thoughts

As I’ve grown up, mostly over the past year or so, all I’ve wanted or searched for is contentment. You know those moments when you’re full and healthy and you almost want to take a picture of that moment and frame it so you always remember how it felt.

I was talking to my sister a couple of days ago and she told me how when she met her husband, she didn’t want to deal with any of the drama that came with her past relationships and she didn’t feel the need to try so hard.

I’ve always wanted to have that. A relationship where you don’t have to constantly police your partner. Worried about where they are, what they’re doing, who they’re with. It’s a hell of a scary thing trusting someone with your heart. Personally, my biggest fear is being blind-sided, you know what I mean, being happy and in love and then suddenly the other person hates you, and leaves you for no apparent reason.

That’s what I’m trying to do, or to be like from now on. Trust that whoever I’m going out with knows as much as I do how lucky we are to have found each other, and appreciates not only that fact, but also appreciates me.

Ideally. I think I have a lot of love in my heart and I’d want to give all that away…there’s always part of you that doesn’t want to give 100% because it’s too much to get hurt when you’ve given it you’re all.

It’s crazy. The world is insane and I wish love didn’t have to be complicated as well.

It's Today!

via Pinterest

xx
Raha

Just after I went on about how amzing the weather was and how strident blue the sky was, it got all humid and oppressively hot and this could only spell one thing...rain!!!

It's my mum's birthday today! Happy Birthday mummy! I love you sooo much even though I sometimes dont show it especially after we get into our arguments...but honestly, I would be lost without you. I's cliche but I just have to say, you are my anchor, when the winds of life, love and work blow me every which way, I'm so lucky I can always run home to you. God Bless You!

Speaking of birthdays, doing some serious brainstorming on what I can buy a really close friend if mine for his 26th birthday next week...any ideas?


xx
Raha

New Life Lessons

So, over the last couple of days, I have learnt that I have a very short temper and I get mad at the smallest of things really easily.

But, today I pledge to make a conscious decision on what my reactions will be to every day decisions. Will I get angry and storm off or go silent on people, no. What I will do is stop, take a breath, try to see if the action deserves that level of reaction, and move from there.

I also learnt that people need to talk about stuff, not just assume the other party knows what their thinking. It's an unfair and unrealistic expectation that leads to arguments and resentment. Most problems can be solved by a nice sit down and the freedom and the safety and the trust it takes to be completely honest with someone.

I also learnt that my family is very different from others. When I grew up, voices were loud and emotions and thought were scattered. Other people, not so much...I can't change who I am, I'm the girl that talks too much, and over-analyzes her thoughts and feelings. I have to try and make a conscious effort to realize that not everyone can be like that...and even when people are sweet and gracious enough to listen and even understand me, I should try to take a breath and tone it back a little.

Anyway, I'm thankful for patient friends and family, and a chance to learn and grow more comfortable in being myself without fear of being judged or punished...thankyou and I love you!


xx
Raha

Joy

So, a couple of things I'm working on. First, to stop using the word "like" in sentences. Its really a bad habit that I have to stop. Second is too stop using "so" to begin a sentence, like I do here.
Apart from that, I'm doing my CPA exams in about 9 days, and I can't focus at all, but I know some drive will kick in at some point. I also sent out a job application to what is probably my dream company that I hope I get to join. Tonight I've got life group and afterward was planning on going to the Mavuno Worship Night.

I kind of owe God on that one. The last time I went, I prayed for something really hard and I promised God if I got it I would go back...I honestly cannot express how happy and grateful I am that it seems to be working out and that God's answered my prayers, even though, honestly I gave up somewhere in the middle. Thank God also for grace, that covered that little blunder right up!!! :-)

A little thing that sucks though is that I have a bad track record when it comes to trusting God to work in my best interests. You guys know this about me. I tend to get a hope-high. I hate the crash that follows. This time though, I'm really trying to keep my focus on God. Its funny that we always worry so much about what will happen if bad times come, and never worry about the good times. What'll happen when success or that job, or relationship or kid or whatever else you've been praying 5 months for, comes...do you rejoice in God at that minute and forget him the next day?

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I'm honestly terrified thinking that the very thing I spent months praying for, would be the very thing that would separate me from God. I found a very great devotional at Kerry Shook's website that explained that real joy is awakened in you when you give God not only your disappointments but also your prosperity. You see, when we get these little victories in our lives, they obviously cause happiness, but happiness, like every other human emotion is fleeting. Joy, is a fruit of the Spirit and a gift from the Father. If we give our little victories to God he turns them into triumphs and gives us joy in the process.

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How can we use that job that we've gotten or that relationship that we've prayed for, or that child that you've hoped for for God's glory? Doing all you do with excellence is the first thought that comes into my mind.

"Every job you have to do, work at it with all your might as if working for the Lord" 

• Do your job with zeal...let it be known that nobody works harder, respects more or tries harder than you.
• Love your partner with zeal...let it be known that nobody loved more, cared more or was more "worth it" than you
• Be a good friend...let it be known that you were always there whenever your friends needed you and you played a positive part in their lives

Whatever you do, be legendary. I believe that's where it starts, from the heart.

"If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames that I might boast, but I have not love, I gain nothing."

1 Corinthians 13:3