The Nerd Comes To Visit :-)

A couple of weeks ago, one of my great great friends, who shall forthwith be referred to fondly as “The Nerd” because he’s cool like that :-)came over to visit. (I call him a nerd, he called me a blonde, so it stuck)

Anyway, my PC was messed up and I asked him over to fix it, dude comes over (with food, yay!) barely touches my desktop, and gets it to work. Apparently it was a loose cable, which I absolutely deny because I’d checked and there were no loose cables! 

I felt like such a ditz for calling him over for a loose cable! Anyway, it gave us a good chance to catch up, exchange movies and music and just laugh! It was really fun. Can’t wait for the next one, I’m thinking I loosen another cable ;-)

Joke of the day: “eating special cookies” to play chess and watch documentaries. (Don’t worry, inside joke just wanted to write that down so I could remember) Ahh, nerd!

Here’s some pics :-)

xx

Jo

Happy Birthday BFF!

My best friend in the world just turned 23 and in celebration of her big day, thouught I'd post some pictures of the party I threw her for her 20th birthday!

It was absolutely the best night ever, I threw an awesome party :-) I invited our friend from High School, seriously, we three were inseparable, and I thought it'd be a good idea to have a blowout reunion like we used to dream about stuck in boarding school. There was a lot of dancing, as you can see, and just a whole lot of craziness! I'll do you a favor and not include the pole-dancing pics HA! J/K

I love you sweety!

 Me!

 The three musketeers, BFF in the middle

 Dancing Kidalipo, you'd have to be East African to understand that :-)

 Lots of laughter :-D

 More dancing

 Lets just call that an Orange juice ;-)

 More orange juice :-)

I dont usually do night outs and this was actually my last one, wow, 3 years ago. I'm not really the going out clubbing type, but this was really good. A chill night with just friends.

xx

Jo

This One's For Mich

Here's one for Michelle.

My second year of High School, she was the new girl, who just happenned to be my new roomate. The first time I met her, I judged her as being one heck of a snob, and she knows this and she admits to being one. As time went by I tried to avoid her as much as possible, and she made friends of her own, and we lived paraallel lives. A few months later though, after a huge fight with one of my friends, she was there and talked me through it and I knew I had to be her friend.

Thus began the competition between my other roomate and I on who will be Michelle's best friend, and being the drama queen (like me) that she is, she loved it. But after a while, all three of us got to be really great friends...our friendship was LEGENDARY and I'm sure people are still talking about it.

When we got out of school, none of us had phones, and Michelle was very anti-facebook, so we lost touch for a couple of months, but when we found each other again...everything was as perfect as ever and we grew closer than before.

Skip ahead past all the boy drama, shopping trips, periods of silence, arguments, being fed up with each other, (mostly her of me), to two years ago when my dad died. I called up Michelle, and within an hour she was at my door...she dropped everything to be there for me. She stood by me as guests came and went, she held my hand, she got into an argument with my cousin because he stole my dads watch and wore it that day, she came with me to the funeral, all the way out of town in a stuffy squeezed car, when I finally broke down and cried she was there to catch me as I fell. She was amazing that day, and no matter what I do I can never repay her for that day.

Skip forward a couple of yeras, when I was stuck in the most horrible of horrible relationships and she was always there to lecture my then boyfriend and finally force me to end that naaaasty thing.

Anyway, there plenty more stories to come, and I can't wait to sip wine and watch our kids play together and our husbands burn the meat.

I love you bestie, you're more than my best friend, you're my sister and I wish you nothing but the best.

Benefits of a Boy BFF

You know my boy BFF, how about an update of his texts to me in different parts of the last couple of months...

On unrequited love...
"You are one great girl. You would be a bundle of joy to whoever gets to have you. You don't need to be the kind of girl who has to put clues together to give yourself hopes about anyone. If he is waiting for something to bang him on his head to realize the kind of treasure that you are then he is too dumb to be with you period!"


On me saying I've given up on love:
"I wouldn't want you to go through any kind of heartbreak. True love will surely come your way. Just hope and pray that you get to notice it and capture it once it comes your way."


When I met this guy...
"You've found your soul mate...now lock him up."


When I doubted this guy:
"He is not just a guy, he's your one true love. The man of your dreams"


Hehe...that one is yours unless you throw him away. He is sooo into you just as you are crazy about him. Its like a well drafted plan coming together. This is destiny."




I thank God for a lot of things, but today I thank Him for a friend like Joe. Where would I be without you!

My "Create" Application

I'm sitting here in my new little flat/bedsitter, drinking yogurt out of a wine glass that's more of a champagne flute, or somewhere in between, because everything tastes better out of a "wine flute" hahaha, watching Fareed's "Comedy Club Live" on Mnet, and my feet soaking in hot water. I simply cannot think of what would make this day better. I'm totally living the good life at this very second.

I'm finally all moved in, just a couple of things left here and there. I love this house. It's mine. Aaaah!

So, Pastor M just finished the series on Create and this was my Create solution. I mean, the Sunday he preached about how we should look at the systems in place, I was totally worn out from commuting 5 hours every day going to school and I was on the brink of a breakdown, trying to jeep up with classes and studying. Monday morning I realized, why aren't I taking advantage of the system in place, which is off-campus housing.

I can say it was really a message from God, because, I didn't struggle at all. My mom didn't put up too much of a fight and she ended up supporting me. The building I wanted and the house I wanted were all available. The move itself I can say was a lot easier than I thought it would be, I mean it was expensive as heck and it took three trips to move all my stuff in, but otherwise it was good, mostly because my boy BFF did all the heavy lifting. Oh and my aunt gave me a TV for free.

I went shopping for some stuff on Sunday with one of the girls from my Mizizi class and my girl BFF which was tons of fun.

So this is my first day here and I'm loving it so far.

Apartment Updates 1

So, exciting news. I found a TV for my place. It used to be our TV but in some way, it ended up being my aunt's TV, so I had to ask her for it. I thought she'd say no, but she said I could pick it up tomorrow. It's not ideally whta I want, I mean, it's too big for a tiny house like mine, but I'm glad to have it at least until I save up some money to buy a smaller one.

I also stocked up the kitchen, I got a dish rack, plates, glasses, gas. There are some glasses I looked at that I liked and I'll save up to buy those too.

I don't have a couch, I think that's a couple of months away, hopefully after I've made enough money from the internship I'm hoping to get.

As for the flat in question...I still don't have one. You see, my BFF found me that place in his building, but then another friend of mine from my Mizizi class is also looking for me. So, I've kinda put the BFF on hold waiting to see if I can get a better deal. Hopefully though, by next week I'll be done and all moved in.

My mom is behind me, it just feels so weird, ah, I'm growing up.

Hiking at Ngong' Hills

So, one of the reasons I started writing this blog was to make me get out of bed and in front of the t.v and get outside and live life to give you guys and myself a bit of entertainment and to make sure I GOT A LIFE. I think I've done pretty good with that resolution, joining Mizizi, going to Worship Night....O.K that list was a lot longer in my head hehehehe, but anyway point is, that I do feel like I'm enjoying life a bit more and my life isn't about what the latest DVD or Series on t.v is.

Latest in my "new life of adventure" was going to climb Ngong' Hills with some people from my school, I had my camera along, to catch the views as usual since, I'm a landscape kind of person. The only bad part of the day was that the weather was so, no, SOOOO hot! The grass was dry, so it wasn't all nice and green and pretty like I would have wanted, and since there were so many of us, we decided not to drive up because we couldn't all fit in one car so we only really got to climb one hill, not the seven (?) that are there...yeah, I think there are 7. Another thing that sucked, is that some of the guys were drinking and I don't like how rowdy or  sick some people can get when they're drunk, but we mostly stayed out of their way, and still had fun.

Now, as much as I think I'm an outdoorsy person, I've never hated walking as much as I did then. My body is still aching!!!! But, I would do it again, anytime, preferably after it's rained a little so that the grass is a bit greener, and maybe with a different group of people. It was a lot of fun.

So the afternoon started off with lunch at a dingy little hole in the wall...and I don't mean "hole-in-the-wall" like some cozy little Manhattan jazz club, I mean, literally a hole in the wall. I could've taken pictures but I was afraid I would be beaten up by the owner. The white stuff is Ugali, with Spinach and 1/2 a k.g of fried meat stew all for sh.120 or about $1.25 how crazy is that! In a "normal" restaurant, all that could be like sh. 300-500 and a much smaller serving. It tasted nice and my stomach's doing fine, so the food was good :-)  Anyone want the recipe? :-)

That's how Ngong' looked from way up here.

Some of the other hills, how amazing does that look, and how much prettier that will look in March after it rains

 Am I corny for thinking, how amazing God is for creating stuff like this? Not just the cow, but the hills :-)

 This is what the day was about, friendship and bonding. I love this pic

Feeling like I was on top of the world

Well, some more pictures are up on my Facebook page, don't worry, the rest aren't all landscape-y, it's just a bunch of fun people and friends from our trip. When you're over there, I'd love it if you could hit that Like button and follow me :-)

Yeah, was kind of debating whether to put a picture of me up here, but I decided against it, fan your imaginations a little :-D

Happy Travels

Counting The Cost Part 1

So where did we leave off? Oh, Ed's text message:

"I've tried to hold back a lot, but now I'll speak my mind. He has the nerve to want to face you? That's plain retarded. Hun, you got all a guy would ever dream or ever pray for. You're the complete package. It would be hard to think of any one who is more perfectly balanced and all-round in so many aspects. If a dude thinks that you need help from an 'earthly girl' then he sure as hell doesn't deserve you. You deserve a guy who lacks sleep cause he can't wait until morning to see you, who has the backbone to handle a strong and independent girl, a guy you can call your own. And that's not **** (the guy). Make sure you don't even cry over this guy. If at any one time you feel overwhelmed then leave me a message I'll call you and tell you so many stories you'll brighten up. Have a great day"


Let me explain the "earthly girl" part, when I confronted the guy for trying to use me to cheat on his girlfriend, he told me he couldn't decide because I was his "church girlfriend" and where wanted to see himself be, and the other girl was his earthly girlfriend. Scumbag!! [Oops, that just slipped out :-)]

But, how sweet are my friends, first BFF one, let's call her Emz (made up name), wrote me this, and now Ed with this other killer.

Can you blame me for crying in Church today. O.k I know I cry a lot, but this is just touching. I know that right now friends are few and come far between, but if this is what you get, then I thank God for it.

So, really, I don't think it will be easy to ever trust someone again...and this isn't like, I'm still hurt and hung up over my ex's that I'm letting them control my life....o.k maybe it is, but still, I don't think I'll ever trust someone again, or want to be in a relationship again. I know I write here about how I'm still in preparation and I'm still figuring out "me" but this week a really, really, really cute guy said hi to me. I've had a crush on this guy for YEARS and he finally said hi to me. Let me set it up for you. I was walking down the street, eating a hot sausage because I was late for school and I had to eat breakfast on the run. So with a mouth full of  hot sausage he decided that would be the perfect time to say hello after years of me crushing on him. Not just "hello" he struck up a conversation with this joke of how I'm walking for the first time, you know because my lazy self drives the 5 minute walk to the supermarket. I wish I could tell you what I said, but the memory has been suppressed because it was embarrassing and the pain in my tongue too excruciating. :-)

Anyway after the whole trying to respond to a joke with a burning tongue incident, I stated thinking how the old me would already be planning how the next time we meet on the street I would come up with another joke and we could start talking. But this me, doesn't ever want to see the guy again. Cute guys cheat. Hahaha, that's unfortunately my new mindset. I know it's wrong and I know I'll get grief for saying it, but I'd so much rather believe that and avoid the whole dating scene than date and get.....um....(wow, writing in a "Christian" blog is hard! lol) what's a word I can use.....get.....tossed around again and hurt.

And I was reminded of this;


*******to be continued*******

The Rumors and Angry Letters Guy Makes A Come Back

I'm sure I've written about my friends before, but I want to introduce you to another BFF. This is a boy BFF so let's just call him Ed (made-up name)
Last night, I decided to do something I've never done and pray/meditate for 30 minutes straight. I gave it my best shot, but I really just ran out of things to say :-( anyway, I did manage to pray for God to help me deal with the tough stuff I'd gone through during the week, 5 minutes later after I sad Amen, guess who called?

Remember this guy?  He dared to call me!!! He wanted to meet up this week so he could explain and in his words, "get things off his chest" I mean seriously guys, in what world do you think that you have the right to "get things off your chest" when you've done something horrible and offensive. The only words you should be saying are, "sorry" not "I want to get things off my chest" So, the only reason I even picked up the call was that I deleted his number so I didn't know it was him, but luckily, before I got a chance to answer him on whether or not we could meet, the call got disconnected, (I didn't hang up on him, I promise!!!!!)
I got a chance to think about my response, he tried calling me again and I ignored the call and instead texted him, "I'm sorry for writing you, I was just angry at the time. You don't have to explain anything to me, this story should have ended a long time ago if it wasn't for you and your little group bringing it back up. Please don't call or text me again, if you do, you'll get no response."

See that, cold and aloof without being rude. I think that was at least a B+ on the Christian Responses to a Lying Con Artist Who Tried To Play Two Classmates test.

I thought that was the end of it, but my mind stated working overtime as usual (ahh! mind!) I started thinking how come I always attract such losers into my life, I mean, come on!!! I honestly think, as much as I write about love, and daydream about weddings and happy marriages, it's going to be soooo hard to ever trust a guy again. These thoughts of spinsterhood and my horrendous dating track record started to overwhelm me and I texted my friend, Ed. "The guy has just called me, and he wants to meet"

Ed, is my best friend at school. Our friendship did start out a little bit complicated because he wanted us to date and I didn't. We fought a while and had some tense days but, I'm happy and thankful to God that we're o.k now, and he's content being just friends. He's actually the one who filled me in on all those rumors and took me to lunch to calm me down.

Anyway, Ed, understood what the message meant, and got that I was feeling down, so this is what he wrote me:

*******to be continued********

Dating and Valentine's Day Anticipation

On Tuesday at school I got around 3 missed calls from my cousin. When I got out and called him back he told me to meet him as soon as possible and that it was really urgent. So, we met at one of the cafes at school. I was pretty worried, I thought something bad had happened. When he got there, we went through the ususal pleasantries, "How's your mom, how's home?" etc etc, but in the back of my mind I was thinking, "Get to the emergency already!!!" Finally I couldn't take it and I asked him, "O.k, so what's up"

"I have a wife." Now, wife in some Nairobi men's context , means a long-term girlfriend, hehe, but dare a chic say, "I have a husband", you'll be left with a cloud of dust in your face and wind blowing through your hair from the guy running away.... lol, anyway, I digress, let's go on.

"I have a wife, and valentines day is coming up and I want to get her jewelery, something really nice, that's why I need a female opinion from you. If you could go shop for me and tell me how much I need that would be nice" he said. You know a guy is in love when he's thinking about Valentine's Day in January!!!

Photo Credit: photouten

So, here I am, single girl. Knowing I will still be single by Valentines, and this guy wants me to go look for jewelery that I like, that I know no one will be buying for me, so that he can buy them for his girlfriend. I'm really starting to think God is rubbing this whole "being single" thing in my face a little bit too much. First, my very-much-in-love best friend, then seating me alone in-between those two very-much-in-love couples in Church, then me parking my car next to that very-much-in-love guy who opened the door for his girl that other time, then now my very-much-in-love cousin. I can't stop laughing this is just so funny :-D

Of course I agreed and went shopping for my cousin. I told him where to find good deals, I even gave him different price ranges, from the Somali guys who sell (quite like 95%) real silver in Eastleigh, to the nice pieces at Hilton Arcade and Nakumatt Lifestyle to the very nice pieces at Enkarasha (is enka rasha 2 words or one...anyway...) Then I told him, making the girl feel special all day, will make a much greater memory than just a piece of jewelery, so I told him to do all those things Nairobi girls no longer experience, going to the movies, going to lunch some place where it's not just chips and chicken on the menu, and nothing beats black forest cake and ice cream on valentines. I'm really happy for him and I hope he follows my tips :-) 

Photo Credit: Louisa Stokes

Now, shopping for this other girl, I got to thinking...what would I want for Valentines? Or rather dating in general. I'm a pretty simple girl, I like anything, that is except mint chocolate and vanilla ice cream. But, I'm simple in the sense that, I'd far more appreciate a gift that looks like a little thought was put into it, like if you buy a card, don't just pick anything with a heart on it, the message should be cute, and/or maybe a little note in there from the guy as well. Tip to guys: in a card don't just fill in the "To and From" part otherwise that thing will end up in the trash after a few weeks, so put in something the girl would want to hold on to. I still have a birthday card from a guy who liked me and even though we don't talk anymore, I still smile when I look at what he wrote.

Photo Credit: Image Housing

Also, I'm a big fan of jewelery. But in that case, presentation is key. I once got really gorgeous earrings from a friend of mine that came in a gorgeous red velvet box, and I love looking at that box...I mean I love the earrings too but they look so pretty in that box! :-) 

Most people don't like flowers because they don't last long or whatever, but for me, you could never go wrong with flowers, the couple of  times my friends have gotten me flowers I always felt amazing, even the single roses we're given at church for Christmas or Valentines they always last with me, till Tuesday because I get home and put them in water. I love flowers, I just think it's a nice gesture. And the pink girl in me is always touched :-)

The experience of the day though, is what counts most for me. Was I happy? Was he happy or did he spend the whole time complaining? I once had this boyfriend who took me out a few times, and he complained all the time, that one didn't last very long. Other things I'll ask myself are, if the experience we had was new, will I remember it a long time to come or was it just the same old routine? Here I mean, for example, if you're going out for pizza, it's not just Pizza Inn that serves pizza in Nairobi, there are a bunch of other new places to go, for the same price. Personally, I think I'm starting to be one of those girls/women who can enjoy going to those nyama choma (grilled meat) and one-man guitar kind of places and have more fun than I would at a burger joint or a pizza place. Or doing something touristy that other people might consider shady like going to the National Park. I've suggested that to a couple of guys I dated and they always laugh, so to heck with it, I'm taking myself!! :-)
I would much rather go on an active date like that or horse riding (which by the way only costs Ksh. 500) or going to Fourteen Falls or swimming or bike riding or paint ball or anything like that, if worse comes to worse, even walking in Uhuru Park, rather than sitting in a restaurant in town all day. I'm all for "gazing into each others' eyes" but after a while, won't you get bored with each other???

Photo Credit: Tom Curtis

But, to keep it simple, any acts of love and care and a little bit of understanding of my personality, that would do it for me.

Anyway, that's just me. I'm sure you guys have your preferences too?

O.k, It Was a Date....

Today was a great day. I had fun, I laughed a lot. It was a fun day. At some point during the day I was standing on top of a chair singing "What's love got to do with it" Is that a Whitney Houston song? I'm sorry, I'm not sure, but whoever sang that song, I totally out sang them today. I ate some dry fries and a very big, greasy kebab, and very bitter pineapple juice, and miracle of miracles, I found someone selling strawberries, in January!
That's the first time I've seen strawberries other than in August - and I LOVE strawberries!!! So how can this day be anything other than great.

My friend just called me and asked me to go clubbing with them, but here I am, in my room, with Flyleaf playing in the background, eating strawberries and writing and I could not be happier.....This is me writing and smiling.

My secret meeting that may or may not have been a date went o.k. My BFF just called me and asked me how it went and I was just like..."ehhhh ivo tu" as in, it was just there. So, we ate dry fries and big greasy kebabs, but all the time I was siting across from this guy, I was thinking about how I've just blown my diet and what I was planning on wearing to the Mizizi launch on Tuesday.

It wasn't that the guy was boring, in fact, he was really nice but, my head wasn't in it. (Don't worry guys, I didn't let him pay for my food! I was kind of feeling like I was a bad date) We just didn't have much to talk about, he's one of those guys who still doesn't know what he wants to do and he brought about a couple of, "that's what she said" moments you know the double entendre or innuendos. I just ended up laughing! But, I was still polite and he did just call me to say he had a nice time, that's always a good thing.

But, I still just don't think we clicked. I have a feeling that when I meet the right guy, we'll just click. Conversation will start to come easy after a while and we'll have stuff in common, and he'll know what he wants to do with his life starting with having a plan to not live in his parent's house till his mid to late twenties!
Anyway, it was still a great day, and a day well spent, weird moments aside. Now I'm home, eating strawberries, writing and dancing when a good song starts up.

Aren't these moments, moments when your stress from the week and other day to day problems are the furthest thing from your mind, moments of peace, smiles and strawberries, aren't they the friggin' best?

Wherein I Was Challenged To Trust

If you follow me on twitter you'd know that last night was not one of my finest nights. I don't know what's up with me but I'm just in a bit of a funk. And in the interest of full disclosure as I promised in yesterday's post, I am hereby admitting I feel mopey...so who's out there feeling like they were sent to comfort me? :-)

Anyway, despite this horrible mood swing, I did manage to keep up with my Bible reading (thank you God).

Today, more from Jesus on the law. He says He didn't come to do away with the law. I was one of those people who thought, "ah! if I sin this one more time, I'll just ask Jesus to forgive me and it will be fine" I mean what did Jesus come for if not to forgive our inevitable sin, right. But here it's like Jesus didn't come to take away the standard, if anything He raised the standard, like before the law was don't commit adultery i.e sex outside of marriage, Jesus comes and says whoever just looks at someone with lust has already committed adultery in heart. Jesus didn't come to take away the standard, but to give us a chance to measure up to the standard, grace, belief in Him and repentance which comes through a complete turn around

Today also led me to Abram's first battle, when he heard his nephew Lot had been taken away by warring kings, and God's promise to Abram that he would have countless descendants.
I liked Genesis 15:6  Abram put his trust in the LORD, and because of this the LORD was pleased with him and accepted him. I don't want to face the truth which is that I'm sad because I think my trust is wavering a little. The problems are just starting to pile up a little, my CPA results are looming closer and closer and I know I did horribly in that paper and the thought of failing especially now when I'm running out of time is just incredibly disheartening*. And then trying to get registered for summer classes at Uni so I can be a semester ahead is proving impossible in a large public university where it's impossible to find any help or guidance. School just sucks!!! School is just a challenge!

*(I'm trying to avoid the word depressed in my vocabulary because I've been there and in the grand scheme of things this is nothing, I'm agonizing over nothing, although right now it seems like huge deal)

Also, in the interest of full disclosure, again, and I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve here so please be gentle with me, my BFF sucks!!! My BFF is driving me insane with all this boyfriend stuff, I'm trying to be graceful and tact and completely zen and not jealous. But, I am! Here I was all happy and content to be alone and to focus on me and to turn down requests all week and then she goes and gets "Facebook Official" with her new boyfriend and doing the whole sappy messages on the wall and telling me all these wonderful details. I am incredibly happy for her, but I feel like, I want to be in love/loved too :-( I was even tempted to just call one of these guys up and be like, o.k lets go out...but then that wouldn't be fair to them or to me because I just don't like them like that. (P.S don't worry this isn't gossip, she knows I'm writing this lol)

Anyway, God in case you're reading this I wish I had mammoth sized trust in you like Abram did but sometimes emotions just get in the way of the more important stuff. My heart's desire, truly, isn't awesome grades or love from some random guy, but to learn how to be totally committed to you and be satisfied by Your love alone. If I could have a fraction of what my mom, or other people like pastors or worship leaders have with you then won't that be enough for me? So, if you want me to trust in you, and your timing like Abram did, then you've gotta help me somehow.

The One I Which I Learn The Beatitudes

Again I'm amazed by how the Bible is a one-stop shop for everything we need. I used to be an ardent reader of self help books, and I spent tons of money or rather my mom spent tons of money for me, buying stuff along the lines of, "Releasing The Power Of Your Subconscious" or "10 Steps to Success". I didn't think the Bible would have any tips for surviving in the "real" world. Although is having my head stuck in 1000 books one after the other and never applying any of them living in the real world anyway?

Well today I've found "9 Attitudes To Change Your Life" and it's been right here under my nose, Matthew 5:

1. Acknowledging spiritual poverty: knowing that I don't have it all together and the moment I think I'm strong and that I've made it, is the precise moment I'll fall on my face...and that's the exact moment the rapture happens and I miss out on heaven lol j/kidding. I'm just trying to tie the verse together :-D
2. Be real: not putting up a facade to make everyone think that I'm perfect and fine, there's a time to be happy and there's a time to mourn. If I show God my weak side He'll be sure to comfort and sometimes His comfort may come through a friend who can only be there for me if they don't think I've got it all together.
3. Humility: this might be the hardest because where do I draw the line between self-confidence or self-assurance and humility. I mean, most people, myself included think Christians are all about being a door mat but that's not the sort of person I want to be and the people I admire aren't like that but personally for me, it'll be hard to know where to draw that line. Although, if I think about it, I guess humility is recognizing that all the stuff you have, all the 'awesomeness' you possess isn't a right, it's a privilege from God and He can take them away. This fact should ground you because essentially, you're no better than the beggar who lives under a bridge.
4. My favorite attitude is Matthew 5:6  "Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires; God will satisfy them fully! I hope that one day it'll be like what we learnt in church, I'll be so connected with God that my greatest desires are His greatest desires.
5. Showing mercy to others: To me this is both forgiving others and not keeping a grudge. I am horrible at that, my biggest talent in life is keeping a grudge. I never recognized it as keeping a grudge, I just cut people out of my life completely, erase their numbers, un-friend them on Facebook, avoid them completely, like I did with my neighbor who made a tiny mistake and I blew it out of proportion and I haven't talked to him for 3 months. Oh, no! Does that mean now that I'm doing this Bible thingy I have to call him up and ask him to forgive me??? Ai, I can't!!! O.k I have to, but ai, that'll be torture....o.k now I'm seeing I actually do have pride issues :-/ o.k compromise, I'll do it within the next two weeks, latest! Mercy also means, 'kuonea mtu huruma', that is, having a giving and compassionate heart, to me that's just helping someone in need of help, like not shutting off my phone when I sleep because my friend may need to talk, and I know from experience being the maker of 3 a.m phone calls many times in the past to my mom or my BFF, when I was drunk or depressed or drunk and depressed that most of the time someone wouldn't be calling if it wasn't an emergency.
6. Purity of heart: also a hard one because sometimes my mind just takes me places, but I'll try. Also, not having ulterior motives for my actions. Being straight up and real.
7. Spreading peace: not causing strife or animosity between people. Now, I may not be in the position to start petitions for Sudan or formulate a strategy to bring about world peace, but I can try and make sure my friends and people around me get along, like not spreading gossip or those times someone says, "you know how xyz is such a liar, aki I hate her, she bores me!!!" I won't agree without thought or trying to change that person's attitude.
8. Not fearing persecution: my views now may be different from other people's and I shouldn't act like I'm better than them or cave in when they try to convince me or talk trash.
9. Matthew 5:23-24  So if you are about to offer your gift to God at the altar and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar, first go at once and make peace with your brother, and then come back and offer your gift to God. I guess this means I have to up my deadline for asking my neighbor to forgive me :-/
10. Lastly, this isn't a beatitude but I liked it because, I mess up a lot and I beat myself up over it and feel like giving up 70% of the time, but I love David because he's so real and he gives me hope that even sinners like me can make it he tells God how as much as people sin, he's different because of his love for God; Psalm 5:7  But because of your great love I can come into your house; I can worship in your holy Temple and bow down to you in reverence.

Genesis was an introduction to Abram and how he pretended Sarai was his sister and she had to sleep with the Egyptian king guy so that he wouldn't kill Abram, now that deserves a post of its own.

O.k so I think those are enough lessons learnt for today. Lets see how many I manage to actually apply.




Picture from Mavuno Website

You're So Hot, God Must Have Used You As His Blueprint When He Made Man

These are the words I hope to say to my hubz everyday when we wake up. Yes, this long and hopefully interesting post is about what I've always feared putting into words for the sheer ridiculousness of it. (Hey, I just found out ridiculousness is a word) And the fear that if/when I ever do get married and the guy reads this blog he'll be like, "uko serious? aki, you were so ridiculous those days!" to which I'll reply, "Shut up hubz, this blog is about my life and my thoughts before you found me, and honey, fantasizing about you was a major part of that life, so just pipe down and read it ama I won't cook my special lasagna for you!!!"


Growing up girls have this mental picture of Prince Charming, and what Happily Ever After will look like, some girls don't, maybe too they're focused, too damaged, too normal, maybe they're just not me! I on the other hand have my entire wedding planned out, only thing missing though, is a groom ;-D There's not even a semblance of a groom i.e no boyfriend, no potential boyfriend no nothing. But I've planned it all, I won't let it all out here so lets just leave some fields with a big _ _ _ _ _blank. I know the type of rings I want (a matching set where the engagement ring fits into the wedding ring so they look like one, yellow gold, diamonds not a must but I wouldn't refuse, duh! ), I know the two dresses I'll wear for the ceremony and reception, the _ _ _ _ _ _ theme and colors and decorations and cake, and _ _ _ _ _ _ inspired ceremony in a beautiful green place with a pool or more preferably a lake (loud hinting here W_n_s_r  G_l_f  C_ _b), to the pastor presiding, to where my first honeymoon night will be, to what music will be playing, to what the groom and groomsmen are wearing, and most importantly celebrating the fact that my future best friend and I or the one prepared for me (as my mom would say) are standing under love and have each others backs forever (insert long dreamy sigh)

More than that, a wedding no matter how well planned or beautiful or dream-like it is, is just one day. Trust me I daydream about much more than that, I wonder how I'll land an incredible job to be able to contribute substantially to our lives and to the economic level I want us to be in, I wonder how we'll afford a wedding when there are so many other things to do like starting a mortgage to buy a house because I am not a believer in paying rent, nor do I believe in having committees of other people pay for a wedding, I wonder how we'll afford to stock that house, I wonder where that house will be, I wonder how we'll manage to do the whole Christian "God's plan is waiting until after marriage thing" during our long courtship because if I'm seriously thinking of keeping up with the whole being saved thing then that's a must for me, I wonder if we'll be happy and in love when we're fifty, I wonder if we'll be blessed with kids, I wonder if my kids will be healthy, I wonder if they'll be cute, I wonder if life will be better or the same or if global warming or terrorism will have taken over and we'll have no more of this beautiful world to enjoy, I wonder if I'll be an amazing wife, I wonder if he'll be an amazing husband, I wonder what our fights will be about or what they'll be like or whether we'll ever go to sleep angry, I wonder if we'll be amazing parents, I wonder if God forbid we're forced to, how one will manage to live without the other....................so many thoughts run through my head.

But mostly I just dream. I dream about driving to work together even though we'll have two cars, surprise lunch dates, washing dishes, cooking for him, arguing about who watches what on t.v, Christmas with my family, how he'll fit in with my brothers, me taking his sisters out for lunch, him fixing the car, him making me laugh, me happy knowing he's there, going to Church together wearing color coordinated clothes [he he he j/k, kinda ;-) ],  December holidays in Mombasa, gifts and cards, drinking wine and eating chocolate on the balcony at night, how I'll be an amazing wife full of love and kisses and surprises.

Before you get me wrong, I'm not sad or lonely or desperate for a guy to come and save me. My dad used to handle every single fault in the house, changing light bulbs, replacing fuses, everything. When he passed away, I try to take away some of the work from my mom, like last year I fixed a faulty electric line in the house, I can drive her and myself to work, in fact I've been an accident free driver for almost 3 years, I can buy my own lunch and comfortably sit alone in a restaurant like I did last month at Steers, I don't like cooking or washing dishes all that much, I have the potential to make my own money and learn how to invest amazingly, and I do a heck of a great job taking the car to the mechanic myself, plus I can hold my own against a bus or matatu driver. I even took one to Lang'ata Police Station last year when he almost side-swept my car and tried to get away, but as much as I can do these things for myself, I don't want to have to do it, and certainly not for the rest of my life!



I'm happy to be alone though, whether or not the offers come, this is my season to heal and grow, To know who I am as me. I usually get so lost in the other person that I forget who I am and that's not an attractive quality. I want to settle down with school and all these extra courses and move up to a great job. I want to learn everything I can to be a finance/marketing go-to woman or guru. I want to make tons of money to secure my future and not go into any relationship empty handed. I want to be immovable in my faith. I want to come together as one, because to me true lasting love isn't 1/2+1/2=1, it's 1+1+1=1. Two WHOLE people coming together as one, each with their own sets of assets and liabilities, relying on God to maximize on  their strengths and minimize on their losses, not one party bringing the other down.

I've come to realize being in a relationship with God is the easiest thing ever because there are no masks and no wondering what the other person is thinking or whether or not they love you. Yet, I've never gone a month without backsliding ever up until now at least (yay for me!) If I can't handle this relationship, it would be impossible to handle a true man/woman one. (man/woman??????? I'm sorry, I didn't know how else to put that)

Yes, I'm happy being alone, but then my BFF starts talking about her new boyfriend, or I watch my telenovelas like in 'Dahil ma Isang Ikaw' where Miguel and Ella are happily married and in love or in 'Cuidado con el Angel' where Juan Miguel and Maria de Jesus share those steamy, passionate, gazing into each others eyes while standing incredibly close and saying, "I love you, Marichuy, do you want me to kiss you again" and I think, "God, why can't I have some of that?" An insanely, cruelly handsome man who looks like William Levy daily professing his love for me and showering me with gifts and affection and that look that says "You're the only one in this world for me, always and forever" and that kiss or even just that hug that will make your heart melt, your knees go weak, your spine turn to mush, your foot lift off the ground etc. etc.

I don't have a shopping list, like "he's has to be tall, dark and handsome" or whatever. I truly believe that God knows what I need more than I do....only exception to not having a list, is that he has to be a church guy, not just a church guy, but he has to be saved for a while before meeting me and say definitively "I'm saved" when I ask him unlike the last three 'church guys' I've dated who reply with an uncertain "Um, don't ask me, are you yourself saved?......Oh, um, me, I'm on the path.....blah blah blah"
He has to love God more than he loves me and I won't be intimidated by that because I know God loves me too and He'll balance things out. It's like seek ye first God and I will be added to him lol and vice versa. He also has to be tall and lookable, and I'm not saying that for selfish reasons, I'm doing it for my children hahaha, I don't want my children to be un-lookable plus I'm short, so me+short guy=tiny kids?! :-D
O.k this is turning out to be a list, but God in case you're reading this, since it's becoming apparent You're my only follower on blogger, then please prepare for me the best, as You continue preparing me to be his best. Continue to help me learn to hear and accept Your voice as my only authority. For now though, I am more than content in my fantasies, dreams and anticipation of what You have in store. Although I have to admit, I can't wait for my happily ever after/walking on the beach toward the sunset

(Although I terribly wish it were me and my love in those pictures, sadly they are all pictures from free images www.imagehousing.com)

My Very First Entry

**********Update************ This isn't my first post, I came across another blog I'd started earlier and imported those posts into this one. Be warned those first 5 post are from my "dark time" remember how I went through those dark days in 2009-2010. Anyway, this is my first post after all that.*******************

So, writing this blog has been inspired by a lot of things:
First, I've always loved writing, but I've found myself so caught up in the latest movie and t.v series that I haven't had time to read or write even though it used to be such an integral part of my life
Second, my dad was a writer and a journalist, and even though I can never be as committed to a project or as gifted as he was I feel like this will be a connection to him in a way even though he's gone
Third, I just have this overwhelming feeling that this will be a great year and my life will totally change for the better. You know that feeling that something good is coming and everyday you wake up with excitement and anticipation. That feeling, and its a good idea to write about the days before, leading up to this big event. Then tonight my best friend sent me this message on Facebook about dating

"......there's a difference between church and saved guys. You need a guy who knows his standing with God because he would be sure of himself and wouldn't need to feel pressure on things of the world. Church guys just hunt for saved chics in church whom they end up destroying. My wish for you this year is for God to send you a guy to love you honestly, faithfully and patiently and for your eyes to be able to spot this guy when he comes into your life. Jo I feel so positive about this year. We are going to be so blessed and favored."

Yeah, you can tell from her words she's an awesome best friend, true definition of BFF lol. She doesn't know this but she's my benchmark for friendship/relationship. I know if I'm a true friend if I would be able to be there for my friend who needs me at any time day or night as she has always done, and I know that someone is a true friend to me if they would do the same.

Fourth, I need to journal for the sake of keeping memories and keeping track and focus on where I am and where I want to be in terms of:

•   God and my faith: I want to grow and develop a habit of daily meditation
•   Career: Settle in school, focus and learn as much as I can and get a job ASAP
•   Love: Finding and keeping love i.e. old and new friendships,    boyfriend/future hubs
•   Family: Strengthening the bonds, preparing for my own etc.

I probably won't be getting much traffic here for a while, which is fine because I'm doing this for me, but I'm going to work on pimping this site up and we'll see how it goes, who knows maybe my stories and day to day struggles resonate with someone out there and we can get through it together.
For now, I leave you with this,
Psalm 16:9 "Therefore, my heart is glad and my soul rejoices; my flesh also shall be content in hope..."