Grieving

These next couple of weeks are emotional. On one hand I'm excited to see my family, to eat my mom's pancakes, to spend time with my sister and trade stories, to get my hair done and on the road to recovery. At the same time I'm terrified. I have no idea what the future holds. I feel like I'm not done with Redding, my heart belongs here, but a part of me feels like I'm being ripped away prematurely. I'm not done yet, the things God showed me and others, they haven't happened yet. All my dreams haven't come to be yet. Still, here I am counting the days. I'm excited to go home, but terrified at the same time.

Home holds a lot of memories for me, the majority of which haven't been pleasant to say the least. God literally rescued me from a destructive cycle when He brought me here. I was searching for meaning and searching for love and kept thinking I had found it, only I was absolutely wrong and it was the same vicious cycle, over and over again. Not just looking for love, but career-wise, I was stuck in the wrong job with an abusive boss, and this was what the rest of my life looked like. Floating from one relationship to another, from one job to another looking for meaning.

My biggest fear is being caught up in all of that again. I. Just. Can't.

I've found my reason for being in this place. Has it been perfect? Absolutely not. But I woke up each morning and I did it and for the first time in my life, I felt ALIVE.

So saying goodbye...it's a process. I'm grieving. I know this because, tonight I miss my dad. When you lose someone, the wind gets knocked out of you. The way you breathe, the way your heart beats is changed forever. At least that's what happened for me. I literally feel a weight on my chest, I miss my dad so bad I can't breathe. I know this isn't about my dad though. I'm just grieving. I'm saying goodbye.

I miss Bethel. I miss Redding, I miss California so bad I can't breathe. I miss the promise it holds and the life I've lived. I miss all the dreams I had that haven't come true yet. I miss it with every ounce of my being. I'm excited to go home. It's my home. I have hope for my city. I love my culture. I love Nairobi. But, this place has my heart, this is Home and leaving it, well, it takes the wind out of me, and my breath will never be the same.

God, I hope I come back.

Kris.V.Opened.The.Door.For.Me!

So I've been here 9 months now & still getting rocked to the very last second. Something happened this weekend that touched me so much that I had to write about it. It might not seem like a huge deal, it really isn't and I can't explain why it's so significant that I had to write about it...actually, I've SOZO'd myself & read Bethel books so much I can probably explain why it's so significant to me, but I'm sure nobody wants to hear any of that...anyway...here's the life-changing event...

Kris.Vallotton.Opened.The.Door.For.Me!

I don't mean supernaturally, paving the way or anything like that...he's done enough of that in class already. I mean literally opened the door. I was walking up behind him into Church, he saw me, he took a step back and held the door open for me to go in before him. I mean, there's being a gentleman, which is maybe just holding the open door after he was already inside. But, then there's being a man and showing off just how much of a gentleman you can be...in a good way. Going above & beyond.

It's such a small thing, stepping back & holding the door open. It's the same feeling I get when guys from school run ahead & open their car doors for me. It's being esteemed above the slight temporary inconvenience. It's being honored & valued for absolutely no reason other than the fact that God created me as a woman and them as a man.

So, I have to thank Kris & all the awesome men at BSSM (& the grandpa down the street who cheers me on when I'm running) who've showered me with honor without any idea they were doing it. To the men's small group that adopted my women's small group & arranged communion for us, sang and prophesied over us, just to show us love. All of you guys changed my life. Literally. I've always been taught that men like you don't exist & I was dreaming thinking they do but because you're here and you're REAL you've made me see who I am in God's eyes & who I can be. You've restored the standard. There's no going back from that.

Thank You!

Italy Mission Trip Day 3 - Saturday

This morning, we had a bit of a team debrief at the Convento. This is the point I was praising the Lord saying, "what life is this I'm living, where I wake up in the morning and find out I'm going to Switzerland!" God is so Good!!! So we were split up into teams. Team 1 left for Varese & Switzerland, (with me) and Team 2 left for Asti.

We arrived at New Vision Varese Church and I have never been welcomed so warmly in my life. I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be. I wasn't even thinking about how I would hande the language barrier, but somehow it all worked out. So we met our hosts and we had lunch with them. Boy, was that  spread!!!

So we were just chilling at the Church with the community and with a couple of the worship team members. It was raining but they decided to take us out to explore the city. They took us to what is apparently the best gelato in the world! The place was called Romano. I got a lemon gelato. It was really good.

 After some walking, we were heading to Switzerland. I was in the car with 2 Americans, a Canadian and an Italian. The border patrol officer asked us where we were from and our leader said, "Redding", the officer said, "Ah, I know Redding." I found that to be pretty cool :-)

New Vision in Mendrisio, Switzerland was beautiful. It was in a hotel conference room, there was artwork on the walls. I loved it.

Finally, some ministry updates! We prayed and got ready to minister. It was awesome to hear the hearts of some of my team members. We soaked for a bit & headed out. I felt incredibly comfortable & was saying hello to strangers.

We were activated in prophetic art & asked to draw some pictures to give out. When we were introduced, I got to share my picture which was a bad report cancelled out, with a big heart over it and a good report on the other side with streamers and balloons. I explained the word as someone had gotten a bad report at work and God was saying He has His eye over the situation and He's writing a new report so I asked if anyone there was facing that situation and 2 people raised their hands, but sadly only had 1 picture. (Looking back, I should have prayed for both of them and not just released the word of knowledge I got)

We also got to activate the kids there in prophetic art. It was amazing, those kids just grabbed the mics, no nerves at all and interpreted their pictures.

At the end of the night, we had ministry time. I paired up with Alissa, a 3rd year student, who is an amazing prophetic voice!

One woman came up who wanted us to pray for her son & a possibly bad relationship & a lot of other family relationships. I felt it really strongly I needed to love & appreciate her as a mom. Alissa went first & said she came here for her son, but God brought her here for herself. God wanted to honor and love her. Alissa called out all the gold in her and she was in tears. Then I took over and told her God honors and loves mothers. As a prophetic act, I knelt and rubbed her feet and told her to imagine me washing her feet as a sign of honor. She was wrecked.

A man came up who had diabetes and we prayed for him, he had no way of testing it out. His other request was to be a plane of the Holy Spirit. I pulled a Chuck Perry and asked him if he liked wine...lol, I don't know what I was thinking...anyway, he said yes. I told him the Holy Spirit is like wine. You can either pour yourself a little shot glass or you can pour a whole barrel. Then I asked him to imagine himself drinking out of a barrel. I don't know how well that translated, lol. I was getting a little joy-filled myself and he started laughing and we told him, he doesn't have to do anything or try hard, he just has to be himself.

A couple came up next and the girl was proper crying and I was a little freaked out, like, what's going on here? She told us basically that they were so in love and they just wanted to serve God and needed wisdom. I LOVED THAT! That was my favorite. Lord, lead us to a place where love & how to best serve you is our greatest problem! We just encouraged them that they already knew the answers and that they needed to communicate & share their hearts with each other , and we got to minister over them.

A girl came up next 7 before she told us anything, I could tell she was full of compassion & would lead people out of that. She wanted God to make her taller. We prayed, by this point I was expecting to open my eyes and see a 6 ft tall girl, but she didn't grow. Instead we called out who she was and showed her how much influence she had already and how she should be confident in God using her whether shes this height or that.

These are just a couple of the amazing things that happened in Switzerland, hopefully, I'll put some more stories up soon.

Next the New Vision Senior Pastor took us out for dinner. Pizza!

The chef posed for my camera :-)

The saddest fish I've ever seen

Calzones the size of your head!

The dessert waiter was hilarious! (I had Tiramisu btw)

At the end of the night, which was around 1a.m, we were taken to our host home. One of the other girls and me don't like cats, well, actually she has allergies, so the 2 of us went to Mirrella's house. The other 4 girls went to one of the worship leader girls house and slept out in a RV truck, fun times...but I loved my warm beautiful bedroom with the most wonderful, kindest woman ever - Mirrella. The boys got it pretty good too and slept in a fancy loft with a view. Anyway, all this to say, we were pretty spoiled with their hospitality. This church was amazing.

We set our alarms for 10:00 am.

Italy Mission Trip Day 1/2 - Thursday & Friday

For some reason I got so whacked last night, just praying for this trip. Elizabeth & I ended up dancing to Jesus Culture in the living room & talking till late sharing dreams. God's already at work!

Unfortunately I had a bit of a cold the last couple of days, but who cares, trip day is here and one way or another, this body WILL GET WELL! I woke up at 5 am today, one from not being able to breathe through my nose, two to get an extra shot or Apple Cider Vinegar, three out of EXCITEMENT! 8 am rolled in and Julie drove me to Bethel. I forgot my phone so I was late.

Well, we were on our way to San Fran to catch our flight. The drive went by so quick because I was asleep almost all the way, but I woke up in time to see some of the city and I loved it, its so beautiful. I also caught a glimpse of the Golden Gate Bridge. Our flight was at 4:25pm

Boarding the Plane. See those swollen eyes? I was so sick, I felt like I was gonna faint. We went to a sandwich shop in SFO and I felt a little better...my nose being blocked though led to some intense pain during landing - like, brink of tears pain & having a blocked ear for a couple hours.

Oh my gosh, I didn't need a sleeping pill, Bob put me right to sleep, no offense to Reggae lovers, I mean it in the best way!

Charles Du Galle Airport! We're in PARIS!!!

We were supposed to land in Florence at 3pm, but we were re-routed to Pisa. I was cool with the impromptu 1 hour shuttle tour :-)

Once we got to Florence, we were set free to explore, grab some food. We ended up at this fancy restaurant & I ordered pizza of course. Well, if you're like me and like a loaded pizza with 8 toppings and extra cheese, you'll quickly realize, that's not what pizza is in Italy. Pizza is simply amazing crust, sauce, mozzarella, a couple of thin slices of prosciutto/ham and you're done. I broke the rules & got extra mushrooms on mine though.

Doesn't this look exactly like Moi Avenue in Nairobi?!!

I was so exhausted by this point. Finally we were on our way home to the convento in Viarreggio, where I promptly collapsed into my top bunk.

A Captive of Familiarity

"When you choose to embrace a lie to bring you peace, you make a covenant with the spirit of that lie to comfort you. The devil's ministry is to steal, kill and destroy. Whenever we embrace one of these three elements that is is ministry, we invite demonic spirits to oppress us." Kris Vallotton - Spirit Wars, page 154 (paraphrased)

We've gone through a ton of deliverance stuff in 1st year. At the tail end of my school year though, I've entered a somewhat difficult season. With mission trip financial pressures and the lingering questions, "did I get what I came for?" or "what's gonna happen next?" plague my mind, I've realized how easy it is to slip back into what Bethel "lingo" describes as 'familiar spirits'.

Personally, for me, with a history of depression, depression is my comfort. Staying in bed, checking out physically & emotionally, solitude, moodiness, being quiet & withdrawn...that's my go-to. That's what I find easy to embrace to bring me peace; which is quite sick, because none of these things bring me peace, but that's just how the mind works. When I chose to embrace that lie, I make a covenant with the familiar spirit of depression to comfort me, only the devil's comfort is in reality torture. In my solitude & withdrawn-ess, the lies come quick & easy. "I'm not good enough." "I'm not pretty enough", "I'm not worth the investment", "My life is going nowhere" "I have no plan"...I could go on and on...

So, Kris in his book writes this prayer, which probably more people than just me need to repeat :-)

"Jesus, forgive me for making a covenant with the devil by inviting depression to comfort me. Thank you that you gave me the Holy Spirit, who is my comforter & my friend."
"You spirit of depression, I break my agreement with you. I no longer want you in my life. I command you to leave now in Jesus name!" (page 154)

You know what? It's gone...it's really gone!

COVENANT: PASSION AND SACRIFICE by Kris Vallotton

The goal of covenant is that 2 would become 1.

Luke 6:2-7 Jesus tells us to love those who can’t love us back, do good to those who can’t do good to us and credit will be given to us. The word credit is 110 times translated as grace. As soon as you obey, grace is given to you to do what you couldn’t do 1 second before you made the choice to love those you couldn’t love. Sometimes the world hates us just to see if we have love.

The Bible doesn’t say arise and reflect, it says arise and shine. I don’t need your love to give it back to you, I have a source of love that you don’t even have. 

David serves Saul well but jealousy, bitterness, unforgiveness and hatred stir up and Saul begins to chase David. Unforgiveness has no friends. The people you wanna love, you’ll hate. In the midst of Saul chasing David, the Lord gives David a word, that He’s gonna give Saul into his hands, and he can decide what to do with him. David’s men want to kill Saul & David says “Far be it from me to touch the Lord’s anointed”.  Saul says, “You are a better man than me and you deserve the kingdom.” But he’s so angry and bitter that a spirit of insanity comes upon him. He goes after him again, same thing happens. David is anointed King, he has Jonathan’s robe, He has the word of God, yet, David says “I choose to honor him even if he doesn’t deserve it. I choose to love the person who doesn’t love me.”

We live in a world that’s all about making me happy. Happy is about pleasure. Pleasure is good as long as it doesn’t take the place of virtue. If it does, I’d rather take joy instead because I can consider it joy when I face various trials, but I can’t consider it happy. To ruin a perfectly good marriage, try to get your spouse to make you happy.

Covenant expresses itself in camaraderie, but not all camaraderie is rooted in covenant. Fellowship rooted in warfare is fuelled in hatred not forged in love e.g. gangs, bullies. Camaraderie without covenant always needs an enemy. Covenant needs no enemy because it lays down its life for its friends. When a culture of covenant is absent from a community, society adapts an ‘us & them’ mindset. Covenant destroys the ‘us & them’ mentality and bonds people through God’s love not mutual agreement. The Church shouldn’t be known for what we’re against, but for who we love.

2 Timothy 1:2 You can’t take suffering out of the gospel because suffering is a part if the Kingdom. Not sickness or death, but passion and sacrifice; it doesn’t always make you happy.

Be in the background, lay down your life & make it work! Passion won't make it work on hard days, but sacrifice will. Covenant makes no difference if you were in a tent or in a palace.

Lord, take me from camaraderie to covenant. Teach me to live in a way that I lay down my life not because I have to, not because I don't have rights but because I choose to take those rights and say you can have them; here's my armor, here's my robe, here's my sword, here's my bow and here's my belt. I'm not prepared to work against you or war against you, I covenant with you and in hard times I'll renew my covenant and remind you that I'm with you. In Jesus name. Amen

 

Miracles & A Good God!

Today I saw a woman who had a torn meniscus & couldn’t bend her knees, get up on stage and kneel down. Yep, you read that right. Wanna know what the best thing is? That isn’t even the half of it. I saw a woman who dances through her pain from severe arthritis worshiping God, get healed. I saw a woman whose body was so weak from having Parkinson’s disease for 5 years walk up on stage without her cane which she has used everyday coming to school. Today, she walked laps around the auditorium, jumped up during worship & testified of a good God!

don't need that cane anymore!

“God is good” isn’t just a call from stage for the church to respond, “all the time”! It’s the truth! God is good! Believe it!

Oh dear friends, believe it.

I was in a room full of people praying for friends who had one arm shorter than the other, I prayed an off-handed, “God please do it” not really believing it could happen, heck, I didn’t even stand up from my seat, I just did the standard, hand stretched out toward them thing we do in church. Two seconds later, I jumped up from my chair because I literally saw the shorter arm growing 2 inches to be the same length as the other. With my own frigging eyes! I saw a drunk man give his life to Jesus.

As my friend so aptly put it, this is the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry dang it! And we believe in a good God!

I saw a room full of people today, with their arms stretched out to celebrate and adore their Savior. God isn’t just laid back on His recliner basking in the praises of His people; He’s on the edge of His seat, raring to move when His people finally start believing & declaring who HE IS. He called Himself Healer. We didn’t call Him that, He said, word for word, I am the Lord who heals! He called Himself Provider, I’m not putting this label on Him He said, I will surely provide. 

I should know...I'm an international student. I can't work. I can't just call home for money, but this is my 5th month here & the bills are getting paid. I don't know how, but it happens. He called Himself Provider, His will, His bill.

I saw a woman. People look at Heidi Baker & admire all the work she’s done and the sacrifices she’s made being a missionary in Mozambique. I saw her deep, deep love for Jesus. Nothing stood between her and Jesus. All she did, she did for the love of Jesus. When she smiles, she reminds you that Jesus smiles. 

Painting by Theresa Dedmon (Compelled by Love The Movie)

The savior smiles! That’s the picture we need in the front of our Churches, not a forlorn savior with His hand on His heart, or worse, a crucified savior hanging on a cross. A smiling Jesus who delights in His children. In His friends. A good God who gives good gifts!

PS:

You can read about my life moving from Nairobi, Kenya to Redding, California and read about my Mission Trip to spread more of the good news that God is Good, to Piemonte & Naples in Italy this March. The trip costs $2550 & so far I've raised $255 and need to make my 2nd payment in 2 short days. Here's the link, and the link to donate!

You Make Me Brave by Amanda Cook

There are a million reasons I'm thankful to be here, Bethel Worship has to be one of the top!

Mission Trip Update 1 (of Many!)

Isn't God amazing?! This past year has rocked my world. I applied to come to school here on January 1. I got here on September 2nd. Airfare, tuition, all fell into place. God is so good! I've been able to learn so much the past couple of months. From studying past Revivalists, to being taught by amazing world-renown speakers like Bill Johnson, Kris Vallotton, Bobby Connor, Ben Armstrong, Jason Vallotton & Havilah Cunnington just to mention a few, to witnessing miracles of provision & healing, including seeing arms aligned & stretch out to normal size!

Bethel Mission Trips

The heart and passion of the Bethel Mission Trips Department is to see the sons and daughters of God in all the nations awaken to His goodness and love. As children of Heaven, we have access to His Kingdom and demonstrate His love, glory, and power in all aspects of society. Our strategy is to raise up a generation of world changers in their own nations to begin to run with their God-given inheritance to bring heaven to earth and transform their nation. This trip, through Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry (BSSM), ultimately reflects
the vision of the Bethel Mission Trips Department.

I get the amazing opportunity to be a part of a team of 18 going to bring down heaven in the land of hospitality - Italy! We get the honor & opportunity to pour into leaders, artists, business people and pastors in the ancient heart of Europe. The people we'll meet here want to draw on what God has given to us. We will be ministering in local churches and holding a conference in Tuscany. This is an amazing opportunity to help to nurture long-term, transformational relationships.

God's shown me His goodness so much! It defies logic for me to even be here in California, yet I am! God is so good. He is such a provider! Come On! Wow!!! I wanna request you guys, to keep me in your prayers most of all. Just a thank you to God for what He's doing in me. A prayer for strength & courage to impact lives like I know He wants me to.

If you guys want to partner with me & this big crazy dream, please head on over to https://missiontrips.ibethel.org and fill in my name (Joan Maina) in the search box or use the easy link below. This gift is tax deductible(!) and you will receive a statement at the end of the year for your tax records. If you wish your gift to be anonymous, please check the anonymous box. This will allow you to receive an end of year statement, but will not allow me, to see your name.

https://missiontrips.ibethel.org/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&donor_search=Joan+Maina

(If online payment is not an option, check donations can be made payable to Bethel Church and mailed to the following address: Bethel Mission Trips Department, 915 Twin View Blvd.,Redding, CA 96003. Please include a note with my name (Joan Maina) with the donation to specify which student you are so generously supporting)

If you wanna give to my living expenses also, (as an International Student I'm legally prohibited to work in the US). Please email me at joanmainabssm@gmail.com for my address & details!

Thank you so much for being a part of my life! I'll write back soon with some ideas of how you can pray for my team and I. I would also love to get an update about what is going on in your life and how I can pray for you. I look forward to telling you all the amazing things that you helped make happen as we prepare to go on this trip!

Even though miles may separate us, it’s really important to me to keep in touch with you! Feel free to send me an email at joanmainabssm@gmail.com if you have a prayer request, testimony, or just to say “hi”.

Look forward to hearing from you!

I pray that the life changing power of Jesus invades your life and sends encouragement your way today. I’ll keep you updated on what God is doing in my life and would love to hear He’s doing in yours as well.

Love & Blessings,
Joan Maina

Anxiety never won any battles, but joy...

 When I got here, all the prophetic words I got were about joy. How God would give me joy, how I'm a giver of joy, how I'm a rainbow in Heaven (yeah, I love Bethel, people speak life into you constantly). I always used to laugh and tell these people how back home my friends call me Furaha which means joy, so their words were spot on.

This week has really brought me back to the point where I realize the strength of those words.

I woke up with a fever and headache on Monday. I chalked it up to sleeping with the fan on and maybe catching a cold that night, so I took some paracetamol and went to school. By the end of the day, I was burning up and getting cold chills and burning up and getting cold chills. Yup, full on fever. I had my carpool group pray for me then got home and put on some worship, sang, declared God's goodness, said no to sickness, even did laundry & went back to Civic for Bethel's Vision Night. I got to meet Bill Johnson!!!!! After that we worshiped some more, and celebrated and then went home.

Natalie, Bill & I. (Fever literally 20 minutes before this. Ha!)

Cut to 10PM, I could not sleep! Fever came back and I was praying & tossing & turning in bed. 12 midnight, my stomach gets in on the action and I feel like I'm on a roller coaster after eating a gallon of ice cream. I tried to get up but I was so dizzy I knew for sure I'd hit the floor. By this point I was almost crying, so I text my housemate for help & pray God wakes her up lol. She comes in & gives me some medicine and prays for me and I'm finally able to sleep after 1 more hour of tossing & turning. (Thanks Laura!)

The next day, Tuesday, I had school. I'm still sick, I wished I didn't have to go, but I go anyway, because really, it's BSSM. I love it way too much to stay home and who knows if that's the day the biggest thing to happen will happen? I also figured, it would be easier getting better in Worship than in bed, right? I got checked out by an awesome momma from my Revival Group who's a doctor & she made me feel like I was back at home with my mom.

Turns out, the biggest thing to happen did happen at school, when the Holy Spirit fell so strong in the front of the hall, half of us rushed to the front & fell on impact! It was a mosh-pit of laughter & electricity. Needless to say, fever, nausea & all symptoms were gone after a couple of hours of rest after I got home that night. Hallelujah!

Today, is Thursday. I got out of school at 3:15, missed the 3:30 bus, had to wait for the 4:25, which was late, so I missed my connection meaning I had to walk about a mile & got home at 5:30.

Last but not least, the 'ole bank account dwindling down. The stark realization that I have money going out but have not had a single cent coming into my hands, not being able to work here & just not seeing the kind of breakthroughs you hear from others. People are writing support letters. I don't even know who to write to! My small family who've probably already given all they can? It's literally a draining feeling when your funds are draining.

This was my week. Was I frustrated? Yes. Did I feel like crying? Yes. Was I homesick & missing my mom and my car?! Yes!!! Did I want  to complain? Yes! When I missed my morning bus, I did write to my sister to complain. It was my 1st reaction. When I was sick did I want to mope around the house with a blanket and skip school? Yes! Am I scared about money, mission trip funds, 2nd year tuition? YES!!!

BUT, approximately 5 seconds after my initial reactions, joy comes over me. I was telling people, "I have a fever" with a smile on my face which looked weird, but I just couldn't help it. I'm riding the bus despite how much I wish I had a car, worshiping and singing  and I'm genuinely happy. It would be one thing if it were me & I was getting myself through all these situations, but it's not me. On my own, I'm not strong or brave or persevering or a fighter or any of those things. It's the neatest thing to ride on the wave of God working on me in the background.

I used to use sadness or moodiness to manipulate the will of God. Like, "God, I'll just be sad until you do this" Now I'm learning I don't have to be like that. God is good. God is really good. I'm His daughter. I'm smack dab in the middle of His will. His hand is not  too short that He will not save me or put me in the exact situation I need to be in in the perfect way & time.

Anxiety never won any battles, but joy...joy kicks some A*

Thoughts at Midnight

In trying to stick to my commitment of writing up all the goodness I get to hear and be a part of daily, here I am at 12:05AM doing a recap of Saturday.

I have to say, it was a great day! I slept in till about 10AM, which is just what you do on Saturday in California. (Despite how much I planned to go on a run) I listened to some music, did my laundry, met a great girl who came over to the house and then kinda just chilled for the rest of the day. I was planning a movie night for a couple of people from my Revival Group and I'm just praying I get a car so I can pick up all these people who need rides but struggle to find them! (Like me :-)) so I can pick them up and shuttle them over to my house :-)

My landlords, friends, family here is amazing and allowed me to invite a couple of people over and I hope to do that some more because there's something INCREDIBLE about community and having Jesus just show up like He said He would where people in His name are gathered. His presence always come down, and I'm just so into hosting that :-) Anyway, I'm skipping ahead...

I went to In n Out with a few friends and I learned so much about love. Loving the people who don't get any love from anybody else. People can say no to attending a Church service, or getting prayed over, but few people can say no to no-strings-attached love. So, we were just talking about loving the community, and it really impacted me because these people really DO it. Open their doors to strangers and have their home be "Holy car washes" where people just walk through the door and get showered in the Holy Spirit. I was just asking God can I do that? Despite my fears for my space/safety, can He make me brave?

After that a couple of guys came over for my little movie night and we watched Finger of God. It was kind of cool to see the scenes set in Redding and be like, "oh, I know that place, I know where that is!" After the movie, we were just talking about what we learned from it and love, time & prayer were the major themes my friends brought up.

Love in the sense of how our love is what changes the nations. Love truly is the most powerful force on earth. Kids know this. Kids know, Jesus loves me, so He will heal me. Jesus loves me, so He will give this person a new kidney. They know this until we as adults train them otherwise. Love is simple and strong, just like Jesus.

Time is the one I struggle most with. Prioritizing time for prayer. I hate saying that, because it's not a task to check off a list. It's a conversation with the person I'm the luckiest to get to have a conversation with! It's as much a priority as breathing is.

Right now at school, we're told to rest and not go out into the streets and preach - that's kind of what BSSM is known for and what most people are itching to go out and do. However, Jesus taught us that most wars are won in the secret place much earlier than they are in public. Now in my prayer closet, I can pray for specific things, specific people - people I may not necessarily know and still see healing in their lives. I can practice the prophetic now without even seeing or touching the person and pray into that. I can practice my prayer language now, before I do it in front of anyone else. I get to balance that out with general prayers for what I might not know I need but that the Spirit can work with and contend for what I need - again, with this opportunity of sharing your heart with the one who loves you, how can I struggle with prayer and prioritize God?! He IS the priority. Not catching up on the latest TV shows on Hulu! (That's for me, lol)

So anyway, here I am, thinking on these things and about to pray. First and foremost for God giving me such an amazing friend, (Rhonelda!) and for surrounding me with some RIDICULOUSLY amazing world changers in my Revival Group. Thanks guys for coming over, you totally blessed my heart!

My Punch in Fear's Nose

I am so disappointed in myself for not keeping up with this blog. Life has been incredibly exciting and I should be chronicling all of this, but between school, homework, Bible reading, Hulu and trying to get a life ;-) this blog fell way behind. However, it was sort of a good break and I feel like now I can come back with a bang and a second wind & get this back on track.

I am honestly so full of joy and excited over what God's been doing and what He continues to do. Right now, I have no great goals to accomplish because everything I set out to do through this year, God has already come in and blown my little ideas out of the water and given me so much more.

I struggled my 1st month here, getting used to being away from home and away from life as I knew it. The culture shock was crazy - no amount of blog reading or TV watching will prepare you  for being submerged in this (way) different culture, but to be honest I love it. I love being asked where I'm from and having a story to tell and meeting all these people who have a heart for Kenya! My country is in good hands & hearts.

The more I'm here, the more my heart is stirred to travel. I've never pictured myself as being confident or strong enough to survive in another country...forget America, America is easy and diverse, I'm talking Asia or Russia or Scandinavia...but the more I'm here and interact with my AMAZING Revival & Small Groups, the more I am so excited to go and I pray God enables me to travel to those countries and continue to live this dream of going around the world, seeking Him and learning & teaching His love.

Like I said, my expectations have been blown away as far as what I think I came here for, now I'm at a place where I'm asking for more and expecting nothing but greatness. Do I know what I want to do for the rest of my life? Yes and No. Simply because I've come to realize my carefully mapped out life won't work in this environment. I truly believe whatever I choose, I am being empowered to make maximum impact. Whether it's leading worship, writing, teaching, preaching, marketing, prophesying, being a wife & mom, all of it. I'm growing in my confidence daily & that in itself is a miracle. It's freeing, scary and exhilarating and this is a wonderful season.

My immediate goal is to rally potential BSSM students from Africa and encourage them that the door is wide open and waiting for YOU. Something incredible is growing from here. This is an army rising up. We may not be the best or the only choice out  there, (although I believe we are ;-) wink) but there is definitely something tangible rising out of here. God is moving really powerfully and I believe He's releasing generals into Africa through BSSM. If you have any questions please feel free to let me know.

Financially, it has been a challenge. I haven't enough money to start putting toward my mission trip nor to my 2nd year tuition, to be honest, even my rent & expenses after December. I've learned though that I don't have to carry the load on my own, and I am so thankful to be surrounded by an army that's ready and waiting for a call to action. I'll be working on some support letters and I hope to send those out pretty soon. In the meantime, please email me or check out the links on the sidebar if you are wondering how you can contribute and sow into this vision and partner with me.

More than anything, I ask for your prayers. I really ask for your prayers. We are taught to kick fear in the face here, but I can only kick so much until my legs grow weary and I need an extra boost. The Holy Spirit is that boost and I need your prayers over me. The fact that I'm writing this and putting my heart sort of out there is a left hook on my part :-) He makes me brave.