Speaking Out

I've been a little bit lost, mostly because I have been TOO found on Facebook and Twitter, especially over Election Week last week. (Thank you God for peace!)

Anyway, now that I'm here I wanted to share with you guys a couple of things God's taught me lately. I like to do this to share stuff that I've learnt that someone else might be going through and offer the same encouragement over the airwaves (is internet airwaves? haidhuru...) that I've received countless times.

Yesterday, 2 things happened, I was sitting next to a guy on the bus home and he struck up a conversation with me normally, I don't talk to people on the bus, but I'd just been reading a couple of Bethel stories like how students would go out in the streets and share Jesus with people, so I figured what the heck... he asked me if I have any talents, I said yes, singing and we got into all this stuff about where I sing and I told him I'm on worship team, so he asks me about Church, why I go and so on, and I told him. I tried to put into a 4 minute conversation why I live my life the way I do. At the end of it, invited him to come to church and that was that. Later on that night, I was trying to explain to someone on Facebook how we should quit looking at our neighbors through tribal eyes - he'd said some pretty tribalistic stuff about how people from my community were inferior to his and I was mad as hell, and that's how I know the words I spoke didn't come from me, they came from God, cause me, I would have cussed him out and told him a few choice words that might have rivaled Chris Brown and Drake feuds on Twitter. I was so frustrated that he didn't seem to get it, or at least I don't think he did because he didn't reply to my post. I tried to tell him, that change starts with us, me not labeling him with some stereotype and him doing the same.

I have to admit, that stuff that he said about me/people from my community hurt. Assuming that I'm a thief or that I'm selfish or violent because someone you know heard of who happens to be from my region is. IT'S RIDICULOUS! I was so discouraged by that and I wrote to my Pastor, because that's just what I do, when I don't have it figured out, I vent and I ask questions! Anyway:

So instead of staying discouraged by this guy's generalization of me and my family, I talked to my current sphere of influence:

Pastor M's reply just reinforced what I felt God telling me all night, which was:

don't know if my words have any impact but thank you God for I have a voice
— Joanne Furaha (@Joannefuraha) March 11, 2013

I've said before I'm set on relevance of some form in my lifetime. I want my voice to count for something, maybe it's from me being the last born and struggling to make my opinions heard, whatever it is, I'm set on relevance of some form. I don't say it as a selfish/self-centered prayer, I just feel like that's one of the reasons God made me the way He did. With this desire, it's difficult still being in the preparation stage where quite frankly, nobody cares who I am or what I have to say, the day is coming and I'm quite happy to be here for now but in the meantime, I'm going to use whatever avenues I have to spread the fact that nothing else in this life compares to the fact that

1. God is in a good mood!
2. God is actively pursuing us to love us and to bless us. He doesn't relent no matter what we do, no matter how many skeletons we have stuffed in our closet. He wants us to be closer than friends and more intimate than lovers.

That's the message that "I've come to such a place as this" in my life to share.

When our lives flow out of our genuine love for God and an understanding of what that means. When we stop faking religion and start embracing relationship. The moment that we're able to encounter the goodness of all God is personally and share that corporately, that's when real change will happen. That's when no study will be needed to show that Kenya is 80% Christian, instead the world will know by the reflection of His glory shining bright in the face of the country. That's when our church-mates will shut every evil tribalistic tongue in their networks instead of helping propagate their lies by sharing their updates and liking their comments. Right now it may just be one voice crying out in the wilderness, but luckily, that's all God needs.

BE THAT ONE!

xx
Jo

Getting Personal: Dating

{First posted on Raha and Love}

I don't talk that much about my personal life on my blogs; sure if I have an especially memorable day, I'll flood you with pictures, but that's mostly because I love having a sort of online diary where all my memories and pics are, like Facebook with words and chronology, but other than that, the day to day stuff I keep to myself. Besides, if my entire life and thoughts are here, what fun will there be for people who meet me in real life to get to know me?

I write about lessons I learn and how those apply to my life. Today though, I'll tell you a little about my dating life or lack of...

Didn't date in High School. I just had very great day dreams about a Christian rock-star guitarist whisking me off to get married by the time I turned 21. Seriously, I wanted to get married by 21!

The second I joined college though, suddenly I was flooded with guys! I went on tons of dates, had tons of crushes, a couple of potential boyfriends, none of them worked out. In my head, I still want(ed) that Christian rock-star guitarist and the guys I crushed on wanted that girl who goes clubbing every weekend, which I wasn't. Somewhere in the middle of that though, I caved in and turned into that girl and my Christian rock-star guitarist dream disappeared. About a year later things ended and I finally realized, I can only be me.

Yeah, so I joined Mizizi at Mavuno Church; little by little, God pieced my heart back together, kinda brought me back to myself, restored me...tried dating again here and there but my heart just wasn't in it. So, after a timely message at my Church, I took a 1 year pledge to work on myself and my relationship with God - being the one instead of looking for the one - as we call it. My prayer that day, February 5th was something like,

“Lord, I suck at this dating thing. I really do. I've tried and failed to follow my own way. I don’t want to lead guys on and have a boyfriend for the sake of having a boyfriend. And Lord, I don’t EVER want to go through this heartbreak ever again and I don't want to break anybody's heart again. Please, I pray that the next person I date, is the one that you would have me marry.”

So, I'm still in the year, not done with the pledge. 2 years after the breakup, I was finally able to close the door with that other guy amicably so there's no bitterness and issues left there, yayy! I got into music and serving in Church which I LOVE!

Learning to let God be my everything. All this other stuff is just details, details that I love, I mean, I love being in love - sweaty palms, heart racing, excited when the phone rings, taking goofy pictures - I love all of that, and I'm praying I get all that some day soon, but really, it's just "all these other things". I'm learning to let God be my everything.  He's the only one that can truly tell me who I'm meant to be and complete me; I don't get fully how He'll do that, but He will.

Yeah, so that's me.

Sunday Recap

Yesterday as usual, I went to Church and I honestly just about cried in the middle of the service, but I’ll get to that. OK, went to Church, got there right on time; Kanji’s team was leading and it was awesome. In the middle of Worship, I was just thinking about what I heard Philly Lopez say in a Worship Central video, that when you’re singing, you have to stay connected, sing with what you’re feeling, sing with what you’re going through and most important, sing as if you were standing right at the feet of Jesus. Yeah, so that was awesome.

{via}

After worship, we were updated on Mavuno 3.0, which is our church’s move to a new location this year. So far we’ve raised about 20% of the money we need, and I know I’m meant to be a part of this, but what’s been intimidating to me is that, people are raising thousands, heck, millions and I obviously am not in that position. What’s kept coming back to me though is this:

Mark 6:35-44 v.35 when it was already late, his disciples came to him and said, “This is an isolated place and it is already very late. 36 Send them away so that they can go into the surrounding countryside and villages and buy something for themselves to eat.” 37 But he answered them, “You give them something to eat.” And they said, “Should we go and buy bread for two hundred silver coins and give it to them to eat?” 38 He said to them, “How many loaves do you have? Go and see.” When they found out, they said, “Five – and two fish.” 39 Then he directed them all to sit down in groups on the green grass. 40 So they reclined in groups of hundreds and fifties. 41 He took the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. He gave them to his disciples to serve the people, and he divided the two fish among them all. 42 They all ate and were satisfied, 43 and they picked up the broken pieces and fish that were left over, twelve baskets full. 44 Now there were five thousand men who ate the bread.

  

OK, so it’s easy for me to be like the disciples and when this mandate comes, be like, “God, this is an isolated place (i.e. this Church needs to move), “send them away so they can go and buy themselves something to eat” (i.e. help them raise money for themselves). But Jesus says it clearly, this isn’t their job to feed themselves, this isn’t even my job and I am the Christ! What have youguys done, YOU feed them. The disciples went out and came back with all they could find, a small boy’s lunch, which is honestly what I feel like my contribution would be. Actually it exactly is, because my idea is to not eat lunch out this month and give that. It’s measly in comparison to the task ahead. Jesus takes that though, blesses it and feeds five thousand men, same way I’m expecting Him to take my lunch money, bless it and help us raise five hundred million! 

Next, Daddy Owen and Denno sang their hit song “Mbona” that also got me thinking about how I treat people who seemingly are less advantaged than me, like homeless people, disabled people, even simply people who dress different than I do, yet we were all created by the same Father, all in His image.

Ok, now to the part where I cried, the sermon! The series is called Heroes Wanted, led by our senior pastor, Pastor M. Here’s the preview below…awesome right? Anyway, here are some extracts:

{via}

Why the Disciples Didn’t View Themselves as Superheroes: Acts 1:1-8

........Please click here to head over to my Bent Reeds page to keep reading :-)

 

Hope you liked Bent Reeds, welcome back :-)

After Church, we were given a prayer and fasting guide for this month, which I think will be really fun, we were also given a chance to write our own prayer requests and hand them in at church, and all these prayer activities culminating in another WORSHIP NIGHT! Absolutely cannot wait. I think by now you know my prayer requests, so standby and watch what God does :-)

Finally, I went to LIFEGROUP. Awesome time with friends as usual.

xx

Jo

 

Career Crossroads

I invited BFF (Mich) to my Church for some much needed girl time after the service and it was such a breath of fresh air, girl time is the best! I finally got to "socialize at the Calabash" (Church food court)

Anyway, I was just telling her how I’ve realized how much I’ve come alive in God, how badly off I was and just how when I think back, I was under this crappy dark cloud, but right now I feel like I’m living for the first time; how I really feel like I want to give my life to this whole worship and ministry stuff. 

I told her one of my biggest fears about jumping into this, is that nobody just jumps into wanting to be a Pastor. I went to school for all this time, studying business, and accounting to get a starting job paying upwards of 40,000/- and build that to 200,000/- by the time I turned 30. Now all of a sudden, I jump into this whole other career, unpaid position for the first couple of years, iffy salary after that…what’s that about?! The money is a huge issue for me, I don’t want to be going to family reunions and my brother and sister roll up in Range Rovers and BMW’s and I’m in a 1999 Toyota Corrolla! Or (gasp!) public transportation, whop whop :-/ . There’s also the little fact of, “hey, how will I afford to go to ministry school or do an unpaid internship for a year?”

Most importantly though for me is this: husband and kids. I know it’s crazy, but I’m “that” person who’s concerned about a family she doesn’t even have yet. BFF knows this about me. For me, whoever I love, I love. I give everything. Maybe not so much in healthy ways before I knew the Lord, (but now that I do, I’m much, much better at that! LOL) I feel like it’s not a fluke that he made me this way; that I would put my husband and kids before anything outside of Him. So, loving this future imaginary family so much, how am I ever going to get there? 

What are the logistics of like a corporate guy marrying a lady worship pastor? So, how does a female worship pastor go on dates? Honestly, I don’t want to go through my 20’s unmarried. I want it to happen sooner rather than later! How do those two worlds collide? There’s also the fact that you should marry a person who has the same values and goals as you. So, ok, forget the corporate guy, if by some supernatural miracle of God, I meet this amazing guy, committed to God, wanting to build up churches and resource and do all that stuff for church and everything just lines up, do I have the patience to be a church wife, friend to all, mother to many?

Point is, I do want a career and success and achievements and yes, I want enough money to be comfortable and secure. I also want to find purpose in that job, to know that I’m helping, to have fun and to look forward to doing what I do. I do want a husband and kids and an amazing family that loves each other to death and serves the church together, and I don’t want to spend the next 5 years searching for said person and regretting not finding love sooner, when I’m 30 and single.

Is it crazy that I want so much? Is it greedy? If I did get it, would I be happy? Truthfully, I don’t know the answers to these questions. All I really know guys is this; I didn't just wake up one morning and decide this, remember I announced this to my class when I was 13 years old! I have had a few missteps along the way...enough to make a really juicy testimony, lol, but now the "calling" is back. I don't feel like I have a choice but to do it. 

Obviously I do, I can technically just jump into the corporate world, and still live, and have a safe, predictable life. What to me is just, as one poet put it, "alive, patiently waiting for death" or I could take the risk and jump into this, and come alive.

Anyway, so that's what's going on with me. This month's sermon series has been incredibly relevant to me. I still have a couple of months before I'm done with College, so I have plenty of time to make plans, and I;m going to use what Pastor M taught us,

1. Read The Bible

2. Pray

3. Seek Godly advice

4. Look beyond the circumstances

Anybody ever been at a career crossroad, would love some advice!

xx

Jo

Be The One

"I am going to be the one...the best that I can be...because that is how God intended it to be."

The sermon at Church this past Sunday blew my mind. Pastor M talked about Leah in Genesis 29 from verse 31. How she knew from the beginning Jacob (Jacobinho hehehe) didn't love her and she was for all intents less than 2nd best.

What she did is typical female behavior, had babies trying to win Jacob's love. Baby after baby she popped out. but Jacob still remained cold. Finally, she learnt that she wouldn't be dependent on Jacob anymore and named her last son Judah meaning "This time, I will praise the Lord"

So, I took all these notes I've laid down under this and promised to God to stay single for the whole year, if He would draw me closer ti Him. I want to be intertwined with God. I stood up and said that prayer with Pastor S. 20 minutes later, I was standing in line at the supermarket tears stinging my eyes when I saw a box of chocolates on those valentine's day stands, and realized, I wont be getting chocolates next week. I'm not kidding. Actual tears in my eyes over a box of chocolate.

But here's what I took home...not the chocolate, but the realization that, God made me, he made my heart. He knows everything about me. Who I want to be, (which hopefully aligns with who He made me to be) and who I was. He knows my desires, to be loved wholly, to love wholly, to be a great wife and an amazing mom, to have a family. He knows all these things about me, and he knew them from the beginning. 

I got in my own way, when I took life in my own hands, and tried to find that joy and contentment without him. It was a slippery slope, that ed me like Leah, to finding that next guy who would make me feel valued. I'm totally with her in saying, "Its's not this child, but oh, it has to be the next one." But, now 2012, no more insanity. "This time, I will praise the Lord." This time, I will run after Him, this time I will worship Him. This time, He will be my joy and contentment.

So yeah, I know it's the hugest deal making a promise to God, but I do. This is your year Lord. Its a completely faith move. I don't know what will happen, except that I will want to quit by June. But I'm relying on you for wisdom and strength.

My Notes

1. Human beings are very different from cars, they behave differently under test conditions. (On Living Together before marriage) You can't be completely vulnerable.
2. Transferring the responsibility for your joy and self-esteem to another human being is perpetually walking into insanity. Its time to shift my focus. Shifting focus from man to God is the only time He'll change you into who you need to be.
3. Making a fool of yourself is the natural progression when you want to manipulate someone into meeting your needs for you.
4. Desperate clingy women can only attract hard uncaring men.
5. Are they the problem or is it me?
6. Like attracts like. A relationship only compounds the state you were in before.
7. If your broken, you attract broken people. They can't meet your needs, that's why they married you! It's a 2 patients and no doctor situation, 2 people bound never to satisfy each other. Complementary dysfunctions.
8. Work on your issues...if you don't have health on your life, no one will bring it to you.
9. This time, 2012, something is different. Things will change as you begin to work on you, you grow up, stand taller have an undeniable sense of God-esteem.
10. Let's not perpetuate childish love which equates to lust. Mature people need to understand what it takes to relate to one another.

xx

Raha

Sunday Snippets

Today started out pretty bad, with a stupid nightmare/panic attack...but quickly picked up after a couple of sweet gestures from my family...such as my mom making me a toasted ham sandwich for breakfast.

Church was amazing as usual. The worship was great, the drummer was on point especially during this Damita Haddon song, "It all belongs to you" Wow, that band has crazy talent.

The sermon was a wrap up of this months series, "Whatcha Momma Didn't Teach You About Money" which I have to buy and listen to over and over again. Four points were covered, lets see if I can remember them,

Free your heart
Don't work for money

O.K I blanked, you just have to go to the website to find out. I was totally inspired by every interview I saw this past month, not just because they're all millionaires, but because these are people making money out of living their dreams, not working for money. Also because, they'e ordinary people who started with ordinary means.

I pray quite a bit, and one of the things I pray for that me and my future hubz won't be in our 30's 40's in the same old job, working for the same old bosses, relying on that same old pay check to take us to the next month. Instead we'll fond something we're both passionate about and have that up and running and successful. In the words of Pastor M, "There's no virtue in being poor."

In the meantime, I have a little project that I'm working on that is hopefully going to be a little fun and exciting and hopefully make a profit. Just working on some proposals and trying to sort the fine print with my business partner so to speak...I can't wait to tell you all about it. How was your weekend?



xx
Raha

Guest Post on Wide Open Spaces

The day I've been waiting for all week is finally here, my guest post on one of my most favorite blogs, Wide Open Spaces. 

Please allow me to say, YAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!! Hahaha :-)

I've read Jordan's blog from before I started writing, because she's funny and down-to-earth, and real. If she was in Nairobi, she'd definitely be coming to Mavuno.

When I saw her asking if anyone wanted to guest post, I jumped at the shot, although I have to admit I was nervous and couldn't think of what to write about, coupled with my internet provider who decided to give me some added stress the last couple of weeks, oh plus the fact that it's a Valentine's themed post and I'm *ahem* single. But, I got over all that and tried to do something. Pastor M, I did not VENT.... I INVENTED! :-)

So please click here and head on over and read my post and check some of her stuff out too. She has an amazing blog design and she designs blogs too, so plenty of nice stuff to check out.

In the off-chance that the links don't work, it's www.jordy-liz.com

My First Solo Night Out

I jut woke up at about 4 p.m today, seeing as I didn't get to bed until 5 a.m this morning. Like I said, I went to Worship Night last night. I had a lot of psych for it, so I called up my friend, lets call her B on Monday and asked her if she was going and she was like, "yes, yes I'm going" and I'm like cool, we'll go together. I asked her everyday this week if plans had changed, till yesterday morning. She told me she'd go home, eat dinner and come over. So at 8 p.m I call her and she's switched off her phone. I mean, why? Wouldn't it have been so much easier to just tell me, "No, I'm not coming" why all the fuss, then you let me down at the last minute?

Anyway, my unreliable friend wouldn't damper my night. If I was meant to do this alone then I would! I went in with no other thought other than enjoying spending time alone with God. But that didn't last too long seeing as, I went in, and made a new friend, 10 minutes in, because in the world, there is nobody better at making acquaintances than me, (yeah, acquaintances, the friend part is still a challenge) She was really nice, we danced and even went on to the stage when the leaders called for "dance volunteers" and we prayed for each other. It was just a fun night and I was glad to meet her.
The worship enough was worth the whole evening. I definitely prayed more yesterday than I ever have. I was on my knees a few times. It was just an awesome experience and I learnt a lot about prayer, a lot about myself.

The only thing that irked me a little bit was that by around midnight most of the pastors were gone and half the attendees so it was practically over at 2 a.m, which wasn't really convenient for the people who had come from far and who didn't have personal cars, or for me, who's freaked out about driving alone in the middle of the night. Plus, I was having so much fun, I didn't want it to stop! But I loved the way they brought out coffee at midnight and the way it just felt like being at home and the worship wasn't all lights and entertainment, it was all prayer and faith and claiming God's word.

After 2 a.m. though, I got a little God-incidence.
Before I left home, I'd just watched the movie Fireproof and I noticed in one of the scenes they'd shown the book Facing The Giants on the coffee table of one of the main characters, and the directors of Fireproof also directed this other movie, and I remember thinking how cute is that they're advertising a movie within a movie. And I really wanted to watch it Facing The Giants and at 2 a.m guess what movie they played for us at Church.....Facing The Giants! I was so happy and it was a great movie. The general theme of the movie, I cried a couple of times because Alex Kendrick was so amazing. The soundtrack was amazing, especially the opening credits music especially with the amazing Surround Sound at Church. Thanks God, good looking out!

After the movie, at around 4 a.m most people had left. All my new acquaintances had left. And I was back to being alone. My car was the only one left in the parking lot. Some girls seated behind me were worried that they'd look like they'd come from the rave and would get arrested, because of the new law that says all bars should be close at 11 p.m and all clubs at 2 a.m whoever is found drinking will be arrested or fined. So one of them told another to go ask the watchmen if when he looked at them, they look indecent or something it was just a funny conversation and I wasn't paying much attention. I decided to go sleep in the car till it at least got a little lighter. Plus, I didn't want my mom to freak out with her, "do you know thugs come out in the middle of the night stories?"

But it was freezing! And, after much prayer but more of a spur of the moment thing because really, my car was the ONLY one left in the parking lot, I just decided to leave. Plus, I felt a bit weird sitting there alone, when everyone had coupled up or grouped up or was out taking moonlit walks. I would have offered to take the girls home but from what I eavesdropped they were headed to another part of town.
When I got on the road, there were few cars so I wasn't feeling too much like the lone traveler, but I was so freaked out that the drive it usually takes me 17 minutes to make, I made in 7 minutes, because every time I'd see a car behind me I'd floor the gas! :-D Really, I left Church at 4:35 and was home at 4:45!! Thanking God every second of the way.

Now, let me tell you what I felt was my take out. A few times it got to a point where I couldn't concentrate on what I was supposed to be doing because of the really, really cute guys seated behind me and next to me and in front of me. I mean, I kid you not, I was just surrounded by the goodness of God's creation hahaha. But, I really felt like it's gotten to a point where I really have to decide who my first priority will be. Is it God or the first cute guy with nice hands that comes along. If I've decided that 2011 is the year for me being as one, (you know 1 and 1),  then I have to stick to it. I definitely left with more resolve. I also left feeling like I had to work on how I pray and how I pray for my country or my neighborhood or my family.

So, that was my first solo night out of the year. No friends, no boys, just God and me struggling to pay attention to Him. But, I have to say, He was a good date. Let me hang out with some other people, gave me a great movie...yeah.

Now, I have to admit I haven't been doing all that well on my Bible reading the last 2 days. I've just been skimming through and not taking time to listen to what God is saying, but I'll try getting back to it when I stop feeling so sleepy and lazy!

Mizizi Launch

I have to say guys, for all the fears I had about going back, I came out having twice as much fun. It was the first time I met these people but I had fun and laughed so hard, man, I told you Mavuno is where it's at!!! I even left with one phone number....female! Remember, I resolved to make more female friends to even things and maybe even tip the balance with all my male friends after Sunday's sermon. So,yay, new friend for me! :-)

So, I got there, I'd planned to be late so I'd miss the refreshments and mingling part, but things worked out differently because one of my friends drove me home from school so I could pick up my car and head to Church, so I had no excuse like "the line for the buses was too long" and I got there at around 5.40. I walked into the dome and almost ran back to hide in the car, there were so many people standing around drinking coffee and eating cake and talking and I felt so intimidated but then something happened and I just got this sudden rush of confidence, at least enough to make it to my seat :-)

So, after people came in, the session started and we did little ice-breaker games and everyone was up for it and that made it so much fun and that's when I made a couple of friends. After Pastor M and the service leaders finished talking, you could just tell the air had changed and everyone felt so inspired and we were all saying "hi" to each other and "nice to meet you" and "can't wait to see you next week" it was great. I didn't want the night to end!

So, I went to sign up, and left. As much as I wanted to stay and see and explore this new found confidence in myself, and see if I could have mingled any more, I just felt like it was enough, I shouldn't push my luck and I should leave on a high. Although I'm pretty sure if I'd have stayed I 'd have continued to have fun, but I still left.

Why am I doing Mizizi, or rather why am I re-doing Mizizi, I'm sure at some point I'll be asked that question by family or friends.

1. I don't want to view God as some far off person in the sky, I really want to be as tight as I can be with Him. 
2. I want to experience God's love, not just how I know theoretically that it exists. I'm sure it's there and I might have seen it before, because He's always loved us, but it's always been in terms of God saving me from some situation I put myself in like "I didn't die in a car crash though I let my friend drive drunk, that's God's love" I don't want my "God's love" story to always be in those terms, I want it to also be in the positive, like "I discovered what I want to do with my life,, that's God's love" or "I reached the heart of worship, that's God's love"
3. I want to grow deeper in my faith, so rooted that no one and nothing can shake me.
4. Like everyone else, I want to discover my purpose, why I am the way I am, what I was born to do, and if what I'm doing now is in preparation for it or what I need to do if it's not.
5. Obviously, also to make friends. This is important to me because, saying goodbye to the past also meant I had to say goodbye to a lot of people, most of the people I was with, it wasn't really based on truth or common ground, except for partying and that kind of stuff, so they didn't really last or aren't that effective. I have very few people that I can call friends and I would love some more. That's a huge prayer for me as I embark on this, because even if I achieve the first 4 above, they won't really last if I don't have people pushing me forward and learning and growing from each other, even the Bible says so, David needed Jonathan, Jesus needed His boys, Timothy had Paul, I gots to have some people too :-)

So yeah, that's it. I honestly can't wait for next week. I'm praying everything goes great :-)

Who Are Your Friends?

As I've mentioned many times this weekend, I missed Church today and I feel so bummed about it but luckily the amazing guys in the tech team were live on twitter so I got all the notes. They did such a great job, I was in a car on my way out of Nairobi but I felt like I was seated right there in Church. 


If you're reading this, I'd love it if you would follow Mavuno on Twitter, at least you'll get some amazing quotes and great encouragement, plus know what's going on with them. Incase the link doesn't work, it's twitter.com/mavunochurchorg. Also check out the Mavuno website


I loved Pastor M's sermon as usual, and here are the notes. It's taken me an hour but I managed to piece it together from twitter. Enjoy!

This is the year we're really connecting with God and this February we are encouraging the congregation to do a month long fast. We really want to listen to God & hear him speak to us this year. Fasting is one of the ways you can do this. Read more on fasting &prepare.

Now, this show ran for ten years, it continues to sell millions worldwide. It won 63 different awards. The final episode was watched by an estimated 51 million in the US alone. It won 6 Emmy's. What's the name of the show? Friends! The reason it was so successful was because it spoke to a need in young people who need friends and identify with the characters on the show. They found that the companionship, comfort and support they got from each other was the ideal solution to the pressures of life.

What we learnt last week is that money, no matter how much you have will not make you successful if you have a cracked foundation. People who care for us and have our best interests at heart, that’s one of the ways that would make us successful, and in many ways, that's what Friends was about.

On the other hand, these friendships though depicted as funny and authentic, had many serious flaws. They were over sexualized, became dysfunctional, led to broken marriages and resulted in much pain and stress. The question is this – is there another way to do it?

We believe there is - God's Way.

We’re going through a series called ‘Shinda Maisha’ and learning about how to prepare for REAL success through the stages of life. It’s an opportune time to talk about this, with the explosion of the many lotteries which are teaching a generation of Kenyans that success is winning a lot of money. Just this last week, the Shinda Smart competition was banned for lack of integrity of process, If you sent in 60/= installments, our sympathies to you

Last week we talked about the foundation years, and the importance of teaching values when your child is aged 0-10. We learnt that 'It’s not luck you need; it’s training’. Even if you won Ksh. 25M but have not developed a value foundation, the money will destroy you!

Today we want to look at the next stage, the years of education, when one is aged between 11-25. Some of you are at this stage in life and so this will be very useful. Some of you have children in this stage so we hope this guides you. Many of you are past this stage, but as you listen, I trust that you will see areas with cracks in your life that you can address.

The educational years are a recent addition into a person’s development, and are a direct result of the modern education system. This stage was non-existent before colonialism because prior to that time, children would go through a rite of passage and transition directly into adults. If they were men; they would become warriors or protectors of the family. If they were women, they would be prepared for marriage & family. Even in the West, the whole concept of teenager didn’t exist before the Industrial Revolution!  

Today, these ‘teen’ and ‘young adult’ years are seen as an intermediate stage when a person is not a child anymore, but still doesn’t carry a clear adult role in society. For some of you, this stage ended early because you took on a job but for many, it lasts till after college. At this stage, several things are going on in a person’s life.

• Physical and emotional changes - these begin with adolescence, as we begin to form a sexual identity. For both girls and boys it is a tumultuous time. Do you remember your teenage years?
• Independent thinking – People at this stage begin to want a degree of independence to experiment and to test out their own theories about life, as they’re establishing a sense of identity.
• Self Consciousness –You want to fit in, to be popular. That’s why till today, high school boys will roll up their sleeves, turn up collars etc
• Peer Influence - Young people at this stage no longer see their parents as all-knowing or all-powerful and often have developed other relationships that they now consider as wiser and more ‘with it’

With the influence of the media, many kids today are highly sexualized and begin acting out sexually as early as 5 or 6 years old. Many parents, totally oblivious to the fact that this is not normal dress their children suggestively because that’s what’s ‘in fashion’. This is a disaster waiting to happen when those children become teenagers.

Many parents are too busy to realize that even the content being marketed as children’s TV contains very un-childlike values. All these things are happening when the person is in school, and the focus is on getting good grades, getting into a good college, and getting a good degree.

Many parents have no idea what challenges their teens/young adults are going through. And so they either continue treating them as children or they give up and allow them to experiment without guidance. Some parents try hard to be their children’s peer (a la Gilmore Girls) unfortunately; none of these parenting approaches help us win in life.

What are the lessons that a person should learn through the educational years? There are several, including how to handle money wisely. In the US for instance, it was not uncommon to see a young Kenyan student racking up thousands of dollars in credit-card debt, spending years out of college trying to pay it off. All they had learnt at school and home was irrelevant to help them succeed in the adult world! Sports and academics are important, because not only because they’ll help you make money but also because they’ll teach you the disciplines of hard work

One of the most important lessons to learn is to teach your teens or to learn for yourself as a young adult is how to form and maintain positive friendships. What we’re saying today is if you won the lottery or succeed in your career but don’t have a wall of solid & dependable friends around you it will leave you even more isolated and lonely, surrounded by sycophants who don’t care for you. That is a recipe for failure in life!

The whole book of Proverbs is written to a young man in this stage of life. One of the themes it emphasizes greatly is that of positive relationships. Please turn to one such example;

Proverbs 27:6-10: Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. He who is full loathes honey, but to the hungry even what is bitter will taste sweet. Like a bird that strays from its nest, is a man who strays from his home. Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel. Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father, and do not go to your brother’s house when disaster strikes you– better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.

Our passage shows us some of the qualities you need to look for in a positive friendship, as well as some of the qualities you need to have if you are to be such a friend to others. There are at least three tests for positive friendship…

1.    The Realness Test

V.6-7 says ‘Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. He who is full loathes honey, but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet’.

High school socialization taught us to view relationships with ladies as sexual; and relationships with guys as competitive and vice versa. In other words, you learnt how to make superficial relationships because you were constantly projecting an image.

One day, my mentor, Pastor Oscar challenged me. He’d watched me take out a girl for dinner one week and then a different one the next week. When he asked my intentions, I said they were both just friends. He told me, ‘there are some men who lead men, and there are some men who chase women!’ Although I made the decision then to change how I related to women, it took me years to learn to make good, healthy friendships with other men.

Who are your friends? This passage is saying that you should learn to make friends with people who can be real with you and not have to maintain a certain image. Those who will speak the truth, in love to you. People who are not impressed by your reputation - not ‘mafans’ who only tell you what you want to hear.

Who are your friends? Are you able to speak the truth in love to them? Do they feel free to ask you the hard questions about life? Do you find yourself only able to share deeply with people of the opposite gender? Do you find it hard to form good healthy friendships with people of the same gender? These are signs that your walls are broken & need repair.

1. 2.    The Value-Add Test

Verse 8-9 ‘Like a bird that strays from its nest is a man who strays from his home. Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel’. This quality has to do with value-addition. Do your friends reinforce positive values in your life or do they cause you to misbehave? Are you a better person when you are with them?

Psalms1-Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. Who are your friends? This passage says rather than being surrounded by people who are cool or popular, we should surround ourselves with people who help us become better people.

Along the highway to God’s purpose, you’ll need travel companions. These are the friends who share your values, who believe the same things about reality that you do. You need friends who will help you resist the sexual pressure in the media.

For example, if you believe that time with your wife and family comes before career advancement or personal entertainment, it’s difficult to walk the distance with friends who have the opposite values. This happens to many men. Your ‘boys’ start making fun of you at the office “This guy is always running home after work. He must have a curfew!” Next thing you know, it’s after work and there you are, going for a drink with the guys.

The problem is you never learnt to apply the value-add test to your friendships. Amos 3:3 asks the question “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” (KJV)

For parents, one thing you can do in this regard is put your children in touch with other children who share their values. Something else my parents did when we were that age is that they allowed us to invite our close friends over, and got to know them. They were teaching us to influence our peers positively, rather than waiting to be influenced negatively.

Proverbs 27:17 ‘As iron sharpens iron, a friend sharpens a friend’. 

1. 3.    The Commitment Test

“Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father and do not go to your brother’s house when disaster strikes you – better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.”

There are those friends who give you a lot of airtime when you’re doing well. You go for plots together and generally are tight, but when things are not going well, you would never dare share it with them because you have to keep up the façade.

John 2:23, tells us “Many believed in Him as they saw the miracles He performed. But Jesus did not trust Himself to them.”

While He didn’t chase them away, He knew the difference between a fan and a true friend. And He had such friends.

Who are your friends? Do you have friends who are committed to you no matter what? Who will stay by your side in good times or in bad? Who you call when things are not good and you can count on them to make sacrifices on your behalf? Do you have friends who can count on you in the same way? If not, it’s a great sign that your walls are damaged and in need of repair.

So who are your friends? We’re saying that the key lesson in your teen and young adult years needs to be building positive friendships.

If you didn’t learn to build such friendships. You are setting yourself up for loneliness, sexualized and competitive relationships. Even in marriage, you won’t know how to be friends. You’ll need outside stimulation and entertainment to keep your relationship together as you don’t know how to sit and connect.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter how much money you make, without positive reinforcement, you are setting yourself up for life failure. Who are your friends?

Along your journey to purpose, there will be many discouragements and reasons to give up. The only way to ensure you make it is to surround yourself with friends who are real with you, who add value to your life and who are committed to you.

Here at Mavuno, the Life Group is the one group that’s committed to help you discover God’s purpose for your life. We have great Life Groups at Mavuno where real relationships are being forged. People are learning to support each other’s dreams, to hold each other accountable, to walk towards life purpose together.