Be The One

"I am going to be the one...the best that I can be...because that is how God intended it to be."

The sermon at Church this past Sunday blew my mind. Pastor M talked about Leah in Genesis 29 from verse 31. How she knew from the beginning Jacob (Jacobinho hehehe) didn't love her and she was for all intents less than 2nd best.

What she did is typical female behavior, had babies trying to win Jacob's love. Baby after baby she popped out. but Jacob still remained cold. Finally, she learnt that she wouldn't be dependent on Jacob anymore and named her last son Judah meaning "This time, I will praise the Lord"

So, I took all these notes I've laid down under this and promised to God to stay single for the whole year, if He would draw me closer ti Him. I want to be intertwined with God. I stood up and said that prayer with Pastor S. 20 minutes later, I was standing in line at the supermarket tears stinging my eyes when I saw a box of chocolates on those valentine's day stands, and realized, I wont be getting chocolates next week. I'm not kidding. Actual tears in my eyes over a box of chocolate.

But here's what I took home...not the chocolate, but the realization that, God made me, he made my heart. He knows everything about me. Who I want to be, (which hopefully aligns with who He made me to be) and who I was. He knows my desires, to be loved wholly, to love wholly, to be a great wife and an amazing mom, to have a family. He knows all these things about me, and he knew them from the beginning. 

I got in my own way, when I took life in my own hands, and tried to find that joy and contentment without him. It was a slippery slope, that ed me like Leah, to finding that next guy who would make me feel valued. I'm totally with her in saying, "Its's not this child, but oh, it has to be the next one." But, now 2012, no more insanity. "This time, I will praise the Lord." This time, I will run after Him, this time I will worship Him. This time, He will be my joy and contentment.

So yeah, I know it's the hugest deal making a promise to God, but I do. This is your year Lord. Its a completely faith move. I don't know what will happen, except that I will want to quit by June. But I'm relying on you for wisdom and strength.

My Notes

1. Human beings are very different from cars, they behave differently under test conditions. (On Living Together before marriage) You can't be completely vulnerable.
2. Transferring the responsibility for your joy and self-esteem to another human being is perpetually walking into insanity. Its time to shift my focus. Shifting focus from man to God is the only time He'll change you into who you need to be.
3. Making a fool of yourself is the natural progression when you want to manipulate someone into meeting your needs for you.
4. Desperate clingy women can only attract hard uncaring men.
5. Are they the problem or is it me?
6. Like attracts like. A relationship only compounds the state you were in before.
7. If your broken, you attract broken people. They can't meet your needs, that's why they married you! It's a 2 patients and no doctor situation, 2 people bound never to satisfy each other. Complementary dysfunctions.
8. Work on your issues...if you don't have health on your life, no one will bring it to you.
9. This time, 2012, something is different. Things will change as you begin to work on you, you grow up, stand taller have an undeniable sense of God-esteem.
10. Let's not perpetuate childish love which equates to lust. Mature people need to understand what it takes to relate to one another.

xx

Raha