Small Goups, Worldchangers & Yoga

Today was a superb day! We had small group at Sundial Bridge & a few of the boys decided to honor us girls & invited us to their small group for communion & to prophesy over us.

So we walked down a trail I haven't been on, past the exhibition center & woah! You guys, I found the place where Jesus must hang out in Redding. This little place off the trail, where the river is really shallow & it's really quiet, you can hear the water over the rocks, it's really beautiful. It was like a 15 minute walk, so I figured this would be my first workout of the day.

The guys gave us some really encouraging words & sang over us "we love you, we'll never stop, all this is for you, beautiful daughters". I've never been so blessed in my life. It's one thing for someone to stop you on the street & give you a word, it's a whole other thing when a group of men is intentional about pursuing you, simply to encourage you & honor you. Obviously, this isn't my culture, not the culture I grew up in. Only here in Redding have I really learned what it means to be honored & loved by these incredible men, who love me just because I'm me & they see greatness & me and aren't afraid to say it, not expecting anything back, not to hit on me or get my number or take advantage of me or anything, just because they just love me and honor me. They teach me to look at myself the way Jesus looks at me...these guys are the gospel, they are the Kingdom with skin on.

If you can't tell yet, I'm in love. I was praying telling God, I came here for a lot of reasons, top of which was to find love & to be loved. I can say without a doubt, I found love & have been loved in my Revival Group, in my intern, in my old housemates, Brentt, Laura & Makari, in Redding, in Bethel. I've fallen in love with this church, city & culture. Although, I was joking in my prayer, saying, I should have been more specific...I wanted a husband! But God has given me way more than I could have ever asked or imagined. I grow more & more in love everyday. Sometimes, I get into worship and I'm like, "Woah, my love has grown, I can't believe I love you this much now..."

Anyway, enough of the mushy business. In other news, I wrote a letter to the Kenya missions team. I just felt led to bless them & encourage them, I was a little peeved that they hadn't reached out to me because my Thai roommate was invited to speak to the Thai missions team, so I was like, "what's up with that?" and God asked me, "What's up with YOU?! You do it!" So, that was fun to bless them & pray for them. I also baked some brownie muffins for my Kenyan friends, Eric & Anne, dang, those babies were good! If I do say so myself! It was awesome to do that for them. I've been planning to for months & it only took me like 35 minutes, so I'm definitely doing that again. Maybe, I'll make some treats for revival group!

I was so sore from the dance last night, so I thought I'd just do some yoga & found Jillian Michaels. First off, Jillian Michaels, this isn't yoga. Yoga is calm & relaxing, this is full on strength & cardio! Anyway, this was my final workout of the day, which I laughed so hard in, enjoyed & COMPLETED thanks to my other housemate Julie doing it with me! Shout out!

x
Jo

Thoughts at Midnight

In trying to stick to my commitment of writing up all the goodness I get to hear and be a part of daily, here I am at 12:05AM doing a recap of Saturday.

I have to say, it was a great day! I slept in till about 10AM, which is just what you do on Saturday in California. (Despite how much I planned to go on a run) I listened to some music, did my laundry, met a great girl who came over to the house and then kinda just chilled for the rest of the day. I was planning a movie night for a couple of people from my Revival Group and I'm just praying I get a car so I can pick up all these people who need rides but struggle to find them! (Like me :-)) so I can pick them up and shuttle them over to my house :-)

My landlords, friends, family here is amazing and allowed me to invite a couple of people over and I hope to do that some more because there's something INCREDIBLE about community and having Jesus just show up like He said He would where people in His name are gathered. His presence always come down, and I'm just so into hosting that :-) Anyway, I'm skipping ahead...

I went to In n Out with a few friends and I learned so much about love. Loving the people who don't get any love from anybody else. People can say no to attending a Church service, or getting prayed over, but few people can say no to no-strings-attached love. So, we were just talking about loving the community, and it really impacted me because these people really DO it. Open their doors to strangers and have their home be "Holy car washes" where people just walk through the door and get showered in the Holy Spirit. I was just asking God can I do that? Despite my fears for my space/safety, can He make me brave?

After that a couple of guys came over for my little movie night and we watched Finger of God. It was kind of cool to see the scenes set in Redding and be like, "oh, I know that place, I know where that is!" After the movie, we were just talking about what we learned from it and love, time & prayer were the major themes my friends brought up.

Love in the sense of how our love is what changes the nations. Love truly is the most powerful force on earth. Kids know this. Kids know, Jesus loves me, so He will heal me. Jesus loves me, so He will give this person a new kidney. They know this until we as adults train them otherwise. Love is simple and strong, just like Jesus.

Time is the one I struggle most with. Prioritizing time for prayer. I hate saying that, because it's not a task to check off a list. It's a conversation with the person I'm the luckiest to get to have a conversation with! It's as much a priority as breathing is.

Right now at school, we're told to rest and not go out into the streets and preach - that's kind of what BSSM is known for and what most people are itching to go out and do. However, Jesus taught us that most wars are won in the secret place much earlier than they are in public. Now in my prayer closet, I can pray for specific things, specific people - people I may not necessarily know and still see healing in their lives. I can practice the prophetic now without even seeing or touching the person and pray into that. I can practice my prayer language now, before I do it in front of anyone else. I get to balance that out with general prayers for what I might not know I need but that the Spirit can work with and contend for what I need - again, with this opportunity of sharing your heart with the one who loves you, how can I struggle with prayer and prioritize God?! He IS the priority. Not catching up on the latest TV shows on Hulu! (That's for me, lol)

So anyway, here I am, thinking on these things and about to pray. First and foremost for God giving me such an amazing friend, (Rhonelda!) and for surrounding me with some RIDICULOUSLY amazing world changers in my Revival Group. Thanks guys for coming over, you totally blessed my heart!

Community

Disclaimer: Kris Vallotton is one of my favorite pastors and (if he knew me) would totally be disappointed in what I’m about to write because he’s all about community and not believing in lies about your identity but I’ll just write it anyway because this is just how my week has been.

I’m not a very social person. It’s just in my DNA, I don’t tend to make friends with everyone or go above and beyond to bond with everyone in a room. I talk to a lot of people and since I was a kid in kindergarten I’ve always been in the “popular crowd”, but mostly because I was friends with the most popular girl and they made me popular. But really at my core, I’m a loner, which is why it’s so weird now when I meet people from school they’re like, “I wanted to talk to you back then but you were always in that crowd and didn’t want to talk to me” when it’s me who felt like that.

That popularity gene started dying off in my 2^ndyear of High School when I was friends with a popular girl and got BURNED! By then I’d kinda found my own niche and didn’t really feel the need to hang with so and so to feel good about myself. I enjoyed school a lot more after that although my extra-curricular activities still placed me in a position where I wasn’t too obscure.

Fast forward to today where...
to make friends I have to actively pursue it. These past years in college I’ve made some really good friends, but now as we’re leaving, I think the crowd is somewhat tapering off which is good in a way because there are some people who we just grew in different directions, but there are others who to be honest, this separation process is killing me.

Then there are the friendships that you try and make and try to bond with people but they just don’t seem interested in letting you in. I get that sometimes you’re kinda off in your own world, I’m like that sometimes, but it still hurts when someone isn’t receptive or returning the same courtesy when they don’t even know you – like, they aren’t interested in what you have to offer or they just don’t like you for whatever reason.

This is why this hurts me when I’m the one calling and texting and initiating conversations and the other person isn’t – it devalues me. I know this is where Kris V would say, your identity is in Christ, you have value because it’s God who assigns value.

It hurts me because I am a good friend, I care about people, I include people. Like now being in worship team, some people might perceive me as joining a “restricted clique” but I’m always quick to dismiss that and ask for their number to tell them when auditions come up. When someone looks like they don’t fit in, I go up grab their hand and include them. When my friends go through stuff, I care about them like it’s my problem. When it’s my friends’ birthday, I’ll throw them a party. I go above and beyond looking for gifts that’ll make that other person get that surprised-oh-my- gosh-I-can’t-believe-you-care-that-much-about-me-face. I LOVE that face!

All I’m asking is when will it be my turn.

I hate this excuse people give, “If they want to hang out with me, they should tell me.” I had a youth pastor who said the same thing, “If you want me to mentor you or advise you, you have to tell me I won’t look for you.” This same pastor did nothing to seek me out when my dad died. It’s a little extreme of an example but based on that premise, can I propose that it’s easier to open the door for someone on the outside from the inside than to have that person knock on the door standing out in the cold.

At youth group when I finally made it into “a circle” or when I passed my audition for worship team, I said in a couple of meetings, “Now that we’re here and we’ve made it, let’s make it easier for those who’ll come after us and include them and not make them feel like they’re stuck in the outside group when we’re in this other group.” 

I try to live by that, to live by caring for others and trying to care for them the way I’d like to be cared for, reaching beyond my comfort zone so they can feel free to reach beyond theirs. I’m hurt, I’ve been hurt this week because I feel like all that energy is flowing out of me, but none is flowing in. I get that God replenishes what we pour out for Him, but I need Him to do it through my friends.

God, I need friends who are family to me. I need to be surrounded by people who feel like I feel and do like I do, like you do. The biggest messes I’m in, I’m in because I didn’t have such friendships in my life or because I made dumb choices on who I allowed to be my friends. God, I need strength to keep putting myself out there even when I get knocked down because I just can’t and at this point I’d rather save my energy and not bother. Yes, this week has also been about fear but now I realize my biggest fears are about being disappointed in this area of community. The fear that you just don’t have the motivation to put me in enriching relationships and friendships; the fear that you don’t think I’m worth the ride or die friends. You see my dreams and visions are based somewhat on these connections and I just don’t think you’ll do it. So I’ve been afraid and I want(ed) to quit, but I won’t. You’ve made me see all this for a reason and I’ve just got to trust you and lean into that.

There’s a line between you saying, “Joanne trust me, I am not a human that I should lie or change my mind, have I ever spoken and failed to act or promised anything and not carried it through? I am all you need, put your trust in me,” and, “there are many parts in one body, seek out other parts.” (Numbers 23:19 and 1 Corinthians 12:12) So yeah, you might be teaching me how to walk this line, but as you are, please also pay attention to how I feel right now. My heart is just tired. I long for authenticity and pursuit not for any other reason, but simply because someone sees in me what you see in me and gives me a chance.

Amen

God Bless, 

Jo

Mad Love - Move Tour Concert

I just realized I never posted these pics! This was such a fun day, I already talked about it here. I think I dance a lot, like at Church, during Praise and Worship, I’m very expressive. At home, I’m about a thousand times more expressive, jumping around in my room and across the corridors, so at this concert, I was right at home!

Outfit of the day:

1. Had a lot of denim going on which I don’t know if it’s good or bad, but I rocked it anyway, including the denim across the shoulder bag (a must to keep my stuff safe and my hands free)
2. Blue pearl drop earrings I got from a guy at Donholm Market
3. Side View
4. Jewelry for the day plus freshly manicured nails
5. No make-up; mascara and sweat don’t exactly go together; and, I changed my hair, I love this long and curly look, it’s my fave hairstyle of the year

Performers:

The guy in the middle is Sean Simmons. He was my fave performer of the night! First because he had the crowd shout “Hi” to his wife and he taped us (aww! )Gotta love a man who remembers his wife and does something like that for her!) Second because of his song, “We astronauts, we outta here”. I have to find that song and put it on The Sound! Another performer I loved was Jahaziel and he did this Ragga-ish song that sounded amazing! And of course, Adawnage leading Worship! Gah! Amazing! Plus the crowd responded, the Holy Spirit moved, and this was at a Hip-Hop concert! God is amazing! We left before Da Truth finished his set, Aggie and I were both car-less and live far, so we couldn’t stay late L

Aggie and I:

Fun day, but next time…VIP!!!! We’re getting to old for this standing and getting pushed around by kids for 5 hours business J

xo

Jo

Christians and Friendship

I think I've been blessed with some of the best friends a girl could ask for. I don't have a lot of friends, we don't all go to happy hour or do reunions together :-) I'm not really the bare your heart to anyone type, but the friends I do have are pretty special.


I'm going to introduce them to you guys one day, but not today. Today I want to talk about one thing that's really been on my heart these past couple of days...authenticity in friendship. I think the reason I consider these guys my best friends is the fact that they've seen me at my worst and still they come back for more. I get crazy and these crazy people put up with it :-) I'm pretty lucky.


I'm trying to not be one person to one group of people and another person to another group of people. My friends know I have hard times, I struggle. They know when I'm happy and when I'm not. They know when I mess up. There are times when I try and hide my issues from them and be all happy and perky and act like my life is perfect. I think there's a pressure with that, especially after I got saved. 


I think though that the devil (don't run away, come back! I won't mention him again!) likes it when we keep things in the dark. When for example, I hide something from Michelle, like a boy issue, for example, I lose that accountability and things done in the dark end up messing you up. However, when I talk to her, I kind of see things better and I'm more enLIGHTENED (pun intended) about whatever it is. I think my biggest issue in life is boys, so this is the perfect example for me.


I also think there's an issue of hypocrisy. When you act like you have it all together, what sort of witness is that to your friends? Christian life isn't about perfection, it's about a gracious God, pulling you out of the muck and helping you be more like Him. It isn't about being perfect enough to love. We love Him because He first loved us. 


If I act like everything's good, then God forbid, I ever burn out, that'll drive a huge gap between my friends and God, because it'll be like, "God isn't real, if He was real Joanne wouldn't have burned out." If on the other hand I'm honest about my struggles and my ups and downs with this whole salvation thing, it'll be like, "If God can use someone as imperfect as Joanne, He can use me too." or "If God helped Joanne through such and such, He can help me too."


You know when you meet a guy {and by you, I mean me :-)} you kind of struggle to impress them and be whoever you feel they want you to be so that they like you and you don't act like yourself and it starts this whole cycle of lies and issues that you cant run away from and before you know it you're crying on the bathroom floor wondering what went wrong and your friends and family wonder why you're still single when you are such an awesome person. {Wah! That actually summarizes my dating life hehehe} Well, what went wrong is that you weren't yourself, and you are a great person when you're yourself, but you see you were never yourself.


I personally hate dating, I wish I could start from 5 years in where you're both comfortable and settled and not going through the whole, "should I call him? Why isn't he calling me? Should I text him?" dance. Unfortunately that's not how it works.


So, I'm praying a lot for God to change the face of my dating life. That if I meet #thatguy, I'm not caught up in impressing him with what I think he would like, but that I could just be a friend to him like I'm a friend to my BFF's. In all things keeping God and His plans for me as my first priority. I don't want to toss God aside and focus on a relationship that may or may not end in heartbreak and then have to go back with my tail in between my legs, head buried in shame and heart broken into a million pieces. At the end of everything, He's basically all I have left, I've learnt that the hard way, so Him and I stick together :-)


I'm praying that I'll just get lost in Him and all this other stuff won't matter so much to me. I think despite all my faults and foolish ways, God's just been so great to me and has given me such joy, that last night me and Michelle had created such drama thinking about boys and despite that drama, I was dancing around in my room, happy! Singing "This Is What You Do" by Matt Stinton. Like the song says, "You make me come alive." I'd be dumb to let that go.

Anyway, just thought I'd share in case anybody's going through the same thing. Would love to hear from you.


xx
Jo 

Let's Play Catch-Up

Apparently numbered lists are my thing now, so bear with me :-)

1. I am just in love with my nephew, He's the sweetest baby, {well not baby anymore, toddler} there has ever been in the world. He has an easy laugh that's just  too cute for words. Then, he'd come up to me and rub his tiny hand on my face or just grab my face and give me a hug or a kiss and call me "Auntie Amla" ...ah! Sweetest kid in the world I tell ya!

2. Heard about this woman here in Kenya who found out her kid's photos are being used by a stranger who's acting like they are her kids. When this woman confronted her, the psycho refused to take the pics down! Really making me nervous to put pictures up, but ha! Too late, anyway, I think I'm going to pause photos until I watermark them. I won't stop posting them...no way I'm derailing my life for a few weirdos!!!!

3. Really felt ADORED by God yeaterday at Church. Remember Saturday I'd been feeling down? Well, I get to Church on Sunday, and guess what?! The Worship Team played Brian Johnson's/Bethel Music's "Your Love Never Fails" OMGosh! It was AMAZING! The band like knocked that one way out of the park! They mashed it up with "Our God Is an Awesome God"! I was just like, God orchestrated that whole thing for me! Yeah the band rehearsed and played it, but God let it happen for me. It was AMAZING! I'm still reeling. Feeling absolutely LOVED! I hope I get to sing that when my month on stage comes!

Afterward, another great thing I loved in Church was this kid from Greenhouse (Kids' Church) who was being interviewed...man, I want a son like that! He was like, I cant even describe it...he was such a leader, he knew God, he was eloquent and confident and he prayed like a champ. Great kid, he must have some crazy proud parents!

4. Hung out today with the nerd and another friend of mine. We surfed, exchanged some movies and went to eat at the newly refurbished Galitos at Union Towers. Wah, that grilled chicken from Galitos is crazy good! They had this offer for 1/4 Chicken, Fries and Pepsi for 300/- I think it's normally 460/- Glad I got that because we are probably never going to see that again!

5. Fearless starts the day after tomorrow! Yippee!

6. Spiderman opens this weekend! Ah!!!!!!

xx
Jo

The Nerd Comes To Visit :-)

A couple of weeks ago, one of my great great friends, who shall forthwith be referred to fondly as “The Nerd” because he’s cool like that :-)came over to visit. (I call him a nerd, he called me a blonde, so it stuck)

Anyway, my PC was messed up and I asked him over to fix it, dude comes over (with food, yay!) barely touches my desktop, and gets it to work. Apparently it was a loose cable, which I absolutely deny because I’d checked and there were no loose cables! 

I felt like such a ditz for calling him over for a loose cable! Anyway, it gave us a good chance to catch up, exchange movies and music and just laugh! It was really fun. Can’t wait for the next one, I’m thinking I loosen another cable ;-)

Joke of the day: “eating special cookies” to play chess and watch documentaries. (Don’t worry, inside joke just wanted to write that down so I could remember) Ahh, nerd!

Here’s some pics :-)

xx

Jo

My First Auditions!

I auditioned for my Church's Worship Team!

I hadn't told anyone this until the actual day (Saturday), even though I signed up almost a month and a half ago. I was just really nervous and embarrassed. Anyway, it was pretty amazing, in a fun way. I have never ever in my life sang in front of anyone, except for one time in High School at a C.U talent show, which I barely remember.

I got there, late - there was some crazy 2-hours-for-a-20-minute-drive traffic in account of the Mater Heart Run at Nyayo Stadium. I honestly thought I'd missed the audition.

I got there though and met a friend who kinda calmed me down. (The guy who introduced me to the person in-charge of the audition...thanks manu!) Put my name down, and waited for my number (11) Everybody was kinda singing and rehearsing, but I just couldn't. It's the whole, "cramming before a test" thing, plus I was just too scared to sing in front of anyone and get my confidence shattered 5 minutes before getting on stage.

Talked with a great girl who was also going up and we ended up driving home together, (hey Nat!)

So, I finally got called up and one of the "judges" was the Pastor (Mike) who did my interview for my Baptism, the other lady was the one I've been liaising with to get the details for the day (Doris), and on the keyboard was one of the amazing vocalists/leaders from the services (Osayi).

Anyway, they asked me why I wanted to join, I said, I love music and I love worship. Then they asked of I have a life group and I said yes. Then they asked me to sing my favorite song. For the record, I've only sang the two rehearsal songs they sent us the whole week, so I hadn't practiced anything else, but I ended up singing "God I Look To You" by my all-time favorite W.L, Jenn Johnson from Bethel Music. Then I did the chorus from 1 of the audition songs, "Mighty to Save" by Hillsong United, then we did what I think is called an Appreggio, where the keyboardist plays notes and you have to repeat them by ear. I think it went OK.



But, then they asked me to hang back, and after a while, I got called back to sing with a Soprano and a Tenor. (I'm alto) It sounded horrible, so that knocked my confidence down to the floor! The soprano was so high and I didn't know how I was supposed to blend, or IF I was supposed to blend or just stick to my voice...I've never sang with anyone before!

Anyway, waiting for news...I really hope I get in. I need to be actively involved in Church and this is the best way for me right now, because I'm so passionate about this. Also planning on getting involved with some of the classes they have at Church, maybe co-lead a group, get some experience prepping for a session and teaching. Might really help me if I get into ministry.

Anyway, would love love love your prayers over this!

xx
Jo

Tales of Birthdays Past

I was in a really strict boarding school in High School, we exchanged hand-made cards and wrote each other dedications on the blackboard during evening preps and buy each other tuck-shop snacks like scones, smokies, crisps, bajias, and if you were really lucky someone would have saved a chocolate bar for you J It got to a point where we were banned from singing happy birthday after some kids were caught singing happy birthday really loudly.

 

Pangani Girls' High School Badge

Sorry, really bad picture but its all i could find

Before High School, my dad was the birthday enthusiast and he and my mom arranged all my birthday parties. (Read: my dad would agree with me and my mom would buy snacks and do all the heavy-lifting) Mostly it would be our family together with my Auntie’s family with her two kids, sometimes it would be a party for all the kids in my neighborhood. 

Birthdays were a big deal with my dad and I remember being a kid and him making decorations and hanging them up and taking millions of pictures. It was special. My best memories of my dad are centered on holidays and birthdays. That’s why birthdays and holidays are so important to me, and I wish people would understand that, it’s not about being a brat and seeking attention. It’s the one day of the year that’s yours. We have Cancer Day and AIDS day and Water Day and Labor Day and Valentines, and we celebrate each of them, and you have one day of the year that’s your own day, and call me a dork, but I think it’s pretty special and sometimes it feels like my dad’s the only one in my family who got that. Now that he’s gone, it makes for some pretty lonely moments, but awesome memories.

I can do anything but I can’t recreate what it was like with him. I truly felt celebrated and loved, like (I believe) you’re supposed to feel on your birthday and I’ve tried to make it happen for years:

18^th birthday House Party fiasco: My best friend at the time, Kevin helped me plan this one. My dad was in Shaggz and my mom was out with her friends. People wanted alcohol and to smoke in my house where my parents live! If that wasn’t enough, someone stole my phone in my own house! At the time I’d turned 18 (legal drinking age) and I didn’t mind the drinking and smoking, I even had my first taste of KC vodka (which I hated, I hope my family doesn’t read this, hee) but honestly, smoking inside the house, leaving smoke stinking up the furniture, that’s just ridiculous, so I had to kick guys out then a fight broke out, crazy! Then, I couldn’t even play the music I wanted (rock) because they were all about ragga and dancehall. Then there’s the walking around making sure everyone’s comfortable, ugh! Not to mention, most of my friends at the time were guys, which made for a lot of organizing when the number of boys who showed up ended up being more than the girls.

Source

19^th birthday Expensive Pizza party: Went to Debonairs Pizza and bought almost 8 large pizzas with some new church friends, trying to make new friends on your birthday probably wasn’t my best idea. It’s just that I’d started going to this Church and all my other friends were the party and rager type (read 18^th) and I wanted a “”“Christian Birthday””” …Plus sick dad at home.

20^th birthday deadbeat ex-boyfriend, whose birthday was a week after mine, and we’d agreed to celebrate together…I went to so much trouble for him and his gifts and he decides, on the night of his birthday to go out with his boys and on what was supposed to be our party the next night, he takes me to his friends party, he’s exhausted and he gets high and doesn’t even notice when I’m practically attacked by some female cop and oh, never got me a gift…deadbeat! I mean, no offence, Christianity, forgiveness and all :-)

21^st birthday stuck at work all day, got coffee and cake with a friend afterward, pretty good, at least there’s no bitter memories, (read 20^th)

I had mixed feelings about the 22nd after all this, but it ended up being pretty awesome :-) 

Details tomorrow....

xx

Jo

 

Happy Birthday BFF!

My best friend in the world just turned 23 and in celebration of her big day, thouught I'd post some pictures of the party I threw her for her 20th birthday!

It was absolutely the best night ever, I threw an awesome party :-) I invited our friend from High School, seriously, we three were inseparable, and I thought it'd be a good idea to have a blowout reunion like we used to dream about stuck in boarding school. There was a lot of dancing, as you can see, and just a whole lot of craziness! I'll do you a favor and not include the pole-dancing pics HA! J/K

I love you sweety!

 Me!

 The three musketeers, BFF in the middle

 Dancing Kidalipo, you'd have to be East African to understand that :-)

 Lots of laughter :-D

 More dancing

 Lets just call that an Orange juice ;-)

 More orange juice :-)

I dont usually do night outs and this was actually my last one, wow, 3 years ago. I'm not really the going out clubbing type, but this was really good. A chill night with just friends.

xx

Jo