My Punch in Fear's Nose

I am so disappointed in myself for not keeping up with this blog. Life has been incredibly exciting and I should be chronicling all of this, but between school, homework, Bible reading, Hulu and trying to get a life ;-) this blog fell way behind. However, it was sort of a good break and I feel like now I can come back with a bang and a second wind & get this back on track.

I am honestly so full of joy and excited over what God's been doing and what He continues to do. Right now, I have no great goals to accomplish because everything I set out to do through this year, God has already come in and blown my little ideas out of the water and given me so much more.

I struggled my 1st month here, getting used to being away from home and away from life as I knew it. The culture shock was crazy - no amount of blog reading or TV watching will prepare you  for being submerged in this (way) different culture, but to be honest I love it. I love being asked where I'm from and having a story to tell and meeting all these people who have a heart for Kenya! My country is in good hands & hearts.

The more I'm here, the more my heart is stirred to travel. I've never pictured myself as being confident or strong enough to survive in another country...forget America, America is easy and diverse, I'm talking Asia or Russia or Scandinavia...but the more I'm here and interact with my AMAZING Revival & Small Groups, the more I am so excited to go and I pray God enables me to travel to those countries and continue to live this dream of going around the world, seeking Him and learning & teaching His love.

Like I said, my expectations have been blown away as far as what I think I came here for, now I'm at a place where I'm asking for more and expecting nothing but greatness. Do I know what I want to do for the rest of my life? Yes and No. Simply because I've come to realize my carefully mapped out life won't work in this environment. I truly believe whatever I choose, I am being empowered to make maximum impact. Whether it's leading worship, writing, teaching, preaching, marketing, prophesying, being a wife & mom, all of it. I'm growing in my confidence daily & that in itself is a miracle. It's freeing, scary and exhilarating and this is a wonderful season.

My immediate goal is to rally potential BSSM students from Africa and encourage them that the door is wide open and waiting for YOU. Something incredible is growing from here. This is an army rising up. We may not be the best or the only choice out  there, (although I believe we are ;-) wink) but there is definitely something tangible rising out of here. God is moving really powerfully and I believe He's releasing generals into Africa through BSSM. If you have any questions please feel free to let me know.

Financially, it has been a challenge. I haven't enough money to start putting toward my mission trip nor to my 2nd year tuition, to be honest, even my rent & expenses after December. I've learned though that I don't have to carry the load on my own, and I am so thankful to be surrounded by an army that's ready and waiting for a call to action. I'll be working on some support letters and I hope to send those out pretty soon. In the meantime, please email me or check out the links on the sidebar if you are wondering how you can contribute and sow into this vision and partner with me.

More than anything, I ask for your prayers. I really ask for your prayers. We are taught to kick fear in the face here, but I can only kick so much until my legs grow weary and I need an extra boost. The Holy Spirit is that boost and I need your prayers over me. The fact that I'm writing this and putting my heart sort of out there is a left hook on my part :-) He makes me brave.

Sometime God Wants Us to Obey Before He Meets Us

Matthew 28 [NET]
1 Now after the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. 2 Suddenly there was a severe earthquake, for an angel of the Lord descending from heaven came and rolled away the stone and sat on it. 3 His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. 4 The guards were shaken and became like dead men because they were so afraid of him. 5 But the angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid; I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 6 He is not here, for he has been raised, just as he said. Come and see the place where he was lying. 7 Then go quickly and tell his disciples, ‘He has been raised from the dead. He is going ahead of you into Galilee. You will see him there.’ Listen, I have told you!” 8 So they left the tomb quickly, with fear and great joy, and ran to tell his disciples. 9 But Jesus met them, saying, “Greetings!” They came to him, held on to his feet and worshiped him. 10 Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee. They will see me there.”

I've found myself in a little situation where I'm supposed to send my future landlady money for my rent but at the same time stalling a little bit and not pushing that hard to get my bank stuff sorted out because I'm nervous paying this rent having not yet done my relocation sorted. I'm trusting God to give me favor and I've prepared as well as I can and asking Him to show me how I haven't and what improvements I can make before my interview next month. However the fact is this rent invoice is looming over my head and I want with all my heart to take this great apartment.

Last night I emailed my future roomie and told her my fears and as I wrote I kept seeing the irony of saying I trust God, God loves you, He'll provide for us, yet being worried about this.

I was reading Holly Furtick's blog and she talked about how in this passage, Jesus met the women after they obeyed.

In the same way, God's given me some instructions with what He wants me to do with my life. I have to obey and be where He wants me to be, So He can meet me in that place of obedience. My roomie wrote back and encouraged me to follow what God's placed in my heart, so I write to my landlady and explained the situation and I thank God for me and my roomie having favor with her. I am so peaceful about doing this and committing to walking in the future and the path He has set me on, knowing I will meet Him as I walk.

God Meets Us in that Place Of Obedience.

Sunday Snippets

Today started out pretty bad, with a stupid nightmare/panic attack...but quickly picked up after a couple of sweet gestures from my family...such as my mom making me a toasted ham sandwich for breakfast.

Church was amazing as usual. The worship was great, the drummer was on point especially during this Damita Haddon song, "It all belongs to you" Wow, that band has crazy talent.

The sermon was a wrap up of this months series, "Whatcha Momma Didn't Teach You About Money" which I have to buy and listen to over and over again. Four points were covered, lets see if I can remember them,

Free your heart
Don't work for money

O.K I blanked, you just have to go to the website to find out. I was totally inspired by every interview I saw this past month, not just because they're all millionaires, but because these are people making money out of living their dreams, not working for money. Also because, they'e ordinary people who started with ordinary means.

I pray quite a bit, and one of the things I pray for that me and my future hubz won't be in our 30's 40's in the same old job, working for the same old bosses, relying on that same old pay check to take us to the next month. Instead we'll fond something we're both passionate about and have that up and running and successful. In the words of Pastor M, "There's no virtue in being poor."

In the meantime, I have a little project that I'm working on that is hopefully going to be a little fun and exciting and hopefully make a profit. Just working on some proposals and trying to sort the fine print with my business partner so to speak...I can't wait to tell you all about it. How was your weekend?



xx
Raha

It's Back To School!

Today I read:

• Genesis 16:1 to 18:15
• Matthew 6:1-24
• Psalm 7:1-17
• Proverbs 2:1-5

"God breathed life into Abram and His name changed to Abraham. When God's breath is on you, your identity changes." I heard some pastor preach that a long time ago and though I try, I can't think of any better interpretation than that. Jesus also talks about outward piety and inward sin in Matthew which also resonates with me, because I don't want to forget the inside and be so focused on the outside.

But, in celebration of the fact that we're re-opening school and I'm going to be in a long, ridiculous line for registration today (do I sound positive enough, because I'm trying to trick my mind into thinking that I'm happy when in reality, I wish I was done with school already!)

Being in a Public Uni is tough because, well in my experience, classes are over crowded, the syllabus isn't extensive and we only cover the basics for some units which won't really help me in 'real-life' or which I can easily learn for myself on Google in under 10 minutes, but my inspiration for today is this:

Proverbs 2 v.2-5:  Listen to what is wise and try to understand it. Beg for knowledge; plead for insight. Look for it as hard as you would for silver or some hidden treasure. If you do, you will know what it means to fear the LORD and you will succeed in learning about God.

I know the passage might be referring to knowledge in the religious sense, but I like to think that it refers to mine as well. So, today, I'm going to register for these classes, this semester I'm going to take commuting in the heat and dust positively, I'm going to get to classes early to listen to my lecturers and beg for understanding, I'm going to work my butt off in begging for knowledge and insight and look for it as hard as I can, and hopefully at the end, I'll succeed.


Have an Inspired Day!

Me, The Financial Erudite

In other news, this week I learn the basic intricacies in International Financial Management. I love finance and I love money and seeing how money works...I'm kind of not that great at saving, though because I always find something that I need to buy, shoes for Ksh.500, new sunglasses for Ksh. 250, Nivea lip balm for Ksh.200, chips from the neighborhood joint for Ksh.60, oh, chips have to go with a samosa that's Ksh.30, a nice cold Alvaro to drink that's another Ksh.30 etc. etc. (From this, you can probably deduce that I am a fat, well-dressed, broke girl lol j/kidding, haha, I'm not well dressed.....again, I'm just kidding) But my lack of prowess in keeping money in my pocket is just the incentive I need to learn about how to keep money, far away from my hands and into financial instruments. So, yes I can say with utmost authority, big spenders are the best financial minds :-)
I don't know, I just feel like corporate finance is my thing, its where I need to be, and if I could find a way to tie that in with marketing then that would be even better. I always dreamt of being this jet-setter, you know those women you see at the airport dressed to the nines, her assistant pulling her suitcase, and her handbag in one hand, laptop in another. Dream destination would be Italy, where I'd have important meetings with investors etc etc. Now that I've grown up though, my dreams are a lot more tamer, the meetings may not be in a Rome office, but Nairobi will do just fine. (Although I'm still planning on learning Italian this year, you know...just in case.)
Some people dream of starting their own businesses, but I don't think I have a single entrepreneurial bone in my body. I'm the 'climbing-the-set-corporate-ladder' type.

Anyway IFM deals with exports and international trade and the forex markets and I cant wait to see how everything works. My biggest fear when it comes to this dream though, is whether or not I'll be able to get what I need out of school to land that amazing job, competition is ridiculous and coveted First Class degrees are hard to obtain. Adding to the pressure, I'm a bit of an introvert in that, unlike for example my cousin who got a job right out of High School (W.T.H??????) I'm more book smart than street smart.
I'm worried but I'm counting on the fact that this isn't the first time I'll be stepping into a new territory armed with nothing but my books and a large dose of prayer. And anyway, aren't I supposed to be content, knowing that I'm protected. Safety in hope, right?


So I know my Bible-In-One-Year-Thingy, lesson-learnt-whateva for today was about contentment, but darn it, I watched Cuidado con el angel again today, and isn't Juan Miguel a.k.a William Levy just sooooo dreamy! When he defended Marichuy and stood up to Estafania, it was all I could do not to jump up and hug the t.v! Or in Dahil ma Isang Ikaw when Ella finally found Miguel who's in a coma but he's screaming in his subconscious mind, "ELLA DON'T LEAVE ME! I'M HERE AND I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH"
Ahh! I could just faint, I swear, I cry when I'm watching these things. Like, real actual tears! Not for any other reason except that its just so beautiful, I mean that sweet, incredible, passionate love....ahh!! Call me emotional, but I honestly cry!
So the way I see it, I have two options, a) Quit watching these soaps or b) Seriously I don't know what else I can do because I love watching them. I wouldn't say I'm addicted, in fact this is the first time I'm watching anything Mexican or from the Philippines since 2007, since I was doing evening classes, but now with my classes spread randomly throughout the early parts of the day and  I got nothing but time. How I choose to occupy myself in this time is to watch Miguel, Ella, Juan Miguel and Marichuy! :-D