Life Group

Remember at my audition when I got asked whether I'm in a Life Group and I said yes? Technically it's true, but the lifegroup I did my Mizizi with last year, hasn't really been consistent, the only reason I said yes, is we were supposed to meet that Saturday after the audition...which ended up not happening, it started raining, there was mis-communication, I was stuck at my audition till a bit later than I expected etc. etc.

Anyway, I took it as a sign that I really need to get off my ass and find a permanent LG. You need an LG to do life! I called one of my friends, P, and she's been trying to get me to come to the LG for the group I did my 1st Mizizi with 3 years ago when I first started going to the York House (previous youth church at Mavuno)

I finally went on Sunday and dragged Mich along and it was amazing. Yaani! It's exactly what I pictured LG being. We talked about the sermon, and the lessons we got through the week. I can't wait for the next one. It was different from my other group because we're all in college, so we could kinda relate better with each other, and there was a set "agenda" kind of, of what we were going to discuss.

I'd really like to get my other group together, we started together so, it would be awesome if we could finish together, but in the meantime, I'm thankful for my "old" group. I really hope I stay committed and we continue growing.

xx
Jo

Joy

So, a couple of things I'm working on. First, to stop using the word "like" in sentences. Its really a bad habit that I have to stop. Second is too stop using "so" to begin a sentence, like I do here.
Apart from that, I'm doing my CPA exams in about 9 days, and I can't focus at all, but I know some drive will kick in at some point. I also sent out a job application to what is probably my dream company that I hope I get to join. Tonight I've got life group and afterward was planning on going to the Mavuno Worship Night.

I kind of owe God on that one. The last time I went, I prayed for something really hard and I promised God if I got it I would go back...I honestly cannot express how happy and grateful I am that it seems to be working out and that God's answered my prayers, even though, honestly I gave up somewhere in the middle. Thank God also for grace, that covered that little blunder right up!!! :-)

A little thing that sucks though is that I have a bad track record when it comes to trusting God to work in my best interests. You guys know this about me. I tend to get a hope-high. I hate the crash that follows. This time though, I'm really trying to keep my focus on God. Its funny that we always worry so much about what will happen if bad times come, and never worry about the good times. What'll happen when success or that job, or relationship or kid or whatever else you've been praying 5 months for, comes...do you rejoice in God at that minute and forget him the next day?

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I'm honestly terrified thinking that the very thing I spent months praying for, would be the very thing that would separate me from God. I found a very great devotional at Kerry Shook's website that explained that real joy is awakened in you when you give God not only your disappointments but also your prosperity. You see, when we get these little victories in our lives, they obviously cause happiness, but happiness, like every other human emotion is fleeting. Joy, is a fruit of the Spirit and a gift from the Father. If we give our little victories to God he turns them into triumphs and gives us joy in the process.

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How can we use that job that we've gotten or that relationship that we've prayed for, or that child that you've hoped for for God's glory? Doing all you do with excellence is the first thought that comes into my mind.

"Every job you have to do, work at it with all your might as if working for the Lord" 

• Do your job with zeal...let it be known that nobody works harder, respects more or tries harder than you.
• Love your partner with zeal...let it be known that nobody loved more, cared more or was more "worth it" than you
• Be a good friend...let it be known that you were always there whenever your friends needed you and you played a positive part in their lives

Whatever you do, be legendary. I believe that's where it starts, from the heart.

"If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames that I might boast, but I have not love, I gain nothing."

1 Corinthians 13:3

Finally Took The Wet Plunge

Last Tuesday, I went to Church to shoot my video for my testimony. Most of you have already know my testimony. It's just a long complex story and as much as I would have wanted to go into everything, there's only so much you can say in two minutes, you know. So I chose just a part of it and in the editing they emphasized how I dealt with my dad's death. I didn't see it, but I hope it turned out o.k, and helped someone going through the same thing.

So, the weekend of my baptism finally arrived. Saturday morning I woke up with a panic attack because I thought it was Sunday. I have to admit, I was more than a little nervous taking the plunge, and I mean that literally and figuratively.

It's no secret that this salvation thing has been a struggle for me. I have great days, good days and bad days. I have extended periods of bad days and amazingly sweet and thoughtful good days. I have this pestering fear that maybe this is all just a phase and I'll just backslide again...that's not the fear exactly, the fear is that now that I know what it's like to be saved and rely on God, how will I survive if I backslide and mess up so bad, God, you know, leaves me.

This baptism was just a big deal to me because, in many ways it was like a wedding. It's something that I waited a long time for, it's something that took a lot of preparation for and it's something I only want to do once in my life because the change has already been made permanent.

Sunday was a lot better, I woke up pretty relatively calm. I decided I wasn't going to put a lot of pressure on myself, to be perfect or anything, but to just go as I was. My mum took me to Church, my Lifegroup unfortunately didn't manage to make it on time except for one of my closest friends. On a side note, I know I love my mom more than anything, but seeing her standing there with me and taking me through that, I just LOVED her SO MUCH MORE if that's even possible. It was just so cute, she took pictures and she was holding my hand. I was really happy and that was definitely one of the best days, actually, the best day of the year thanks to her, and her love.

My little testimony video played in Church, 2 minutes later, it was all:

"Do you accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your Saviour?"
"I do."


"Do you renounce satan and all his works?"
"I do" 


"I now baptize you in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit."

That's me under water.

Cut to water painfully shooting up my nose, tears in my eyes, freezing in the wind, changing in a tiny bathroom stall and back to Church. It all went pretty fast and it's still sinking in, but I have to say as much as it wasn't all doves settling on my head or me being struck down by the "Power" It was still an amazing experience.

I can't say I think that water baptism is the only way to heaven. I know there's been a lot of debate on that. I believe that accepting Jesus is the only way, but for me, it's something to draw from. You know, in the tough times I'll remember Sunday the 10th of April and I'll remember whose I am. To me it was also like, I know I've been forgiven, but there's just something symbolic about getting into the water with all your issues and them being washed away completely. Like a cleansing or a purging. It was also like a covenant for me, at least with what I learnt in my Religious Ed classes:

• Statement of agreed terms
• An oath by both parties to observe the terms
• Consequences upon breach
• The formal ratification by the external act
• Witnesses

Though I'm weak and I might fall away, God never breaks His covenant.

Oh and guess what I bought for myself:

Yup, the NIV One Year Bible. I decided yesterday, even if I technically had no one to make a big deal about this day, I would make a big deal out of it myself. That's one of the reasons I miss my dad sometimes. My dad was over the top when it came to celebrations, Christmas, he was the one who set up the tree and the house every year, and stayed up with me past midnight on New Year's when the rest of my family was asleep. My birthdays, he always asked me if I was throwing a party and if I was he would be most involved in it. He was just like me, or rather I'm just like him, because we both save old cards, we both like to give cards, we're both into celebrating every single thing.

I have to admit, I was a bit disappointed and felt kinda bad that my LG and friends didn't make it for the baptism and didn't want to hang out and go for lunch, like we'd planned for Sunday, but instead of getting into that, I understood them, that this wasn't like a big deal kind of thing to other people and that's cool.

Since it is to me, however,  I did what I'd have expected to be done, bought myself a Bible, bought me and my mom lunch, we ate pizza and Steers fried chicken and fries, she caught on to the festive spirit and baked me two cakes, needless to say, today we were first at the store to buy Tums, we were so sick!

At least with the Bible I'll be more able to keep up with the readings than through PDF. It's really good, small, convenient to carry around, plus it's not an "in your face Bible" you know what I mean, it won't make you look or feel "Holier than thou" when you take it out to read in a bus or on a queue. It's just cool and understated. Every day also has a highlighted verse, so even the days you're not feeling theological and you're really not in the mood to delve deeply into the readings at least you'll have one verse to go with.

Anyway, it wasn't a "perfect day" but it was an amazing one. April 10th, my B-Day.

Failing

Have you guys ever just felt, like you're at the end of your rope. Like, "o.k I've had enough" and you throw your hands up in the air and say whatever happens, happens. I guess that's where I am right now. I don't know, for some reason, I feel really angry and moody.

I'll start with this, I haven't prayed in a couple of days. I mean, Sunday at Church I realized that, that thing of mine for not being able to pray-like talk, to God, and instead writing prayers in my journal, isn't quite helping me grow. I mean, we're at Church, after worship, and people are just talking to God, while I'm thinking, "I left my journal in the car!"

Another reason, is that I just feel like things aren't working out the way I expected them to. Like, I wasn't baptized this past weekend even though I really didn't want any complications to do with that, and now it seems that complications are where I'm headed, seeing that I haven't even received that text message confirmation that I'm apparently supposed to get.

Another reason, is that those prayer requests we made at the beginning of the month at Church, I haven't gotten answers. O.k, one of the things I prayed for was that my mom would support me and make it easier on me, emotionally, when I moved out. I couldn't handle it, worrying everyday, that she's sad or mad at me, or that she thinks that I abandoned her or that I don't need her anymore. That's been answered because I think my mom is happy, and we talk a lot. So, that, I am thankful for. However the other stuff...nope!

It's not like I'm asking for anything bad. I thought that if you're prayers aligned to God's will, the answer would be yes. Seriously, it's not like I'm asking for anything that you could classify as...I don't know...crazy unsaved things. Still, I'm not getting a whole lot of yes's. Another thing is that I feel like God knows my weaknesses, so wouldn't it stand to reason, that he wouldn't let me experience the hurts I did when I wasn't saved, now that I am saved?

I think I give up, asking for anything...I think when I do pray, it'll just be, narrating my day, but asking for anything...no...it just hurts too much, to hope for something and having your hopes not pan out.

O.K as you can probably tell, today would have been the day of my Mizizi class and these are the questions I would have asked there. However since we graduated, and I'm not seeing my Lifegroup till Friday, I pose these questions to you.

I hate being so low :-(

Prayer and Pottery

Photo Credit: Mavuno Website

I think the biggest lesson I've learnt the last two weeks through Mizizi is how prayer isn't just a list of stuff that God has to answer, it's more of the relationship that He wants us to have with Him. Like in Mark 1, once word had spread that Jesus could heal people, he started preaching in the outskirts, so people would have to look for Him. Also, like Rick Warren says in The Purpose Driven Life, "God's goal for your life isn't comfort, but character development. He wants you to grow up spiritually and become like Christ"

Also, the story of Jeremiah watching the potter,


Jeremiah 18:1-6  The LORD said to me, "Go down to the potter's house, where I will give you my message." So I went there and saw the potter working at his wheel. Whenever a piece of pottery turned out imperfect, he would take the clay and make it into something else. Then the LORD said to me, "Don't I have the right to do with you people of Israel what the potter did with the clay? You are in my hands just like clay in the potter's hands. 

Photo Credit: Bill Longshaw

We have to constantly ask ourselves, am I living as the clay in God's hands, eager and willing for Him to change me and change my character, or do I constantly try to make God fit into my mold, shape Him in the way that I want Him to be. Rick Warren says again, "Never forget that life is not about you! You exist for God's purposes, not vice versa, God gives us our time on earth to build and strengthen our character for heaven.

Also, that in prayer, sometimes we focus so much on the result or the answer and not on God. For example, when my dad was sick, a pastor during a prayer day thing, told me that my dad would get better, and he didn't and for a long time I blamed this pastor, and was angry at her and at God, but last week the group helped me realize, that I had focussed so much on what the pastor had said, God had temporarily taken a back seat, I mean, I know that wasn't the reason he died, but that gap I created between me and God, definitely affected my reaction to it, and the subsequent events I did.

Hiatus

So, I kinda took an impromptu hiatus. I know, I've been doing that a lot recently, but for valid reasons:
Internet Poblems
Eye problems

Yup, I guess all those long hours spent in front of my trusty Mario (my laptop, yes, we've already established I'm the crazy lady who names her electronics lol) have finally caught up with me. My eyes have been giving me so much trouble the last few weeks, not in big ways just like dryness and straining like when I'm driving at night or under fluorescent lights, anyway long story short, I'm getting glasses this week. Still have to figure out the style, I still have to look good!

To catch up, we had our Mizizi Half Day of Prayer and Fasting. It was amazing, 3 hours praying, I mean, at first it's like, what am I going to say for 3 hours???? But, they gave us this little guide and time was over before I was even done talking, I'd definitely do it again.

So you remember that guy I saw and got an enormous crush on, well I saw him again that Saturday, long story short, still crushing big time. Oh, and he talked to me *gush* *gush*!!!!

Anyway, after that, we went to have pizzas and chicken and rice and sodas with my Mizizi class, I've not had that much fun in ages, I came to realize, life is what you put into it. Like, if you invest in this class and in friendships and in being the one to text people and not just wondering "why does no one ever talk to me?" life pays you back positively. I opened up to my class, I told them the embarrassing things I tell you guys over here, like about that guy I have a huge crush on, and I'm still laughing about it now.

Sunday was awesome too, albeit a little uncomfortable, but awesome, the sermon was challenging, but more on that later. My whole family came home, i.e. my brothers and sisters and the niece and nephew. Plus my grandmother's in town, she had a doctor's appointment and she slept over at our house. If you could maybe pray for her to get better, I'd really appreciate it.

And today, after driving my grandma to her fancy clinic, I went to the eye doctor, or rather I schlepped all the way to my not so fancy hospital, Kenyatta....hey, don't knock it, it's an 1/9th the price of that clinic which basically means, it's free!!!

That was however cancelled out when I spent money on a liter of yogurt and fries later today.

Then, I went back to my old school, for the first time since the infamous break-up, but it wasn't that bad, and I didn't feel like everyone was looking at me thinking, "I know how you were dumped last September" hahaha! Then dropped by to see my nephew, who's growing so fast, at 7 months he's already almost crawling...I'm sorry I'm not a mom, so I don't know if that's a big deal, but to me it is, because just yesterday, I was scared to touch him because he was so tiny, now he's so big and he can't sit still, and he walks by himself on those baby walker thingies. That boy is going to be a genius someday and I said it here first.

Anyway, I haven't posted Bible Readings for a while, but I'll be back soon, yes, I've been reading, but it's not the same without writing, so in that sense I feel like I've been missing out.

Here's me, hoping I see that guy again :-) not for any reason, I remember very well, I'm supposed to stay single for a while, but just to be friends, he looks like a fun guy. Honest!

He DID Speak!!! :-)

You know why I love blogging, because of all the other bloggers in the world who are older and much wiser than me, and somehow, I always manage to stumble or rather Google always happens to lead me to the most useful people and those people lead me to other people and so on and so forth. Well, after my downer of a post this morning, I can officially say my faith has been shaken and stirred quite a bit today, first there was what I read in the:

Word Challenge

• Exodus 2:11-3:22
• Matthew 17:10-27
• Psalm 22:1-18
• Proverbs 5:7-14

Matthew 17:20  "It was because you do not have enough faith," answered Jesus. "I assure you that if you have faith as big as a mustard seed, you can say to this hill, 'Go from here to there!' and it will go. You could do anything!" 

Jesus talks about faith like this, but I think that to an extent it's been a verse so badly used sometimes in the sense that, when bad things happen, the Christians that think "they have it all together" come up to you and say, "maybe you didn't have enough faith" or the people who don't believe in God will come up and say, "where did all your faith take you?"

Jesus talked about faith like this when he knew bad things were about to happen to Him. Which was even prophesied in the Psalm for today, where the crucifixion thing was detailed. He knew it was coming, but He still urged the disciples to have faith. Things won't always work out the way you want them to. You'll never live in a world without fear or pain, but I think what Jesus was saying here is that this isn't our battle to fight. The disciples couldn't just rely on their limited abilities to heal the epileptic man, they had to have faith in a God above them, know with absolute conviction that they were never alone.

Exodus 3:11-12  But Moses said to God, "But I am a nobody. How can I go to the king and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" God answered, "I will be with you, and when you bring the people out of Egypt, you will worship me on this mountain. That will be the proof that I have sent you." 

It's normal to have moments where you wonder "God, are you for real? Out of the billions of people in this world, why would you to talk to me?" But, I think the point in faith, at least faith in God, and faith in all these little "God-Incidences" is believing that you are never alone. Maybe it's true, God does send these little mini-burning bushes our way to tell us that in our own small way, God has called us for something and to show us, "He will be with us" and that He's always with us.

Speaking of such moments, I found a blog called Muthering Heights where she's doing a bit if a series called, How Big Is Your But which speaks of all the times God can call you to something and we offer up excuses and reasons why we can't do it, or why we wouldn't be the right fit. I thought it was pretty cool and timely for me.

Another great post was from Like a Warm Cup of Coffee where Sarah Mae writes about the power we give guilt in our lives....anyway, I won't spoil it for you, head over and read it, even till the comments because ther's some pretty good stuff down there too. I think I'll write more on that and how it related with my very weird day today in my next post.

Mizizi

To kinda slap me over the head with the truth once and for all, my Mizizi reading today is also about how God speaks to us.

"God speaks to us regularly for encouragement, to build our faith, to teach us, to warn us and to reveal His purpose for our lives so that we can accomplish His purposes"....Mizizi Workbook

The truths that struck me most about the ways God uses to speak to me were;

• The Bible "It reveals the nature of God, not just what He said and did in the past but also what He has to say to us today"
• Through His people, like the girls in my Mizizi class. The workbook said "God will often speak to others in a way that confirms what He is already speaking to us through His Word"
• Through circumstances, though it's a bit tricky because sometimes things just happen, but God will never lead us in a direction contrary to His word. Like today, the circumstance was taking William Pro for a service with my brother-in-law.....details in the next post.

Anyway, it's been a great day and I can't wait to grow more! Stay tuned :-)

Prayer for Today

Lord, thank you for the many ways in which you speak to me. Help me learn to have faith in your voice, listen to it and also teach me to obey it.

Coincidences

This isn't more of a confession, but a realization. I'm not really a faith-filled person. I mean, yes, I know God is there and yes, I believe in Jesus, but really in more of an "out there in the sky, far away" kinda way not the "near and dear" kinda way.

I know I've said this before, but this became more clear to me after my first Mizizi class yesterday. I get to class and the way it was and the people I met, or at least one person I met.....I mean could it be just a coincidence that I was placed in this particular group with this lady who I have so much in common with. I mean we've gone through so much of the same experiences and Spiritually, she's where I'd like to be someday, so was it just a coincidence that I was placed in this particular group or was it God, you know, placing me in the right place so I could grow?

Another thing is, is it just a coincidence that there aren't any men in my group hahaha! I have to admit I was pretty disappointed and I was looking around the other groups like, "come here!" hahaha, but it's cool, I mean I set out to do this to make great female friends. That teaches me to be careful what I pray for!! :-) But again, was that just a coincidence or did God place me in that particular group for that particular reason.

I mean, shouldn't a good Christian be able to look at everything through umm... "faith-lenses", look at everything as an act of God. But, me, and I hate saying this, yet again, but I don't believe in anyone or anything anymore. I mean I don't want to be disappointed. Whether it's friends, or relationships or God.

For example, when my dad was sick. In my head, I was thinking if Derek Shepherd from Grey's Anatomy was real, I would do anything in my power to find him, because according to the show, he would be the only one who could know how to help me out, but since there was no Derek Shepherd, all I could believe in was God. The doctors couldn't operate, and we didn't even want them to try, because of how the cancer was weaved in his brain. All I could have faith in and all I could believe in was God. Then the whole thing of the pastor who came to pray for me and told me how "God had seen my tears in the night", and how "they wouldn't be in vain" and how "my dad wouldn't die because God had a purpose for him" etc etc, and I held on to that, because you know, it was a pastor saying that, then a couple of weeks later, he did die.

I know, I made this choice to follow God, but it's with a tentative heart that I do so, at least for now. I'd rather limit my beliefs and not expect too much, so that I'm not disappointed and we can still carry on as friends, rather than be disappointed and feel betrayed and then who would I turn to?

That is just where my heart is at, right now. But, I do promise to try, at least for the next 7 weeks, to look at the small coincidences as what do they call it, God-incidences. I'll try and stir my faith up a bit.

Mizizi Launch

I have to say guys, for all the fears I had about going back, I came out having twice as much fun. It was the first time I met these people but I had fun and laughed so hard, man, I told you Mavuno is where it's at!!! I even left with one phone number....female! Remember, I resolved to make more female friends to even things and maybe even tip the balance with all my male friends after Sunday's sermon. So,yay, new friend for me! :-)

So, I got there, I'd planned to be late so I'd miss the refreshments and mingling part, but things worked out differently because one of my friends drove me home from school so I could pick up my car and head to Church, so I had no excuse like "the line for the buses was too long" and I got there at around 5.40. I walked into the dome and almost ran back to hide in the car, there were so many people standing around drinking coffee and eating cake and talking and I felt so intimidated but then something happened and I just got this sudden rush of confidence, at least enough to make it to my seat :-)

So, after people came in, the session started and we did little ice-breaker games and everyone was up for it and that made it so much fun and that's when I made a couple of friends. After Pastor M and the service leaders finished talking, you could just tell the air had changed and everyone felt so inspired and we were all saying "hi" to each other and "nice to meet you" and "can't wait to see you next week" it was great. I didn't want the night to end!

So, I went to sign up, and left. As much as I wanted to stay and see and explore this new found confidence in myself, and see if I could have mingled any more, I just felt like it was enough, I shouldn't push my luck and I should leave on a high. Although I'm pretty sure if I'd have stayed I 'd have continued to have fun, but I still left.

Why am I doing Mizizi, or rather why am I re-doing Mizizi, I'm sure at some point I'll be asked that question by family or friends.

1. I don't want to view God as some far off person in the sky, I really want to be as tight as I can be with Him. 
2. I want to experience God's love, not just how I know theoretically that it exists. I'm sure it's there and I might have seen it before, because He's always loved us, but it's always been in terms of God saving me from some situation I put myself in like "I didn't die in a car crash though I let my friend drive drunk, that's God's love" I don't want my "God's love" story to always be in those terms, I want it to also be in the positive, like "I discovered what I want to do with my life,, that's God's love" or "I reached the heart of worship, that's God's love"
3. I want to grow deeper in my faith, so rooted that no one and nothing can shake me.
4. Like everyone else, I want to discover my purpose, why I am the way I am, what I was born to do, and if what I'm doing now is in preparation for it or what I need to do if it's not.
5. Obviously, also to make friends. This is important to me because, saying goodbye to the past also meant I had to say goodbye to a lot of people, most of the people I was with, it wasn't really based on truth or common ground, except for partying and that kind of stuff, so they didn't really last or aren't that effective. I have very few people that I can call friends and I would love some more. That's a huge prayer for me as I embark on this, because even if I achieve the first 4 above, they won't really last if I don't have people pushing me forward and learning and growing from each other, even the Bible says so, David needed Jonathan, Jesus needed His boys, Timothy had Paul, I gots to have some people too :-)

So yeah, that's it. I honestly can't wait for next week. I'm praying everything goes great :-)

Who Are Your Friends?

As I've mentioned many times this weekend, I missed Church today and I feel so bummed about it but luckily the amazing guys in the tech team were live on twitter so I got all the notes. They did such a great job, I was in a car on my way out of Nairobi but I felt like I was seated right there in Church. 


If you're reading this, I'd love it if you would follow Mavuno on Twitter, at least you'll get some amazing quotes and great encouragement, plus know what's going on with them. Incase the link doesn't work, it's twitter.com/mavunochurchorg. Also check out the Mavuno website


I loved Pastor M's sermon as usual, and here are the notes. It's taken me an hour but I managed to piece it together from twitter. Enjoy!

This is the year we're really connecting with God and this February we are encouraging the congregation to do a month long fast. We really want to listen to God & hear him speak to us this year. Fasting is one of the ways you can do this. Read more on fasting &prepare.

Now, this show ran for ten years, it continues to sell millions worldwide. It won 63 different awards. The final episode was watched by an estimated 51 million in the US alone. It won 6 Emmy's. What's the name of the show? Friends! The reason it was so successful was because it spoke to a need in young people who need friends and identify with the characters on the show. They found that the companionship, comfort and support they got from each other was the ideal solution to the pressures of life.

What we learnt last week is that money, no matter how much you have will not make you successful if you have a cracked foundation. People who care for us and have our best interests at heart, that’s one of the ways that would make us successful, and in many ways, that's what Friends was about.

On the other hand, these friendships though depicted as funny and authentic, had many serious flaws. They were over sexualized, became dysfunctional, led to broken marriages and resulted in much pain and stress. The question is this – is there another way to do it?

We believe there is - God's Way.

We’re going through a series called ‘Shinda Maisha’ and learning about how to prepare for REAL success through the stages of life. It’s an opportune time to talk about this, with the explosion of the many lotteries which are teaching a generation of Kenyans that success is winning a lot of money. Just this last week, the Shinda Smart competition was banned for lack of integrity of process, If you sent in 60/= installments, our sympathies to you

Last week we talked about the foundation years, and the importance of teaching values when your child is aged 0-10. We learnt that 'It’s not luck you need; it’s training’. Even if you won Ksh. 25M but have not developed a value foundation, the money will destroy you!

Today we want to look at the next stage, the years of education, when one is aged between 11-25. Some of you are at this stage in life and so this will be very useful. Some of you have children in this stage so we hope this guides you. Many of you are past this stage, but as you listen, I trust that you will see areas with cracks in your life that you can address.

The educational years are a recent addition into a person’s development, and are a direct result of the modern education system. This stage was non-existent before colonialism because prior to that time, children would go through a rite of passage and transition directly into adults. If they were men; they would become warriors or protectors of the family. If they were women, they would be prepared for marriage & family. Even in the West, the whole concept of teenager didn’t exist before the Industrial Revolution!  

Today, these ‘teen’ and ‘young adult’ years are seen as an intermediate stage when a person is not a child anymore, but still doesn’t carry a clear adult role in society. For some of you, this stage ended early because you took on a job but for many, it lasts till after college. At this stage, several things are going on in a person’s life.

• Physical and emotional changes - these begin with adolescence, as we begin to form a sexual identity. For both girls and boys it is a tumultuous time. Do you remember your teenage years?
• Independent thinking – People at this stage begin to want a degree of independence to experiment and to test out their own theories about life, as they’re establishing a sense of identity.
• Self Consciousness –You want to fit in, to be popular. That’s why till today, high school boys will roll up their sleeves, turn up collars etc
• Peer Influence - Young people at this stage no longer see their parents as all-knowing or all-powerful and often have developed other relationships that they now consider as wiser and more ‘with it’

With the influence of the media, many kids today are highly sexualized and begin acting out sexually as early as 5 or 6 years old. Many parents, totally oblivious to the fact that this is not normal dress their children suggestively because that’s what’s ‘in fashion’. This is a disaster waiting to happen when those children become teenagers.

Many parents are too busy to realize that even the content being marketed as children’s TV contains very un-childlike values. All these things are happening when the person is in school, and the focus is on getting good grades, getting into a good college, and getting a good degree.

Many parents have no idea what challenges their teens/young adults are going through. And so they either continue treating them as children or they give up and allow them to experiment without guidance. Some parents try hard to be their children’s peer (a la Gilmore Girls) unfortunately; none of these parenting approaches help us win in life.

What are the lessons that a person should learn through the educational years? There are several, including how to handle money wisely. In the US for instance, it was not uncommon to see a young Kenyan student racking up thousands of dollars in credit-card debt, spending years out of college trying to pay it off. All they had learnt at school and home was irrelevant to help them succeed in the adult world! Sports and academics are important, because not only because they’ll help you make money but also because they’ll teach you the disciplines of hard work

One of the most important lessons to learn is to teach your teens or to learn for yourself as a young adult is how to form and maintain positive friendships. What we’re saying today is if you won the lottery or succeed in your career but don’t have a wall of solid & dependable friends around you it will leave you even more isolated and lonely, surrounded by sycophants who don’t care for you. That is a recipe for failure in life!

The whole book of Proverbs is written to a young man in this stage of life. One of the themes it emphasizes greatly is that of positive relationships. Please turn to one such example;

Proverbs 27:6-10: Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. He who is full loathes honey, but to the hungry even what is bitter will taste sweet. Like a bird that strays from its nest, is a man who strays from his home. Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel. Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father, and do not go to your brother’s house when disaster strikes you– better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.

Our passage shows us some of the qualities you need to look for in a positive friendship, as well as some of the qualities you need to have if you are to be such a friend to others. There are at least three tests for positive friendship…

1.    The Realness Test

V.6-7 says ‘Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. He who is full loathes honey, but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet’.

High school socialization taught us to view relationships with ladies as sexual; and relationships with guys as competitive and vice versa. In other words, you learnt how to make superficial relationships because you were constantly projecting an image.

One day, my mentor, Pastor Oscar challenged me. He’d watched me take out a girl for dinner one week and then a different one the next week. When he asked my intentions, I said they were both just friends. He told me, ‘there are some men who lead men, and there are some men who chase women!’ Although I made the decision then to change how I related to women, it took me years to learn to make good, healthy friendships with other men.

Who are your friends? This passage is saying that you should learn to make friends with people who can be real with you and not have to maintain a certain image. Those who will speak the truth, in love to you. People who are not impressed by your reputation - not ‘mafans’ who only tell you what you want to hear.

Who are your friends? Are you able to speak the truth in love to them? Do they feel free to ask you the hard questions about life? Do you find yourself only able to share deeply with people of the opposite gender? Do you find it hard to form good healthy friendships with people of the same gender? These are signs that your walls are broken & need repair.

1. 2.    The Value-Add Test

Verse 8-9 ‘Like a bird that strays from its nest is a man who strays from his home. Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel’. This quality has to do with value-addition. Do your friends reinforce positive values in your life or do they cause you to misbehave? Are you a better person when you are with them?

Psalms1-Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. Who are your friends? This passage says rather than being surrounded by people who are cool or popular, we should surround ourselves with people who help us become better people.

Along the highway to God’s purpose, you’ll need travel companions. These are the friends who share your values, who believe the same things about reality that you do. You need friends who will help you resist the sexual pressure in the media.

For example, if you believe that time with your wife and family comes before career advancement or personal entertainment, it’s difficult to walk the distance with friends who have the opposite values. This happens to many men. Your ‘boys’ start making fun of you at the office “This guy is always running home after work. He must have a curfew!” Next thing you know, it’s after work and there you are, going for a drink with the guys.

The problem is you never learnt to apply the value-add test to your friendships. Amos 3:3 asks the question “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” (KJV)

For parents, one thing you can do in this regard is put your children in touch with other children who share their values. Something else my parents did when we were that age is that they allowed us to invite our close friends over, and got to know them. They were teaching us to influence our peers positively, rather than waiting to be influenced negatively.

Proverbs 27:17 ‘As iron sharpens iron, a friend sharpens a friend’. 

1. 3.    The Commitment Test

“Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father and do not go to your brother’s house when disaster strikes you – better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.”

There are those friends who give you a lot of airtime when you’re doing well. You go for plots together and generally are tight, but when things are not going well, you would never dare share it with them because you have to keep up the façade.

John 2:23, tells us “Many believed in Him as they saw the miracles He performed. But Jesus did not trust Himself to them.”

While He didn’t chase them away, He knew the difference between a fan and a true friend. And He had such friends.

Who are your friends? Do you have friends who are committed to you no matter what? Who will stay by your side in good times or in bad? Who you call when things are not good and you can count on them to make sacrifices on your behalf? Do you have friends who can count on you in the same way? If not, it’s a great sign that your walls are damaged and in need of repair.

So who are your friends? We’re saying that the key lesson in your teen and young adult years needs to be building positive friendships.

If you didn’t learn to build such friendships. You are setting yourself up for loneliness, sexualized and competitive relationships. Even in marriage, you won’t know how to be friends. You’ll need outside stimulation and entertainment to keep your relationship together as you don’t know how to sit and connect.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter how much money you make, without positive reinforcement, you are setting yourself up for life failure. Who are your friends?

Along your journey to purpose, there will be many discouragements and reasons to give up. The only way to ensure you make it is to surround yourself with friends who are real with you, who add value to your life and who are committed to you.

Here at Mavuno, the Life Group is the one group that’s committed to help you discover God’s purpose for your life. We have great Life Groups at Mavuno where real relationships are being forged. People are learning to support each other’s dreams, to hold each other accountable, to walk towards life purpose together.