I don't usually get like this, but sometimes thoughts just rush into your head that you lose control over and well, you end up here. I guess if I really think about it, it's just two things that I'm worried about for today. The first isn't a very big one but my mind has blown it up a little.
Mizizi. Today's the day of the launch, and I am so freaked out about going alone. You know how people mingle around the refreshments table, I'm not good at mingling with a group of people I don't know, heck, I'm not even good at mingling with a group of people I do know! I'm really freaked out about that.
The second thing is about some things that happened a while ago, (i.e. pre-saved) and now some girls apparently went around telling people a trumped up story and my friend heard it and called me to tell me about it. The long and the short of it is, there was a guy (yes, it's always about a guy) I met at church where he works, of all places; who was hitting on me, calling me, hanging out with me, holding hands with me, texting me, flirting with me etc. etc. but he was doing the same thing with another girl, from my school, from my class! And though I asked him about it and about whether or not he was dating anyone else, he denied it. I mean we had a 30 minute phone conversation where I told him he needs to get his act together and then I tried ignoring him for a while but he kept persisting and he was just messing with me, with my mind. But, it all came to a head when we were at a party that he invited me to, there was just a lot of drama that I choose not to get into, but basically I ended up telling him to bugger off and never even dare calling me again.
Here's what I hate, as much as the guy was a tool, I made a couple of guy fiends out of his friends at his party and despite what went on there, me and the guys are still friends actually, we're really good friends and have hung out a couple of times since then, one of them has even met my mom! Because guys, they just laugh it off and leave it behind. But, why are girls so different, the girl is going around telling people how I tried to steal her boyfriend, the thing is she wasn't even around when all this stuff was going on, or when I read the riot act to her this guy when he started being aggressive to my FEMALE best friend and later to me. We were in different rooms of the house. And after it all went down I went to the girl and I apologized to her and I told her how I swear I didn't know about them and how I didn't want our friendship or rather acquaintanceship to be affected by a guy! I tried to handle it maturely like mature people do! I hate this, why do girls love to tear each other down for absolutely no reason. I mean this happened 3 months ago, school had closed, this should have ended ages ago, aren't there a million other things that you can tell your friends, but now, we open school and the first thing you do is come recount a story about me? And aren't we, or at least aren't I, a little too old to be acting so "high-school"
I honestly don't even know how to explain or deal with this, because the truth is I don't want to be a part of some juvenile drama, but I also don't want them to get away with saying stuff like that, stuff that is in no way true! There are plenty of things that I could say to even the scores to make them feel stupid for putting me in this situation and to make myself feel a lot better. I used to be a pretty cold, sarcastic person and I still can be if I want to be, but then there's also this new part of me wanting to do what's honorable and drop the whole story. I'm struggling with this. You know, I'm even stressing out about going to school, and what I'm going to wear.....o.k, I always stress out about what I'm going to wear :-) :-) but this is different it feels like I'm playing against them.
But today I read:
- Genesis 37:1-38:30
- Matthew 12:22-45
- Psalm 16:1-11
- Proverbs 3:27-32
God says;
Proverbs 3:27 Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it.
Proverbs 3:29 Don't plan anything that will hurt your neighbors; they live beside you, trusting you.
I say: How crazy is that, God, why should I have to do good to people who haven't done good to me.
How can I not have plans to harm them when all I can think about is revenge.
Jesus throws in this verse from yesterday about Himself;
Matthew 12:19 He will not argue or shout, or make loud speeches in the streets.
I say: Yeah, yeah, Jesus I get the hint::: What Would Jesus Do.
Then God reminds me of;
Psalm 16:5 You, LORD, are all I have, and you give me all I need; my future is in your hands.
So here I am now, am I calmer or less angry, no not really. Can I promise that when I see them I'll be filled with grace and forgiveness and a supernatural ability to move on? Honestly no. But now I know what's required of me, and I'm 100% sure that I'll go through the day saying "God, I need your help. God I need your help. God I need your help"
Nice article.
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