Wherein I Was Challenged To Trust

If you follow me on twitter you'd know that last night was not one of my finest nights. I don't know what's up with me but I'm just in a bit of a funk. And in the interest of full disclosure as I promised in yesterday's post, I am hereby admitting I feel mopey...so who's out there feeling like they were sent to comfort me? :-)

Anyway, despite this horrible mood swing, I did manage to keep up with my Bible reading (thank you God).

Today, more from Jesus on the law. He says He didn't come to do away with the law. I was one of those people who thought, "ah! if I sin this one more time, I'll just ask Jesus to forgive me and it will be fine" I mean what did Jesus come for if not to forgive our inevitable sin, right. But here it's like Jesus didn't come to take away the standard, if anything He raised the standard, like before the law was don't commit adultery i.e sex outside of marriage, Jesus comes and says whoever just looks at someone with lust has already committed adultery in heart. Jesus didn't come to take away the standard, but to give us a chance to measure up to the standard, grace, belief in Him and repentance which comes through a complete turn around

Today also led me to Abram's first battle, when he heard his nephew Lot had been taken away by warring kings, and God's promise to Abram that he would have countless descendants.
I liked Genesis 15:6  Abram put his trust in the LORD, and because of this the LORD was pleased with him and accepted him. I don't want to face the truth which is that I'm sad because I think my trust is wavering a little. The problems are just starting to pile up a little, my CPA results are looming closer and closer and I know I did horribly in that paper and the thought of failing especially now when I'm running out of time is just incredibly disheartening*. And then trying to get registered for summer classes at Uni so I can be a semester ahead is proving impossible in a large public university where it's impossible to find any help or guidance. School just sucks!!! School is just a challenge!

*(I'm trying to avoid the word depressed in my vocabulary because I've been there and in the grand scheme of things this is nothing, I'm agonizing over nothing, although right now it seems like huge deal)

Also, in the interest of full disclosure, again, and I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve here so please be gentle with me, my BFF sucks!!! My BFF is driving me insane with all this boyfriend stuff, I'm trying to be graceful and tact and completely zen and not jealous. But, I am! Here I was all happy and content to be alone and to focus on me and to turn down requests all week and then she goes and gets "Facebook Official" with her new boyfriend and doing the whole sappy messages on the wall and telling me all these wonderful details. I am incredibly happy for her, but I feel like, I want to be in love/loved too :-( I was even tempted to just call one of these guys up and be like, o.k lets go out...but then that wouldn't be fair to them or to me because I just don't like them like that. (P.S don't worry this isn't gossip, she knows I'm writing this lol)

Anyway, God in case you're reading this I wish I had mammoth sized trust in you like Abram did but sometimes emotions just get in the way of the more important stuff. My heart's desire, truly, isn't awesome grades or love from some random guy, but to learn how to be totally committed to you and be satisfied by Your love alone. If I could have a fraction of what my mom, or other people like pastors or worship leaders have with you then won't that be enough for me? So, if you want me to trust in you, and your timing like Abram did, then you've gotta help me somehow.