blessed Ephraim (Joseph's second born son) more than he did Manasseh even though Manasseh as the first born deserved more, kinda like a throw back to the days of him and Esau, I can't find the words to describe it but that was notable.

In Mizizi,
I took a day off. The readings are for 5 days a week so I decided Monday and Tuesday will be my day off :-)

Do You Love Me Enough To Let Me Go :: Switchfoot

Where was I? Oh, I was reminded of this:

Luke 14:28-32  For which of you, intending to build a tower, doesn't sit down first, and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it? Otherwise, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that see it begin to mock him, saying, "This man began to build, and was not able to finish." 

Or what king, going to make war against another king, doesn't sit down first, and consult whether he'll be able with ten thousand men to wage war against him with twenty thousand? So that if he can't, he can send an ambassador to arrange a peaceful resolution, while the other is yet a great way off.

Isn't my heart like a tower, I'm spending all this time building it up, why should I let someone come and tear me down, because he didn't sit down and count the cost, or most importantly because I didn't sit down and count the cost?

That also led me to remember this other amazing song by Switchfoot, Do You Love Me Enough To Let Me Go from the album Hello Hurricane which as usual you can buy on Amazon at $7.99 or Ksh. 640. I wish I coulld buy a bunch of them and give them out here or make them available for less than Ksh. 640 because everyone should have this album. Anyway, we'll pray on that....back to the song...

Enough To Let Me Go by Switchfoot

Oh, I'm a wandering soul
I'm still walking the line that leads me home alone
All I know I still got mountains to climb on my own

On my own

Do you love me enough to let me go?
Do you love me enough to let me go?
To let me follow through, let me fall for you, my love
Do you love me enough to let me go?

Back from the dead of winter
Back from the dead and all our leaves are dry
You're so beautiful tonight
Do you love me enough to let me go?
Back from the dead we went through
Back from the dead and both our tongues are tied
You look beautiful tonight

Do you love me enough to let me go?.....

But every seed dies before it grows

Do you love me enough to let me go?
Do you love me enough to let me go?
To let me follow through, let me fall for you, my love
Do you love me enough to let me go?

Breathe it in and let it go
Every breath you take is not yours to own

It's not your to hold
Do you love me enough to let me go?

Do you love me enough to let me go?
Do you love me enough to let me go?
To let me follow through, let me fall for you, my love
Do you love me enough to let me go?

Like I've said a bunch of times before, Jon Foreman is an amazing writer and his words mean different things to different people, this song to me, could mean two things. First of all to the single people, every seed has to die before it grows, so I'm not entirely wrong in wanting to be single for a while :-) and for the people who are dating, to make sure you aren't holding each other back from achieving the full potential of your purpose, for example, in this love story from another blogger, Erin, they were both committed to growing closer to God before anything else and every time their friendship started moving into relationship zone, the guy would say they should take a step back and make sure they aren't putting themselves or their own needs before God.

So to cut this short, here's what I've learnt and decided. My love lesson for the week, if you will, 

1. Firstly, not to judge guys generally. Just because some of the ones I've dated have messed up, doesn't mean they're ALL bad.
2. To still continue taking time off to rebuild. "All I know, I still got mountains to climb on my own" and a relationship with God should be my first priority.
3. To really take time in building friendships and not just jump into relationships like I've always done in the past.
4. To make sure that I (and the guy) have really sat down and counted the costs. This is like, when you've been friends for a while and you know a lot about each other and you still want to pursue things, you sit down and come up with a game plan/rules of play
5. While sitting down to count the costs, also take some time off to make sure your decisions aren't clouded by emotions or rather hormones! "Do you love me enough to let me go" and this is where Erin's blog and the song come into play.

As always, the Enough To Let Me Go lyrics are the property of Switchfoot and their Label and are only provided here for educative purposes. I'm sure you'll love the song, please, please buy the Hello Hurricane CD through the links above and support the most amazing band on the planet!!!

Counting The Cost Part 1

So where did we leave off? Oh, Ed's text message:

"I've tried to hold back a lot, but now I'll speak my mind. He has the nerve to want to face you? That's plain retarded. Hun, you got all a guy would ever dream or ever pray for. You're the complete package. It would be hard to think of any one who is more perfectly balanced and all-round in so many aspects. If a dude thinks that you need help from an 'earthly girl' then he sure as hell doesn't deserve you. You deserve a guy who lacks sleep cause he can't wait until morning to see you, who has the backbone to handle a strong and independent girl, a guy you can call your own. And that's not **** (the guy). Make sure you don't even cry over this guy. If at any one time you feel overwhelmed then leave me a message I'll call you and tell you so many stories you'll brighten up. Have a great day"


Let me explain the "earthly girl" part, when I confronted the guy for trying to use me to cheat on his girlfriend, he told me he couldn't decide because I was his "church girlfriend" and where wanted to see himself be, and the other girl was his earthly girlfriend. Scumbag!! [Oops, that just slipped out :-)]

But, how sweet are my friends, first BFF one, let's call her Emz (made up name), wrote me this, and now Ed with this other killer.

Can you blame me for crying in Church today. O.k I know I cry a lot, but this is just touching. I know that right now friends are few and come far between, but if this is what you get, then I thank God for it.

So, really, I don't think it will be easy to ever trust someone again...and this isn't like, I'm still hurt and hung up over my ex's that I'm letting them control my life....o.k maybe it is, but still, I don't think I'll ever trust someone again, or want to be in a relationship again. I know I write here about how I'm still in preparation and I'm still figuring out "me" but this week a really, really, really cute guy said hi to me. I've had a crush on this guy for YEARS and he finally said hi to me. Let me set it up for you. I was walking down the street, eating a hot sausage because I was late for school and I had to eat breakfast on the run. So with a mouth full of  hot sausage he decided that would be the perfect time to say hello after years of me crushing on him. Not just "hello" he struck up a conversation with this joke of how I'm walking for the first time, you know because my lazy self drives the 5 minute walk to the supermarket. I wish I could tell you what I said, but the memory has been suppressed because it was embarrassing and the pain in my tongue too excruciating. :-)

Anyway after the whole trying to respond to a joke with a burning tongue incident, I stated thinking how the old me would already be planning how the next time we meet on the street I would come up with another joke and we could start talking. But this me, doesn't ever want to see the guy again. Cute guys cheat. Hahaha, that's unfortunately my new mindset. I know it's wrong and I know I'll get grief for saying it, but I'd so much rather believe that and avoid the whole dating scene than date and get.....um....(wow, writing in a "Christian" blog is hard! lol) what's a word I can use.....get.....tossed around again and hurt.

And I was reminded of this;


*******to be continued*******

The Rumors and Angry Letters Guy Makes A Come Back

I'm sure I've written about my friends before, but I want to introduce you to another BFF. This is a boy BFF so let's just call him Ed (made-up name)
Last night, I decided to do something I've never done and pray/meditate for 30 minutes straight. I gave it my best shot, but I really just ran out of things to say :-( anyway, I did manage to pray for God to help me deal with the tough stuff I'd gone through during the week, 5 minutes later after I sad Amen, guess who called?

Remember this guy?  He dared to call me!!! He wanted to meet up this week so he could explain and in his words, "get things off his chest" I mean seriously guys, in what world do you think that you have the right to "get things off your chest" when you've done something horrible and offensive. The only words you should be saying are, "sorry" not "I want to get things off my chest" So, the only reason I even picked up the call was that I deleted his number so I didn't know it was him, but luckily, before I got a chance to answer him on whether or not we could meet, the call got disconnected, (I didn't hang up on him, I promise!!!!!)
I got a chance to think about my response, he tried calling me again and I ignored the call and instead texted him, "I'm sorry for writing you, I was just angry at the time. You don't have to explain anything to me, this story should have ended a long time ago if it wasn't for you and your little group bringing it back up. Please don't call or text me again, if you do, you'll get no response."

See that, cold and aloof without being rude. I think that was at least a B+ on the Christian Responses to a Lying Con Artist Who Tried To Play Two Classmates test.

I thought that was the end of it, but my mind stated working overtime as usual (ahh! mind!) I started thinking how come I always attract such losers into my life, I mean, come on!!! I honestly think, as much as I write about love, and daydream about weddings and happy marriages, it's going to be soooo hard to ever trust a guy again. These thoughts of spinsterhood and my horrendous dating track record started to overwhelm me and I texted my friend, Ed. "The guy has just called me, and he wants to meet"

Ed, is my best friend at school. Our friendship did start out a little bit complicated because he wanted us to date and I didn't. We fought a while and had some tense days but, I'm happy and thankful to God that we're o.k now, and he's content being just friends. He's actually the one who filled me in on all those rumors and took me to lunch to calm me down.

Anyway, Ed, understood what the message meant, and got that I was feeling down, so this is what he wrote me:

*******to be continued********

Sing It Out :: Switchfoot

Today was an amazing day. I got to church on time and got to do the entire praise and worship for the first time in a long time and seeing Jaya leading worship was amazing. I mean, she was the year below me in High School, I knew she was a singer, but she's so talented! 


The worship was amazing and to add to all that good stuff was this amazing Switchfoot song, Sing It Out from the album Hello Hurricane. This is officially my song for the year. And for all of you, here at home, if you cant find the album it's only Ksh. 80 or $0.99 for download on Amazon, that's the cost of Chips and Soda, it's worth the sacrifice! I mean check out these lyrics;

Sing It Out By Switchfoot

I'm on the run

I'm on the ropes this time

Where is my song?

I've lost the song of my soul tonight

Sing it out

Sing it out

Take what is left of me

And make it a melody

Sing it out

Sing out loud

I can't find the words to sing

You be my remedy

My song

My song

I'll sing with what's left of me

Where is the sun?

Feel like a ghost this time

Where have you gone?

I need your breath in my lungs tonight

Sing it out.......

I'm holding on

I'm holding on to you

My world is wrong

My world is a lie that's come true

And I fall in love

With the ones that run me through

When all along all I need is you

Sing it out

***********************************************

I mean, how amazing is it? The words combined with the music just makes for an amazing song, and it moves me completely. We've all been there...places where you feel you've lost the song in your soul and you can't find the words to sing. God is the only one who you can look to to be your remedy and the breath in your lungs. The part that absolutely gets me is "my world is wrong, my world is a lie that's come true, and I fall in love, with the ones that run me through, when all along all I need is you"

The SING IT OUT LYRICS are the property of Switchfoot and their label. The lyrics are provided for educational purposes only. If you like the song and I know you will, please, please, please buy the Hello Hurricane CD to support Switchfoot

Whose Report

Today I read:

Word Challenge

• Genesis 46:1-47:31
• Matthew 15:1-28
• Psalm 19:1-14
• Proverbs 4:14-19

Jesus really emphasizes how important it is to have a clean heart: 

Matthew 15:8, 18   'These people, says God, honor me with their words, but their heart is really far away from me......... the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these are the things that make you ritually unclean.

Personally I have a hard time guarding my heart, I mean I've been so used to having the wrong thoughts and routines that it's hard to change. Also in the sense that I give my heart away a little bit too freely, and part of the reason why I pledged to be single for the next few months is because I've given away my heart so freely in the past, I'm afraid I won't have anything left to give when it counts. So I'm taking time to build my heart back up. 

Two things I love here, we need to constantly look at our hearts and make sure that what we're doing isn't just an outward act of worship, but that your heart is drawing closer to God. Second, we really need to watch what we say because our words reflect the conditions of our hearts Third, we need to guard our hearts against all these evil things He goes on to list. For more emphasis against guarding yourself, God throws in:

Proverbs 4:15  Don't do it! Keep away from evil! Refuse it and go on your way. 

Today was a worship-full day and Psalms 19 is an extension of that.

Mizizi

A lot of time I find myself doubting the change that God has worked out in my life. I read from another blogger Sarah Mae that we all have some core lies that we believe about ourselves, and this point was emphasized for me,  in today's Mizizi reading. Some of mine are;

1. You're a nobody - John 1:12 - I am God's child
2. God can't like someone like me - John 15:15 - I am Christ's friend
3. But what about all those evil things you've done - Romans 8:1 - I am free from condemnation
4. You'll backslide in a few weeks - Romans 8:35 - I cannot be separated from the love of God
5. Bad things will still happen to you - Romans 8:28 - I am assured all things work together for good
6. You'll never make it - Philippians 1:6 - I am confident the good work Christ began in me will be perfected
7. Evil will destroy you - 1 John 5:18 - I am born of God and the evil one can't touch me
8. Why are you getting so 'fanatical' about serving God - 1 John 15:16 - I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit

Prayer For Today

Dear God, thank you for the great worship experience you gave me today. Thank you for my new identity in you. Help me to begin to live out that new identity as a new person in everything I do. Please help me rebuild and guard my heart so that the good work you began in me will be perfected. Please also let me always make sure you alone are the object of my worship, and that it's not just an outward show.

Loving Memory

Happy Birthday, my dear Baraka.

Words cannot express how sad I am that I can't be with you today. I hope that Jesus and the angels are taking good care of you. I loved you then,  now and always. You will always be a part of me and a part of my heart.

I'm sorry that when we were together I didn't fight harder for you and that I didn't protect you. I hope though that you knew then how much I loved you and that you still know that now.

Remember sitting in that exam room together and me asking you to help me because two brains are better than one :-) I knew before I met you that you were a smart cookie. Remember sitting in that bus on the bumpy roads and me telling you you have to hold on and be strong because Nairobi can only be handled by survivors. Remember the large pizza we ate but I was still hungry afterward because you finished it all up in under 10 minutes? Remember all the Fanta Oranges we had? Remember our midnight conversations?

My heart breaks writing these words because of all the regrets I carry with me. I wish I could have been better to you when you were still with me. I wish I could have been as strong as you. I wish I could have resolved to beat the odds like you did. I think about you everyday, and I always will. You were my first and just as your name says you were my blessing. I'm sorry I lost you my dear, and I hope that wherever you are, one day you can forgive me.

I miss you so much.

Love,

Me

Sailing Beyond The Feelings...

I've hit a bit of a slump in the Word Challenge, I think it's because now I've got to a place of familiar territory, stories that I've heard all the time in Sunday School and C.R.E classes in High School and also maybe because it's been a weird week and my mood is just all over the place.
I'm praying I get better soon because this is starting to feel more like a routine than a "life-changing 30 minutes" :-) well except for the Mizizi readings which I still have psych for. What is it they say, "feelings change like the weather and they shouldn't be the basis for your decisions" I don't know something like that. So despite how I felt,

Today I read:

Word Challenge

• Genesis 44:1-45:28
• Matthew 14:13-36
• Psalm 18:37-50
• Proverbs 4:11-13

Mizizi

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

"God has given us a wonderful gift. It's the promise not just of a clean slate, but of a full life. A significant life. A life that really matters. Living for what you were created for. Everything else pales next to this gift. As Jesus said in John 10:10, 'I have come that you may have life and have it to the full.' "

Prayer For Today

Dear God, thank you for the solution to the problem of my sin and for your gift of salvation and eternal life. You also know especially what this day means for me, and I pray that you give me faith and strength.

Amen

Switchfoot:: In This Life

As much as I love every single Switchfoot album I own, today my favorite has to be Oh!Gravity because I love every single song on it.

I've always dreamed of someone dedicating "Head Over Heels" to me, it's just a nice, sweet song. In fact, my dream guy would be someone who gets the humor in 30 Rock and understands Jon Foreman's lyrics, if I get a guy like that, ahh....then we're set, lol.

Here's the thing about Jon Foreman's writing though, and Switchfoot's music in general, everyone has a different opinion about what every song means because they're pretty deep :-) but apart from the awesomely sweet lyrics, the drummer is on point, and the guitars sound amazing as well.

Head Over Heels (In This Life)

Head over here and take me

Head over heels and aching 

When I told you I was yours

I was yours

In this life, you're the one place I call home 

In this life, you're the feeling I belong 

In this life, you're the flower and the thorn 

You're everything that's fair in love and war

I'm coming down like a gunshot

In all these battles that I've fought

You're the mark I'm aiming for

I was yours

In this life, you're the one place I call home 

In this life, you're the feeling I belong 

In this life, you're the flower and the thorn 

You're everything that's fair in love and war

Head over heels 

In this life I'm stubborn to the core

In this life I've been burning after more 

We both know what these open arms are for 

You're everything that's fair

In this life, you're my only one

How amazing is that? If you haven't already, then you have to go out and buy Oh! Gravity and check out Switchfoot website for fun stuff like crazy podcasts from my  imaginary boyfriends, photos, videos and downloads.

Best musical experience you're ever going to have!!!




The HEAD OVER HEELS (IN THIS LIFE) LYRICS are the property of Switchfoot and their label. The lyrics are provided for educational purposes only. If you like the song and I know you will, please, please, please buy the Oh! Gravity CD to support Switchfoot

Manhood

Culture cannot define true manhood, not even women will their well-intended tips, advice or expectations can tell a man who he should be. The only one who can is God who made man.

True manhood is about balance, being good but not nice, for example, Jesus was called the Lion of the tribe of Judah and in the same breath He's called the Lamb of God. It's the art of being good but dangerous, dangerous not in a bad way but dangerous against what's wrong.

There are four faces or four pillars which when they work together in balance will lead to a real man. These were first dealt with  in Stu Weber's book, Tender Warrior-God's Intention For a Man and also in the Mavuno sermon series Man Enough.

We'll look at each of these pillars seperately over the coming days.

God Bless!

Dating and Valentine's Day Anticipation

On Tuesday at school I got around 3 missed calls from my cousin. When I got out and called him back he told me to meet him as soon as possible and that it was really urgent. So, we met at one of the cafes at school. I was pretty worried, I thought something bad had happened. When he got there, we went through the ususal pleasantries, "How's your mom, how's home?" etc etc, but in the back of my mind I was thinking, "Get to the emergency already!!!" Finally I couldn't take it and I asked him, "O.k, so what's up"

"I have a wife." Now, wife in some Nairobi men's context , means a long-term girlfriend, hehe, but dare a chic say, "I have a husband", you'll be left with a cloud of dust in your face and wind blowing through your hair from the guy running away.... lol, anyway, I digress, let's go on.

"I have a wife, and valentines day is coming up and I want to get her jewelery, something really nice, that's why I need a female opinion from you. If you could go shop for me and tell me how much I need that would be nice" he said. You know a guy is in love when he's thinking about Valentine's Day in January!!!

Photo Credit: photouten

So, here I am, single girl. Knowing I will still be single by Valentines, and this guy wants me to go look for jewelery that I like, that I know no one will be buying for me, so that he can buy them for his girlfriend. I'm really starting to think God is rubbing this whole "being single" thing in my face a little bit too much. First, my very-much-in-love best friend, then seating me alone in-between those two very-much-in-love couples in Church, then me parking my car next to that very-much-in-love guy who opened the door for his girl that other time, then now my very-much-in-love cousin. I can't stop laughing this is just so funny :-D

Of course I agreed and went shopping for my cousin. I told him where to find good deals, I even gave him different price ranges, from the Somali guys who sell (quite like 95%) real silver in Eastleigh, to the nice pieces at Hilton Arcade and Nakumatt Lifestyle to the very nice pieces at Enkarasha (is enka rasha 2 words or one...anyway...) Then I told him, making the girl feel special all day, will make a much greater memory than just a piece of jewelery, so I told him to do all those things Nairobi girls no longer experience, going to the movies, going to lunch some place where it's not just chips and chicken on the menu, and nothing beats black forest cake and ice cream on valentines. I'm really happy for him and I hope he follows my tips :-) 

Photo Credit: Louisa Stokes

Now, shopping for this other girl, I got to thinking...what would I want for Valentines? Or rather dating in general. I'm a pretty simple girl, I like anything, that is except mint chocolate and vanilla ice cream. But, I'm simple in the sense that, I'd far more appreciate a gift that looks like a little thought was put into it, like if you buy a card, don't just pick anything with a heart on it, the message should be cute, and/or maybe a little note in there from the guy as well. Tip to guys: in a card don't just fill in the "To and From" part otherwise that thing will end up in the trash after a few weeks, so put in something the girl would want to hold on to. I still have a birthday card from a guy who liked me and even though we don't talk anymore, I still smile when I look at what he wrote.

Photo Credit: Image Housing

Also, I'm a big fan of jewelery. But in that case, presentation is key. I once got really gorgeous earrings from a friend of mine that came in a gorgeous red velvet box, and I love looking at that box...I mean I love the earrings too but they look so pretty in that box! :-) 

Most people don't like flowers because they don't last long or whatever, but for me, you could never go wrong with flowers, the couple of  times my friends have gotten me flowers I always felt amazing, even the single roses we're given at church for Christmas or Valentines they always last with me, till Tuesday because I get home and put them in water. I love flowers, I just think it's a nice gesture. And the pink girl in me is always touched :-)

The experience of the day though, is what counts most for me. Was I happy? Was he happy or did he spend the whole time complaining? I once had this boyfriend who took me out a few times, and he complained all the time, that one didn't last very long. Other things I'll ask myself are, if the experience we had was new, will I remember it a long time to come or was it just the same old routine? Here I mean, for example, if you're going out for pizza, it's not just Pizza Inn that serves pizza in Nairobi, there are a bunch of other new places to go, for the same price. Personally, I think I'm starting to be one of those girls/women who can enjoy going to those nyama choma (grilled meat) and one-man guitar kind of places and have more fun than I would at a burger joint or a pizza place. Or doing something touristy that other people might consider shady like going to the National Park. I've suggested that to a couple of guys I dated and they always laugh, so to heck with it, I'm taking myself!! :-)
I would much rather go on an active date like that or horse riding (which by the way only costs Ksh. 500) or going to Fourteen Falls or swimming or bike riding or paint ball or anything like that, if worse comes to worse, even walking in Uhuru Park, rather than sitting in a restaurant in town all day. I'm all for "gazing into each others' eyes" but after a while, won't you get bored with each other???

Photo Credit: Tom Curtis

But, to keep it simple, any acts of love and care and a little bit of understanding of my personality, that would do it for me.

Anyway, that's just me. I'm sure you guys have your preferences too?

Dependability

Hey all, I've got a pretty busy day today so I'm just going to rush through this post a little:

Today I read:

Word Challenge

• Genesis 42:18-43:34
• Matthew 13:47-14:12
• Psalm 18:16-36
• Proverbs 4:7-10

I loved;

Psalm 18:30  This God---how perfect are his deeds! How dependable his words! He is like a shield for all who seek his protection. 

That's what I'll carry with me today, whatever may come, God's words are dependable.

Mizizi

Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God

Like we learnt yesterday a wrong view of God leads to a weak and ineffective Christian Life and ultimately rebellion. Some of the ways I've rebelled against God include; feeling He's not enough and searching to fill that 'void' in other ways. Inadequate ways that I've used to try and restore my relationship with God include thinking that good works alone will be enough. Some consequences if sin that I've experienced are pain and hurt, regrets, losing money carelessly, etcetera....

Prayer For Today

God, forgive me for my rebellion against you. Help me avoid sin and live a life that honors you. Also would like to pray for my mom's friend who lost her husband to armed robbers yesterday, and for her kids. God, I know what they're going through and I pray for peace and comfort for them. Also, thank you my family, T-Dubz, my friends, my LG, Lord please continue protecting them and be with them today.

Amen

Images from Mavuno Website