"I'm Suffering!" How To Deal With Suffering

First Posted on Raha and God

I have a hard time understanding human suffering. Just watching TV this morning and I see these guys who’ve dug about a 15 foot well with a couple of stepping blocks and there’s like 12 guys at each level and they were passing water up and down, you know fetching water for their community and that’s how they live. Every couple of months it gets dry, they have to dig deeper, maybe once in a while it rains and they rest a little, same cycle.

About the same time, my mom is telling me how there were cattle rustlers somewhere in the coast. Two different neighboring communities and one attacked the others village, burned down houses and killed 37 women, 4 men and about 15 kids. One survivor, a man was on camera and he had a baby a couple of months old and 3 other kids, and we find out he’s lost his wife and 2 other kids, all killed. He saw the media and police commissioner and he’s just asking him, “Why have you come now? What can you do now? Can you bring my kids back? Will you bring my wife back? Are you going to breast feed my baby?” Then he just collapsed into tears.

My mom was telling me how her heart just broke seeing that, same as mine hearing about it. Then she asked me, “Now how do you tell someone like that about Jesus?”

So now, I’m here reading my Bible, listening to a Mars Hill podcast by Mark Driscoll and singing a little Jesus Culture, you know my typical Saturday chill day. My life is pretty good. I know Jesus, I have issues, I have sin that I’m still confessing and getting past, but I know God is real, I know his redemptive power. Yet, how do I reconcile my God to this situation. The Bible says all things work for good to them that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose – Romans 8:28. How do you tell someone that losing your wife and kids, senselessly because people had no heart and slaughtered them that this will work for good. If you told me that, I would smack you in the face!

Then, turning to good old Google, “What does the Bible say about suffering?” and it points me to the book of Job, which I’m actually going through in the One Year Bible right now. All I’ve learnt from Job so far is a lot of confusion. 

One day I’m on Job’s side, like, “What did I do wrong, have I not been faithful and honored the Lord all my life? What sin did I not repent of that was so great that I deserve to be disgraced like this?” 

Other days I’m on his friends’ sides, “Trust in the Lord, this is only a season and God is definitely going to restore you to even greater heights than this.” (Plus, I’ve been reading this for three days and I’m just like, “dude, get over it already so I can move to Ecclesiastes!)

To which Job always replies, “Get out of here! No literally get out of here, you have no idea what I’m feeling, you look down on me already because I’m suffering. All the words you’re saying are like nails on a chalkboard and the funny thing is, if I were in your shoes I’d have said the exact same thing. It’s not going to be alright, I don’t see the silver lining and all I want to do is to die.”

Job’s story puts into perspective the phrase, “naked I came into this world and naked shall I leave.” Oh wait, he said that *_*...................{Continue Reading....}

The Teeniest Bit of Faith is Enough

You know how every blog has a label, like "mommy blog", "wedding blog", "dating blog", well apparently mine has turned into a "Christian blog" and it wasn't intentional, like I'm sure most people don't set out to be "mommy bloggers", you just write about your life and whatever's going on with you is what becomes the theme of your writing. 

Well, right now, God is what's going on with me. To be honest, I'm just trying to figure all this out. I really don't get how this God thing works, you know, thinking about creation. Like, God created us, fine. God revealed Himself to a bunch of writers who put all He'd said in scrolls and letters which form the Bible that's lasted centuries and has been proved to be valid with archaeological evidence, fine. God is above us watching us, don't get that. God existed before creation, don't get that. Angels live in heaven, don't get that. I mean, there's a lot I don't get! 

I watch miracles and stories on TV and I'm not talking about that Embakasi pastor who pays people to pretend that he healed them, I'm talking real, live miracles seeing limbs restored and deaf people hearing and I don't get that. I look at my own life and all the stuff I did and think, after all that, I'm still here, I'm still normal {somewhat hehehe :-)} and I'm free/healed, I don't get that. Why me? 

But, I just thank God, because as much as I don't get  the logistics behind all this God stuff, the fact that I believe in His existence and the fact that I trust Him and I call Him Savior...my willingness to step beyond the constraints of my limited understanding, that's enough for Him and He can use that and grow that.

xx

Jo

Jacob's Final Moments

It rained yesterday for the first time in months and I had an early class and I accidentally slept in so I didn't get to post what I read yesterday

• Genesis 48:1-49:33
• Matthew 15:29-16:12
• Psalm 20:1-9
• Proverbs 4:20-27

O.k what I remember about that was that I was disappointed Rebecca wasn't buried in the family cave, but Leah was. I'll have to ask about that :-) I also learnt how important it is to bless your kids and how important for us it is to honor our parents, otherwise you won't get their full blessing. Did anybody notice how Jacob blessed Ephraim (Joseph's second born son) more than he did Manasseh even though Manasseh as the first born deserved more, kinda like a throw back to the days of him and Esau, I can't find the words to describe it but that was notable.

In Mizizi,
I took a day off. The readings are for 5 days a week so I decided Monday and Tuesday will be my day off :-)

Jacob's Love Story

This is another one of my favorites, but before I get to that, today I read:

• Genesis 28:1-29:35
• Matthew 9:18-38
• Psalm 11:1-7
• Proverbs 3:11-12

Genesis's reading today is an account of Jacob's life after he stole Esau's blessing. That's a story I can't even begin to ubderstand, except maybe in terms of how important a dad's blessing is to kids, but in terms of why Isaac couldn't bless both his sons although he was incredibly rich, maybe I can just attribute it to the culture of their day because beyond that I don't get it. Any insights would be highly appreciated :-)

Anyway, to the part I understood, Jacob and Rachel.

So, Isaac tells Jacob not to marry a Canaanite, but to go look for a wife back home, and he finds Laban who had two daughters Leah and Rachel. Jacob met Rachel first, excited to meet someone from his family he gave her a big kiss and told her his story. Rachel went to tell her dad a kinsman had arrived, long story short, Laban invited Jacob to stay, Jacob offered to work, Laban offered to pay, Jacob already in love with Rachel offered to work 7 years to get her as his wife


Genesis 29:20  Jacob worked seven years so that he could have Rachel, and the time seemed like only a few days to him, because he loved her.




By the way, isn't this the first time in the Bible has mentioned someone being in love with someone? I mean, yeah I remember Isaac and Rebeka, but in that one, they were married first and then Isaac loved Rebeka. This one is in love then love. Anyway, I'm a T.V soap opera-holic so I notice such things :-)

Laban ended up tricking Jacob and gave him Leah instead telling him last minute - past last minute that the 1st daughter is always married off before the 2nd. So Jacob offered to work another 7 years and Laban gave him Rachel. So, he worked 14 years for this woman that he loved. It's like an encouragement, or a "been there, done that, you can do it too" story for us in present day, exercising this kind of patience, because that's one of the things that love is, patience.

Funny thing is, last night I prayed along these lines of how in the past I haven't been patient, and up till now I'm still not patient and content in God's timing, and I was concerned about not having patience even in the future, and it's so cool that I got to read this today, just to remind me that I'm not the first person in the world who's had to go through this and I won't be the last and it's the sort of thing God can handle.




Image from Mavuno Website

I'm Angry With Abraham

Sorry for the late post, I had a bad headache last night and my Internet provider still had issues and i just couldn't stand struggling with it! Today thankfully it seems better. So here's yesterdays post;

Today I read:

• Genesis 20:1-22:24
• Matthew 7:15-29
• Psalm 9:1-12
• Proverbs 2:16-22

I’m so frustrated with Abraham, in chapter 20 he pulls the same “Sarah is my sister” act AGAIN!!! Didn’t he learn his lesson in Egypt??? First of all, here you are in communion with GOD as in he’s tight with God having conversations with Him directly! He couldn’t ask God for wisdom on what to do, or for protection? We see as it goes on, God coming in and salvaging the situation, wouldn’t it have been easier if he’d prayed about it before?

Second, why is he treating Sarah like a possession like, “O.k. honey, I’m gonna need you to sleep with this other king so I don’t get killed” I mean wasn’t Sarah by this point, you know his most sacred asset, God promised him an entire nation through Sarah, and is this what marriage is supposed to be? No protection from the husband? My view of Abraham improved a tiny bit when I got to this;

Genesis 20:9-12 Then Abimelech called Abraham and asked, "What have you done to us? What wrong have I done to you to make you bring this disaster on me and my kingdom? No one should ever do what you have done to me. Why did you do it?" Abraham answered, "I thought that there would be no one here who has reverence for God and that they would kill me to get my wife. She really is my sister. She is the daughter of my father, but not of my mother, and I married her.

So, it wasn’t his fault completely, but still…

In better news, God’s promises get fulfilled when Sarah gets her baby. After years of waiting, God came through, despite what was the norm and what people expected, nothing could ever compare to the love of God and His plan for you. I learnt from this, never to underestimate God. Like, I could pray for amazing grades, an amazing job, great relationships, the great relationship, an amazing future hubz and everyone can tell me for example, ‘ah, in reality, that can never happen’ well, it happened for Sarah, so don’t underestimate God.

O.k. Abraham redeemed himself when God asked him to sacrifice Isaac, and he actually did it. He wasn’t all bad after all. That’s an incredibly hard thing to do, and I got to thinking, if I’m willing to sacrifice stuff to get closer to God. Wanting something is one thing, but do I have the chops to sacrifice for it? Today, that’s what I’ll be thinking about.

Image from Mavuno Website

Matthew 7:24  "So then, anyone who hears these words of mine and obeys them is like a wise man who built his house on rock

Wherein I Was Challenged To Trust

If you follow me on twitter you'd know that last night was not one of my finest nights. I don't know what's up with me but I'm just in a bit of a funk. And in the interest of full disclosure as I promised in yesterday's post, I am hereby admitting I feel mopey...so who's out there feeling like they were sent to comfort me? :-)

Anyway, despite this horrible mood swing, I did manage to keep up with my Bible reading (thank you God).

Today, more from Jesus on the law. He says He didn't come to do away with the law. I was one of those people who thought, "ah! if I sin this one more time, I'll just ask Jesus to forgive me and it will be fine" I mean what did Jesus come for if not to forgive our inevitable sin, right. But here it's like Jesus didn't come to take away the standard, if anything He raised the standard, like before the law was don't commit adultery i.e sex outside of marriage, Jesus comes and says whoever just looks at someone with lust has already committed adultery in heart. Jesus didn't come to take away the standard, but to give us a chance to measure up to the standard, grace, belief in Him and repentance which comes through a complete turn around

Today also led me to Abram's first battle, when he heard his nephew Lot had been taken away by warring kings, and God's promise to Abram that he would have countless descendants.
I liked Genesis 15:6  Abram put his trust in the LORD, and because of this the LORD was pleased with him and accepted him. I don't want to face the truth which is that I'm sad because I think my trust is wavering a little. The problems are just starting to pile up a little, my CPA results are looming closer and closer and I know I did horribly in that paper and the thought of failing especially now when I'm running out of time is just incredibly disheartening*. And then trying to get registered for summer classes at Uni so I can be a semester ahead is proving impossible in a large public university where it's impossible to find any help or guidance. School just sucks!!! School is just a challenge!

*(I'm trying to avoid the word depressed in my vocabulary because I've been there and in the grand scheme of things this is nothing, I'm agonizing over nothing, although right now it seems like huge deal)

Also, in the interest of full disclosure, again, and I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve here so please be gentle with me, my BFF sucks!!! My BFF is driving me insane with all this boyfriend stuff, I'm trying to be graceful and tact and completely zen and not jealous. But, I am! Here I was all happy and content to be alone and to focus on me and to turn down requests all week and then she goes and gets "Facebook Official" with her new boyfriend and doing the whole sappy messages on the wall and telling me all these wonderful details. I am incredibly happy for her, but I feel like, I want to be in love/loved too :-( I was even tempted to just call one of these guys up and be like, o.k lets go out...but then that wouldn't be fair to them or to me because I just don't like them like that. (P.S don't worry this isn't gossip, she knows I'm writing this lol)

Anyway, God in case you're reading this I wish I had mammoth sized trust in you like Abram did but sometimes emotions just get in the way of the more important stuff. My heart's desire, truly, isn't awesome grades or love from some random guy, but to learn how to be totally committed to you and be satisfied by Your love alone. If I could have a fraction of what my mom, or other people like pastors or worship leaders have with you then won't that be enough for me? So, if you want me to trust in you, and your timing like Abram did, then you've gotta help me somehow.

The One I Which I Learn The Beatitudes

Again I'm amazed by how the Bible is a one-stop shop for everything we need. I used to be an ardent reader of self help books, and I spent tons of money or rather my mom spent tons of money for me, buying stuff along the lines of, "Releasing The Power Of Your Subconscious" or "10 Steps to Success". I didn't think the Bible would have any tips for surviving in the "real" world. Although is having my head stuck in 1000 books one after the other and never applying any of them living in the real world anyway?

Well today I've found "9 Attitudes To Change Your Life" and it's been right here under my nose, Matthew 5:

1. Acknowledging spiritual poverty: knowing that I don't have it all together and the moment I think I'm strong and that I've made it, is the precise moment I'll fall on my face...and that's the exact moment the rapture happens and I miss out on heaven lol j/kidding. I'm just trying to tie the verse together :-D
2. Be real: not putting up a facade to make everyone think that I'm perfect and fine, there's a time to be happy and there's a time to mourn. If I show God my weak side He'll be sure to comfort and sometimes His comfort may come through a friend who can only be there for me if they don't think I've got it all together.
3. Humility: this might be the hardest because where do I draw the line between self-confidence or self-assurance and humility. I mean, most people, myself included think Christians are all about being a door mat but that's not the sort of person I want to be and the people I admire aren't like that but personally for me, it'll be hard to know where to draw that line. Although, if I think about it, I guess humility is recognizing that all the stuff you have, all the 'awesomeness' you possess isn't a right, it's a privilege from God and He can take them away. This fact should ground you because essentially, you're no better than the beggar who lives under a bridge.
4. My favorite attitude is Matthew 5:6  "Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires; God will satisfy them fully! I hope that one day it'll be like what we learnt in church, I'll be so connected with God that my greatest desires are His greatest desires.
5. Showing mercy to others: To me this is both forgiving others and not keeping a grudge. I am horrible at that, my biggest talent in life is keeping a grudge. I never recognized it as keeping a grudge, I just cut people out of my life completely, erase their numbers, un-friend them on Facebook, avoid them completely, like I did with my neighbor who made a tiny mistake and I blew it out of proportion and I haven't talked to him for 3 months. Oh, no! Does that mean now that I'm doing this Bible thingy I have to call him up and ask him to forgive me??? Ai, I can't!!! O.k I have to, but ai, that'll be torture....o.k now I'm seeing I actually do have pride issues :-/ o.k compromise, I'll do it within the next two weeks, latest! Mercy also means, 'kuonea mtu huruma', that is, having a giving and compassionate heart, to me that's just helping someone in need of help, like not shutting off my phone when I sleep because my friend may need to talk, and I know from experience being the maker of 3 a.m phone calls many times in the past to my mom or my BFF, when I was drunk or depressed or drunk and depressed that most of the time someone wouldn't be calling if it wasn't an emergency.
6. Purity of heart: also a hard one because sometimes my mind just takes me places, but I'll try. Also, not having ulterior motives for my actions. Being straight up and real.
7. Spreading peace: not causing strife or animosity between people. Now, I may not be in the position to start petitions for Sudan or formulate a strategy to bring about world peace, but I can try and make sure my friends and people around me get along, like not spreading gossip or those times someone says, "you know how xyz is such a liar, aki I hate her, she bores me!!!" I won't agree without thought or trying to change that person's attitude.
8. Not fearing persecution: my views now may be different from other people's and I shouldn't act like I'm better than them or cave in when they try to convince me or talk trash.
9. Matthew 5:23-24  So if you are about to offer your gift to God at the altar and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar, first go at once and make peace with your brother, and then come back and offer your gift to God. I guess this means I have to up my deadline for asking my neighbor to forgive me :-/
10. Lastly, this isn't a beatitude but I liked it because, I mess up a lot and I beat myself up over it and feel like giving up 70% of the time, but I love David because he's so real and he gives me hope that even sinners like me can make it he tells God how as much as people sin, he's different because of his love for God; Psalm 5:7  But because of your great love I can come into your house; I can worship in your holy Temple and bow down to you in reverence.

Genesis was an introduction to Abram and how he pretended Sarai was his sister and she had to sleep with the Egyptian king guy so that he wouldn't kill Abram, now that deserves a post of its own.

O.k so I think those are enough lessons learnt for today. Lets see how many I manage to actually apply.




Picture from Mavuno Website

The One In Which I Only Understood The Psalm

Day 4 on the Mavuno Word Challenge or what I refer to as my Bible In One Year thingy, takes me to Noah's life after the flood, and some new rules, like you can eat meat and plants, never kill a human being for he is in the image of God, the origin of the rainbow, Noah planting the first vineyard, Noah being the first person in history to K.O a.k.a get wasted and pass out. Chapter 10 unlike my 'preferred' parts of Genesis where there are tales of war and love and murder and crime, this is one of those genealogy parts, I admit I kinda skimmed through. I have to confess I was left confused in some parts like why God was so hard on Ham when he ran and told his brothers that their dad had passed out, naked and drunk. I mean isn't that kind of an ordinary first reaction, not the best reaction but it just happened. I was also confused by how Jesus told Simon Peter, Andrew, James and John, "follow me and I will make you fishers of men" and they dropped everything. I mean I get the whole when God calls, you answer but at this point did these guys know who Jesus was? Maybe, if they heard about the dove when he was baptized but if they didn't then that means they had no clue who Jesus was but they just followed him after he said that one sentence?

But, the Psalm left me without any question or confusion, so my takeout for today is gratefulness and contentment, everything you own can be taken away except what you keep in your heart, that is God and joy. I've learnt over the past few years that as long as I have those two, I can get through anything. To me, joy and God go together, I can't have one without the other. Joy is different from happiness, happiness is a mood, it comes and goes depending on what's going on, but joy, that's a state of mind/heart. My definition of joy is safety in hope. Anyway, David explains it better;

Psalm 4: v.6  There are many who pray: "Give us more blessings, O LORD. Look on us with kindness!" v.7  But the joy that you have given me is more than they will ever have with all their grain and wine. v.8  When I lie down, I go to sleep in peace; you alone, O LORD, keep me perfectly safe.


Image from Mavuno Website