Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Friday, August 23, 2013
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Where It All Began
I recently got an offer to do a little writing for a Real Estate Magazine here in Nairobi, and one of my bosses asked me if I always knew I could write and if this is something I planned etc. Well, not really. In High School, I was that girl who used to stack up like 5 compositions during the weekend and hand them over to my English teacher to grade. I used to journal a lot...A LOT! After High School, I shifted gears to writing poetry and later on music.
So I've always loved to write, but I never 'planned' to go anywhere with it. I don't think I'm that good at it, (grammatical and spelling eras errors galore! lol) However what little I can do, I owe it all to my dad who was a real writer and was very good at it.
My dad was a journalist and I remember always being so excited to go home and say, "I was the highest in Composition!"
So, yeah. Everything I do, I owe it all to my family. Where I begin is where they begun, and on that note, here's an essay my dad wrote all the way back in High School which won best essay in some competition. He won a hardcover Biology textbook! Ha! Anyway, I love his story. The imagery is great. Hope you enjoy it.
Where It All Began
I recently got an offer to do a little writing for a Real Estate Magazine here in Nairobi, and one of my bosses asked me if I always knew I could write and if this is something I planned etc. Well, not really. In High School, I was that girl who used to stack up like 5 compositions during the weekend and hand them over to my English teacher to grade. I used to journal a lot...A LOT! After High School, I shifted gears to writing poetry and later on music.
So I've always loved to write, but I never 'planned' to go anywhere with it. I don't think I'm that good at it, (grammatical and spelling eras errors galore! lol) However what little I can do, I owe it all to my dad who was a real writer and was very good at it.
My dad was a journalist and I remember always being so excited to go home and say, "I was the highest in Composition!"
So, yeah. Everything I do, I owe it all to my family. Where I begin is where they begun, and on that note, here's an essay my dad wrote all the way back in High School which won best essay in some competition. He won a hardcover Biology textbook! Ha! Anyway, I love his story. The imagery is great. Hope you enjoy it.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Happy Birthday!!!
Happy 3rd Birthday to my only nephew and favorite little man J.T!!!
What can I say? You are the cutest, funniest, sweetest, smartest person in the world and you've taught me so much in your little life.
You changed our world and made our extended family a little more interesting...
Know you are loved so much by your parents, your grandparents, your uncles and aunts (especially your favorite, me!)
Wish you a great year and a great life marked with God's blessings!
Auntie "Ambua" loves you!
Friday, June 14, 2013
Friday, May 10, 2013
The Night Before My Birthday: 23 Wishes & Dreams
It's my birthday tomorrow! I'm turning 23! This is officially my first birthday that I haven't looked forward to or pestered anybody about. I just might be growing up :-)
Well, birthdays go one of 2 ways, 1. I can be happy and celebrate another year of life. A chance to have a "new year" in the middle of the year. 2. I can be sad thinking about all the things I wish I had but don't have.
Sooo...I'm choosing to be HAPPY! This is really truly a year God's given me and I know some incredible things are about to happen this year simply because of my realization of His love toward me.
So here are 23 hopes I have for this year, some of them are stuff I feel God's led me into, some of them are just stuff I really would love to see happen/pray happen. Next year, we'll review. Let's get started.
1. Tighter bonds and love in my family: I say this every year, I can't get enough. We're good now, especially my mom, sister and I, but I hope it grows. Not just the three of us but the whole family, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, in-laws...I just pray for a strong healthy family unit.
2. Healing: There's a lot of areas I see a need for healing around me. Mom has issues with arthritis and joint pain, grandma has arthritis and ulcers, I see a couple of stuff I haven't dealt with like trust issues (trust in God, trust in guys, trust in friends...) and generally healing all around in some specific areas. Also maybe reach my target weight/fitness level i.e. get healthier. I'm 132 pounds now, if I could get to 120, that'd be awesome. 12 pounds in a year doesn't sound too hard right?
3. Freedom to travel: I have the doors of the world open to me, but I have to walk through the gate known as Immigration Control wherever I decide to go. I'm just trusting God for favor. I want to travel the world and learn from incredible pastors and be part of teams that are catalysts for change around the world. I would love like joining Dominic Russo in Honduras today and seeing the change happening there. Going to Australia with Bill Johnson and seeing revival. Going to Zimbabwe with Heidi Baker...I mean, there's so many crazy ways God's provided that need not just bureaucratic favors but also financial favor. However, the more I write this, the more I feel my heart toward missions...who knows?
4. Going to School of Ministry: This is the biggest goal of the year. I'm looking for a corporate job as I wait on God to show me exactly how to enter the Church scene. I am 100% sure, even as I look, that it'll be temporary, my future is Church, no way around it. First step, training. I hope I get the chance to do this and get some qualifications.
5. Getting great friends: The year started off with me deciding once and for all with this prayer, "God, I've prayed for friends all my life and you've provided along the way, however, I can't be the one chasing people down to build relationship all the time, there has to be give and take, so God for the next few weeks I'm going to give, I'll be the one initiating conversations and all that, but after that, I'm done. I want to feel wanted and sought after too." Well the plan worked in that, I know where my friendships fall now, but it has left me needing a more solid group of friends. I pray for that this year. I don't know how God will do that, but I'm sure He will. He already has started and I'm super thankful.
6. Building long-lasting networks: I want to do something of my own in the future in terms of ministry, so I definitely want to build a great network of mentors, partners and friends. Connections that are solid an maintainable.
7. Singing BGV for people I admire: This already happened this year. In the past year I've sang in service when Kanjii, Mike and Osayi Onen and Angie Gachui have led worship, a year ago I could not have imagined that! This year I want to take that up a notch higher. God knows I have crazy dreams in my head like singing with Bethel and Elevation :-)
8. Being friends with people I admire: a lot of times I look at people who are popular or famous or who are just plain too cool for school and thought "oh no, she's way too cool to be friends with me" or "he'll just think I'm a fan or a stalker and want nothing to do with me" This year though I'm trusting God to sink into me the value He's placed on me and for me to walk in that identity. I trust for favor and for peace even as I meet these people who ordinarily would not notice me, that somehow God would put a target on my head that they would notice and seek after my value.
9. Favor with leadership: I want to be friends with leadership. I want personal mentoring, I want spiritual fathers and mothers I want them to stop me at the supermarket and say "Oh hey Joanne!"
10. Getting my Bachelor's degree: finally be done with KU!
11. Visiting Elevation Church: this is my dream to see the worship and production and...
12. Meeting and talking to Steven Furtick: How can you not be inspired by this guy, he's built a Church with 7 locations and 12,000 congregants in 6 years! AND he's like 32?! I want whatever He's having. I want to be him when I grow up :-)
13. Stepping out of my comfort zone and doing something radical for a stranger who is "the least of my brothers" People rejected by society: I constantly see people sick or begging on the streets and think to myself what'll happen when I come back from BSSM with my friends and we're walking along Nairobi and come across this guy? If I really want to be like Jesus what would He do? He'd talk to them, touch them, pray for healing for them. Can I do that? The answer is no, but I want that to change about myself. I give money, fine, but I want to ask them their names and stories and love on them.
14. Developing a worship song for Church: I've written a few songs and I want at least one of them to turn into something.
15. Preach a full sermon: yup!
16. Have a relationship with the Holy Spirit and speak in tongues: prayed for this for the longest time, I know it's a weird thing to pray, but I just feel like there's a level of intimacy I want to achieve and I'm not there. A lot of time I felt like maybe I was just afraid because well I don't know what's going to happen, I don't know if I'll fall or if I'll see heaven or if Jesus will walk nt the room, I thought fear held me back, but I've had so many other experiences that I know it can't be fear. So maybe it's timing. He will come when He want to come, all I can do is be ready for it by being able to host His presence...having a solid devotional life.
17. Lead someone into an encounter with Jesus
18. Be more private: I know this is weird since I'm a blogger!!! But my sister mentioned something to me last night. I was telling her about a friend of mine who posted a pic on FB of her in Asia and saying that's what I like about her, she didn't parade all over the internet saying she was going to Asia, she just posted a pic and we figured it out for ourselves. Her whole life isn't on her profile page. My sister told me that's a girl who's secure and confident in her own life. I thought to myself, yeah, hmm, I'm not like that! I'm going to be totally honest and say, yes, a lot of times when I post stuff on FB or twitter, I'm showing insecurity or self-involvement. When I'm alone, I go on twitter when I have no one to talk to, when I'm sick I post it to FB, when I see a quote that touches me I have to share it, a part of that is thinking, maybe if I show the world I'm a Christian, I will really be a Christian when the truth is, I'm a Christian because I'm a Christian! Half the stuff I RT or Share would be better suited for my journal rather than my profile page! So this year, I'm drastically reducing my social media stuff. I'll focus on blogger and instagram. My blog is an extension of my journal and I love blogging even if nobody reads it so it'll be the one thing I stick to.
19. Read my Bible, pray and soak faithfully: I have to stick to this, I do good for a week then quit. I was talking to my sister how when Daniel was told he couldn't pray for 30 days it was such a huge deal for him and he couldn't survive without prayer, in fact, he'd rather die with prayer than live without it. If I was told I couldn't pray for 30 days I'd be like, :-/ heeh...ok. It's the biggest thing about me I'd want to see changed, my intimacy with God. The way I read my Bible reflects on the way I handle the rest of my life. If I'm wishy-washy with this it leaks into my school work, my time-management, my relationships, how I handle money...
20. Develop the inner peace to be pursued: I'm just learning now the art and the peace that comes with being pursued. Not thinking, "how do I get this guys attention???" and just being at peace knowing if this is the guy for me, he would move heaven and earth to get to me. I've started to realize, everything I can do to get attention from a guy he can do for me, like come sit next to me at a party or fish around and get my number or track me down on Facebook. I've learnt to not lead the conversation on dates or texting, if he doesn't ask me questions and only expects me to come up with talking points, I'm not going on a 2nd date. I have learnt that everything I can do, he should have the wherewithal to do. Even if it's Googling questions to ask on a date. There's no excuse. I'm not dating a passive guy anymore. I've spent my life pursuing and leading the relationship, in my past relationship, I paid for dates and bought drinks thinking this is what it meant being a low maintenance woman. The truth though is, I as a woman already bring in my part of the equation. I will love you more than you've ever be loved, I will make you the most cared for man on the planet, all I'm asking for is for you to be a man. Be someone I'm proud to be led by.
21. Fall in love: After being pursued...God, I really want to fall in love. I want to have a best friend and a partner and someone who speaks my language. I want to find out what love really is. I want to see how patient I can be personally, how good I'll be at being cool and setting boundaries and taking it slow and if all these months of salvation have changed my dating persona :-) lol. I want to be in love, to be loved wholly, completely and wholeheartedly. To be valued and respected and wanted.
22. Be in a great relationship: being in love is great, but I pray this guy is the real deal. I don't want to commit myself to a guy who's going to wake up a week from now and say, "Oh, I made a mistake, I don't love you anymore." I can't go through that again. I'm praying for a slow-burn rather than a fiery furnace that quickly burns out or is snuffed put by externalities. A love that grows. A man who'll really think about me and put me first and count the cost before making any moves. I want to be free to enjoy each other without either of us worrying about what the other might do to hurt them. I want us to be free to LOVE. I want us to have fun. I want to see him grow in his relationship with Jesus. I want to be inspired to grow. I want to romance and sparks and all that good stuff. I want peace. At the end of the day, I want to praise God for a husband who held me and told me God is with us and will take care of us.
23. Fall REALLY in LOVE. Like for real, no turning back, I'm in this, you are mine and I am yours, kinda love.
If I could have one bonus wish that covers all these others it'd be this:
Faith: This is a whole lot of stuff I want for my life and none of them can be done without the provision of God. I want this year to be one of the building stones for the rest of my Christian life. I want to look back and say, "my God who provided rent for me when I was 23 and had absolutely no money, will provide this time" I pray God for incredible testimonies not just for me, but that through them other people can get a renewal of their faith and hope. I want to awaken the dreamer God put in us. I want this to be the year I'm audacious in my faith. I want to follow after the people that inspire me for living out God's purpose with such excellence and strength, building ministries with incredible impact and be an inspiration as well. God says to ask for the nations, I'm asking for the nations. I want to be that one!
Lord change me, make me, mould me into that person you need, that person you made me for. No more mediocrity and just getting by!
Well, birthdays go one of 2 ways, 1. I can be happy and celebrate another year of life. A chance to have a "new year" in the middle of the year. 2. I can be sad thinking about all the things I wish I had but don't have.
Sooo...I'm choosing to be HAPPY! This is really truly a year God's given me and I know some incredible things are about to happen this year simply because of my realization of His love toward me.
So here are 23 hopes I have for this year, some of them are stuff I feel God's led me into, some of them are just stuff I really would love to see happen/pray happen. Next year, we'll review. Let's get started.
My Top 23 Dreams For May 11th 2013-May 11th 2014
2. Healing: There's a lot of areas I see a need for healing around me. Mom has issues with arthritis and joint pain, grandma has arthritis and ulcers, I see a couple of stuff I haven't dealt with like trust issues (trust in God, trust in guys, trust in friends...) and generally healing all around in some specific areas. Also maybe reach my target weight/fitness level i.e. get healthier. I'm 132 pounds now, if I could get to 120, that'd be awesome. 12 pounds in a year doesn't sound too hard right?
3. Freedom to travel: I have the doors of the world open to me, but I have to walk through the gate known as Immigration Control wherever I decide to go. I'm just trusting God for favor. I want to travel the world and learn from incredible pastors and be part of teams that are catalysts for change around the world. I would love like joining Dominic Russo in Honduras today and seeing the change happening there. Going to Australia with Bill Johnson and seeing revival. Going to Zimbabwe with Heidi Baker...I mean, there's so many crazy ways God's provided that need not just bureaucratic favors but also financial favor. However, the more I write this, the more I feel my heart toward missions...who knows?
4. Going to School of Ministry: This is the biggest goal of the year. I'm looking for a corporate job as I wait on God to show me exactly how to enter the Church scene. I am 100% sure, even as I look, that it'll be temporary, my future is Church, no way around it. First step, training. I hope I get the chance to do this and get some qualifications.
5. Getting great friends: The year started off with me deciding once and for all with this prayer, "God, I've prayed for friends all my life and you've provided along the way, however, I can't be the one chasing people down to build relationship all the time, there has to be give and take, so God for the next few weeks I'm going to give, I'll be the one initiating conversations and all that, but after that, I'm done. I want to feel wanted and sought after too." Well the plan worked in that, I know where my friendships fall now, but it has left me needing a more solid group of friends. I pray for that this year. I don't know how God will do that, but I'm sure He will. He already has started and I'm super thankful.
6. Building long-lasting networks: I want to do something of my own in the future in terms of ministry, so I definitely want to build a great network of mentors, partners and friends. Connections that are solid an maintainable.
7. Singing BGV for people I admire: This already happened this year. In the past year I've sang in service when Kanjii, Mike and Osayi Onen and Angie Gachui have led worship, a year ago I could not have imagined that! This year I want to take that up a notch higher. God knows I have crazy dreams in my head like singing with Bethel and Elevation :-)
8. Being friends with people I admire: a lot of times I look at people who are popular or famous or who are just plain too cool for school and thought "oh no, she's way too cool to be friends with me" or "he'll just think I'm a fan or a stalker and want nothing to do with me" This year though I'm trusting God to sink into me the value He's placed on me and for me to walk in that identity. I trust for favor and for peace even as I meet these people who ordinarily would not notice me, that somehow God would put a target on my head that they would notice and seek after my value.
9. Favor with leadership: I want to be friends with leadership. I want personal mentoring, I want spiritual fathers and mothers I want them to stop me at the supermarket and say "Oh hey Joanne!"
10. Getting my Bachelor's degree: finally be done with KU!
11. Visiting Elevation Church: this is my dream to see the worship and production and...
12. Meeting and talking to Steven Furtick: How can you not be inspired by this guy, he's built a Church with 7 locations and 12,000 congregants in 6 years! AND he's like 32?! I want whatever He's having. I want to be him when I grow up :-)
13. Stepping out of my comfort zone and doing something radical for a stranger who is "the least of my brothers" People rejected by society: I constantly see people sick or begging on the streets and think to myself what'll happen when I come back from BSSM with my friends and we're walking along Nairobi and come across this guy? If I really want to be like Jesus what would He do? He'd talk to them, touch them, pray for healing for them. Can I do that? The answer is no, but I want that to change about myself. I give money, fine, but I want to ask them their names and stories and love on them.
14. Developing a worship song for Church: I've written a few songs and I want at least one of them to turn into something.
15. Preach a full sermon: yup!
16. Have a relationship with the Holy Spirit and speak in tongues: prayed for this for the longest time, I know it's a weird thing to pray, but I just feel like there's a level of intimacy I want to achieve and I'm not there. A lot of time I felt like maybe I was just afraid because well I don't know what's going to happen, I don't know if I'll fall or if I'll see heaven or if Jesus will walk nt the room, I thought fear held me back, but I've had so many other experiences that I know it can't be fear. So maybe it's timing. He will come when He want to come, all I can do is be ready for it by being able to host His presence...having a solid devotional life.
17. Lead someone into an encounter with Jesus
18. Be more private: I know this is weird since I'm a blogger!!! But my sister mentioned something to me last night. I was telling her about a friend of mine who posted a pic on FB of her in Asia and saying that's what I like about her, she didn't parade all over the internet saying she was going to Asia, she just posted a pic and we figured it out for ourselves. Her whole life isn't on her profile page. My sister told me that's a girl who's secure and confident in her own life. I thought to myself, yeah, hmm, I'm not like that! I'm going to be totally honest and say, yes, a lot of times when I post stuff on FB or twitter, I'm showing insecurity or self-involvement. When I'm alone, I go on twitter when I have no one to talk to, when I'm sick I post it to FB, when I see a quote that touches me I have to share it, a part of that is thinking, maybe if I show the world I'm a Christian, I will really be a Christian when the truth is, I'm a Christian because I'm a Christian! Half the stuff I RT or Share would be better suited for my journal rather than my profile page! So this year, I'm drastically reducing my social media stuff. I'll focus on blogger and instagram. My blog is an extension of my journal and I love blogging even if nobody reads it so it'll be the one thing I stick to.
19. Read my Bible, pray and soak faithfully: I have to stick to this, I do good for a week then quit. I was talking to my sister how when Daniel was told he couldn't pray for 30 days it was such a huge deal for him and he couldn't survive without prayer, in fact, he'd rather die with prayer than live without it. If I was told I couldn't pray for 30 days I'd be like, :-/ heeh...ok. It's the biggest thing about me I'd want to see changed, my intimacy with God. The way I read my Bible reflects on the way I handle the rest of my life. If I'm wishy-washy with this it leaks into my school work, my time-management, my relationships, how I handle money...
20. Develop the inner peace to be pursued: I'm just learning now the art and the peace that comes with being pursued. Not thinking, "how do I get this guys attention???" and just being at peace knowing if this is the guy for me, he would move heaven and earth to get to me. I've started to realize, everything I can do to get attention from a guy he can do for me, like come sit next to me at a party or fish around and get my number or track me down on Facebook. I've learnt to not lead the conversation on dates or texting, if he doesn't ask me questions and only expects me to come up with talking points, I'm not going on a 2nd date. I have learnt that everything I can do, he should have the wherewithal to do. Even if it's Googling questions to ask on a date. There's no excuse. I'm not dating a passive guy anymore. I've spent my life pursuing and leading the relationship, in my past relationship, I paid for dates and bought drinks thinking this is what it meant being a low maintenance woman. The truth though is, I as a woman already bring in my part of the equation. I will love you more than you've ever be loved, I will make you the most cared for man on the planet, all I'm asking for is for you to be a man. Be someone I'm proud to be led by.
21. Fall in love: After being pursued...God, I really want to fall in love. I want to have a best friend and a partner and someone who speaks my language. I want to find out what love really is. I want to see how patient I can be personally, how good I'll be at being cool and setting boundaries and taking it slow and if all these months of salvation have changed my dating persona :-) lol. I want to be in love, to be loved wholly, completely and wholeheartedly. To be valued and respected and wanted.
22. Be in a great relationship: being in love is great, but I pray this guy is the real deal. I don't want to commit myself to a guy who's going to wake up a week from now and say, "Oh, I made a mistake, I don't love you anymore." I can't go through that again. I'm praying for a slow-burn rather than a fiery furnace that quickly burns out or is snuffed put by externalities. A love that grows. A man who'll really think about me and put me first and count the cost before making any moves. I want to be free to enjoy each other without either of us worrying about what the other might do to hurt them. I want us to be free to LOVE. I want us to have fun. I want to see him grow in his relationship with Jesus. I want to be inspired to grow. I want to romance and sparks and all that good stuff. I want peace. At the end of the day, I want to praise God for a husband who held me and told me God is with us and will take care of us.
23. Fall REALLY in LOVE. Like for real, no turning back, I'm in this, you are mine and I am yours, kinda love.
If I could have one bonus wish that covers all these others it'd be this:
Faith: This is a whole lot of stuff I want for my life and none of them can be done without the provision of God. I want this year to be one of the building stones for the rest of my Christian life. I want to look back and say, "my God who provided rent for me when I was 23 and had absolutely no money, will provide this time" I pray God for incredible testimonies not just for me, but that through them other people can get a renewal of their faith and hope. I want to awaken the dreamer God put in us. I want this to be the year I'm audacious in my faith. I want to follow after the people that inspire me for living out God's purpose with such excellence and strength, building ministries with incredible impact and be an inspiration as well. God says to ask for the nations, I'm asking for the nations. I want to be that one!
Lord change me, make me, mould me into that person you need, that person you made me for. No more mediocrity and just getting by!
Happy 23rd Birthday To Me!
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Shagz Roadtrip Part 3 / Journey to BSSM Part 2 - Interview
Driving home today was more than fun. Spent a great time with God praying about my school interview and about this whole move abroad at my dad’s farm. That’s my most favorite place in shagz. My dad built that place with so much love and looking forward to the future and it’s sad that he didn’t get to enjoy it, but I love that place. Got to feed the cows too, and no, I wasn’t scared at all!
My aunt forced us to eat some lunch and then we left. The trip back was definitely a lot more fun. I bonded with my mom and it was awesome! She took some pictures, from a moving car for me, but I haven't uploaded them yet, I will though.
We finally got home and I prepped for my interview and waited for that call. Tonight looking at the phone waiting for it to ring took on a whole new meaning! Finally I got the call, and wouldn’t you know it, the line cut off after each minute.
I cannot tell you how frustrating that was. I answer a question, the phone goes dead. She calls me back, I answer another question, and the phone goes dead. We finished up and went on email and we talked a little bit more and then it was over. That was the worst experience ever! I’d done such a huge job preparing and getting my notes down and everything, I was really looking forward to talking and expressing my heart then having something so uncontrollable like a phone line put a damper on everything.
I texted my sister and went down and talked to my mom and vented and felt a little better. My sister texted me back,
Gotta love sisters!
Xx
Jo
Friday, February 22, 2013
Shagz Roadtrip Part 1
I was sitting at home bored this morning waiting to drive my mom to the bus stop since she was traveling up country to Nyeri for the weekend to visit my family up there and to attend my niece’s wedding. (My mom’s sister’s kid’s daughter)
On my way to pick her up, I thought, “What am I doing home all weekend, why not just go?”
And that’s exactly what I did.
We drove up to Nyeri through Murang’a and had a great time, my mom showed me the longest train bridge in the country and guys that thing looks spectacular. I didn’t get any pictures, but it’s definitely a drive I’ll make again just to see that. We finally got to Mukurweini which is home, and went to town to run some errands and pick up some lunch. (Fries for me obviously, and Ugali and Mala for mum) Driving on those roads was awesome, apart from a stretch in Murang’a where the word pothole gets a new meaning, other than that, I felt like I was in the grand-Prix! Perfect roads, thank you WuYi!
 |
| via: coastweek.com |
After that we went down to Giathugu to see my grandma. Honestly, no one on earth loves me like she loves me! That woman struggled so hard to make sure my mom went to school and loved Jesus. She gave me an incredible God-fearing mom, and everything I am now is because of who she is and who she raised my mom to be. Unfortunately, the door to the trunk of the car got jammed, so we had to drive all the way back into town to get it fixed. The mechanic looked at the car and just laughed, because all he had to do was wiggle the lock and it came loose. Luckily he didn’t charge us anything…I love SHAGZ!
After that, we went up to my dad’s farm to look around and say hi and I got a chance to take a much-needed shower. Finally we went back to my family’s farm at around 7, where I promptly fell asleep watching Modern Family, (Oh KPLC how I love you and your expansion!)
xx
Jo
Monday, October 29, 2012
Our Kids
Judging from my nieces and nephews, my family has some pretty great genetics! J
My nephew (sis), my nieces (bro), my extended niece and nephew (my cousin Monica)
Can’t wait to have my own!!! I think being a mom will just be the hugest blessing to me!
xo
Jo
Monday, October 22, 2012
Blessings and Declarations
It's never too soon to start praying for the people you love and if I'm gonna tie myself down to anyone for the majority of my life, he better be crazy blessed, I wanna live the good life :-) :-) :-) hehehe.
So my darlingest darling, wherever you are, this is what I'm believing in for you:
So my darlingest darling, wherever you are, this is what I'm believing in for you:
- Strength
- Godliness
- Anointing
- Flourishing
- Productivity
- Vitality
- Unshakeable faith that the Lord is Your Rock
Love You Always,
Jo
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Venting
So, life hasn't been peachy lately...before I got sick last week, I had a groove going on. My life was kinda settled, I knew what I wanted to do, I knew where I was going, what I was hoping for, I knew what to do when I was down and how to pick myself up again, I was on a roll with my God-life - Bible reading plan, prayer, I was settled.
Then I was under the weather and now that I've recovered, I'm just lost all over again. It's not just about getting sick but also with the fact that this is my last official semester of college...it's a huge thing, I'm at the end of the line.
Being a last-born, especially being so far apart from my brother and sister and being my mom's "retirement baby", it's a life of guilt. My sister was talking to me about maybe not doing my Masters until I get a job, which is a valid point, but I think one thing that she doesn't need to worry about is taking me on a guilt trip. My life is all guilt...
When I was younger it was feeling guilty about not living up to the example my siblings set in school, the pressure to always perform, then it was the pressure to go to the school they wanted and do the course they wanted, then it's the pressure to make my mom proud, live up to my siblings, time and time again, I feel guilty for not living up to them, guilty for moving out and leaving my mom alone, guilty for looking for a job and having no idea where to begin, guilty that I drive a car and my siblings didn't, guilty every single time my mom puts cash in my bank account, pressure and guilt. It's worse because, you're the baby of the family, everyone treats you like a baby, when you act out, everyone jumps down your throat. Whether it's calling someone else to "report my behavior" and telling them to "have a talk with me" or the constant lectures on ways that I'm not good enough, or ways that I'm a disappointment or ways that I'm taking advantage of my mom...ARGH! Guilt that I get annoyed when every single conversation with my mom revolves around them, hello, I have a life too! Add to the guilt and pressure, it's the disconnect, everybody else is at a different phase of life than I am. And the intimidation, the whole people can pour into my life, but the moment I give an opinion or try to say where I'm coming from, I'm defensive or attacking or rude and again, there's a phone call to report my behavior or a rude text which of course I cant reply to because then I'm rude and defensive and the "no wonder your life went the way it did" line.
Anyway, I have the option of posting this or not, but I choose to post it, not as a poor me downer post, but as a way to put down how I felt at this point of my life...to understand my kid when they go through this, hopefully to laugh about it in a couple of years at a family reunion, like, "how dramatic was I?"
Ventfully Yours
Jo
Then I was under the weather and now that I've recovered, I'm just lost all over again. It's not just about getting sick but also with the fact that this is my last official semester of college...it's a huge thing, I'm at the end of the line.
Being a last-born, especially being so far apart from my brother and sister and being my mom's "retirement baby", it's a life of guilt. My sister was talking to me about maybe not doing my Masters until I get a job, which is a valid point, but I think one thing that she doesn't need to worry about is taking me on a guilt trip. My life is all guilt...
When I was younger it was feeling guilty about not living up to the example my siblings set in school, the pressure to always perform, then it was the pressure to go to the school they wanted and do the course they wanted, then it's the pressure to make my mom proud, live up to my siblings, time and time again, I feel guilty for not living up to them, guilty for moving out and leaving my mom alone, guilty for looking for a job and having no idea where to begin, guilty that I drive a car and my siblings didn't, guilty every single time my mom puts cash in my bank account, pressure and guilt. It's worse because, you're the baby of the family, everyone treats you like a baby, when you act out, everyone jumps down your throat. Whether it's calling someone else to "report my behavior" and telling them to "have a talk with me" or the constant lectures on ways that I'm not good enough, or ways that I'm a disappointment or ways that I'm taking advantage of my mom...ARGH! Guilt that I get annoyed when every single conversation with my mom revolves around them, hello, I have a life too! Add to the guilt and pressure, it's the disconnect, everybody else is at a different phase of life than I am. And the intimidation, the whole people can pour into my life, but the moment I give an opinion or try to say where I'm coming from, I'm defensive or attacking or rude and again, there's a phone call to report my behavior or a rude text which of course I cant reply to because then I'm rude and defensive and the "no wonder your life went the way it did" line.
Anyway, I have the option of posting this or not, but I choose to post it, not as a poor me downer post, but as a way to put down how I felt at this point of my life...to understand my kid when they go through this, hopefully to laugh about it in a couple of years at a family reunion, like, "how dramatic was I?"
Ventfully Yours
Jo
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Unhappily Ever After?
A couple of things freak me out about relationships:
- Secrets
- Falling “out of love”
- Cheating/Affairs
- Break-ups/Divorce
I mean, for most people, relationships are a major part of life. You’re born into a family, you grow up, you get a job, you start another family – with friends and soon after with a partner and kids, and the cycle continues. At any point of your life, you’re part of a family. Good or bad.
I just read that Deitrick and Damita Haddon just got a divorce. He put this up on his Facebook page::
Yes, this isn’t the first high-profile Christian personality divorce. But, this get’s to me because they’re in WorshipL. We’ve seen a bunch of “Christian” divorces. Every single time, the reason is the same;
“I put my ministry before my spouse.”
I feel like this line has been repeated so many times, it’s a little bit of a cliché. We’ll probably never know the real reasons, but whatever they are, the fact is, I don’t get how a couple could have technically done everything we’re advised to do in Church/Christian circles, you know, follow God’s calling on your life, marry a person who loves God like you do, pray together, serve together, and still, they end up in divorce. Or affairs, another Christian artist Da Truth was caught up in an affair last year! Juanita Bynum was apparently abused. Paula White got divorced too.
This just freaks me out! I mean, there are already enough unknowns in the world, after the wedding, the unknowns are supposed to stop! I don’t need to go to bed every night thinking, “Oh my God, what secrets is he hiding? Is he still in love with me? Is he having an affair? Is our marriage alright?”
Also, when you realize your marriage is in trouble, is it that hard to work on in? In my {probably naïve} mind, I’d think that when you realize you put your job before your wife, you’d take a month off and work on your marriage. You’d pray about it, get help, get people to stand with you and pray for you. Is it that prayer isn’t enough?
Like I said, I have no idea - none of us do - what went on inside these marriages, but, I just can’t allow myself to believe that there’s no hope. That after the commitment is made and you hit a rocky patch, the only option is to quit. I can’t believe in a world, in a relationship, in a marriage with no hope. I can’t believe in “till ‘falling out of love’ does us part”.
A lot of people tell me I’m a dreamer. That in reality it all goes downhill after the wedding, and the claws come out. That being “in-love” only exists when you guys are courting. That I’m going to get sick of the dirty stinky socks and underwear everywhere except the hamper. Irritated with the guy coming home late and going out all weekend, squeezing the toothpaste from the middle and leaving the cap off…argh! Frustrated when he just doesn't understand me!!!
Relationships are hard; I personally have no idea how to make them work.
All I know is that in my own life, all I can do is just pray and seek God on how to love. God is love and every part of Him spills out love, and He knows how I need to love whoever I’m with.
I need to seek God on how to commit, how to be honest, how to open my heart, how to handle conflict, not just in a relationship, but in my own life. I need to seek God on how to handle and relate and cope with different personalities while retaining and growing my own. I need to seek God on how to GROW UP!
When you audition for a Choir/Worship Team, let’s say as an alto, after the Worship Pastor hears you sing, he’ll put you in a group with a soprano and a tenor to listen to how well you can maintain your voice in a crowd. You can’t really “fake it till you make it”. A song is going to come up and if you try to sing high, your voice will crack and you aren’t going to make it.
I believe it works the same way in life. You need to seek God to make you who he created “you” to be. This practice of being a different person in different relationships just won’t work. Trust me, been there done that!
Somewhere out there is someone who can handle the real you. Once you find them, how much easier will it be to put in the work when you aren’t focused on being somebody else? Yeah, it’s work; from day 1 you need to build the right foundation so you’re not in the middle of everything in a couple of years discontent, irritated and stuck, or worse, divorced and heartbroken.
Life is work. Relationships are work. Marriages are work. THAT IS LIFE!
Anyway, like I said, I have no idea AT ALL how to make a relationship work. I have been a big fat failure, but before I jump into another doomed relationship…I’m determined to learn.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Madaraka Day 2012 Re-cap
So, last Friday we Kenyans celebrated Madaraka day, which is Independence Day, when Kenya gained independence from the British colonialists 49 years ago.
I don’t know if it’s like this for everyone, but it’s not such a patriotic big deal to me anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I love freedom and all, but now, a public holiday is just a day off and in this case, a long weekend desperately needed.
I slept in, I was exhausted form my exam that Thursday, woke up at around 9, watched a couple of movies in bed. Then, my sister came over with my (almost 2 y/o!) nephew JT! I’d missed that little guy so much! We caught up and made a bunch of toasted sandwiches…I got so full I couldn’t eat anything for the rest of the day (there goes another day of kicking healthy eating habits out of the window)
Then we got the trike out for my little man, who by the way started calling me “Auntie Amla” (My 2ndname is Nyambura, which only my family calls me, so Amla is pretty close :-) ) Aww, I’m an aunty, so cool! My niece, (brother’s daughter) is 3 y/o, and she calls me “Ambua”, which is also the cutest thing, now just working on her to add ‘auntie’ to that.
Here’s my little man in action
xx
Jo
Jo