Last Tuesday, I went to Church to shoot my video for my testimony. Most of you have already know my testimony. It's just a long complex story and as much as I would have wanted to go into everything, there's only so much you can say in two minutes, you know. So I chose just a part of it and in the editing they emphasized how I dealt with my dad's death. I didn't see it, but I hope it turned out o.k, and helped someone going through the same thing.
So, the weekend of my baptism finally arrived. Saturday morning I woke up with a panic attack because I thought it was Sunday. I have to admit, I was more than a little nervous taking the plunge, and I mean that literally and figuratively.
It's no secret that this salvation thing has been a struggle for me. I have great days, good days and bad days. I have extended periods of bad days and amazingly sweet and thoughtful good days. I have this pestering fear that maybe this is all just a phase and I'll just backslide again...that's not the fear exactly, the fear is that now that I know what it's like to be saved and rely on God, how will I survive if I backslide and mess up so bad, God, you know, leaves me.
This baptism was just a big deal to me because, in many ways it was like a wedding. It's something that I waited a long time for, it's something that took a lot of preparation for and it's something I only want to do once in my life because the change has already been made permanent.
Sunday was a lot better, I woke up pretty relatively calm. I decided I wasn't going to put a lot of pressure on myself, to be perfect or anything, but to just go as I was. My mum took me to Church, my Lifegroup unfortunately didn't manage to make it on time except for one of my closest friends. On a side note, I know I love my mom more than anything, but seeing her standing there with me and taking me through that, I just LOVED her SO MUCH MORE if that's even possible. It was just so cute, she took pictures and she was holding my hand. I was really happy and that was definitely one of the best days, actually, the best day of the year thanks to her, and her love.
My little testimony video played in Church, 2 minutes later, it was all:
"Do you accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your Saviour?"
"I do."
"Do you renounce satan and all his works?"
"I do"
"I now baptize you in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit."
Cut to water painfully shooting up my nose, tears in my eyes, freezing in the wind, changing in a tiny bathroom stall and back to Church. It all went pretty fast and it's still sinking in, but I have to say as much as it wasn't all doves settling on my head or me being struck down by the "Power" It was still an amazing experience.
I can't say I think that water baptism is the only way to heaven. I know there's been a lot of debate on that. I believe that accepting Jesus is the only way, but for me, it's something to draw from. You know, in the tough times I'll remember Sunday the 10th of April and I'll remember whose I am. To me it was also like, I know I've been forgiven, but there's just something symbolic about getting into the water with all your issues and them being washed away completely. Like a cleansing or a purging. It was also like a covenant for me, at least with what I learnt in my Religious Ed classes:
Though I'm weak and I might fall away, God never breaks His covenant.
Oh and guess what I bought for myself:
Yup, the NIV One Year Bible. I decided yesterday, even if I technically had no one to make a big deal about this day, I would make a big deal out of it myself. That's one of the reasons I miss my dad sometimes. My dad was over the top when it came to celebrations, Christmas, he was the one who set up the tree and the house every year, and stayed up with me past midnight on New Year's when the rest of my family was asleep. My birthdays, he always asked me if I was throwing a party and if I was he would be most involved in it. He was just like me, or rather I'm just like him, because we both save old cards, we both like to give cards, we're both into celebrating every single thing.
I have to admit, I was a bit disappointed and felt kinda bad that my LG and friends didn't make it for the baptism and didn't want to hang out and go for lunch, like we'd planned for Sunday, but instead of getting into that, I understood them, that this wasn't like a big deal kind of thing to other people and that's cool.
Since it is to me, however, I did what I'd have expected to be done, bought myself a Bible, bought me and my mom lunch, we ate pizza and Steers fried chicken and fries, she caught on to the festive spirit and baked me two cakes, needless to say, today we were first at the store to buy Tums, we were so sick!
At least with the Bible I'll be more able to keep up with the readings than through PDF. It's really good, small, convenient to carry around, plus it's not an "in your face Bible" you know what I mean, it won't make you look or feel "Holier than thou" when you take it out to read in a bus or on a queue. It's just cool and understated. Every day also has a highlighted verse, so even the days you're not feeling theological and you're really not in the mood to delve deeply into the readings at least you'll have one verse to go with.
Anyway, it wasn't a "perfect day" but it was an amazing one. April 10th, my B-Day.
So, the weekend of my baptism finally arrived. Saturday morning I woke up with a panic attack because I thought it was Sunday. I have to admit, I was more than a little nervous taking the plunge, and I mean that literally and figuratively.
It's no secret that this salvation thing has been a struggle for me. I have great days, good days and bad days. I have extended periods of bad days and amazingly sweet and thoughtful good days. I have this pestering fear that maybe this is all just a phase and I'll just backslide again...that's not the fear exactly, the fear is that now that I know what it's like to be saved and rely on God, how will I survive if I backslide and mess up so bad, God, you know, leaves me.
This baptism was just a big deal to me because, in many ways it was like a wedding. It's something that I waited a long time for, it's something that took a lot of preparation for and it's something I only want to do once in my life because the change has already been made permanent.
Sunday was a lot better, I woke up pretty relatively calm. I decided I wasn't going to put a lot of pressure on myself, to be perfect or anything, but to just go as I was. My mum took me to Church, my Lifegroup unfortunately didn't manage to make it on time except for one of my closest friends. On a side note, I know I love my mom more than anything, but seeing her standing there with me and taking me through that, I just LOVED her SO MUCH MORE if that's even possible. It was just so cute, she took pictures and she was holding my hand. I was really happy and that was definitely one of the best days, actually, the best day of the year thanks to her, and her love.
My little testimony video played in Church, 2 minutes later, it was all:
"Do you accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your Saviour?"
"I do."
"Do you renounce satan and all his works?"
"I do"
"I now baptize you in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit."
That's me under water.
Cut to water painfully shooting up my nose, tears in my eyes, freezing in the wind, changing in a tiny bathroom stall and back to Church. It all went pretty fast and it's still sinking in, but I have to say as much as it wasn't all doves settling on my head or me being struck down by the "Power" It was still an amazing experience.
I can't say I think that water baptism is the only way to heaven. I know there's been a lot of debate on that. I believe that accepting Jesus is the only way, but for me, it's something to draw from. You know, in the tough times I'll remember Sunday the 10th of April and I'll remember whose I am. To me it was also like, I know I've been forgiven, but there's just something symbolic about getting into the water with all your issues and them being washed away completely. Like a cleansing or a purging. It was also like a covenant for me, at least with what I learnt in my Religious Ed classes:
- Statement of agreed terms
- An oath by both parties to observe the terms
- Consequences upon breach
- The formal ratification by the external act
- Witnesses
Though I'm weak and I might fall away, God never breaks His covenant.
Oh and guess what I bought for myself:
Yup, the NIV One Year Bible. I decided yesterday, even if I technically had no one to make a big deal about this day, I would make a big deal out of it myself. That's one of the reasons I miss my dad sometimes. My dad was over the top when it came to celebrations, Christmas, he was the one who set up the tree and the house every year, and stayed up with me past midnight on New Year's when the rest of my family was asleep. My birthdays, he always asked me if I was throwing a party and if I was he would be most involved in it. He was just like me, or rather I'm just like him, because we both save old cards, we both like to give cards, we're both into celebrating every single thing.
I have to admit, I was a bit disappointed and felt kinda bad that my LG and friends didn't make it for the baptism and didn't want to hang out and go for lunch, like we'd planned for Sunday, but instead of getting into that, I understood them, that this wasn't like a big deal kind of thing to other people and that's cool.
Since it is to me, however, I did what I'd have expected to be done, bought myself a Bible, bought me and my mom lunch, we ate pizza and Steers fried chicken and fries, she caught on to the festive spirit and baked me two cakes, needless to say, today we were first at the store to buy Tums, we were so sick!
At least with the Bible I'll be more able to keep up with the readings than through PDF. It's really good, small, convenient to carry around, plus it's not an "in your face Bible" you know what I mean, it won't make you look or feel "Holier than thou" when you take it out to read in a bus or on a queue. It's just cool and understated. Every day also has a highlighted verse, so even the days you're not feeling theological and you're really not in the mood to delve deeply into the readings at least you'll have one verse to go with.
Anyway, it wasn't a "perfect day" but it was an amazing one. April 10th, my B-Day.
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