Losing A Parent

I was absolutely not planning on writing this post ever, but I just feel a tug on my heart to do it, who knows maybe someone might Google this title and find this page and it'll help them.

Before I start this however, I'd just like to say, this isn't a series of sad "poor me" posts. Obviously, you never get over the loss of a loved one, but I can honestly promise you, that right now, I'm free of all the pain and anger that I carried for the longest time. I definitely went off the deep end. I got into toxic relationships, I quit school, I drank, I basically threw my life to hell, but I smile now because those reactions, all those mistakes don't define me now and aren't baggage that I'm forced to carry into my future.

This is pretty long and you might not get to read all of it, so let me kinda put the ending at the beginning, the theme of the story:


 I don't have all the answers. All I have is my experience. You're angry at God, fine, be angry, go to Him and tell Him. Vent! Let it all out and dare Him to respond to you. I cannot tell you how many times I started a prayer and ended up screaming into my pillow or hitting my mattress with a tennis racket. For me, it was two years until I realized He answered me a long time ago. He will respond. His M.O is love. That love is unrelenting. I guarantee it.

My dad died 18th August 2009. Which coincidentally is also my sister's birthday. I remember I woke up, and I heard my cousin crying. He was hired by my mom to take care of my dad, because by the end, the cancer had affected so much of his brain, he couldn't walk, talk or move by himself. We didn't want him in the hospital and he'd finished all his treatments, so he was home, in the downstairs guest bedroom.

When I heard my cousin crying, I kinda scoffed and thought what is up with this guy, but at the back of my head I knew.

I went downstairs and turned on the TV and "My Sacrifice" by Creed was playing on Kiss TV. I tried, but I just couldn't ignore the feeling, and I was trying so hard to hear what was going on, and I was like, "dad, please move, let the bed creak so I can hear you." I couldn't stand it anymore, and I couldn't imagine going into that room and seeing what was going on and why my cousin was crying. I couldn't bring myself to ask him.

So I went back upstairs and I called my mom at work and asked her why Robby was crying. She told me she didn't know and she said she'd call him. I guess she did and Robby told her to come home. A couple of minutes later, one of my mom's friends (our neighbor) came over with her son, and said my mom had sent her and she asked me what was wrong, I told her I didn't know, but obviously by then my feelings had been confirmed.

Source: bit.ly via Mary on Pinterest

She and her son went to the room and she came out crying weeping, and she asked me "how long has he been like that?" I still acted oblivious and was like, "how?" At that moment Robby came up to me and said, "I just have to tell you, your dad is gone." I told him to shut up and I left the house. I hadn't told my best friend Mich, that my dad had been sick for the past 8 months, so I called her, and I couldn't even say the words, so I hung up and texted her, in about 2 hours she was at my house from the other side of the city. (I Love Her) Then I called another friend of mine from Church so she'd spread the word. After that, I went into our car and I just hid out in there for a few minutes. (I realize now it might have been a couple of hours, because visitors had started pouring in and I hadn't even noticed. In the car I was Googling, "How to get over my dad's death." Yeah, me and Google have a close relationship.

Then my mom got home, and I remember I was relieved, but then I realized her focus wasn't on me at that moment, she had her own grief to deal with. Still in the car, I heard her just bawling and peeked in and saw people leading her out of my dad's room. I couldn't go see her, I was just so scared. Next my sister came in with her husband, and same thing, she went straight to the room and bawled and my brother in law was just holding her and almost like dragging her out, and they went into the backyard so my sister could be alone.

I was just in the car watching people go in and out. I don't know if people noticed me and were giving me space or didn't see me at all. Finally Michelle got there, and I don't know how, but news got on Facebook and my other good friend Nasho let people form my school know. I deactivated my Facebook. I just didn't think I could handle condolence messages on a social media site. I'm not a status update.

I remember my friends coming over in groups, and honestly, I got the value of having people come over. I always thought it would be so intrusive and I wouldn't want that, but trust me, you appreciate so much. Death can make you feel totally alone and disconnected and in those moments you realize you're not. Which also explains why my mom, my sister and I slept in the same bed for a week!

The next few days were just a blur. Finally the day of the funeral was here, and I was determined not to cry. But Oh My God, going up-country to "the family home" was the worst, because I was just thinking of all the times I'd made that trip with my dad. Looking around at all the changes that my dad wouldn't see and when we got there seeing how my dad had left his tools and clothes and stuff during his last trip there and now he'd never get to use them or see the farm he'd loved and worked so hard to build. I was in the car with Mich and some relatives I don't know and my eldest cousin was driving. Then we got pulled over for speeding and I was sure we'd miss the funeral.

We got there and I joked with my mom about how we were pulled over and she smiled and I was like "God, you have to make sure my om laughs again. How am I ever going to see my mom laugh again."

I held it together (barely) until it came time to lay the casket down. Then that whole wave of emotions came crashing down on me. There was dust flying around as people filled the grave and I was choking and it was just confusing as people I don't even know were all bawling, and I was mad because, hello, he's my dad and you don't see me acting a fool.

All I was thinking was "I'm never going to see his hands again, I'm never going to see his hands again" My dad had amazing hands. Seriously, his nails looked professionally manicured. People say I have soft cute hands, yeah my dad's were better. Maybe not soft because he was a tools guy, but beautiful. He wrote beautifully, he made beautiful things. I could not get over the fact that I wouldn't see his hands again. I think I was at this point "ugly crying" and choking on dust. You know, that cry where you're gasping through your throat and you feel like you're hyperventilating.

My uncle yelled, "someone get her out of here" and Michelle came up and walked/dragged me away. I can't remember anything after that except my sister coming up and hugging me and not letting go. Suddenly it was nighttime, and we were just sitting outside in the stars, everyone had left. It was me and my cousins. I guess I went to bed soon after that.

Source: haylan.tumblr.com via lannerart on Pinterest

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You guys know the rest of the story about my going off the deep end. I remember being so depressed wanting every single day to just die and not wake up the next day and being so angry with God, why would he do that to me. What had I done wrong? What had my mom done to deserve that? Why not take away and abusive father? Why mine, just at the time he'd gotten saved and was actually beginning to act like a real dad to me, telling me he loves me for the first time in my life? We could have been amazing. Life could have been incredible. To this day, I think of how my life could have ended up different.

God, though showed me, and is continuing to show me a lot. First of all in those hard months, I got a glimpse of my dad's heart toward me. He wasn't the touch feely type and we'd never had an emotional conversation. (Except for that one night I broke curfew and he told me "I've given you everything, how many kids have a TV in their room, how many kids get pocket money and school fees. Whatever you've asked I've given you.") Anyway, those few months, my dad's shell got broken and I saw how much he's always loved us, and how sorry he was for not showing us that.

I got back into Church, though yes, I did quit after he died, I got friends who were there for me and more than that, now I have a home church where I'm excited to serve and hopefully one day pastor in. I wouldn't have known about Mavuno Church if it wan't that.

Source: community.livejournal.com via AmaLia on Pinterest

Most importantly, I realized the transience of life and what it means to completely surrender. Will you love God when he takes away everything? Right now, I can say yes. I realized the purpose of life isn't to live here on earth. The purpose of life is to love here on earth; all the way to heaven. Was my dad dying part of God's purpose for him? No. (Bear with me here I'm getting to my point.) Dying, breaking my heart, this wasn't God's purpose for my dad's life or mine. My purpose, your purpose, the reason we were made is to love God. Wherever my dad is, (maybe in heaven worshiping) because he's saved, he's living his purpose of loving God. Right here, I'm living my purpose of loving God through the storms of this life.

Why them did he make us? Why life? Why earth? These are some tough questions and I probably, don't have the right answer but God made this world for His creation to dwell in as we continue to love on Him, so that we can live in the power of His love and fellowship. So he can continue to build us in becoming His sons and daughters in heaven. We were created as special beings, in the image of God. Whatever heaven holds, its worth the pain on earth. When we get to heaven, none of this stuff will matter. The All-Consuming FIRE, the Passionate Lover, the Jealous God, He'll be lavishing us with His love, and we'll be so consumed by that love that all we'll be doing in heaven is loving God and we can start that right here on earth.


xoxo
Jo

Bible Study

1.       The Holy Spirit helps us lead. In Acts 6, we see the disciples faced with a challenge when they realized that when they were leading in other areas, some areas were being overlooked in this case, the widows were being overlooked in the daily distribution of food. So they decided to pick leaders who would oversee this and other necessary tasks. Acts 6:3-6 gives us these criteria. “But carefully select from among you, brothers, seven men who are well-attested, full of the Holy Spirit and wisdom, whom we may put in charge of this necessary task, while we devote ourselves to prayer and to ministry of the word. The proposal pleased the entire group, so they chose Stephen, a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit.” Well-attested here, means “of good reputation

2.       The Holy Spirit aligns our vision towards God, especially when we’re facing hard times. Acts 7:55 “But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked intently towards heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God.” I have to admit, this was the hardest for me to learn. If you read the rest of chapter 7 to the end, you see this is the chapter detailing the persecution and ultimate death of Stephen. As a human, it’s hard to deal with loss and death. It’s scary to face persecution. I’ve never been in that position. Do I wish I could have seen Jesus looking down at me at that time? Absolutely. I felt alone, but knowing God was looking down at me could have helped me. Maybe that was the purpose behind the Spirit revealing Christ to Stephen. That he realized this faith thing is for real. He wasn’t alone. Even unto death, he was comforted. The way it applies to us is, we are to let the Spirit work through us to let our families, our community and our cities know that they are not alone. Be there in the hard times, in the darkness. Help! People in this world are being daily persecuted because of their faith. Pray for them, but don’t stop there. Find out what you can do and do it!

3.       The Holy Spirit cannot be bought or sold, it is a heart matter. Acts 8:18-22 “Now Simon, when he saw that the Spirit was given through the laying on of the apostles’ hands, offered them money, v.19 saying, “Give me this power too, so that everyone I place my hands on may receive the Holy Spirit.” V.20 But Peter said to him, “May your silver perish with you, because you thought you could acquire God’s gift with money! V.21 You have no share or part in this matter because your heart is not right before God! V.22 Therefore repent of this wickedness of yours, and pray to the Lord that he may perhaps forgive you for the intent of your heart”

Quick Note in case your curious, I mostly use The Word Bible software NET Version or my RSV Version or NIV One Year Bible

Bible Study

1.       The Holy Spirit teaches us. John 14:25 “But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything, and will cause you to remember everything I said to you.”

2.       The only person who can breathe the Holy Spirit on you is Jesus. Anyone who purports to pray the Spirit over you can only do so if he prays in the name of Jesus. John 20:22 “And after he said this, he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit.” Acts 8:14-17 “Now, when the apostles in Jerusalem heard that Samaria had accepted the word of God, they sent Peter and John to them. These two went down to them so they would receive the Holy Spirit. (For the Spirit had not yet come down on them but they had only been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus) Then Peter and John placed their hands on the Samaritans and they received the Holy Spirit.” This is a matter where you should exercise extreme care and ask God for discernment. Remember Jesus says, many will come in His name, who are not really of Him. It’s the world we live in. Examine the person, and his doctrine. It’s your right and responsibility to guard your heart.

3.       The Holy Spirit gives us power. Acts 1:8 “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, to the ends of the earth.”

4.       The Holy Spirit gives us the gift of tongues. This is another controversial topic in Christianity and in revivals. I get my point of view from Acts 2. The first time we see people speaking in Spirit-enabled tongues. Acts 2:4 “And each of them began to speak in tongues, each as the Spirit enabled Him.” Here’s the kicker, in verse 6, we read, “When this great sound occurred, a great crowd gathered and there was confusion, because each one of them heard them speaking in his own language.” We’ll see this in the next point.

5.       The Holy Spirit joins us and doesn’t divide us. The Spirit isn’t divisive. Here were hundreds of people from different countries, who spoke different languages, and they were joined together to hear the word of God. Each of them understood what was being saved. This is why I believe, if you’re going to speak in tongues, as a leader in a public forum, only do so, if there’s an interpreter present.

Quick Note, in case your curious, I use The Word Bible Software NET Version 

Bible Study

1.       The Holy Spirit reveals things to us. Luke 2:26 “It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord’s Christ.”

2.       God speaks to us through the Holy Spirit and anoints us. Luke 3:22 “and the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven, “You are my one dear Son; in you I take great delight.”

3.       The Holy Spirit leads us. Luke 4:1 “Then Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan River and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness,”

4.       God gives us the Holy Spirit when we ask Him. Luke 11:13 “If you then, although you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

5.       Jesus left us the Holy Spirit to help us and to be with us when He knew that He wouldn’t be physically with us anymore. John 14:25-26 “I have spoken these things while staying with you. V.26 But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything, and will cause you to remember everything I said to you.”

Letter To My Teenage Kids Part 9

Part 9 of the letter…

Save yourself, your heart, your body for true love. By the time you turn 25 and a guy you love tells you I’ve only been with one chic and you you’re counting down a list you started in High School, you won’t be able to face him. Take my word for it,

1. no one you meet now will be there when you’re 25.

2. The good guys that you’ll want to go out with and are hot and sweet and kind and generous are not having sex. They’re the ones telling their girlfriends to wait.

One of my best friends now is a guy, and he and his girlfriend have dated for a year and he has never asked her for sex and isn’t even planning on it. And he’s an awesome guy, like buying chocolates and flowers kind of awesome. I can tell you of many other great guys whose priority isn’t sex, like my cousin, he’s cute but he is also very wise, like he speaks and people listen, his girlfriend, is special enough to him that for Christmas he asked to bring her all the way to Shaggz, and she went and guys were so happy and proud of my cousin. Again, never had sex, not planning on it. That girl walks around feeling valued and loved.

Please listen to me, and more than that hear me. That’s one thing you won’t regret. I can also give you examples of guys who have been having sex since they were 13 years old. These guys end up crying in our church for regretting hurting dozens of women, they cry about being sex addicts, they cry about abortions they’ve sponsored and women who they’ve destroyed, they cry about ruining their own lives, they cry over regrets. It’s a completely different story.

Anyway, as for me, I know God knows my heart and knows I want to be a young, hot wife and a young, fun mom, and I know at some point those things will come, in a special and amazing way that even I won’t believe. But for now, instead of trying to find “the one”, I’m working on being “the one” Can’t look for prince charming if I’m not worthy of being called “Mrs. Charming” I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging, but the improvements I’ve made in my life and my personality in the past, like, 6 weeks alone, that guy is going to be one crazy, lucky guy, and I’ll keep on growing and changing and being better and dreaming dreams and achieving those dreams even after he comes, even after that ring is on my finger, because this life is my God-given life and I only get this one shot.

I know day by day, my past is being further and further removed from me and the way I end this chapter of my life will be nothing like I began it, and this same chance is open to you. All you have to do is receive it.

I’m here if you need to talk.

Love, Joanne

Letter To My Teenage Kids Part 8

Part 8 of the Letter

Einstein defines insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Quit the insanity. If you want to change your life, this is your moment. God is ready to do something incredible for you. Take him at his word and you better brace yourself because he will help you take off. Pray and tell God, “I’m tired of living my life like I’m insane, doing the same thing over and over, giving my heart away, and building up that number of people who own a piece of me. I need your help, God. Change me.” You’ve got an army of people praying for you from cucu (grandma) to your folks to my family.

This is your mission, if you choose to accept it, turn your entire life around. I’m not preaching or telling you get saved or anything. But for the love of all things. Change your life. Say, from this day, this is who I am. Talk to a teacher you can trust, ask for help. Be bold enough to stand out from your crowd. DEFINE WHAT COOL IS AND DON’T LET THE WORLD OR YOUR FRIENDS DEFINE IT FOR YOU!

My prayer for you is that you do this. Let your ending be so far apart and so incredibly different from your beginning that no one who knows you now, or who knew you before will be able to recognize you. Let your friends see you as the top 100 girl in the papers and be like “haiya, did I read that right?” Let them see your updates from your desk at a successful job or travelling the world and be like “wah, I can’t believe that’s the same girl that did this and that when we were in High School.” Tell the guys who are leading you into these dark and dangerous paths, ”I can’t today, my dad grounded me” or “I have to study preps, my mom is riding my teacher to give me more assignment” use any excuse to get out of the hole you’re in and start climbing.

Please, please I’m begging you. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. And me I got a B+ and still struggling, where will you be? Focus on your work and building a good personality.

Bible Study

So, picking up from last time, we talked about how we shouldn't be afraid of the Holy Spirit because unlike what we've seen on TV, God never intended it to be such an over-the-top, scary, concept. Let take a look...

1.       The Holy Spirit is a gift from God not a right, which means that He can take it away. Psalms 51:11 says “Do not reject me. Do not take your Holy Spirit away from me.” Acts 2:38 “Peter said to them, ‘Repent and each one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit’”

2.       God treasures the Holy Spirit. Matthew 12:32 Whoever speaks about the Son of Man will be forgiven, but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.

3.       Disciples of God should be baptized in the Holy Spirit. Matthew 28:19 “Therefore go and make disciple of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son and The Holy Spirit.” Mark 1:8 “I baptize you with water, but He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.”

4.       The Holy Spirit gives us words to speak. Mark 13:11 “When they arrest you and hand you over for trial, do not worry about what to speak. But say whatever is given you at that time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit.” We also see in Acts 2, how Peter when he was filled with the Spirit was able to lead the first Spirit revival in history. He spoke to thousands, effortlessly and many non-believers were saved. Acts 4:31 “When they had prayed, the place where they had assembled together was shaken and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak the word of the Lord courageously.”

5.       The Holy Spirit helps us prophesy. Luke 1:67 “Then his father Zechariah was filled with the Holy Spirit and prophesied…”

Letter To My Teenage Kids Part 7

Part 7 of the Letter

Let me end by this verse that changed my life, and I hope it changes yours;

The background to this story is that Jacob had been looking for a wife and fell in love with Rachel. So he worked for Laban, Rachel’s dad and Laban told him, he can’t keep working for free, let him name a price and he’ll get it. Jacob asked for Rachel and Laban agreed, for 7 years of Jacob’s labor. Jacob romantically worked for 7 years and Laban played a trick on him and gave him Leah instead. In the end Jacob had two wives, beautiful Rachel who he loved. And Leah.

Leah felt hated, like most women do, when we feel like we don’t measure up or, like our boyfriend’s don’t think we’re good enough, so,

Genesis 29:31 When the LORD saw that Leah was unloved; he enabled her to become pregnant while Rachel remained childless. V. 32 So Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “The LORD has looked with pity on my oppressed condition. Surely my husband will love me now.”

(This is like when the relationship doesn’t work and we do anything to keep the guy interested; obviously, it didn’t work so…)

 V.33 She became pregnant again and had another son. She said, “Because the LORD heard that I was unloved, he gave me this one too.” So she named him Simeon.

(At this point, it’s like you’ve left the relationship and have found another guy and you start the same process all over again, of doing stunts to keep it working, which it doesn’t, so…)

v. 34 she became pregnant again and had another son. She said, “Now this time my husband will show me affection, because I have given birth to three sons for him.” That is why he was named Levi.

(Hop into another relationship, do the same thing again, thinking this time it will work, and it doesn’t finally…)

V. 35 She became pregnant again and had another son. She said, “This time I will praise the LORD.” That is why she named him Judah. Then she stopped having children.

(Leah’s outlook changes, she stops looking to Judah, (men) to be the source of her joy and looks at God and finally she is content and she praises God.)

This story doesn’t have to be about boys, are you using the same methods of studying over and over and they aren’t working, are you trying different lotions and stuff thinking this one will work, and it doesn’t.

Letter To My Teenage Kids Part 6

Part 6 of the letter

You know, my words mean nothing in the grand scheme of things, and you know without love, it means nothing, it’s like I’m just standing on a rooftop making noise. But, I love you, and more important than that God loves you and his love is unrelenting, he won’t stop loving you no matter what you do.

God understands us losing our way. I read Mark 6 today and it was about how one day Jesus was so tired he just wanted to go out to the hills with his disciples and just relax. But he got to the hill and found thousands of people waiting to see Him. If it was me, I’d be like, ai, I have to rest, give me an hour. But Him, in verse 34 says, “… he had compassion on them, for they were like sheep without a shepherd, and he began to teach them many things.” Like sheep, we get lost from time to time, we lie to our parents that we’re in a mat when we’re in Upper Hill ( J ), we kiss the wrong guy; we go too far with another. We look for love, anything to make us feel good in that moment. God gets that, and he doesn’t hate us for it. He has compassion (love) love for us.

His love is unchanging, the same God who in Mark had compassion, is the same God who healed your mom, the same God who’s protected you and me when we’ve put ourselves in dangerous situations like going to people’s houses and not knowing if these people will drug you or if you’ll get in an accident when you’re going back, that time your family doesn’t know where you are. That’s how there are so many lost, unclaimed bodies in the mortuary.

It’s the same God who saved me, and showed me His plan and His vision for my life, despite the fact that I didn’t deserve his forgiveness. So let Him teach you and show you the right way.

Christian Music Industry Part 4

I know there’s a lot of responsibility in being an artist or a leader. You’re driven to reach a huge number of people. You want to spread this gospel all over the world! Sometimes, appealing to people is your only source of income, like when music is your career. But, I pray that God teaches us how to handle this huge responsibility. We need not only to reach, but to allow God to impact His people. For Him to encounter His people, for His people to not be the same after an encounter with Him, either through concerts or listening to a song on the radio, or visiting your social networks.

This is why I love the idea of a conference instead of a concert. For example, Jesus Culture. These guys are an awesome worship band that goes to different cities, really around the world not just performing their songs. Before they have a conference, they have a team preparing the leaders and equipping them and teaching them. They have an amazing conference, like a high quality concert-level light shows and everything. Then they begin with a time of teaching and prayer. When it’s time for the band to perform, they have their lyrics up on screen so people can worship along with them and so they aren’t just entertaining. Then, they make their music videos available on You Tube, and their songs are up on their website and on i-Tunes. Another thing they do to make their music available is that they don’t force a person to buy the whole album if they like a particular song. You can just buy any single off the album. 

The stories of transformation that follow their conferences are amazing. (Which by the way, I read off their blog on the website!) Stories of the Holy Spirit awakening gifts in ordinary people and stories of healing and restoration. It creates an impact that lasts long before the music fades away. Their mission statement (as listed on their website!) is to create an emerging breed of new revivalists.  That’s exactly what they’re doing. After a worship experience, nobody is ever the same. That coupled with preaching the word of God and passionate, heartfelt prayer. The Holy Spirit moves. God moves in the hearts of His people. I’ve never been to a JC Conference, the closest they’ve been to Kenya is South Africa L but through You Tube and the social networks, I’ve been impacted HUGELY!

That’s what I’d hope to see in Kenya: a breed of revivalists. This city needs a revival, especially this year. I pray that God allows us to feel His Spirit. We’re really concerned about the condition of our hearts and the submission of our minds and emotions to the word of God, which is amazing. We’re also so fearful of the Holy Spirit, because, at least for me, I don’t want to writhe on the ground and be exorcised like I see on Ng’ang’a’s pulpits or seeing pastors blow into microphones and say “the spirit is blowing through this place”

This is SUCH a wrong view of the Holy Spirit. So, over the next couple of days, let’s look at what the Bible says about the Holy Spirit:

Letter To My Teenage Kids Part 5

Part 5 of the letter…

So, I spent yet another valentine’s day alone, guess what? I didn’t die, I was so busy that day actually I didn’t realize until one of my friends bought me lunch. But let me tell you all I’ve done that I haven’t done the past 5 years because my life revolved around boys. In the past 2 months alone,

ü  I’ve gotten A’s and B’s compared to the C’s and D’s I’d been getting

ü  All my lecturers know my name because I’m more active in class

ü  I’ve gotten awesome friends from my school and church

ü  I’ve gone back to doing my CPA’s now that I have time

ü  I’m re-learning to swim

ü  I’m learning to play guitar

ü  I have a writing job for two websites; writing has always been my passion.

ü  I’m starting to learn Spanish

ü  I’m planning on joining the worship team

ü  I’ve gone back to working hard to find a way to travel, trusting God that by 2014, I’ll have boarded a few planes.

ü  I’m back to writing songs again! This is my favorite because I haven’t written anything since my before the ex-experience. I love this, writing songs to God…its amazing!

The possibilities are endless. Now for you, realistically, no one is marrying you when you’re in High School, when you’re a teenager for that matter. God keeps giving you second chances and its time your recognized them and took advantage. 

Letter To My Teenage Kids Part 4

Part 4 of the Letter…

Now, to boys. Let me start by my own experience. I’ve had like 3 boyfriends so far. I never dated in high school, like I said; my identity wasn’t rooted on having a boy to date. I was busy dreaming of how I could go to the States and find my first boyfriend there.

So, after high school, I dated an older exotic guy, hehe, he was like from Seychelles or something…and yeah it was exciting, like heh, this older guy likes me, what do I have that other girls his age don’t. That lasted a few weeks until I realized it wasn’t normal. What’s wrong with him, that he can’t find girls his own age? Before I realized this, I have to say, those few weeks wrecked the course of my life. I was rude to my mum and dad; I lost contact with my friends because I got this attitude that I’m better than them and all that. I was just a silly love-struck teenager (18) so that didn’t last, maybe a month or less.

After him, I pretty much didn’t care. I didn’t care whether I was single or dating or whatever. In this mindset I ended up in my longest relationship to date, with, the heartbreaker. He made me so happy and took me to the top of the world. He also made me incredibly sad and took me to the deepest holes. I lived in this roller coaster for almost 8 months. Yaani, I hated him and loved him in equal measure, and he loved me too. But this is what happens when you get into stuff that you’re both too young for, our love, which looking back I realize was just insane, I truly hope that’s not what love really is, and that that’s not what I’m waiting for now. Whatever it was died and as much as we “loved” each other we hated each other. For me, he was my whole life and that’s such a bad place for a person to be in. I stopped focusing on me and my own happiness and focused on him and his. I don’t feel guilty for being a nice person, I carry it with pride that I’m not a bitch and I’m generally nice to people. However, when being nice leads to me putting myself in dangerous situations, that’s where I should have drawn the line and I didn’t. That’s my biggest regret. For him, I guess it was growing up, he was turning into a new person and that person and me just didn’t work together. It was probably a mistake that I started to date him the week after my dad died, so emotionally, I just wasn’t ready because my mind wasn’t right. I left that relationship so broken down. Remember my heart was in my hands, now my heart was in his hands and he took it, jumped all over it, took a trailer, ran over it, took a saw and ripped it to bits. In addition to getting cheated on and dumped! Remember I hadn’t dealt with my dad’s death, because I just jumped into this relationship. So I dealt with both a breakup and death simultaneously. It was really bad, I was depressed for so long that my mum had to take me to hospital to see a shrink.

After that, obviously, I didn’t feel like I could love again, or if anyone would even be interested in me. My self-esteem just died, like people tell you, oh you’re so pretty, you’re so bright, wow, your special, but looking at myself all I could see was trash.

I went on with my life and healed little by little. Inevitably, another guy came along and he loved me like immediately, even I was taken by surprise how quickly that happened. I got my internship and 2 weeks later, I’m already someone else’s girlfriend. I know at this point, you’d think, “oh, finally, a happy ending” and yeah, it was, I mean, with this guy, we’d even talked about marriage, after 2 weeks!!! I mean it was crazy! I think I was so eager to be in love and to prove that I was over what had happened with my ex that I wasn’t thinking straight.

Then, on New Years’ Eve, me, silly, silly, Joanne, decides to end it. I’d been feeling in all of December that this wasn’t right. I felt suffocated, like, now if I’ve found my husband, will this be my life for the rest of my life. I haven’t even lived. I don’t want to live this life my whole family has lived, of oh, college, work for 2 years get married. I want to travel, and sing worship in a rock band and teach and work with kids and do all this stuff that I can’t do being tied down right now. I don’t want an ordinary life that all of Nairobi is living. Yaani, it’s my life, my only life and if I don’t live it now, there’s no second chance. So, I left him and he didn’t understand why, and he kept trying to get me back but I refused and finally he gave up.

I’m happy for that experience, because I honestly felt broken and that I could never love again, but I realized God’s been slowly working on my heart and I’m healing slowly by slowly and this year I just need to make room for him to completely move in me.

Prayer Request

We interrupt normal scheduling to bring you this special report...o.k just kidding. Seriously though, i'm freaking out over my eye. My eyes are usually black (brown when the sun hits them just right :-) ) But, my right eye is kinda turning brown at the bottom kind of like I'm wearing a contact lens that out of place. Everyone I show it too is like, "go to the hospital"

So today I went to the clinic where I got my glasses, and even there the girl was like "Go to the hospital" so I am thoroughly freaked out. I'm avoiding the temptation to check out Dr.Google because I don't want to fill my head up with that stuff and freak out even more.

I want to fill my head up with thoughts of how I am God's child, and He has all the best in store for me.

In other news, I signed up for Worship Team and volunteering at our Teens Church. Wow, our teens church has some really talented and special kids. I heard singing and rapping like I've never heard before. It was great.

Still waiting to hear back about the worship team.

Oh and I'm starting a Prayer Class next week called Ombi.

That's it for updates. Please pray for me. I'm sure we'll hear a great report from God.

I'm going to leave you with this passage from the Bethel Church, Redding Website. You all know how much I love Jesus Culture and Bethel Church is their home and I kinda think I love Bethel Church more. Their vision, their connection and acclamation of the power of the Holy Spirit. I feel kinda short-changed sometimes that most of our teaching is intellectual, rather than spiritual but I think that Bethel was placed in y life to fill that gap for me. So, I read a lot of testimonies from their blog so I figured the best way to start praying for myself was to start there. This is what they have to say and please check out their website.

"At Bethel, we believe that God’s will is always "Life and Life More Abundantly." We believe that God is always Good, and it is always His will to heal. Healing is more about His Goodness and Grace and the price Jesus paid than it is about our performance. As you prepare for your visit to Bethel, we encourage you to prepare your heart to receive from Him by meditating on His Goodness. He gives us great and precious promises in the scriptures regarding health, healing, wholeness, and experiencing His Righteousness, Peace and Joy. We encourage you to read and declare those promises of God over yourself, thanking and praising Him for them. It is often beneficial to personalize His promises, speaking them in the first person between yourself and God. Here is an example from Psalm 103:

"I will bless You Lord with all my soul and not forget Your many Benefits. You forgive ALL my iniquities and You heal ALL my diseases. You redeem my life from destruction and crown me with Loving Kindness and Tender Mercies; You satisfy my mouth with Good Things so that my youth is renewed like the eagle’s."

And from Isaiah 53:4,5:

"Surely You have born my grief, and carried my sorrows ... But You were wounded for my transgressions, You were bruised for my iniquities; the punishment that brought me peace was placed upon You, and by Your wounds I am healed."

Matthew 8:17 quotes the same verse from Isaiah with these words:

"... You Yourself took my infirmities and bore my sicknesses...."

In Jesus Name! Amen :-)


xoxo
Jo

Christian Music Industry Part 3

I don’t understand why as an artist, you’d fill your webpage with pictures and merchandise and concert and event details, but you didn’t have a page that leads people toward growth. What happens after the music fades? Artists should be in that place where they care about making an impact and not just entertaining. One page, with your testimony or at least with a prayer for salvation and leading them to a place where they can correspond with someone (not necessarily you, maybe your church prayer line, or twitter feed or address) that will lead them to Christ, there are so many organizations that send people free publications like a new believer’s pamphlet, a download link, apps that help you find a Church near where they are.

I also don’t understand, (and this is like pointing the finger inwards at me, because the Church I attend is guilty of this) why, a worship leader would lead praise and worship with a re-mixed version of a Secular song, when there are SO many Christian songs in this world. I LOVE my Church, it’s one of the best things that has ever happened to me, and opened me up to a relationship with God rather than religion that I had trouble with. However, I personally don’t agree with that “take-back” thing.  I mean, I get the argument about reaching the un-churched or “taking back” the world for God, but do we have to do it using secular songs? It causes so much strife, that’s so unnecessary and there is more going against it, than going for it.

Christian Music Industry Part 2

As a Christian artist or a worship leader, it’s important to realize you do have a following. As a leader, you carry a HUGE RESPONSIBILITY! People look up to you. I don’t understand why, or what’s the purpose of causing strife over what to me is nothing.

I don’t understand why as an artist, you refuse to acknowledge that you’re a Christian. For example, Firefly in an interview didn’t want to be labeled a “Christian band” Yet, you’ve been given this huge incredible platform so that people who love your music know the God behind it. I’m all for not putting a “GET SAVED NOW OR DIE!” admonition in your songs, but when you’re at an interview, why deny who you are. Your songs have been leading people to something; tell them what that something is!

Letter To My Teenage Kids Part 3

Part 3 of the letter…

I’ve told you before regular students pay 13,000/- for school in K.U, Parallel students pay 70,000/-. In private schools it only gets worse, with places like Strathmore paying up to 250,000/-. At least work hard enough to get into a regular program, or enough to earn a scholarship to help pay your fees. Trust me, pride will be your downfall if you don’t watch out. I see the way my own mum struggles, and I regret everyday why I didn’t work harder.

Scholarships are there. I have a friend who’s travelled all over the world because her sponsor wants her to experience the world. It’s crazy to see her pictures on Facebook from places like Barbados and Puerto Rico, that time, me I haven’t even left the country, and yet she was my desk mate in Primary School. Life handed her the same opportunities as me, she used them and I didn’t and now I live in regret of that.

Christian Music Industry Part 1

So, I’ve been thinking about music a lot lately. Like I said, I’m into writing songs now and I’m planning on buying an electric guitar within the next few months God willing. Plus of course, the whole, “God, I’d love to marry a Worship Leader” thing.

I realize as I write this I need to do a series of posts just to explain that first paragraph, and some of the thoughts that run through my head!

There’s so much debate going on about the type of music that’s invaded our Churches and I just thought I’d give my take on it.

Personally, I love rock. Rock music from the likes of Jeremy Camp and Switchfoot introduced me to Christ and got me into Christianity. I love the fact that you can put a bunch of people each gifted in playing a specific instrument and be able to put it all together and come up with something great. As I’ve grown up though, my tastes have evolved somewhat and now I’m more into the content of the lyrics and the Spirit behind it rather than just great-sounding tracks from Christian labels. So now I’m into Jesus Culture, Jeremy Camp, Gateway Worship, Casting Crowns, Tenth Avenue North, and Switchfoot.

I recognize the fact that music is INCREDIBLY spiritual. One of the best examples of this I can give is when I listen to a Switchfoot song…they are a Christian band but their lyrics aren’t explicit but more figurative like a lyric, “the shadow proves the sunshine” just tells you about how we go through struggles, but in overcoming we see the light of God shine through. I mean, when I listen to a Switchfoot song, my soul is stirred up! Too many times I’ve ended up wrecked on the floor crying out to God, “…I fall in love with things that run me through, when all along all I’ve needed is You!” (Another Switchfoot lyric)

Sharp contrast to a Lady Gaga song. I don’t know if it’s the outfits or what I’ve read about her, or just her lyrics, but those songs just feel to me like I’m being bound. It’s a real distinct feeling. A closer example, is I used to love Florence and The Machine, I mean I could sing every word from their first album, Lungs. It didn’t feel quite right but I ignored it, because when I Googled them, there was still some speculation, that they “could be a Christian group” Then their second album came out and the first time I listened to them, it was just like “NO WAY!” something has to be wrong with this group. So again, I Googled (yes, I am a Google addict) and I saw pictures of the video from the single off that album, and it was insane, the guy giving the commentary drew contrasts of her being reborn into Satanism and the imagery in the video was almost exactly the same to the occult texts.

Anyway, my point is that I’m not blind to the fact that there is such a power behind music. It’s a spiritual thing. Music can stir up emotions and light a fire in you. Question everybody needs to answer is “Who are you burning for?”

Letter To My Teenage Kids Part 2

Part 2 of the letter….

Anyway, so yeah, I’m happy I formed my own identity and even though it made me sort of an outcast, I wouldn’t change anything. Imagine, now when I’m almost 5 years out of High School, and in those 5 years I’ve done so many things wrong, and ended up just confused and broken hearted, I’m finding myself going back to remember the person I was in High School and trying to live out the way I had planned to live when I was 16. I think I was wiser then than I am now.

What I’m trying to say is. This is the time when you build your life. I know that’s such a cliché parent’s use, but God; if you believe anything from me, believe that. If you decide today, I’m going to do well enough to sell 2^nd hand clothes clothes in an exhibition stall, you will. If you say I’m going to do well enough to go to Kenya Polytechnic and spend the rest of my life fixing computers, and earning 15k a month, you will. If you say, I’m going to give up on my own life, find a man (who’s building his own life at this very moment) and marry him, that will probably not happen, but you will die trying. No one can build your life but you. The minute your dreaming your mediocre dreams, someone else in high school just like yours is dreaming huge dreams of a successful happy life and it’s her computer you’ll be fixing, her clothes you’ll be selling, her husband you’ll be eyeing.

Do you know how lucky you are? Your parents love you! A million kids are dying for that life. My dad was awesome, and I miss him, but the relationship I had with him growing up is nothing like your dad is trying to build with you!. My dad died of cancer and if I had gotten a second chance with him, I would be doing everything in my power not to stress him and make him happy and proud. God, I pray that you recognize what a gift you have in your parents. That they’re here, that they love you and that they’re working for you. Recognize the effort they’re making and help them. Money is so hard to come by.

I’ve been in that place of being rude and not feeling connected to my parents but I’ve never been so far gone that I didn’t feel compassion for them when they’re struggling. That’s why I’m worried about you, and that’s why I’m writing this letter for almost 2 hours when it’s midnight and I’m supposed to be sleeping because I have a class tomorrow morning at 9.

***Part 3 Tomorrow***

Video Of The Week - Jesus Culture

Letter To My Teenage Kids Part 1

So, I recently wrote a letter to my niece just to sort of give her advice about teenage hood, and I thought it’d be cool if I blogged parts of it, so that hopefully if blogger is still here in like 20 years, my own teenage daughter can read this…

Hi. How are you? Hope you are doing fine. I just wanted to write you a letter so we could talk. I know it doesn’t seem like I care much about you, because we’ve never sat down and had those one on one conversations sisters have. I have to admit, I sort of distanced myself for you and I shouldn’t have done that. I truly apologize for that, and I hope we can start afresh.

I’m extremely close to my sister and I have to say, that’s helped me through my life and I hope I can do the same for you. I just want us to be able to talk freely and openly especially now during this time when in every teen’s life, you like, don’t feel like you can connect with your parents or family. So, I’ve put a self-addressed envelope in here and its solely for if you want to reply and talk, if you don’t its ok.

Let’s start by saying; you are an extremely smart girl. When you passed your KCPE everyone was so proud of you and I was telling my friends about it, and I know your parents were happy too. I remember my mum telling you, if anyone can change your family it’s you. Then you went to school, and saw all these girls who were from different backgrounds as you. I remember for myself, I didn’t know where to fit in. I’ve always been part of the popular crowd, since nursery even, but in High School, especially before I joined First Aid, I didn’t know if I was supposed to be in the popular-pretty crowd, or the popular-smart crowd, or the Christian crowd or what. One thing that I thank God I realized was that I was all those things, pretty, smart, Christian and I didn’t have to fit into anyone’s group to prove it. Honestly rolling with the Christian crowd in my school wasn’t all that, because I feel like I’m more into laid-back, rock-loving Christian and my school was speaking-in-tongues, holy-laughter Christians. The pretty girls were mean and the smart girls were too smart.

***Part 2 Tomorrow***

On A Mission

Today at Church, we learnt how, we usually jump through jobs, and relationships and even churches because we don't know who we are or what we stand for. Pastor Linda actually said, "we meander through life and end up with regrets because we don't know what we really are about."

If anyone rides the regret roller-coaster, its definitely ME! It's a bad habit that I'm trying to kick, but I'm also not blind to the fact that I have made choices that I regret about not taking advantage of some opportunities, not hunting other opportunities down and just all those other mistakes I made because I was focused on the wrong things.

We read Exodus 3:16-22 and it tells us how we're called to "travel the world and worship" (OK, that was my interpretation! LOL) But she said, we exist to do two things

1. To enter into a relationship with God (Worship)
2. To tell the world about Him through our lives (Witness)

For the Israelites (and for me) a couple of things stand in the way of that:

1. A defeated Spirit - Slavery felt like their portion in life
2. Convenience - Better the devil you know than the angel you don't...
3. External Resistance - Pharaoh wanted them to stay right where they were and continue serving him

But, what would have happened if the Israelites let these obstacles get to them? If we choose to stick with the status quo of the familiar, we too stand to miss out on the big things that God has in store for us!


So, to quote Pastor L:

"Life is not about a good existence, it’s about being what God is calling us to be. If we fail to see a mission beyond serving our own needs, we fail – we don’t understand what God called the church to do. Church is a mission organization. Compared with the natural body and what the different body parts do, the body of Christ also has parts that serve different missions. Are you part of this mission or not? We are a mission organization. If you are complaining and griping, the problem is you. Other churches all exist to accomplish a specific mission


This Is Not A Club, We’re On A Mission!


Mavuno is not here to make you comfortable. The mission of Mavuno is – "Turning Ordinary People Into Fearless Influencers Of Society!" Here at Mavuno we will push you to get so uncomfortable that you do something about your world’s situation. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to be the fearless influencer that God intended for you to be!


Ok, so given this information...how does this apply to my life. First off, I don't know if I've ever told anyone this, but my first C.R.E class in High School was pretty emotional, I don't remember but I think the teacher asked us to share stories and one girl's story was so sad that when it was my turn to speak, I talked and talked and said "I want to be a Pastor" and it was such a crazy experience I don't even know how I ended up saying that and I was SOOOO embarrassed and had to carry that label for a few months...

Years later, I'm in college and I ended up changing my major to Marketing because after my internship I discovered I'm good, great at Customer Relations and I have a passion for it.That's my career choice, because every Kenyan knows, your parents didn't pay 12 years of school so you end up without a career.

Photo: acquirethefire.com

But I'm finding myself drawn or and more to Ministry. I want to give people hope and encouragement.I want to teach relevant messages the way I was taught. I want to help a kid avoid the same mistakes I made. My dream is to host HUGE youth conferences like Greg Laurie or Ron Luce and tour around the city bringing relevant speakers, showcase great dramatic talent and great worship music not just entertainment music. Does that mean I should take up youth ministry?

Photo: greglaurie.com

I also write songs and I think I'm a pretty decent singer. I want to lead worship like Kim Walker-Smith and Chris Quilala from Jesus Culture. I want my conferences to have a huge band devoted to making great worship music, high quality global worship music. Let the world add our songs to their worship play-lists. Does that mean I should take up Worship?

Photo: jesusculture.com 

                                                                                           Photo: jesusculture.com 

I blog. I tweet. I try my best to form Social Network Connections...so what is that?

I love kids. I want a family. I want to be an awesome, encouraging wife and a great mom. And I see myself as a "leave and cleave-doing anything for my hubby" kind of person. Like, is his work in a different city? "Yeah, hun, let's go." I mean, that's my family! So, how does that work, being a wife and mom and being this person living her life?

I'm definitely one of those confused people not in the sense of not knowing what to do, but not knowing what to choose and how this thing works. Hope I get some clarity on that as the series progresses.


xo Jo

New Eye-wear

This is a pretty fluff post, but I bought 2 new pairs of shades!!! Hehehe

Trust In A Wonderful Maker

On Raha and Life I always talk about how committing to God made such a huge difference in my life and how it’s a daily commitment, mostly because I have such a fear of losing my freedom that he gave me. I can’t lose Christ. That’s just where I’m at right now. I’ve done a great job at trying, like I gave up praying and reading the Bible for the past couple of weeks, so in terms of a daily active relationship, I’ve totally failed. Despite all that, He kept me strong in situations that I wouldn’t have survived in otherwise. But today, I want to stand and say, I’m recommitting, making God my top focus. I know this is totally corny and I don’t even know if I mean it like from the bottom of my heart or whatever, but, that’s just what I’m feeling, and the best I can do is start from where I am.

Today I want to look at two songs, one is called Trust in You by Jeremy Camp, and the other is Wonderful Maker also by Jeremy Camp, from the album, “Carried Me: The Worship Project” First of all I love this album, it’s like total 100% worship, and 100% rock. Nothing better…at least not to me! This is the type of music I love…I mean yeah I also love the songs that aren’t in your face and that make you think, like Switchfoot, but there’s something about just raw worship, it’s a different type of passion in the vocals and instruments. Another thing I love is the deliberate attempts at bringing all the elements together. This is my album of the week, especially now with what I’m going through and the changes I want to effect. What I also love about the album, it’s about our relationship with an unseen God, and walking by faith. It acknowledges the pain that we go through as Christians and how hard it gets at times when things don’t go how we’d expect them to. It’s not all, like some happy yuppie, Christian life is perfect, it’s honest music from an open heart and surrendered spirit, and that’s what I love most about Jeremy Camp, he’s gone through a lot personally in his life and because he’s still standing, you know God heard him, same way He’ll hear us. This is one album, you all have to get. It’s a perfect play-in-the-car-driving-to-church album. Here’s a bit of the lyrics…

Trust In You

When I can't see You I know You're there, when I can't feel You I will not fear, I will trust in You and I will not be afraid.

When the battle is close at hand, You're with me and help me stand, I will trust in You and I will not be afraid.

When the darkness is close at hand and I'm running against the wind, I will trust in you and I will not be afraid.

When I'm standing upon that shore, all the battles I've gone before, I will trust in you, and I will not be afraid.

Wonderful Maker is just an all-out worship song,

What a wonderful maker

What a wonderful Savior

How majestic are your whispers

And how humble your love

With a strength like no other

And the heart of a father

How majestic are your whispers

What a wonderful God

Chocolate Cake Recipe

I discovered a new talent...I can make a mean chocolate cake. I made this cake this past Monday and my mom and I ate the last 3 slices last night. 

I had to use my phone camera because I haven't gotten around to replacing my camera's batteries...

Mm-Mm-Mm Chocolate Cake with Chocolate-Strawberry Frosting

CHOCOLATE CAKE

½ Cup Sugar

1 Cup Drinking Chocolate

1 ¾ Cup All-Purpose Flour

1 ½ Teaspoon Baking Powder

1 ½ Teaspoon Baking Soda

1 Teaspoon Salt

1 Cup Milk

½ Cup Vegetable Oil

2 Eggs

1 Cup Boiling Water

2 Teaspoons vanilla essence

1.       Preheat Oven

2.       Mix the dry ingredients. I went with sugar then flour then drinking chocolate then baking powder, baking soda and salt. It’s SO important to add the salt, it gives it an extra oomph and makes the flavor come out. Then stir them all together till everything looks light brown, i.e. the flour and drinking chocolate totally mixed up.

3.       Mix the wet ingredients except for the boiling water. I did, milk, and then eggs, then vegetable oil and the vanilla essence. I just beat it with a fork till the eggs mixed in.

4.       Pour in the wet ingredients over the top of the dry. I used my hand mixer on the highest power (my mixer’s broken, and the only power that works is the highest, but it served its purpose) On a normal mixer, I’d do about Power Medium. Mix it for about 3 minutes, then add your boiling water and mix it for about a minute. It should be pretty runny, don’t freak out, if it’s the consistency of just a little thicker than hot cocoa, you’re fine.

5.       Grease and flour your baking pan. I used margarine and corn flour. Probably a little too much margarine because I didn’t want it to stick, but this is to your judgment. The flour didn’t really help much, but it’s what bakers do, so I did it.

6.       Bake it for 30-35 minutes or until a butter knife through the middle of it comes out clean.

7.       Don’t freak out and open your oven if you peek in and see it sort of bubbling over, that’s how it goes because of the consistency. It will settle back down.

8.       Don’t freak out if its soft to the touch/spongy, that’s good. It means you have a moist cake. But again, this is to your discretion, if it’s TOO soft, it might not be done so do the knife test.

9.       Once done, take it out and let it cool for about 20 minutes.

10.   Turn it over onto a rack and let it cool for another hour.

11.   Cut in half horizontally, and carefully, because it’s so soft, you might break it, turn the top half over onto a plate

12.   Generously pour the icing over the bottom half of the cake and smooth over. If you have strawberries, you’d add thin slices here too.

13.   Replace the top half and frost all over with the strawberry chocolate filling. Again, you can decorate with sliced strawberries and make it look pretty and save this from being totally unhealthy with that little burst of vitamin C. ( JTihihi)

14.   Put in the fridge to set for about an hour, or again, to your discretion, until it sets.

15.   Serve with love. Garnished with strawberries.

NB. You might want to trace knife lines of about 12 slices just to give people an idea of what each serving size should be. The new, healthy me, recommends 1 thin slice per person.

STRAWBERRY CHOCOLATE FILLING

Drinking Chocolate

2 Teaspoons Strawberry Essence

Water

1.       Put the drinking chocolate (as much as you think you’ll need) I used about ¾ cup into a small mixing bowl.

2.       Add the 2 teaspoons vanilla essence and mix until incorporated

3.       Add water until consistency is thick, but smooth enough to be spread.