My School

This is my last official semester. I guess I’m getting nostalgic, and lazy too because dragging my butt to class is a huge challenge for me right now! (Mom if you’re reading this, I always go to class, I’ve never skipped!)

Anyway, I often say transferring to City Campus was the best choice I’ve ever made. I’ve talked before about how going to my particular school wasn’t exactly my choice, as in I’d already gone for orientation at the school I wanted to go to and all f a sudden, my family’s like, “don’t go here go there”. I’m responsible for choosing to be influenced - this isn’t a blame post!

Anyway, I hated, HATED, my old campus. It was HUGE and the walk from the gate to class was like 20 minutes. My class had like 200, maybe more people so the scrum-down that happened when people practically stampeded over each other to find a good seat was ridiculous. It was a 2 hour trip from my house. The buses/mats to that place were mostly old, rusty, smelly and badly driven at least at the stage where I used to go to. Well, you get the idea, I didn’t have a lot of love for the place.

I got used to it a little by 2^nd year, plus I got to move out to a great little apartment which I loved and it made life a LOT easier.

Beginning this year though, I got the chance to transfer to a new Campus. This is in the city center, a great building, and fewer students, like 1 15-50 max class size, better or at least closer administration, 30 minutes from home, great class schedule…

The quality of my life changed drastically, I’m a hundred times happier here. I’m so grateful to God for that, and grateful I can finally say, “I love my school!”

xo

Jo

We Interrupt Scheduled Posting to Bring You...

...the worst week in history!

I've tweeted a whole bunch about the past two days being a royal suckfest...

Tuesday Night:

Jus overwhelmed wth this absolutely horrible day! It started out great and all went downhill from there...;-(
— Joanne Furaha (@Joannefuraha) October 16, 2012

Wednesday Morning:

Scared to get out of bed n face this day, cant take anymore disapointment n stress, jus keep reminding myself (cont) tl.gd/jm1bj7
— Joanne Furaha (@Joannefuraha) October 17, 2012

Wednesday Afternoon: Wherein I was crying in a bathroom stall in City Campus

And the suckfest continues.....
— Joanne Furaha (@Joannefuraha) October 17, 2012

The worst of it, or the most confusing of it was that that Tuesday, we normally fast as a Mizizi class all day. Speaking of which I even missed my Mizizi class!!! I woke up with crazy syk, totally pumped up, spent like an hour and a half just praying, reading the Bible, worshipping, then I step out of the door and BAM! It all came crashing down...I got caught in a lie with a friend, I had issues registering with school, had to schlep across the city for a class at another campus, the matatu (bus) conductor guy told me he was going to one bus stop (B.S) and he stops the bus at another bus stop 15 minutes away from where I needed to be (OTC) so I had to walk in the hot midday sun, more issues with registration, police through tear gas at some demonstrators so I'm sneezing and coughing through town. Yeah.

Today, woke up for class to the other campus away from the city. Managed to get some notes so I'm like, wow, ok maybe today won't be so bad. Get back to the city, and BAM! Registration issues again, it turns out, I'm not allowed to go to classes at 2 campuses at the same time...ummm....should have told me that before I started attending classes don't you think?! Anyway, I'm just beyond pissed off and just sad. Actually I'm not sad anymore, I'm over it. My mom who should be sad, cause well, she pays the fees, is like, "Get over it! Take life as it comes" and you know what, I will.

Anyway, just thought I'd write this all down so that I can remember I went through this and came out OK in the other side {hopefully}

This whole trying period was good though, this morning I just had to google, "Is it normal to live for God and still have horrible days?" I mean, I was confused and mad, like where's the benefit, if I can spend an hour with God and proceed to have absolutely no favor that day?

The thought/voice/answer/whatever you'll call it, came so clear to me,

It's not about WHAT I have to face, it's about WHO I have to face it WITH!

That's the benefit. God is love, He's not out to ruin my day or not protect me from irritation. I guess I had to learn that I'm not praying/fasting/serving in Church or any of it for what I can get out of it. I'm doing it because LOVE, is utterly in love with me, and I never walk alone...(liverfools! lol)

Anyway, all this inspired the following letter, originally intended for God, but, find your own meaning.

xx
Jo

CPA Reward / Papaya – Passion Fruit Smoothie / Supermarket Black forest Cake

I passed my CPA like I think I mentioned before, and now I’m a Part 2! Planning on doing Part 3 next year and finally getting that CPA-K!

As a “Congratulations” gift as well as a thank you gift for doing some stuff around the house for my mom she made me the most delicious juice I have everrrr tasted (blended Papaya and Passion Fruit and a little honey).

I am a Dorman’s girl. (Dorman’s Coffee House) If I’m buying myself cake or buying one for someone, I’m Dorman’s all the way, a little steeply priced but soooo worth it! I have never found a Supermarket taste that I love and this from Kamindi was no exception, tasted like cardboard! (Don’t tell my mom that!), but of course I ate it and acted like it was the most delicious thing in the world, because it was given to me by the most spectacular and loving lady in the world.

Thank you and you are welcome mom!

xo

Jo

Exam Results

I finally went to check my exam results. This point needs a couple of prefaces.

Preface 1:

I don’t really like my school. It wasn’t my 1^stchoice, it was a little bit of a “pressured by family” situation and I spent a long time being angry and resentful which led to a tough couple of semesters in the beginning, which led to a bunch of “missing-marks”. This is a result of being about 1000 people in a class and the lecturers not feeding your grades into the system leading to students needing to follow up consistently with said lecturer to get the marks back. Consistency wasn’t my forte.

Preface 2:

Needs to be repeated, I have a bunch of missing marks and to be honest, my results from 1^st and 2^nd year are neither here nor there, I’ve got A’s and B’s and C’s and D’s, I mean, there’s no direction.

Given this, I was embarrassed to even go check last semester’s results out. What exactly would I say to the guy, so he wouldn’t feel sorry for me “Umm, I don’t have all my marks because I…” 

Anyway, I went and asked to see all my 3^rd year results and I still can’t believe what I saw.  A’s a whole bunch of A’s, 2 B’s and a C mixed in there but a whole lotta A’s. Can you believe it?!

Can I just say there is absolutely no way that could be me? That was ALL God.

I still have a bunch of missing marks from my “bad years” but I’m just praying all that gets sorted out {well}

For now, I’m just thankful, man, my hope for school has been renewed and I SOOOO needed that.

xx

Jo

Feeling Like an Old Maid

Last night I was talking to my mom about how it seems all my friends are getting engaged and having babies and here I am, with this one year pledge of singleness we made at Church in Febrauary, and how even after this one year, I might end up doing a Ministry internship which as I've seen so far, some don't allow dating, and even after the internship, I'll be spending so much time trying to move to a new city and finding a job and actually making something out of the nothing I currently have and might be so busy I don't even have time to date! So, in reality, I'm looking at about 3 years before I can even have the thought of settling down and falling in love.

If you know me, if you've read my blog, you know how freaked out this makes me.

• In High School, my life plan was to finish High School, move after a year and get married by the time I was 22, have my first kid at 24 and so on.
• After High School, I got caught up in the expectations to finish college, make a career, get married, which pushed out a lot of MY dreams
• Right now, I'm trying to catch up to the High School dream, but now it goes like, know God, experience God, move to a new city, learn God, get married, teach God, get cute babies and so on

My mom, is encouraging me and saying everything that a mom is supposed to say, "finish school", "get a job", "don't be in a hurry or else you'll settle for anything that comes along" and I was telling her, yeah I get all that, I don't want to settle, I want to be loved completely and to be in love and I want to be happy, but I also want to be a young, hot wife and a young, hot mom. I want to be settled with someone who has the same dreams and passions as me (read, God) and someone who we can work together, so that we start working now.

She may say all those things, but the fact remains, she got married at 24, like most of my uncles and aunts. My cousin, who we used to live with, got married at 24, my sister met her husband at 23, my sister in law married my brother at 25. I'm turning 22, I FEEL LIKE AN OLD MAID!!!

Yeah, I know, I'm supposed to be "the one" before I find "the one" and that's what this year's pledge is for and there's stuff I'm building on my own, even with the Ministry stuff. Just to be clear, honestly, this has been an amazing year so far and I wouldn't give it up even if my dream guy walked through the door right now, I've gotten to experience God more in 3 months than I have in 21 years. But I think even God gets that sometimes its easier to work with somebody and to have somebody.

At the end of the conversation with my mom though, an amazing thing happened. I just got this amazing reassurance from Jesus, a.k.a, my awesome, awesome friend, that I don't need to freak about this. He's got my back. Everything's going to be OK, and that filled my heart so much I ended up tweeting this;

I honestly just love Jesus. He's awesome.

Anyway, later last night I was listening to a podcast from Gateway Church, Austin and John Burke just talks about how when Jesus met people who needed something, like the blind men who cried out to Him, He asked them an obvious question, "What do you want?" I mean, duh, they wanna not be blind anymore, they wanna be healed. But Jesus asks a question that we sometimes are too afraid to ask God, because we feel like it's beneath God to hear us, or its too selfish to pray when there's so many other things to pray for, but Jesus asks this question so many times, there's gotta be something to it.

So, I laid it all out there, all my desires, all the crazy things that I hope for, that I see when I picture my future, all the stuff that makes my heart race, like praying or talking or singing or like getting to minister with someone, or watching him minister. Small things like finally having someone put time and thought into my birthday or valentines day (remember I've never had a boyfriend on valentines day :-/ ) And more than any of that, just getting to put into action, or just experiencing love, the kind of love that He's teaching me. I prayed about finishing school in time. I prayed about getting an opportunity to move and find a job and a house smoothly and hassle free.

Like I said, I laid out all the crazy things that look too big and too impossible to ever happen. I'd rather ask and not get than live wondering "What if?" "Why didn't I?" I prayed that if it came down to it, I'm always going to choose Him. It usually takes me a while, but at the end of it, I always choose Him, and with what He's done and how He's changed me so far, it'll probably not take as long a while for me to choose Him. But, I cant help what I feel, and what my desires are, you know?

I always say, God is my dad. He's got my back. Even when it comes to stuff like this.

xx
Raha

Letter To My Teenage Kids Part 3

Part 3 of the letter…

I’ve told you before regular students pay 13,000/- for school in K.U, Parallel students pay 70,000/-. In private schools it only gets worse, with places like Strathmore paying up to 250,000/-. At least work hard enough to get into a regular program, or enough to earn a scholarship to help pay your fees. Trust me, pride will be your downfall if you don’t watch out. I see the way my own mum struggles, and I regret everyday why I didn’t work harder.

Scholarships are there. I have a friend who’s travelled all over the world because her sponsor wants her to experience the world. It’s crazy to see her pictures on Facebook from places like Barbados and Puerto Rico, that time, me I haven’t even left the country, and yet she was my desk mate in Primary School. Life handed her the same opportunities as me, she used them and I didn’t and now I live in regret of that.

Thoughts

At the end of yet another exhausting work day, I got home to find a black out...this sucked for two reasons, firstly I had a couple of new DVDs I wanted to watch, and secondly, I was having one of those nights where you just dont want to be alone with your thoughts.

Alone with my thoughts I was and I'm happy because it gave me a chance to think a little and clear my head.

Life has just been sort of speeding past me and I'm living in the moment, which isnt necessarily a bad thing, but it's nice once in a while to step back and plan a little.

Some of the stuff I was sorting through my head were:

> school...I'm debating whether to sit for my CPA Papers this December or skip them all together and focus on my degree, especially considering final exams may clash and I might end up having to pick one over the other...

> work...my internship has been amazing so far, but its slowly but surely coming to an end, and I have to start planning for life after here. I love working and it's going to be tough goin back to not working, so I have to figure out if I want to do that or get another job, or whatever. Also, as long as I'm here I have to keep trying to be at the top of my game...figure out what my strengths and weaknesses have been.

> love...don't get me started....

Anyway, that's a little bit of what's been going on...

Thoughts

At the end of yet another exhausting work day, I got home to find a black out...this sucked for two reasons, firstly I had a couple of new DVDs I wanted to watch, and secondly, I was having one of those nights where you just dont want to be alone with your thoughts.

Alone with my thoughts I was and I'm happy because it gave me a chance to think a little and clear my head.

Life has just been sort of speeding past me and I'm living in the moment, which isnt necessarily a bad thing, but it's nice once in a while to step back and plan a little.

Some of the stuff I was sorting through my head were:

> school...I'm debating whether to sit for my CPA Papers this December or skip them all together and focus on my degree, especially considering final exams may clash and I might end up having to pick one over the other...

> work...my internship has been amazing so far, but its slowly but surely coming to an end, and I have to start planning for life after here. I love working and it's going to be tough goin back to not working, so I have to figure out if I want to do that or get another job, or whatever. Also, as long as I'm here I have to keep trying to be at the top of my game...figure out what my strengths and weaknesses have been.

> love...don't get me started....

Anyway, that's a little bit of what's been going on...

High School Stories

I went to a very public, very strict High School. It was a boarding School, actually top twenty Schools in the whole country, so academically it was great, but I repeat way too strict.

What happens when you stick 1000 girls in a confined area with no outside contact except an occasional letter from home, or if you were lucky, a cute boyfriend who played rugby in another school...hmmm...I digress. What happens, is girls go crazy!!!

Every Sunday night, we'd have different groups holding Bible Studies out in the quad in the middle of the two huge dormitory buildings. Every Sunday night at around 8 p.m, it began...

Screaming, applauding, laughing, or as we called them back then, "holy screaming", "holy laughter", "holy laughing"

Picture 12 year old me, because I went to school when I was 12, in this new place, away from home for the first time ever, Presbyterian-Raised, seeing all this!!! I was seriously freaked out.

Now I don't know if it was really the Holy Spirit or it was just emotions and adrenaline gone wild...so I usually just reserve my comments on all that stuff.

Monday after my first Sunday Night experience...we were in class, and we were being asked the "what do you want to be after school-and-how are you working toward it"

So, I was freaked out by the previous night and I was sure that if I didn't "step up" for God, I would surely go to hell. So, I raised my hand with tears running down my cheeks and said, "God has just told me I want to be a pastor" Guys, God had not told me anything, that, I'm sure of.

But, remembering that just got me thinking, why do we do what we do? Is it because everyone else is thinking, or out of fear like me, or because you truly enjoy what you do and can't picture yourself anywhere else.

What I've decided to do, is live on purpose, not accidentally. Like:

• Do because I enjoy what I'm doing (although sometimes like now studying for my CPA I'm guessing I'll have to beg God for passion, because it's a means to an end)
• Love because I truly love and because I can't picture doing anything else but loving the people God placed into my life

And so on...you get the idea...

First Apartment

So, this little girl is growing up and next week I'll be a house-owning, bill-paying, solo-living, adult-becoming citizen. How crazy is that?

This will actually be my second time moving out. My first place was great. It was huge! It was close to ammenities, it was in a gated estate, just perfect. Until, the landlady decided to expand her business and build new units, thus begun the power-cuts, the water rationing, the smelly mess when the sewer system was being set up, the construction crew at my door every morning before I got up, the crew being able to look into my bathroom when they were constructing the top floors. Then came me, tucking my tail between my legs and heading back home, defeated by the real world.

But this, this is my second chance. Sure this place may not be as big as my last place. Sure it may not be in a nice gated community, sure it may entail a 15 minute walk through deserted land (which means, no late nights for me! hehe), but it's my place. I pay the bills, so they can't limit my electricity like they did at the last place where I couldn't even plug in my computer without it blowing a fuse. Plus, now I have the experience to learn from. Oh, and there's free satellite TV, so Yay me!

Other stuff that's different, is that the last time, I was moving because my friends, were pressuring me. This time, I'm doing it for me. Last time, it was right after my dad died, so I was running away from home in a way, not to face it, but this time, I think I'm a bit more settled. This time, I also have my mom's blessing to do it.

This place is going to be different. I'm going to make it feel like home, like completely, from getting a carpet, to nice drapery, to window treatments, the whole nine yards! I'm even doing research online. I can't wait. And, hey, new stuff to blog about.

Pictures soon!

Where I'm At...In Need of HELP

Where I'm at, at this moment, is a not so good place. I don't know why, but the last couple of days I've been feeling so out of whack, and it all relates with one thing, which is the issue of surrender we dealt with in Mizizi last week.

Here I am thinking that I've surrendered everything and like, you know what God, if you take away everything, I'm still gonna be good.

Really though, I can't say I'm there yet. I still want what I want. Like with school, I'm nowhere near where I want to be, and I'm so...(and yes I mean the following word with all the hurt and negativity it connotes)...ANGUISHED... about what I'm going to do about that whole situation. I honestly do not think I can make it big, if at all, and that thought terrifies me, because if I don't have school, if I don't have that big graduation party for all my family and my mom's friends, if I don't have that assurance and hope that I'm going to be able to get that fabulous job, what do I have? How that relates to God is like, how can YOU save me from this situation? How did YOU let me get to this place?

Then there's the whole thing of, o.k. and I mean this in the kindest way possible...friends of mine in relationships, dispensing advice like they're experts or something, I mean I appreciate it, but it's also condescending saying stuff to me like, "Tulia my dear, if it's meant to be it'll be, usiharakishe maisha dear" loosely translated that mean, "Relax my dear, if it's meant to be it'll be, don't hurry life dear" which honestly to me sounds like, "Haha, I know better than you, I'm in a relationship and you aren't. You're such a loser" O.k, I may be overreacting, but really, to me, that's what it sounded like. I mean, I can't even express my opinion on stuff like Valentine's Day without someone else jumping down my throat and saying, "Huwezi elewa, ngoja ufike hapa" which means "You can't understand unless you're in a relationship" I mean, I look at all these people and think...a lot of things, haha, but mostly I think, why am I still stuck with attracting these losers? (Losers in the sense that they're players or liars, not in an offensive way) Why am I the one spending Christmas and New Years and VALENTINES alone?

My issue is, God let so many negative people enter my life when I wasn't saved, yeah? Well doesn't it stand to reason that when I am saved He should lead positive people into my life. Yes, I have my Mizizi group and I recognize that and I'm thankful for that, but I mean, like in life outside church, like at school and home and just around.

Another issue is, if I've surrendered all these stuff that I love to God, like saying "God, I give you all this stuff that I love, I choose you above it all" and He, well, takes them...why doesn't He also take the negative stuff, the stuff that I don't want, like these feelings of anxiety and depression and sadness. Truly, I don't want to live my life apart from God, but why does He let it be so easy for me to be separated from Him.

Really, to be honest, I miss my dad SO MUCH. It's been almost 2 years since he passed away, and you'd think it would be getting easier, but, I'm finding myself more and more and like, minute by minute, trying to hold back tears. Like today, I found this painted soapstone I bought on a class trip to Rift Valley when I was like 10 years old, and I scratched out, "I love you Dad" on it. I bought one for my dad, mom and sister, (because I was sweet like that haha) Anyway, in a few months my sister had broken hers and my mom had lost hers. Years later in High School, I saw my dad with this chain around his neck, not like a pretty chain, but just simple that he made at home. What he'd done is that he'd actually drilled a whole through that soapstone and he wore it around his neck. Like, I never asked him to, and it was like 7 years later, but he'd kept it, and even when I was going through my "moody-teen-years" and fought with him and stuff, he wore that thing. That just...I can't describe, how it felt and still feels. I miss him and I'm absolutely gutted.

In Mizizi, we learnt that when dealing with issues of surrender, we find it difficult, because of two main doubts that we carry. First, we doubt God's ability. Second, we doubt God's willingness.

I don't doubt God's ability. I mean...it's God. It's the same God who split the sea so the Israelites could walk through, and even closer home, it's the same God who opened doors for Pastor Daniel and the elders of the Church in Berlin who were looking for a pastor to connect, and hence continue with the Mavuno Germany project.

His willingness, for me, is however in doubt. A lot of times it feels like God just throws me into stuff to see how I'll react, and to go like, "Hahaha, angels, hurry up with the popcorn! Jesus, come look at that silly girl, can you believe she actually fell for that? Hahaha"

Again, I don't want to sound ungrateful, or be misunderstood. God, saved me from a lot, and He's brought me really far from where I was, and I have amazing new friends out of Mizizi and I'm SOOOO THANKFUL for that. I wish I could shake this feeling. I honestly have no idea what to do.

Hiking at Ngong' Hills

So, one of the reasons I started writing this blog was to make me get out of bed and in front of the t.v and get outside and live life to give you guys and myself a bit of entertainment and to make sure I GOT A LIFE. I think I've done pretty good with that resolution, joining Mizizi, going to Worship Night....O.K that list was a lot longer in my head hehehehe, but anyway point is, that I do feel like I'm enjoying life a bit more and my life isn't about what the latest DVD or Series on t.v is.

Latest in my "new life of adventure" was going to climb Ngong' Hills with some people from my school, I had my camera along, to catch the views as usual since, I'm a landscape kind of person. The only bad part of the day was that the weather was so, no, SOOOO hot! The grass was dry, so it wasn't all nice and green and pretty like I would have wanted, and since there were so many of us, we decided not to drive up because we couldn't all fit in one car so we only really got to climb one hill, not the seven (?) that are there...yeah, I think there are 7. Another thing that sucked, is that some of the guys were drinking and I don't like how rowdy or  sick some people can get when they're drunk, but we mostly stayed out of their way, and still had fun.

Now, as much as I think I'm an outdoorsy person, I've never hated walking as much as I did then. My body is still aching!!!! But, I would do it again, anytime, preferably after it's rained a little so that the grass is a bit greener, and maybe with a different group of people. It was a lot of fun.

So the afternoon started off with lunch at a dingy little hole in the wall...and I don't mean "hole-in-the-wall" like some cozy little Manhattan jazz club, I mean, literally a hole in the wall. I could've taken pictures but I was afraid I would be beaten up by the owner. The white stuff is Ugali, with Spinach and 1/2 a k.g of fried meat stew all for sh.120 or about $1.25 how crazy is that! In a "normal" restaurant, all that could be like sh. 300-500 and a much smaller serving. It tasted nice and my stomach's doing fine, so the food was good :-)  Anyone want the recipe? :-)

That's how Ngong' looked from way up here.

Some of the other hills, how amazing does that look, and how much prettier that will look in March after it rains

 Am I corny for thinking, how amazing God is for creating stuff like this? Not just the cow, but the hills :-)

 This is what the day was about, friendship and bonding. I love this pic

Feeling like I was on top of the world

Well, some more pictures are up on my Facebook page, don't worry, the rest aren't all landscape-y, it's just a bunch of fun people and friends from our trip. When you're over there, I'd love it if you could hit that Like button and follow me :-)

Yeah, was kind of debating whether to put a picture of me up here, but I decided against it, fan your imaginations a little :-D

Happy Travels

Hiatus

So, I kinda took an impromptu hiatus. I know, I've been doing that a lot recently, but for valid reasons:
Internet Poblems
Eye problems

Yup, I guess all those long hours spent in front of my trusty Mario (my laptop, yes, we've already established I'm the crazy lady who names her electronics lol) have finally caught up with me. My eyes have been giving me so much trouble the last few weeks, not in big ways just like dryness and straining like when I'm driving at night or under fluorescent lights, anyway long story short, I'm getting glasses this week. Still have to figure out the style, I still have to look good!

To catch up, we had our Mizizi Half Day of Prayer and Fasting. It was amazing, 3 hours praying, I mean, at first it's like, what am I going to say for 3 hours???? But, they gave us this little guide and time was over before I was even done talking, I'd definitely do it again.

So you remember that guy I saw and got an enormous crush on, well I saw him again that Saturday, long story short, still crushing big time. Oh, and he talked to me *gush* *gush*!!!!

Anyway, after that, we went to have pizzas and chicken and rice and sodas with my Mizizi class, I've not had that much fun in ages, I came to realize, life is what you put into it. Like, if you invest in this class and in friendships and in being the one to text people and not just wondering "why does no one ever talk to me?" life pays you back positively. I opened up to my class, I told them the embarrassing things I tell you guys over here, like about that guy I have a huge crush on, and I'm still laughing about it now.

Sunday was awesome too, albeit a little uncomfortable, but awesome, the sermon was challenging, but more on that later. My whole family came home, i.e. my brothers and sisters and the niece and nephew. Plus my grandmother's in town, she had a doctor's appointment and she slept over at our house. If you could maybe pray for her to get better, I'd really appreciate it.

And today, after driving my grandma to her fancy clinic, I went to the eye doctor, or rather I schlepped all the way to my not so fancy hospital, Kenyatta....hey, don't knock it, it's an 1/9th the price of that clinic which basically means, it's free!!!

That was however cancelled out when I spent money on a liter of yogurt and fries later today.

Then, I went back to my old school, for the first time since the infamous break-up, but it wasn't that bad, and I didn't feel like everyone was looking at me thinking, "I know how you were dumped last September" hahaha! Then dropped by to see my nephew, who's growing so fast, at 7 months he's already almost crawling...I'm sorry I'm not a mom, so I don't know if that's a big deal, but to me it is, because just yesterday, I was scared to touch him because he was so tiny, now he's so big and he can't sit still, and he walks by himself on those baby walker thingies. That boy is going to be a genius someday and I said it here first.

Anyway, I haven't posted Bible Readings for a while, but I'll be back soon, yes, I've been reading, but it's not the same without writing, so in that sense I feel like I've been missing out.

Here's me, hoping I see that guy again :-) not for any reason, I remember very well, I'm supposed to stay single for a while, but just to be friends, he looks like a fun guy. Honest!

The Rumors and Angry Letters Guy Makes A Come Back

I'm sure I've written about my friends before, but I want to introduce you to another BFF. This is a boy BFF so let's just call him Ed (made-up name)
Last night, I decided to do something I've never done and pray/meditate for 30 minutes straight. I gave it my best shot, but I really just ran out of things to say :-( anyway, I did manage to pray for God to help me deal with the tough stuff I'd gone through during the week, 5 minutes later after I sad Amen, guess who called?

Remember this guy?  He dared to call me!!! He wanted to meet up this week so he could explain and in his words, "get things off his chest" I mean seriously guys, in what world do you think that you have the right to "get things off your chest" when you've done something horrible and offensive. The only words you should be saying are, "sorry" not "I want to get things off my chest" So, the only reason I even picked up the call was that I deleted his number so I didn't know it was him, but luckily, before I got a chance to answer him on whether or not we could meet, the call got disconnected, (I didn't hang up on him, I promise!!!!!)
I got a chance to think about my response, he tried calling me again and I ignored the call and instead texted him, "I'm sorry for writing you, I was just angry at the time. You don't have to explain anything to me, this story should have ended a long time ago if it wasn't for you and your little group bringing it back up. Please don't call or text me again, if you do, you'll get no response."

See that, cold and aloof without being rude. I think that was at least a B+ on the Christian Responses to a Lying Con Artist Who Tried To Play Two Classmates test.

I thought that was the end of it, but my mind stated working overtime as usual (ahh! mind!) I started thinking how come I always attract such losers into my life, I mean, come on!!! I honestly think, as much as I write about love, and daydream about weddings and happy marriages, it's going to be soooo hard to ever trust a guy again. These thoughts of spinsterhood and my horrendous dating track record started to overwhelm me and I texted my friend, Ed. "The guy has just called me, and he wants to meet"

Ed, is my best friend at school. Our friendship did start out a little bit complicated because he wanted us to date and I didn't. We fought a while and had some tense days but, I'm happy and thankful to God that we're o.k now, and he's content being just friends. He's actually the one who filled me in on all those rumors and took me to lunch to calm me down.

Anyway, Ed, understood what the message meant, and got that I was feeling down, so this is what he wrote me:

*******to be continued********

Future And A Hope

Just dropping by before I head to bed I wanted to do a little review of what I read in the morning, and according to Blogger, you guys are still reading "You're So Hot....." everyday its like 10 new reads. I had to go back and read it and kinda figure out what all the fuss is about but :-) thanks for your support on that post and on the blog,  but hey, leave a comment so we can talk, or follow me on Twitter or Facebook, don't go away too quickly!!!! :-)

Well anyway back to the review, I really needed to hear the Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope"

I'm really in a tough situation, because like I told you before, my school (for my Finance Degree not my CPA) messed up my records  and I have a bunch of missing marks for exams that I did or rather, studied hard for and did, and if you've been in a public university in Kenya, then you know how hard the situation is. So, I've just been asking God, why this is only happening to me. I tried to bloom where I was planted but nothing is working out for me in this school, if I don't belong there then why did He let me go. It's becoming more and more clear to me that if I'm to reach my goals and objectives then something will have to change.

If the school can't recover my records as I fear will be the case, then one of the options on the table is summer school, where I can do a semester over the holidays and try to catch up, but I feel like that will be really unfair on me because I already did these papers and it's not my fault that they lost my results. I really wanted to spend that holiday working on an internship/attachment. The other options are still in the works and I won't really know for sure until next month but that's probably my best bet. Will fill you in :-)

I know God's plans for me are for good but right now it doesn't feel so good, so if you're out there and you're reading this, please, please, please pray for me, for the path to clear and for me to figure out what I'm going to do, and what the best option for me is. For now, I choose not to focus on that. I'll still try my best to bloom where I am right now, which is by going back to the books and doing everything in my own power, the rest is up to Him.

Morning Anxiety Attacks and Heaven Bound Conversations

I have two things weighing pretty heavy on me. I'm in the midst of a panic attack writing this, my heart is racing and my breath is a little bit too fast for comfort, my fingers are a bit shaky too.

I don't usually get like this, but sometimes thoughts just rush into your head that you lose control over and well, you end up here. I guess if I really think about it, it's just two things that I'm worried about for today. The first isn't a very big one but my mind has blown it up a little.

Mizizi. Today's the day of the launch, and I am so freaked out about going alone. You know how people mingle around the refreshments table, I'm not good at mingling with a group of people I don't know, heck, I'm not even good at mingling with a group of people I do know! I'm really freaked out about that.

The second thing is about some things that happened a while ago, (i.e. pre-saved) and now some girls apparently went around telling people a trumped up story and my friend heard it and called me to tell me about it. The long and the short of it is, there was a guy (yes, it's always about a guy) I met at church where he works, of all places; who was hitting on me, calling me, hanging out with me, holding hands with me, texting me, flirting with me etc. etc. but he was doing the same thing with another girl, from my school, from my class! And though I asked him about it and about whether or not  he was dating anyone else, he denied it. I mean we had a 30 minute phone conversation where I told him he needs to get his act together and then I tried ignoring him for a while but he kept persisting and he was just messing with me, with my mind. But, it all came to a head when we were at a party that he invited me to, there was just a lot of drama that I choose not to get into, but basically I ended up telling him to bugger off and never even dare calling me again.

Here's what I hate, as much as the guy was a tool, I made a couple of guy fiends out of his friends at his party and despite what went on there, me and the guys are still friends actually, we're really good friends and have hung out a couple of times since then, one of them has even met my mom! Because guys, they just laugh it off and leave it behind. But, why are girls so different, the girl is going around telling people how I tried to steal her boyfriend, the thing is she wasn't even around when all this stuff was going on, or when I read the riot act to her this guy when he started being aggressive to my FEMALE best friend and later to me. We were in different rooms of the house. And after it all went down I went to the girl and I apologized to her and I told her how I swear I didn't know about them and how I didn't want our friendship or rather acquaintanceship to be affected by a guy! I tried to handle it maturely like mature people do! I hate this, why do girls love to tear each other down for absolutely no reason. I mean this happened 3 months ago, school had closed, this should have ended ages ago, aren't there a million other things that you can tell your friends, but now, we open school and the first thing you do is come recount a story about me? And aren't we, or at least aren't I, a little too old to be acting so "high-school"

I honestly don't even know how to explain or deal with this, because the truth is I don't want to be a part of some juvenile drama, but I also don't want them to get away with saying stuff like that, stuff that is in no way true! There are plenty of things that I could say to even the scores to make them feel stupid for putting me in this situation and to make myself feel a lot better. I used to be a pretty cold, sarcastic person and I still can be if I want to be, but then there's also this new part of me wanting to do what's honorable and drop the whole story. I'm struggling with this. You know, I'm even stressing out about going to school, and what I'm going to wear.....o.k, I always stress out about what I'm going to wear :-) :-) but this is different it feels like I'm playing against them.

But today I read:

• Genesis 37:1-38:30
• Matthew 12:22-45
• Psalm 16:1-11
• Proverbs 3:27-32

God says;

Proverbs 3:27  Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it. 

Proverbs 3:29  Don't plan anything that will hurt your neighbors; they live beside you, trusting you. 

Proverbs 3:30-32  Don't argue with others for no reason when they have never done you any harm. Don't be jealous of violent people or decide to act as they do, because the LORD hates people who do evil, but he takes righteous people into his confidence. 

I say: How crazy is that, God, why should I have to do good to people who haven't done good to me.       
        How can I not have plans to harm them when all I can think about is revenge.


Jesus throws in this verse from yesterday about Himself;
Matthew 12:19  He will not argue or shout, or make loud speeches in the streets.

I say: Yeah, yeah, Jesus I get the hint::: What Would Jesus Do.

Then God reminds me of;
Psalm 16:5  You, LORD, are all I have, and you give me all I need; my future is in your hands. 


So here I am now, am I calmer or less angry, no not really. Can I promise that when I see them I'll be filled with grace and forgiveness and a supernatural ability to move on? Honestly no. But now I know what's required of me, and I'm 100% sure that I'll go through the day saying "God, I need your help. God I need your help. God I need your help"

Image from Mavuno Website

It Happened Again

So, today I read:

• Genesis 30:1-31:16
• Matthew 10:1-23
• Psalm 12:1-8
• Proverbs 3:13-15

But, things changed a little, I could give you a summary of these chapters or I could tell you what happened yesterday. Yeah, I'll tell you what happened yesterday.

So, I had a great day working, you know those days you feel like everything is going perfectly, you're driven and focused and all the ambition all the lazy people threw away has seemingly been placed on your shoulders and your just having an amazing time doing what you feel like you were born to do.

This lasted till about 8 p.m, till I decided to go to my school's website to check if exam results had come out yet, then I went back to my results for a semester last year. Practically all my grades were missing and the records were all messed up and if you were in a public school you know that spells disaster. So, I started looking through my hard copy files and wouldn't you know it, my registration form from that particular semester is the only one that I seem to have misplaced. I literally have every other piece of paper in the world except the one I need the most. So an entire semester of work is gone, that is unless I can convince the School to go through their own records and give me their copy which is about as easy as convincing a guy in the Sahara to buy hot soup.

Needless to say, softie that I am, after about 2 hours of searching for that form, and all my friends that I called for advice on the matter telling me how screwed I am and how I'll probably have to retake the entire semester because of how impossible it is to get the School to look for that form for me, I collapsed into a puddle of tears and went to bed, and as you probably know by now, crying in bed has become practically my only way of sending up a prayer more than the usual, "God please bless my family and see to our needs" routine.

So, I prayed I was literally at the end of my rope, I just don't understand what I ever did to this University, that I out of all my friends am the only one who has to deal with incorrect records and missing marks and retakes that I don't deserve. So, I'm in bed, crying over school! I told God, how He's all into wisdom, and its acquisition, and all I'm trying to do right now is get my school stuff in order and learn and build up my career and everything so that I can at least make my family proud. And I'm trying pretty hard! By, that point I was still sobbing and hysterical, [o.k, maybe not hysterical, but I was crying pretty hard:-) ] and I decided to bear down and do what I could to fix the situation, that was in my power, the rest I would leave up to Him.

Really, only a few things could happen in this situation,

1. I could find that form and get my records fixed
2. I could find a way of begging the school to give me their copy so I could make my own copy and get my records fixed
3. I could get into the summer program instead of working and retake the semester, (I HOPE NOT)
4. I could finish my CPA by July which combined with my Uni credits could mean I could throw it all in, tell them what they could do with their school (!) and transfer to a nice calm, sparsely populated private school with good record keeping, plus the added benefit of starting off on a clean slate
5. Accept defeat, stay in bed, quit school and maybe go into self-employment which would probably fail because of my very non-entrepreneurship mindset

Basically, all I can really do right now is push through this hurdle, do what I can do and trust God for the rest.

Which brings me to why I won't go into what I read today. I learnt last night that reading these passages everyday isn't just so you apply what you read that day to that day, like for me, last night I wasn't thinking about Jacob when I was praying even though that was my take out for the day, I was thinking about what Jesus told guys;


Matthew 9:2  where some people brought to him a paralyzed man, lying on a bed. When Jesus saw how much faith they had, he said to the paralyzed man, "Be of good cheer, my son! Your sins are forgiven." 

Matthew 9:22  Jesus turned around and saw her, and said, "Be of good comfort, my daughter! Your faith has made you well." At that very moment the woman became well. 

Matthew 9:29  Then touched he their eyes, saying, According to your faith be it unto you. 

Be of good cheer, be comforted, let it happen then, just as you believe. I believe that God only wants good things for me.

So...reading the Bible...another advantage is that in times of trouble, these words will pop into your head for advice, for comfort and to help you sleep when you're stressed out over the future.

 Images from Mavuno Website and free from, http://www.imagehousing.com

Catch Up

So, today I feel very accomplished. I did get to register all my units at school. It was tough, the heat was unbearable, the lines were long but I did it. I almost gave up though and the day was not without its challenges!

Like the woman who refused to stamp my papers though it's her job! I asked her politely with a smile on my face and everything, "Is this where school of business is?" and she shakes her head no, so I had to circle the entire field where registration was taking place asking everyone, "is this school of business" in the heat! I have a blister on my foot the size of a golf ball! Anyway, after I almost gave up and went home, I decided to go back to her desk again, and found some people who'd gotten the stamp I was looking for and I asked them where they got it. And they said from that woman, the woman who I had asked an hour earlier! So I gave her the form to stamp, furious! And I'm still frious! I mean it's your job to stamp a form. It's JUST STAMPING A FORM!!!! Not hard labour! I mean, what woulkd have been so hard about her opening her mouth for 10 seconds and just helping me, when it's your job! I'm still angry, but it's like it wasn't thanks to her that I got through today, I wouldn't have gotten through this day without some grace. Plus despite my anger, I have to let go of her and this whole thing. So woman who frustrated me, no hard feelings, but I hope you change ;-)

So, at least that's one point toward fulfilling one of the clauses of my flight plan. A good friend of mine came and helped me fix my home computer toady and I'm busy trying to add software and all that other nice stuff. It's 2 a.m and I'm still hard at work trying to do this. Very slow speed internet. So no funny posts from me tonight but I have stories for this weekend. Blogosphere, I am yours this weekend. :-)

It's Back To School!

Today I read:

• Genesis 16:1 to 18:15
• Matthew 6:1-24
• Psalm 7:1-17
• Proverbs 2:1-5

"God breathed life into Abram and His name changed to Abraham. When God's breath is on you, your identity changes." I heard some pastor preach that a long time ago and though I try, I can't think of any better interpretation than that. Jesus also talks about outward piety and inward sin in Matthew which also resonates with me, because I don't want to forget the inside and be so focused on the outside.

But, in celebration of the fact that we're re-opening school and I'm going to be in a long, ridiculous line for registration today (do I sound positive enough, because I'm trying to trick my mind into thinking that I'm happy when in reality, I wish I was done with school already!)

Being in a Public Uni is tough because, well in my experience, classes are over crowded, the syllabus isn't extensive and we only cover the basics for some units which won't really help me in 'real-life' or which I can easily learn for myself on Google in under 10 minutes, but my inspiration for today is this:

Proverbs 2 v.2-5:  Listen to what is wise and try to understand it. Beg for knowledge; plead for insight. Look for it as hard as you would for silver or some hidden treasure. If you do, you will know what it means to fear the LORD and you will succeed in learning about God.

I know the passage might be referring to knowledge in the religious sense, but I like to think that it refers to mine as well. So, today, I'm going to register for these classes, this semester I'm going to take commuting in the heat and dust positively, I'm going to get to classes early to listen to my lecturers and beg for understanding, I'm going to work my butt off in begging for knowledge and insight and look for it as hard as I can, and hopefully at the end, I'll succeed.


Have an Inspired Day!

Me, The Financial Erudite

In other news, this week I learn the basic intricacies in International Financial Management. I love finance and I love money and seeing how money works...I'm kind of not that great at saving, though because I always find something that I need to buy, shoes for Ksh.500, new sunglasses for Ksh. 250, Nivea lip balm for Ksh.200, chips from the neighborhood joint for Ksh.60, oh, chips have to go with a samosa that's Ksh.30, a nice cold Alvaro to drink that's another Ksh.30 etc. etc. (From this, you can probably deduce that I am a fat, well-dressed, broke girl lol j/kidding, haha, I'm not well dressed.....again, I'm just kidding) But my lack of prowess in keeping money in my pocket is just the incentive I need to learn about how to keep money, far away from my hands and into financial instruments. So, yes I can say with utmost authority, big spenders are the best financial minds :-)
I don't know, I just feel like corporate finance is my thing, its where I need to be, and if I could find a way to tie that in with marketing then that would be even better. I always dreamt of being this jet-setter, you know those women you see at the airport dressed to the nines, her assistant pulling her suitcase, and her handbag in one hand, laptop in another. Dream destination would be Italy, where I'd have important meetings with investors etc etc. Now that I've grown up though, my dreams are a lot more tamer, the meetings may not be in a Rome office, but Nairobi will do just fine. (Although I'm still planning on learning Italian this year, you know...just in case.)
Some people dream of starting their own businesses, but I don't think I have a single entrepreneurial bone in my body. I'm the 'climbing-the-set-corporate-ladder' type.

Anyway IFM deals with exports and international trade and the forex markets and I cant wait to see how everything works. My biggest fear when it comes to this dream though, is whether or not I'll be able to get what I need out of school to land that amazing job, competition is ridiculous and coveted First Class degrees are hard to obtain. Adding to the pressure, I'm a bit of an introvert in that, unlike for example my cousin who got a job right out of High School (W.T.H??????) I'm more book smart than street smart.
I'm worried but I'm counting on the fact that this isn't the first time I'll be stepping into a new territory armed with nothing but my books and a large dose of prayer. And anyway, aren't I supposed to be content, knowing that I'm protected. Safety in hope, right?


So I know my Bible-In-One-Year-Thingy, lesson-learnt-whateva for today was about contentment, but darn it, I watched Cuidado con el angel again today, and isn't Juan Miguel a.k.a William Levy just sooooo dreamy! When he defended Marichuy and stood up to Estafania, it was all I could do not to jump up and hug the t.v! Or in Dahil ma Isang Ikaw when Ella finally found Miguel who's in a coma but he's screaming in his subconscious mind, "ELLA DON'T LEAVE ME! I'M HERE AND I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH"
Ahh! I could just faint, I swear, I cry when I'm watching these things. Like, real actual tears! Not for any other reason except that its just so beautiful, I mean that sweet, incredible, passionate love....ahh!! Call me emotional, but I honestly cry!
So the way I see it, I have two options, a) Quit watching these soaps or b) Seriously I don't know what else I can do because I love watching them. I wouldn't say I'm addicted, in fact this is the first time I'm watching anything Mexican or from the Philippines since 2007, since I was doing evening classes, but now with my classes spread randomly throughout the early parts of the day and  I got nothing but time. How I choose to occupy myself in this time is to watch Miguel, Ella, Juan Miguel and Marichuy! :-D