Small Goups, Worldchangers & Yoga

Today was a superb day! We had small group at Sundial Bridge & a few of the boys decided to honor us girls & invited us to their small group for communion & to prophesy over us.

So we walked down a trail I haven't been on, past the exhibition center & woah! You guys, I found the place where Jesus must hang out in Redding. This little place off the trail, where the river is really shallow & it's really quiet, you can hear the water over the rocks, it's really beautiful. It was like a 15 minute walk, so I figured this would be my first workout of the day.

The guys gave us some really encouraging words & sang over us "we love you, we'll never stop, all this is for you, beautiful daughters". I've never been so blessed in my life. It's one thing for someone to stop you on the street & give you a word, it's a whole other thing when a group of men is intentional about pursuing you, simply to encourage you & honor you. Obviously, this isn't my culture, not the culture I grew up in. Only here in Redding have I really learned what it means to be honored & loved by these incredible men, who love me just because I'm me & they see greatness & me and aren't afraid to say it, not expecting anything back, not to hit on me or get my number or take advantage of me or anything, just because they just love me and honor me. They teach me to look at myself the way Jesus looks at me...these guys are the gospel, they are the Kingdom with skin on.

If you can't tell yet, I'm in love. I was praying telling God, I came here for a lot of reasons, top of which was to find love & to be loved. I can say without a doubt, I found love & have been loved in my Revival Group, in my intern, in my old housemates, Brentt, Laura & Makari, in Redding, in Bethel. I've fallen in love with this church, city & culture. Although, I was joking in my prayer, saying, I should have been more specific...I wanted a husband! But God has given me way more than I could have ever asked or imagined. I grow more & more in love everyday. Sometimes, I get into worship and I'm like, "Woah, my love has grown, I can't believe I love you this much now..."

Anyway, enough of the mushy business. In other news, I wrote a letter to the Kenya missions team. I just felt led to bless them & encourage them, I was a little peeved that they hadn't reached out to me because my Thai roommate was invited to speak to the Thai missions team, so I was like, "what's up with that?" and God asked me, "What's up with YOU?! You do it!" So, that was fun to bless them & pray for them. I also baked some brownie muffins for my Kenyan friends, Eric & Anne, dang, those babies were good! If I do say so myself! It was awesome to do that for them. I've been planning to for months & it only took me like 35 minutes, so I'm definitely doing that again. Maybe, I'll make some treats for revival group!

I was so sore from the dance last night, so I thought I'd just do some yoga & found Jillian Michaels. First off, Jillian Michaels, this isn't yoga. Yoga is calm & relaxing, this is full on strength & cardio! Anyway, this was my final workout of the day, which I laughed so hard in, enjoyed & COMPLETED thanks to my other housemate Julie doing it with me! Shout out!

x
Jo

The Grand Scheme

Today I made the final step in a process that's been long overdue. This is my last official year at home, my last official semester of school. When we were kids we used to say, "when I grow up I want to be..." and I'm there. Ha, I'm actually a grown up! This is the year where I get to be whatever I dreamt I would be and do all the things I dreamt I would do.

So, over the course of the last few months, I've been trying to get one of those dreams off the ground. Yesterday I was at the bank figuring some things out and finally today was the last step in that whole process, actually if you think about it, it's the 1st of many steps. I was at the post office trying to figure out how to mail an important letter and I was so freaked out wondering if it was going to make it safely or not and looking for the right post box, since there were 4 different boxes, pone for Nairobi, one for Coast, one for Air Mail and the other for Upcountry. I finally dropped it in and it made a loud sound and I'm freaking out thinking, "why would the box be empty??", and later realized, "Well, its a good thing it's empty that means the mail goes out everyday, right?"

Anyway, after I left the post office, I started thinking, in the grand scheme of things, this is the least of things I should be worried out. Like I said, mailing that letter was the 1st of many steps. There are a million other things to consider and to pray about and this is nothing. The letter will arrive safely! (In Jesus name, Amen and Amen!)

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I'm re-reading Bill Johnson's book, Center of The Universe and he says,

"...why would God bypass my important list, filled with Spiritual priorities, and answer a desire that has nothing to do with anything that is obviously holy? The only answer I can come up with--because He wanted to. 
Our Heavenly Father is perfect in every way. There is no waste in Heaven's government. And in His perfect wisdom, He knew that it was more important for me to learn about His character as the Father than it was for me to have my "priority prayers" fulfilled...How refreshing it is to see that He cares about things that score very low on the Eternity Rating Chart just because He Loves Me."

He goes on to give the story of King Cyrus out of Isaiah 45:3 where God promises to do a whole lot of things for Cyrus that may not appear "spiritual" but just to show Cyrus beyond a shadow of a doubt that God had called Him and its God who put Him there.

Bill says,

"...God sometimes takes care of things that are not important just to remind us that He knows every desire and need we have. And as our Father, His reach is so far that it touches those things that have nothing to do with eternity. It seems to me that God simply wants to build our confidence in who He is and what He is like."

I'm trying really hard to work on my prayer life. It's like in my head, I know I should pray and I think about praying, but I just don't really get around to doing it. I feel like God is so into my life and I should do everything I can to lean into Him. So here's my strategy, it's a little weak, so don't get your hopes up. When it's time to pray, I sit/kneel or whatever and just be quiet. My problem is,

1. I hate quiet. I always have music playing or the TV on.
2. I just don;t know what to say!

So, I figure, if I get into the habit of setting time aside, sooner or later the words are going to come. Hopefully.

As always, I'll let ya know.

xx
Jo

Mizizi Week 3

I wore the maxi skirt again a couple of weeks ago, and teamed it with this top I’ve had since I was like 14. My mom buys really great stuff, she has an eye for quality and I’m really appreciating that because a lot of the stuff she and I wore in the past are making their rounds back into acceptable fashion. The silver ring, I got for my 21^st birthday.

Mizizi this week was insane! I’ve talked before about how I wanted to maybe go into Pastoral Leadership as a career, so a couple of months ago I decided to get a head start and start serving in Church. So I joined Worship Tea, (yayy!) and I signed up to teach/understudy a beginners course at my Church called Mizizi.

Yesterday it hit me that it isn’t about going and working. Serving is a major Spiritual burst! What I mean is, it pulls so much out of you, you’re constantly expected to grow and change and move out of your comfort zone. Last night I just felt the weight of it. I was just drained. Putting myself out there, sharing my heart with a group of practical strangers, having them share their heart, just the weight of all that.

Then there’s the feeling of, “God, they are so close! Please let them encounter you, please let them encounter you, please don’t let them leave here discouraged and not knowing all that you have to offer”

Then with Worship Team, again a bunch of practical strangers, trying to fit in, having to go all the way across town for fellowship and again, investing relationally and pushing myself out of my shell. Then these thoughts come in, “Why are you doing this? This isn’t a requirement! You’re getting tired for nothing! How safe is it to walk around town at night when you could be at home?”

The fact that I feel like this is an encouragement to me. Christian life isn’t about having this cushy, comfortable, status-quo existence, its active and action packed. Otherwise, stagnate and die. About the stress, I was watching Francis Chan and he said something along the lines of, “Mizizi/Worship Team, this isn’t my party that I’m inviting God to, this is His party that He lets me be a part of. I’m not the one on whose shoulders lie the responsibility of encounter, God is.”

I have to let God come and do what He does, that is, love in His people.

My only job description is to seek God, and put myself in a place where He can fill me up, so that I can pour into others. I have to rely on Him more than ever now because in my passive-church-once-a-week life, I’ve never been in this space where I’m technically “leaking”.

It’s also great because when I start dating and when I get a family, I’m gonna be “leaking” all over that too, so getting into the practice of getting filled up by God so I can pour onto others is a POSITIVE thing.

xo

Jo

Fearless Summit 2012

I don’t remember if I ever did a recap for Fearless Summit at Church I went to in June. I was going through my computer and found these pictures and I got happy all over again:

1. Swag bag
2. First Day Outfit
3. Meeting my most favorite Kenyan singer Atemi Oyungu (Please come sing at my wedding!)
4. Me and Pastor Daniel from Mexico; this guy was awesome!
5. Swag bag
6. My friend Sally (from Worship Team) and I

We got to hear from some amazing speakers!

1. Kenton Beshore from Mariners Church
2. Esther Obasi-Ike (Eish, this woman was IT!)
3. Session hosts were Gowi Odera and Angie Gichuhi
4. Pastor Simon shares with us
5. Background pic, camera, equipment and crew
6. We had a game where we had to throw balloons at each other across the dome
7. Prashan Devisser spoke for like 10 minutes but he was unanimously the person guys remember the most, all the people I meet who went remind me about him.
8. Swag bag + my first Delegates badge = me feeling like the coolest person in the world

xo

Jo

First Rehearsal

Last night was a great night. I didn’t even think about it, I think I’ve had a lot of great moments and  they’re kinda melting in together and that’s not a good thing. It’s the slippery slope to that hole you find yourself in thinking, “I can’t remember the last time I was happy” when that ‘time’ was just a couple of days ago.

So last night was a great night. It was almost everything I ever thought it would be. I say almost because my sinuses were acting up and my voice was horribly nasally, and of course with my luck, I got to a point where I had to sing alone out of our alto group, but still it was awesome. 

Picture this, a bunch of people, like almost 20 of us, just listening to music and learning it and singing it, messing up, laughing about it and singing some more. Who would ever, ever have thought I, me, I would ever do that???

I can answer that, NOT ME! All it is, is just thinking about the last couple of years, not even that, but most of my life and thinking about all the times I struggled so hard to find happiness or contentment or fulfillment or whatever and how much I MESSED IT UP. Really, you look up “disaster-magnet” in the dictionary, it would have been me. 

So now here I am, singing in a Church on a Wednesday night, after getting back some amazing Exam Results and hanging out with a great friend who cares about me for absolutely no reason other than just being friends, get home happy, wake up with no panic attacks.

Who am I and what happened to the old Joanne? Jesus and I am SO thankful for that.

I know this is the point where I’m supposed to say “Oh, but don’t get me wrong Christianity isn’t all roses and sunshine” but we all know that, so let’s allow this post to be a roses and sunshiny post, because on a cold and prickly day, we might need this.

Xx

Jo

Let's Play Catch-Up

Apparently numbered lists are my thing now, so bear with me :-)

1. I am just in love with my nephew, He's the sweetest baby, {well not baby anymore, toddler} there has ever been in the world. He has an easy laugh that's just  too cute for words. Then, he'd come up to me and rub his tiny hand on my face or just grab my face and give me a hug or a kiss and call me "Auntie Amla" ...ah! Sweetest kid in the world I tell ya!

2. Heard about this woman here in Kenya who found out her kid's photos are being used by a stranger who's acting like they are her kids. When this woman confronted her, the psycho refused to take the pics down! Really making me nervous to put pictures up, but ha! Too late, anyway, I think I'm going to pause photos until I watermark them. I won't stop posting them...no way I'm derailing my life for a few weirdos!!!!

3. Really felt ADORED by God yeaterday at Church. Remember Saturday I'd been feeling down? Well, I get to Church on Sunday, and guess what?! The Worship Team played Brian Johnson's/Bethel Music's "Your Love Never Fails" OMGosh! It was AMAZING! The band like knocked that one way out of the park! They mashed it up with "Our God Is an Awesome God"! I was just like, God orchestrated that whole thing for me! Yeah the band rehearsed and played it, but God let it happen for me. It was AMAZING! I'm still reeling. Feeling absolutely LOVED! I hope I get to sing that when my month on stage comes!

Afterward, another great thing I loved in Church was this kid from Greenhouse (Kids' Church) who was being interviewed...man, I want a son like that! He was like, I cant even describe it...he was such a leader, he knew God, he was eloquent and confident and he prayed like a champ. Great kid, he must have some crazy proud parents!

4. Hung out today with the nerd and another friend of mine. We surfed, exchanged some movies and went to eat at the newly refurbished Galitos at Union Towers. Wah, that grilled chicken from Galitos is crazy good! They had this offer for 1/4 Chicken, Fries and Pepsi for 300/- I think it's normally 460/- Glad I got that because we are probably never going to see that again!

5. Fearless starts the day after tomorrow! Yippee!

6. Spiderman opens this weekend! Ah!!!!!!

xx
Jo

Future Life Fridays: Mavuno Church - Discovery Internship Program

Today we're looking at my church's (Mavuno) internship program called Discovery.

Lets jump straight to the pros and cons.

Pros:
1. It's at home and it my home church!
2. Free, except for living expenses and mission trips
3. Mavuno has a large network f Churches and still growing and I could be a part of that
4. I'm already kinda bought into the vision of Mavuno, this church will change the world, how could I not want to be a part of that?!

Cons:
1. Not technically a "teaching" environment, more emphasis is placed on learning by service not by class-room teaching
2. Deadline for January intake is 30th September and deadline for August intake is 30th May; I wont have my certificate of completion from college until January, so I'll miss the January intake, then what will I do between January and August before the next intake? This could also be a pro because I can apply for a corporate internship/job and get my feet wet?
3. It's a little bit different from what I'm looking for, but its my best option here, next to going to seminary which is not possible for me at this stage.

I'm not sure if choosing the "safe option" will grow me or challenge my faith, but this is a pretty great option.

Lets see what they say on their website...

Within us all is the longing to be great… the longing to make our lives count for something that really matters. The qualities that are common to all great people are:

• Character:  Live according to a set of values no matter what the cost
• Competence: The ability to do the job at hand to the highest standard
• Chemistry: Passionate about people and a cause that is bigger than themselves

Discovery provides the environment where you can develop these qualities so you become the leader that God created you to be.

During the year of Discovery you will be assigned to one of our locations and given responsibilities; you will attend classes on various topics and interact with a dynamic team of volunteers.  After Discovery many have gone on to pursue vocations in church, others in the corporate sector while others have gone on to advanced studies in various fields.

How does Discovery work?
Mavuno Church exists to turn ordinary people into fearless influencers of society. Discovery provides the right mix of elements in this process:
Environment - A focus on creative and innovative experiences geared at transformation rather than information.
Equipping - Training that will impart you with the knowledge, skills and attitude you need to become a fearless influencer.
Experience - Stretching assignments to help you learn the practical aspects of leadership
Exposure - Interaction with many types of leaders who are models in a specific aspect of personal life and service. 
Evaluation - Honest feedback over time to enable you to learn from your experiences, training and relationships.


Mavuno is one church in many locations (Belle Vue Campus, Mavuno Downtown,  Mashariki in Eastlands and Mavuno in Kampala). The emphasis of Mavuno Church has been on being a loving community that shares the life-changing message of Jesus in ways that are relevant, practical and meaningful to succeeding generations. The vision is to plant a culture influencing church in every city of Africa and the gateway cities of the world.

As an Intern you will:

• Interact at close range with leaders who are models
• Discover your purpose, gifts and calling as you serve others
• Develop a network of relationships that you need to succeed in life
• Sharpen your leadership and management skills
• Make an eternal difference in the lives of others
• Have lots of fun!

Discovery will launch you on to your path to greatness!


Sounds pretty good huh?


 xx
Jo

Sunday Recap

Yesterday as usual, I went to Church and I honestly just about cried in the middle of the service, but I’ll get to that. OK, went to Church, got there right on time; Kanji’s team was leading and it was awesome. In the middle of Worship, I was just thinking about what I heard Philly Lopez say in a Worship Central video, that when you’re singing, you have to stay connected, sing with what you’re feeling, sing with what you’re going through and most important, sing as if you were standing right at the feet of Jesus. Yeah, so that was awesome.

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After worship, we were updated on Mavuno 3.0, which is our church’s move to a new location this year. So far we’ve raised about 20% of the money we need, and I know I’m meant to be a part of this, but what’s been intimidating to me is that, people are raising thousands, heck, millions and I obviously am not in that position. What’s kept coming back to me though is this:

Mark 6:35-44 v.35 when it was already late, his disciples came to him and said, “This is an isolated place and it is already very late. 36 Send them away so that they can go into the surrounding countryside and villages and buy something for themselves to eat.” 37 But he answered them, “You give them something to eat.” And they said, “Should we go and buy bread for two hundred silver coins and give it to them to eat?” 38 He said to them, “How many loaves do you have? Go and see.” When they found out, they said, “Five – and two fish.” 39 Then he directed them all to sit down in groups on the green grass. 40 So they reclined in groups of hundreds and fifties. 41 He took the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. He gave them to his disciples to serve the people, and he divided the two fish among them all. 42 They all ate and were satisfied, 43 and they picked up the broken pieces and fish that were left over, twelve baskets full. 44 Now there were five thousand men who ate the bread.

  

OK, so it’s easy for me to be like the disciples and when this mandate comes, be like, “God, this is an isolated place (i.e. this Church needs to move), “send them away so they can go and buy themselves something to eat” (i.e. help them raise money for themselves). But Jesus says it clearly, this isn’t their job to feed themselves, this isn’t even my job and I am the Christ! What have youguys done, YOU feed them. The disciples went out and came back with all they could find, a small boy’s lunch, which is honestly what I feel like my contribution would be. Actually it exactly is, because my idea is to not eat lunch out this month and give that. It’s measly in comparison to the task ahead. Jesus takes that though, blesses it and feeds five thousand men, same way I’m expecting Him to take my lunch money, bless it and help us raise five hundred million! 

Next, Daddy Owen and Denno sang their hit song “Mbona” that also got me thinking about how I treat people who seemingly are less advantaged than me, like homeless people, disabled people, even simply people who dress different than I do, yet we were all created by the same Father, all in His image.

Ok, now to the part where I cried, the sermon! The series is called Heroes Wanted, led by our senior pastor, Pastor M. Here’s the preview below…awesome right? Anyway, here are some extracts:

{via}

Why the Disciples Didn’t View Themselves as Superheroes: Acts 1:1-8

........Please click here to head over to my Bent Reeds page to keep reading :-)

 

Hope you liked Bent Reeds, welcome back :-)

After Church, we were given a prayer and fasting guide for this month, which I think will be really fun, we were also given a chance to write our own prayer requests and hand them in at church, and all these prayer activities culminating in another WORSHIP NIGHT! Absolutely cannot wait. I think by now you know my prayer requests, so standby and watch what God does :-)

Finally, I went to LIFEGROUP. Awesome time with friends as usual.

xx

Jo

 

Career Crossroads

I invited BFF (Mich) to my Church for some much needed girl time after the service and it was such a breath of fresh air, girl time is the best! I finally got to "socialize at the Calabash" (Church food court)

Anyway, I was just telling her how I’ve realized how much I’ve come alive in God, how badly off I was and just how when I think back, I was under this crappy dark cloud, but right now I feel like I’m living for the first time; how I really feel like I want to give my life to this whole worship and ministry stuff. 

I told her one of my biggest fears about jumping into this, is that nobody just jumps into wanting to be a Pastor. I went to school for all this time, studying business, and accounting to get a starting job paying upwards of 40,000/- and build that to 200,000/- by the time I turned 30. Now all of a sudden, I jump into this whole other career, unpaid position for the first couple of years, iffy salary after that…what’s that about?! The money is a huge issue for me, I don’t want to be going to family reunions and my brother and sister roll up in Range Rovers and BMW’s and I’m in a 1999 Toyota Corrolla! Or (gasp!) public transportation, whop whop :-/ . There’s also the little fact of, “hey, how will I afford to go to ministry school or do an unpaid internship for a year?”

Most importantly though for me is this: husband and kids. I know it’s crazy, but I’m “that” person who’s concerned about a family she doesn’t even have yet. BFF knows this about me. For me, whoever I love, I love. I give everything. Maybe not so much in healthy ways before I knew the Lord, (but now that I do, I’m much, much better at that! LOL) I feel like it’s not a fluke that he made me this way; that I would put my husband and kids before anything outside of Him. So, loving this future imaginary family so much, how am I ever going to get there? 

What are the logistics of like a corporate guy marrying a lady worship pastor? So, how does a female worship pastor go on dates? Honestly, I don’t want to go through my 20’s unmarried. I want it to happen sooner rather than later! How do those two worlds collide? There’s also the fact that you should marry a person who has the same values and goals as you. So, ok, forget the corporate guy, if by some supernatural miracle of God, I meet this amazing guy, committed to God, wanting to build up churches and resource and do all that stuff for church and everything just lines up, do I have the patience to be a church wife, friend to all, mother to many?

Point is, I do want a career and success and achievements and yes, I want enough money to be comfortable and secure. I also want to find purpose in that job, to know that I’m helping, to have fun and to look forward to doing what I do. I do want a husband and kids and an amazing family that loves each other to death and serves the church together, and I don’t want to spend the next 5 years searching for said person and regretting not finding love sooner, when I’m 30 and single.

Is it crazy that I want so much? Is it greedy? If I did get it, would I be happy? Truthfully, I don’t know the answers to these questions. All I really know guys is this; I didn't just wake up one morning and decide this, remember I announced this to my class when I was 13 years old! I have had a few missteps along the way...enough to make a really juicy testimony, lol, but now the "calling" is back. I don't feel like I have a choice but to do it. 

Obviously I do, I can technically just jump into the corporate world, and still live, and have a safe, predictable life. What to me is just, as one poet put it, "alive, patiently waiting for death" or I could take the risk and jump into this, and come alive.

Anyway, so that's what's going on with me. This month's sermon series has been incredibly relevant to me. I still have a couple of months before I'm done with College, so I have plenty of time to make plans, and I;m going to use what Pastor M taught us,

1. Read The Bible

2. Pray

3. Seek Godly advice

4. Look beyond the circumstances

Anybody ever been at a career crossroad, would love some advice!

xx

Jo

My First Auditions!

I auditioned for my Church's Worship Team!

I hadn't told anyone this until the actual day (Saturday), even though I signed up almost a month and a half ago. I was just really nervous and embarrassed. Anyway, it was pretty amazing, in a fun way. I have never ever in my life sang in front of anyone, except for one time in High School at a C.U talent show, which I barely remember.

I got there, late - there was some crazy 2-hours-for-a-20-minute-drive traffic in account of the Mater Heart Run at Nyayo Stadium. I honestly thought I'd missed the audition.

I got there though and met a friend who kinda calmed me down. (The guy who introduced me to the person in-charge of the audition...thanks manu!) Put my name down, and waited for my number (11) Everybody was kinda singing and rehearsing, but I just couldn't. It's the whole, "cramming before a test" thing, plus I was just too scared to sing in front of anyone and get my confidence shattered 5 minutes before getting on stage.

Talked with a great girl who was also going up and we ended up driving home together, (hey Nat!)

So, I finally got called up and one of the "judges" was the Pastor (Mike) who did my interview for my Baptism, the other lady was the one I've been liaising with to get the details for the day (Doris), and on the keyboard was one of the amazing vocalists/leaders from the services (Osayi).

Anyway, they asked me why I wanted to join, I said, I love music and I love worship. Then they asked of I have a life group and I said yes. Then they asked me to sing my favorite song. For the record, I've only sang the two rehearsal songs they sent us the whole week, so I hadn't practiced anything else, but I ended up singing "God I Look To You" by my all-time favorite W.L, Jenn Johnson from Bethel Music. Then I did the chorus from 1 of the audition songs, "Mighty to Save" by Hillsong United, then we did what I think is called an Appreggio, where the keyboardist plays notes and you have to repeat them by ear. I think it went OK.



But, then they asked me to hang back, and after a while, I got called back to sing with a Soprano and a Tenor. (I'm alto) It sounded horrible, so that knocked my confidence down to the floor! The soprano was so high and I didn't know how I was supposed to blend, or IF I was supposed to blend or just stick to my voice...I've never sang with anyone before!

Anyway, waiting for news...I really hope I get in. I need to be actively involved in Church and this is the best way for me right now, because I'm so passionate about this. Also planning on getting involved with some of the classes they have at Church, maybe co-lead a group, get some experience prepping for a session and teaching. Might really help me if I get into ministry.

Anyway, would love love love your prayers over this!

xx
Jo

Blogging

My mom and I were talking about how I went in to donate blood a couple of weeks ago and got rejected because my blood (Hb) count was lower than the normal 14. This basically means I don't get enough iron and stuff in my diet. Anyway, my mom and I were arguing as to what the actual number was, she was like "it was 12.4!" and I was adamant that it was less than 12. I took out my phone and checked my Facebook, because I'd updated it that day, after my hospital visit and it turned out it was 12. What did we do before online journals?!

I love blogging because I can look back and see what I not only did at a particular time, but I also see pictures and see my train of thought. That's pretty cool.

Source: smg.photobucket.com via Shannon on Pinterest

The main reason I blog though, is because I read blogs, and other people's blogs have changed my life. After many random Google searches, I've stumbled upon many ordinary people like me, who wrote ordinary words about their lives and inspired me in one way or another.

Source: holykaw.alltop.com via Miquel on Pinterest

For instance, reading this blog, long since abandoned, by an amazing girl chronicling her life at Bethel School of Worship, and she writes about an encounter she had with God and I love this. Like, burst into tears love this... 

“I asked Him if it hurt when the nails stabbed His skin

I felt a glimpse of wracking pain,

Made me grimace from within

Then with a smile He took it back

The memory His own

‘Oh, it hurt, but there is so much to know;

Torture worse than nails and pain beyond belief,

A future never knowing you, it would have always been to Me’”

How beautiful is that??? This girl simply wrote about a conversation she had with Jesus in a random moment and years later, it impacted me. That's what I hope from my blog. That one day, someone will live in the impact of my stuck-in-front-of-my-computer-typing-my-heart-out-because-I-can-do-nothing-more.

I'd especially love it if you'd hop on over to my Bent Reeds blog, click on the tab at the top of the page. I do posts here about little ways I'm growing in love with God here, but there its full on, the unabridged version. Also, for a little musical break, click on The Sound tab right up there for tons of my favorite videos and lyrics.

xx

Jo

How Far Would You Go?

OK serious post time! Bear with me guys :-) :-) :-)

3 things really unnerved me this past week.

1. Is that scene in The Avengers where the villain Loki, after destroying buildings and blasting people with his ray gun thingy, stands over a crowd of people scared to death and tells them to bow before him. Everybody bows and Loki goes on and on about how he is the greatest being in the universe, humans are pathetic and need a ruler blah blah blah, and one old man stands up and says he won't bow. Loki challenges him and the man says he wont bow to a guy like him, he's no king...or something to that effect.
It kinda got me thinking, one day, I'll be challenged over my faith. It happens and it will happen, and it may be in a small setting like an interaction with a stranger in public, or it might be huge, where I'm asked to choose between Jesus and life. I saw the fear in that crowd's life, they were facing a horrible death, I was scared and I was sitting in a theater! My point is, as a Christian, I have to be so rooted in faith and belief that I can stand and say Jesus is better that anything that wants to stand before Him. Better than money, better than public support or popularity, better than relationships, better than LIFE. He is life. I'm not there yet, but God, I desperately want to be there.

2. I watched an old episode of 7th Heaven, where Simon talks to a Holocaust Survivor and she speaks of her family dying in the gas chambers and ovens. That just breaks my heart in pieces and I even had to stop and hold back the tears when I wrote this.
A couple of days later, I saw on the 700 Club, the story of the Milgram Experiment. Where a group of Yale Psych dept. members were asked by an authority figure to administer electric shocks of increments of 15v to someone else (an actor). The test was to see how far the Yalees (subjects) would go to please the authority figure before being convicted by their conscience to stop. At each voltage spike the actor would scream in pain and when the Yalee would want to stop, the authority would say,

1. Please continue.
2. The experiment requires that you continue.
3. It is absolutely essential that you continue.
4. You have no other choice, you must go on.

If the Yalee wanted to stop after all four successive verbal prods, the experiment was halted. Otherwise, they stopped after the subject had given the maximum 450-volt shock three times in succession. 26 of 40 Yalees gave the full 450v, despite being apprehensive, nauseous, anxious etc.

When someone you respect asks you to do something you're uncomfortable with, how far would you go before you spoke up?

God, help your voice, my conscience and my will not be drowned out or subdued because it's easier to say yes to a person towering over me than to walk away.

3. Tying into this holocaust story, is this murder case going on in the States. It's easy as a Kenyan to look at this and think, a racist gets away with shooting an innocent kid, but as I read the fact of this case, I'm ashamed at looking at it as a matter of race, because it goes far beyond that. We live in a world that's full of fear and hate.
We're fearful because we've seen things and heard things and gone through experiences of hatred. Even in Kenya we went through the Post-Election Violence not because it mattered who was president or not. not because Luos and Kikuyus are enemies, but as a result of hate in the world today.
Authority figures or even random people spark something up and perpetuate the fires of hatred for their own good, and it poisons us and seeps down through the generations.
We have a duty as human beings who call ourselves evolved and open-minded to erase the hate from our lives, from our families, from our communities. Fear and hate led to the holocaust, fear and hate led to the P.E.Violence, fear and hate led to a kid's death.

God, help me spread love and not hate. Help me see people as you see them and not as a representation of the lies and mistakes of others

xx
Jo

Feeling Like an Old Maid

Last night I was talking to my mom about how it seems all my friends are getting engaged and having babies and here I am, with this one year pledge of singleness we made at Church in Febrauary, and how even after this one year, I might end up doing a Ministry internship which as I've seen so far, some don't allow dating, and even after the internship, I'll be spending so much time trying to move to a new city and finding a job and actually making something out of the nothing I currently have and might be so busy I don't even have time to date! So, in reality, I'm looking at about 3 years before I can even have the thought of settling down and falling in love.

If you know me, if you've read my blog, you know how freaked out this makes me.

• In High School, my life plan was to finish High School, move after a year and get married by the time I was 22, have my first kid at 24 and so on.
• After High School, I got caught up in the expectations to finish college, make a career, get married, which pushed out a lot of MY dreams
• Right now, I'm trying to catch up to the High School dream, but now it goes like, know God, experience God, move to a new city, learn God, get married, teach God, get cute babies and so on

My mom, is encouraging me and saying everything that a mom is supposed to say, "finish school", "get a job", "don't be in a hurry or else you'll settle for anything that comes along" and I was telling her, yeah I get all that, I don't want to settle, I want to be loved completely and to be in love and I want to be happy, but I also want to be a young, hot wife and a young, hot mom. I want to be settled with someone who has the same dreams and passions as me (read, God) and someone who we can work together, so that we start working now.

She may say all those things, but the fact remains, she got married at 24, like most of my uncles and aunts. My cousin, who we used to live with, got married at 24, my sister met her husband at 23, my sister in law married my brother at 25. I'm turning 22, I FEEL LIKE AN OLD MAID!!!

Yeah, I know, I'm supposed to be "the one" before I find "the one" and that's what this year's pledge is for and there's stuff I'm building on my own, even with the Ministry stuff. Just to be clear, honestly, this has been an amazing year so far and I wouldn't give it up even if my dream guy walked through the door right now, I've gotten to experience God more in 3 months than I have in 21 years. But I think even God gets that sometimes its easier to work with somebody and to have somebody.

At the end of the conversation with my mom though, an amazing thing happened. I just got this amazing reassurance from Jesus, a.k.a, my awesome, awesome friend, that I don't need to freak about this. He's got my back. Everything's going to be OK, and that filled my heart so much I ended up tweeting this;

I honestly just love Jesus. He's awesome.

Anyway, later last night I was listening to a podcast from Gateway Church, Austin and John Burke just talks about how when Jesus met people who needed something, like the blind men who cried out to Him, He asked them an obvious question, "What do you want?" I mean, duh, they wanna not be blind anymore, they wanna be healed. But Jesus asks a question that we sometimes are too afraid to ask God, because we feel like it's beneath God to hear us, or its too selfish to pray when there's so many other things to pray for, but Jesus asks this question so many times, there's gotta be something to it.

So, I laid it all out there, all my desires, all the crazy things that I hope for, that I see when I picture my future, all the stuff that makes my heart race, like praying or talking or singing or like getting to minister with someone, or watching him minister. Small things like finally having someone put time and thought into my birthday or valentines day (remember I've never had a boyfriend on valentines day :-/ ) And more than any of that, just getting to put into action, or just experiencing love, the kind of love that He's teaching me. I prayed about finishing school in time. I prayed about getting an opportunity to move and find a job and a house smoothly and hassle free.

Like I said, I laid out all the crazy things that look too big and too impossible to ever happen. I'd rather ask and not get than live wondering "What if?" "Why didn't I?" I prayed that if it came down to it, I'm always going to choose Him. It usually takes me a while, but at the end of it, I always choose Him, and with what He's done and how He's changed me so far, it'll probably not take as long a while for me to choose Him. But, I cant help what I feel, and what my desires are, you know?

I always say, God is my dad. He's got my back. Even when it comes to stuff like this.

xx
Raha

Finally Took The Wet Plunge

Last Tuesday, I went to Church to shoot my video for my testimony. Most of you have already know my testimony. It's just a long complex story and as much as I would have wanted to go into everything, there's only so much you can say in two minutes, you know. So I chose just a part of it and in the editing they emphasized how I dealt with my dad's death. I didn't see it, but I hope it turned out o.k, and helped someone going through the same thing.

So, the weekend of my baptism finally arrived. Saturday morning I woke up with a panic attack because I thought it was Sunday. I have to admit, I was more than a little nervous taking the plunge, and I mean that literally and figuratively.

It's no secret that this salvation thing has been a struggle for me. I have great days, good days and bad days. I have extended periods of bad days and amazingly sweet and thoughtful good days. I have this pestering fear that maybe this is all just a phase and I'll just backslide again...that's not the fear exactly, the fear is that now that I know what it's like to be saved and rely on God, how will I survive if I backslide and mess up so bad, God, you know, leaves me.

This baptism was just a big deal to me because, in many ways it was like a wedding. It's something that I waited a long time for, it's something that took a lot of preparation for and it's something I only want to do once in my life because the change has already been made permanent.

Sunday was a lot better, I woke up pretty relatively calm. I decided I wasn't going to put a lot of pressure on myself, to be perfect or anything, but to just go as I was. My mum took me to Church, my Lifegroup unfortunately didn't manage to make it on time except for one of my closest friends. On a side note, I know I love my mom more than anything, but seeing her standing there with me and taking me through that, I just LOVED her SO MUCH MORE if that's even possible. It was just so cute, she took pictures and she was holding my hand. I was really happy and that was definitely one of the best days, actually, the best day of the year thanks to her, and her love.

My little testimony video played in Church, 2 minutes later, it was all:

"Do you accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your Saviour?"
"I do."


"Do you renounce satan and all his works?"
"I do" 


"I now baptize you in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit."

That's me under water.

Cut to water painfully shooting up my nose, tears in my eyes, freezing in the wind, changing in a tiny bathroom stall and back to Church. It all went pretty fast and it's still sinking in, but I have to say as much as it wasn't all doves settling on my head or me being struck down by the "Power" It was still an amazing experience.

I can't say I think that water baptism is the only way to heaven. I know there's been a lot of debate on that. I believe that accepting Jesus is the only way, but for me, it's something to draw from. You know, in the tough times I'll remember Sunday the 10th of April and I'll remember whose I am. To me it was also like, I know I've been forgiven, but there's just something symbolic about getting into the water with all your issues and them being washed away completely. Like a cleansing or a purging. It was also like a covenant for me, at least with what I learnt in my Religious Ed classes:

• Statement of agreed terms
• An oath by both parties to observe the terms
• Consequences upon breach
• The formal ratification by the external act
• Witnesses

Though I'm weak and I might fall away, God never breaks His covenant.

Oh and guess what I bought for myself:

Yup, the NIV One Year Bible. I decided yesterday, even if I technically had no one to make a big deal about this day, I would make a big deal out of it myself. That's one of the reasons I miss my dad sometimes. My dad was over the top when it came to celebrations, Christmas, he was the one who set up the tree and the house every year, and stayed up with me past midnight on New Year's when the rest of my family was asleep. My birthdays, he always asked me if I was throwing a party and if I was he would be most involved in it. He was just like me, or rather I'm just like him, because we both save old cards, we both like to give cards, we're both into celebrating every single thing.

I have to admit, I was a bit disappointed and felt kinda bad that my LG and friends didn't make it for the baptism and didn't want to hang out and go for lunch, like we'd planned for Sunday, but instead of getting into that, I understood them, that this wasn't like a big deal kind of thing to other people and that's cool.

Since it is to me, however,  I did what I'd have expected to be done, bought myself a Bible, bought me and my mom lunch, we ate pizza and Steers fried chicken and fries, she caught on to the festive spirit and baked me two cakes, needless to say, today we were first at the store to buy Tums, we were so sick!

At least with the Bible I'll be more able to keep up with the readings than through PDF. It's really good, small, convenient to carry around, plus it's not an "in your face Bible" you know what I mean, it won't make you look or feel "Holier than thou" when you take it out to read in a bus or on a queue. It's just cool and understated. Every day also has a highlighted verse, so even the days you're not feeling theological and you're really not in the mood to delve deeply into the readings at least you'll have one verse to go with.

Anyway, it wasn't a "perfect day" but it was an amazing one. April 10th, my B-Day.