Apologies

Hey guys, I know, no posts for the past two days, and yes I can hear it now, how can I write a daily recap blog when I'm not here daily. So, so, sorry, final exams kinda caught me by surprise and I'm held up with that and trying to find an internship...I promise, I'm gonna make it up to you!

Love you!

Apologies

Hey guys, I know, no posts for the past two days, and yes I can hear it now, how can I lead a daily devotion when I'm not here daily. So, so, sorry, final exams kinda caught me by surprise and I'm held up with that and trying to find an internship...I promise, I'm gonna make it up to you!

Love you!

Failing

Have you guys ever just felt, like you're at the end of your rope. Like, "o.k I've had enough" and you throw your hands up in the air and say whatever happens, happens. I guess that's where I am right now. I don't know, for some reason, I feel really angry and moody.

I'll start with this, I haven't prayed in a couple of days. I mean, Sunday at Church I realized that, that thing of mine for not being able to pray-like talk, to God, and instead writing prayers in my journal, isn't quite helping me grow. I mean, we're at Church, after worship, and people are just talking to God, while I'm thinking, "I left my journal in the car!"

Another reason, is that I just feel like things aren't working out the way I expected them to. Like, I wasn't baptized this past weekend even though I really didn't want any complications to do with that, and now it seems that complications are where I'm headed, seeing that I haven't even received that text message confirmation that I'm apparently supposed to get.

Another reason, is that those prayer requests we made at the beginning of the month at Church, I haven't gotten answers. O.k, one of the things I prayed for was that my mom would support me and make it easier on me, emotionally, when I moved out. I couldn't handle it, worrying everyday, that she's sad or mad at me, or that she thinks that I abandoned her or that I don't need her anymore. That's been answered because I think my mom is happy, and we talk a lot. So, that, I am thankful for. However the other stuff...nope!

It's not like I'm asking for anything bad. I thought that if you're prayers aligned to God's will, the answer would be yes. Seriously, it's not like I'm asking for anything that you could classify as...I don't know...crazy unsaved things. Still, I'm not getting a whole lot of yes's. Another thing is that I feel like God knows my weaknesses, so wouldn't it stand to reason, that he wouldn't let me experience the hurts I did when I wasn't saved, now that I am saved?

I think I give up, asking for anything...I think when I do pray, it'll just be, narrating my day, but asking for anything...no...it just hurts too much, to hope for something and having your hopes not pan out.

O.K as you can probably tell, today would have been the day of my Mizizi class and these are the questions I would have asked there. However since we graduated, and I'm not seeing my Lifegroup till Friday, I pose these questions to you.

I hate being so low :-(

Reversing The Tragedy

Romans 7:14-20 (NET)
v.14 For we know that the law is spiritual – but I am unspiritual, sold into slavery to sin. v.15 For I don’t understand what I am doing. For I do not do what I want – instead, I do what I hate. v.16 But if I do what I don’t want, I agree that the law is good. 17 But now it is no longer me doing it, but sin that lives in me. 18 For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh. For I want to do the good, but I cannot do it. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but I do the very evil I do not want! 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer me doing it but sin that lives in me. 

I don't know about you guys, but I have a pretty bad "before" story...you know, "before I started going to Church" In fact, when I heard we had to do a video testimony before getting baptized after Mizizi, I just about freaked out. On the one hand, you're happy because, now you're free, but on the other hand, I'm thinking about how I'm inviting my mom to Mavuno when I get baptized. There are just some things that mama can't know!!!

I truly did make a mess of my life, and so have most of us, that's why today's Switchfoot Song of The Day is, "Mess of Me"



Before I get to the song, let me share a little of my "Mess of Me" story. The past two years have been pretty much crappy. Now, the only people who read this blog are you two, so you know what I'm talking about. Drinking, dad died, more drinking, let's not forget the weed cakes, hehehe, clubbing, boyfriends, more clubbing, nasty stuff, depression, losing 30 kgs, gaining 30 kgs, hahaha, and now I'm here. Sometimes I just look back, and I'm so ashamed of the person I was, and other times I look back and I'm so glad because, I'm free now, and other times to be honest, I look back and want to be there again. Life doesn't magically become perfect now, you know, sometimes, I look at other people and their lives seem so much easier and fun. Then I remember, how even when I was out and life seemed funner and easier, always, always at around 2 a.m. when the buzz died down, I'd start getting sad, wondering why I went out in the first place.

In the song, Jon Foreman talks about, how nobody made us into what we are. We made those decisions alone, and in essence, in our freedoms, we've become our own worst enemy.

 "I am my own affliction...there ain't no drug that they could sell, no there ain't no drug to make me well"

Jon says,"...the song attempts to explore our darkest parts and rise above the gloomy moments to find true life...these darkest parts destroy us if we leave them unchecked."

But, there's a victory in this self-discovery, knowing you can't help yourself, knowing you can't live the rest of your life in this affliction, leads you to the decision,

"I've made a mess of me,
I want to reverse this tragedy
I've made a mess of me
I want to spend the rest of my life alive." 


Luckily, we have a God who's more than willing to "reverse our tragedies" and thankfully, He sends the Holy Spirit to sanctify us, (re-clean us, cause we keep messing up) His mercies are new every morning.




Lyrics and any Switchfoot material belongs to Switchfoot and their management. Thank ya!

Blogging

Hey, so you might notice some changes to the blog, I've been working on a few other blogs, both for Paradigm and a few for work. By work I mean, I've started a new business blog, at least to improve my CV a little bit. For Paradigm, I started a blog called The Sound and Setting Sun, where we'll look at the Bible, and God through music and art. All these new Christian artists, we'll take a look into their work and try to figure out if what they say/sing is beneficial or something like, that, I still can't explain the concept. You'll notice that the pages, are now regular posts and the links on top are now links to the other blogs, all for your convenience!

Well, now I have so much free time on my hands, I'll make this little ole' blog into a big new website, even if it's just for me :-)

Anyway, some of the links may not work, since I'm still working on it, but be patient, my lovies.

Have a great day!

Bent Reeds and Flickering Lamps

::::....

Matthew 12:20-21  He will not break off a bent reed, nor put out a flickering lamp. He will persist until he causes justice to triumph, and on him all peoples will put their hope."

How awesome is that line, He will not break off a bent reed, nor put out a flickering lamp. I can't count the number of nights I go to sleep thinking how I don't deserve to pray because God would never listen to me because I messed up too much in my past or that I'm not good enough in a bunch of ways.

This verse totally lifts me up. It makes my love and appreciation for all God did for me grow. I was bent but He didn't allow me to be broken, I flickered but He never put me out. He persisted until He got me and in Him I will put my hope.

For You:::

I know probably some of you don't agree with my views and I completely respect that. This is my story and I hope you'll still join me through it and that you'll have the freedom to enjoy and laugh with me. I also hope that maybe at the end of it, maybe I can change your mind or at the very least that we can engage in debate :-) So comment on the posts or e-mail me at 20thparadigm@gmail.com with any questions or if you want to directly talk to me.

Finally:::

Life is life. It's dirty, messy and complicated (as you'll see as you read through this blog, ha ha ), but us "bent reeds and flickering lamps", we've got someone looking out for us, always have and always will.

Love and Life

O.k, I've debated adding this page here, because really, I have no experience in the matter, but this is in response to the few people who've stumbled upon my beloved blog. My post "You're so hot....." has gained the most traffic on this site than any other post I've ever done. In addition, posts where I've written about love also are top on the list and my other post on "Killing a Chicken..." was featured on BlogHer with close to 900 reads, which is definitely the most I've ever gotten. And being featured on BlogHer was a pretty HUGE(!) deal for me.

Most blogs with a page like this use it to describe their boyfriends or their fiancés or their marriages complete with a to-die-for 'How We Met' story and pictures of their beautiful home, maybe even their boyfriend/fiancé/husband has written a little post about how much his girlfriend/fiancée/wife makes them crazy but they love them so much anyway, and all the other stuff that makes me addicted to their blogs. I've got none of that :-)

Photo Credit: Image Housing

BUUUUT, this page is dedicated to my views on love, my expectations - however unrealistic or over the top they may be on relationships and marriage, rants about the Wedding Show and Samantha's Bridal TV Show, my other mushy mushy TV shows and all the other stuff Disney fantasies are made of or that I've dreamed of or anything else I might find funny or entertaining or insightful. (Maybe even some of my own real-life stories, my dating life has been full of laughs and disasters so that would be pretty entertaining!)

So far, my life has been all about career and school and getting money and I'm sure it's the same for most of you, but sometimes it's good to just kick-back and dream a little, learn a little, laugh a little, even laugh at me a little!

Enjoy!

Love

Anticipation

Dating

Relationships

Weddings

Marriage

Image free from

Rooted!

Colossians 2:7  Keep your roots deep in Him, build your lives on Him, and become stronger in your faith, as you were taught. And be filled with thanksgiving. 

This year, I decided to take some time out and try to reconnect with God and myself. This verse is mine for this year and here's how I want to live it out.

Rooted

Mizizi, (Swahili for roots) is a 10 week course designed to help you grow deep roots for your Christian faith, reconnect with God, your purpose and friends. This is my second time around doing it, the first time, a lot was going on in my life and I couldn't really commit, but this year I'm planning to give it my all. Why am I doing Mizizi? Really, to be able to get to a place where God isn't some far off entity, but for me to be so close that He'll ask me to get some tic tacs hahaha :-D

Build your lives on Him, and become Stronger in your Faith

The Mavuno Word Challenge, reading the entire Bible in a year. My experience so far is that, it's given me a different point of view on things and a bit of understanding, coupled with a whole bucket load of questions. Questions are good though; as we say, "Kuuliza si ujinga" or, loosely translated, "The stupidity is not in the asking" And it's not just about getting it over and done with in a year, it's about learning stuff that could change your day to day life and building a routine that should last a lifetime.

Keeping it real though, there have been a couple of days when I wake up and I just can't even imagine picking up the Bible or rather opening up my e-Sword. When I'm tired or angry or when I feel there's just no point, but even the best laid plans need some flexibility, so when I skipped a day I went back to what I missed the next day, when maybe my mood picked up or something. I might have days like that at some more points in the year, but with your help ;-) ;-) I'm sure I'll just pick myself up and move on.

Be Filled with Thanksgiving

I really want to engage in a life group. Make and keep some good friends. Receive a bit of mentorship. Be a better friend to others myself. It's not going to work, making all these changes and achieving so much without people to cheer you on, be real with you and tell you you're messing up and just be there for the occasional lunches and coffee. David had Jonathan, Jesus had His boys', Timothy had Paul. I need my people too!!

Right here, you can follow my adventures if you click on the links below:

Mavuno Word Challenge: Read The Bible In A Year

Mizizi: Plugging Into Your God Purpose

Life Group: Real People

You can also go to the Mavuno website for more information or just to check things out.

Happy Reading!!!!

Image from dan and mavuno website and renjith krishnan respectively

Listening Room

I know people like music, but I LOOOVEEE MUSIC!!!!!!

There's a song for every mood and every circumstance, I'm the type of girl who's got the song to wake up to, a playlist  for walking down the street to, a playlist for driving to, a playlist for my wedding far into the future as that may be, heck, I even have a playlist for when each of my imaginary future kids will be born!!! Hahaha j/k!

Now if you've been here before, you know no one even comes close to my imaginary boyfriends at Switchfoot, and the legendary, prolific writer Jon Foreman, but I do in fact listen to people other than these very, very, very talented guys who I've loved all my life. So, I thought this page would be a fun little quick view of who I'm into at different times.

Enjoy, and trust me, I have a musical ear, if I tell you to listen or buy something, you really should :-) :-) :-)

Switchfoot

Flight Plan

The theme for our church this year is "The Invasion Begins" Basically that you can't spend all your time in preparation, it gets to a point where you have to act.

The first step in action, like any good pilot is developing a flight plan and handing it to the control tower. Preparation depends on what point your at in your life. You can't hide in college doing course after course because your afraid to go out there and look for a job, same way for example, that I can't keep postponing some much needed library time saying that I'll start studying when exams draw near.

Anyway, for 2011, this is my Flight Plan. They might increase as the year goes on but this is it for now:

My Flight Plan 2011

1. Read the Bible everyday for one year until I finish it a.k.a The Mavuno Word Challenge
2. Figure out how to be a woman after God's Own Heart or A Woman Worth Fighting For or simply, just grow closer to God till the point where He's my satisfaction and my faith in Him is unwavering. This is also known as the anti-backsliding point :-) 
3. Blog everyday for one year to keep up with my Bible reading and to sort out my crazy thoughts here with some level of anonymity before unleashing them on the public!
4. Get settled in school, which means, being early enough for class that I sit at the front or close enough so that I can hear and understand lectures, not miss any class except for doctor's appointments, get into the summer program, do all assignments, CAT's and Exams. Do well for the sake of getting a job next year to start securing my financial future.
5. Finish my CPA this year.
6. Learn how to cook at least once every week. Do the dishes for my mom every other day. Save money by doing my laundry every 2-3 days so that they don't pile up which would otherwise lead me to spend cash on a laundry woman to wash them for me.
7. Be a good daughter to my mom, a good sister to my brothers and sisters, a good aunt to my nephew and niece, a good cousin and a good friend. 
8. Stay single until I accomplish points 2 and 4 or until He thinks I'm ready.
9. Only date saved guys. Fall in love, love and be loved by someone who's stronger in his faith than I am.
10. Abstain until marriage.
11. Do the Mavuno Marathon and get baptized. To be fair, the first time I did them, I wasn't all that serious, and I skipped the classes and retreats. As much as it will be kind of like repeating a class because you were held back for bad grades, I just feel like I have to swallow my pride, face my fears and do it.
12. Avoid alcohol and old habits
13. Enjoy smiling a lot more (This one is cheating, he he he :-D at least this is one thing on this list I'm sure to accomplish)
14. Join a life group
15. Volunteer for a worthy cause (especially to do with young girls)
16. Learn how to pray. I've been doing the "God, you know what I need, please give it to me" type of prayers all my life.  Elizabeth Gilbert says in her best selling book, Eat Pray Love, "Prayer is a relationship; half the job is mine. If I want transformation, but can't even be bothered to articulate what, exactly, I'm aiming for, how will it ever occur?"

I guess this flight plan can also serve as my prayer list for 2011. So,

Dear God,

I know this is a bit of an over-ambitious list and to be honest, according to my past behavior, I can't do half the stuff on this list. Plus, isn't it true that 'man plans, God laughs' :-) but I hope that the stuff  on this list that I'm hoping for myself is what You would hope for me too and I won't limit your power or your love for me. Please guide me in any adjustments to be made and help me accomplish it. Let 2011 be the year You invade my heart, and I invade the world.

Amen.

Image free from Image Housing

Mavuno Favorites

I landed in Mavuno almost 3 years ago. I finally accepted that I needed to change my life 2 years later which is a few weeks ago, because, yeah, sometimes I'm slow like that :-) l.o.l. Now I realize how lucky I am to have found a home for my heart here.

The Bible is taught in a way that I can understand and that's relevant to me, more than that I've been challenged to read the Bible and formulate ideas for myself. For the first time ever, it's actually working.

One of the things I love most is the sermons, how they're structured and how they're delivered, they're Bible-based and educative and stuff that you can go outside 10 minutes after church and apply, (o.k except for when they say something like, don't bribe a traffic cop, I don't know about the rest of you but when faced between paying a cop a couple of hundreds of shillings or spending the weekend in a Kenyan jail cell waiting for Monday morning to go to a Kenyan court, I don't think I would pick the Christian option) Just being real here! Hehehe :-)

It's not "in your face", not that there's anything wrong with that, but I just had a couple of bad experiences with preachy, over-zealous pastors.

Like, one time in High School, a pastor came to preach at school for the Sunday Service. He called out my roommate for whispering to her friend and told her to "shut up, God is watching her" and later in the alter call, he practically scared everyone into going to the front with threats of curses, hellfire and brimstone, then the worst part was when he said the wind of the holy spirit is coming and he started blowing into the microphone to make it sound like wind. I still laugh when I think about that and how freaked I was as a 13 year old who'd never seen anything like that :-D

I don't want to sound like I'm judging the guy, but I still don't know if he was for real and that experience and many like that just destroyed my view of Church and scarred me a bit :-) Here's the thing though, people have different personalities and some people go to a pastor like that and feel amazing afterwards, other's can't imagine not having the structure and control like in catholic churches, me, I like a young, dynamic/fun, teaching that's in a thought provoking, challenging, real, need-for-action, more-relevant-to-my-personality kind of environment.

Now, there are some sermons I love, and I'd love to share them with everyone, so here are some notes and links to my favorite ones. Also, head over to the website to watch/listen to/download other great ones!

Thanks for reading, you made my day!

A Woman Worth Fighting For: Pastor Simon

Who Are Your Friends?: Pastor Muriithi

Always Yours

John 16:33 In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world!


Psalm 34:19 A righteous man may have many trouble, but the Lord delivers him from them all.

So seeing that today is a Monday, and we've all gone back to our troubles from the week, I figured today is the best day to think about why we still have those incredibly depressing Monday blues, even after we've had particularly amazing Sundays.

Look at the verses above. He doesn't spare us from trouble, he doesn't defend us, or hide us away from them, but he does deliver us. We may come out with scars and calluses and losses, but we will come out on the other side.

Each new problem, means you have to start hoping and trusting again, almost like going back to square 1 every time, but we have to think back to how God has delivered us in our past. Knowing God is on our side, and supporting us through our troubles can give us a sense of confidence and peace.

Today's title comes from the song "Yours" In the song, John Foreman, who wrote it, takes us through the life of a soul. The first two verses are written from the father's perspective...he sees this baby, and from the moment their eyes lock, he knows he will love him forever and he'd always protect him. Thn he starts telling him about all the troubles he would face in the world, (John 16:33). The bridge near the end is the son grown up, he's passed through all the trouble and comes to the realization, of his need for God, and the fact that he's never alone:

"Hallelujah, I'm caving in,

Hallelujah, I'm in love again

Hallelujah, I'm a wretched man

Hallelujah, every breath is a second chance"

Even instrumentally, the slow starts off, dark and slow, but starts its ending in an amazing climax of instruments, voices and sound.

Remember this Hello Hurricane CD is up for grabs, sponsored by 20th Paradigm just keep it here.


The Switchfoot lyrics and any Switchfoot content belongs to Switchfoot and their Management. Thankya!

Happy!!!!

So, you all have seen me struggle through my faith, being new to it and everything. Moments like these, when I'm so happy and in love because God's come through for me or just done the simplest of things are worth writing about a million times over. God always has a surprise behind his back ;-)

Credit: Photostock

Remember the horrible day I had yesterday, well I thought today was going to go the same way. First I couldn't sleep because I'd had a pretty nasty argument with my sister last night, words were said (by her) that I just got tired of taking, I tried to apologize, but you know those apologies you offer just to get by, because in the back of your mind you know you're not the one who should be offering this apology. Anyway as you can see there's still a bit of resentment left in me, that I'm trying to figure out how to work on.

Then, there was some crazy traffic and I was late to Church by an hour, (no, that wasn't me watching Megamind till I lost track of time)

Then I got to Church and guess who was there:

Credit to KQ, KRFU and Mavuno and my LifeGroup friend who forwarded me this e-mail.

The sermon was about praying for our families. Like Gideon took action despite his position and weakness. I'll have to do a separate post on that topic because it really touched me. I was amazed though because surely God has some incredibly perfect timing! 

Then we watched this video:

I don't know if it's just me with my overly-pinkness, but I literally cried at the end of this video. Hope you watch it. How it related to the sermon is that we weren't put into our families by accident and we have to fight against the forces (lions and crocodiles oh my!) that try to tear our families apart.

After the Service ended, I drank some delicious Tree Tomato Juice. I seriously cannot get that taste out of my head, it was so amazing. Then, caught up with some friends.

Then guess what happened next:

Yup, that's me and ***BIKO ADEMA***

Yeah, me with all my years in this life could not pass up an opportunity like that. However, I was a bit too embarrassed to ask for an autograph and fan picture in front of the Main Church, so I went to the Teens tent where at least I wasn't the only screaming fan hahaha! I was however and embarrassingly enough, the oldest. My friends were looking at me like I'd gone crazy!

Am I a huge dork for still being so giddy and excited? I can't help it, I've had a crush on this guy since High School! He's an amazing rugby player, (I mean, Kenya's 7's Team is the friggin best in the world, so how can he not be AMAZING? Aaaand it doesn't hurt that he looks that good *wink*wink*. To add on to that, he was so sweet and polite...ahh...gush! Now every time I watch a game and I see him scoring tries I'll be thinking, yeah, that guy knew my name for two seconds, he had his arm on my shoulder!

Do you see why I love my Jesus? Who else offers such perks?

Morning Madness and Psycho Neighbors

So, you all know how I love my new apartment. Yesterday, I even tweeted how I'm starting to like my noisy neighbor, because she seemed like a nice person, you know, from all the conversations that I hear because of her extreme loudness. However, I spoke too soon.

Last night, her and her friends stayed up till midnight talking, listening to music, watching t.v. Fine. This morning, I guess they went out and came back at around 5 a.m, talking loudly in front of my house. Fine. 7 a.m, there they go again with their loud traditional, weird music. Not Fine. I mean, come on! I slept at midnight, woke up at 5, and woke up again at 7? How is that fair? I mean, I get it, sometimes you're in a good mood and you want to wake up with music blasting, but surely, BE CONSIDERATE OF OTHER PEOPLE, RIGHT? Plus, it was the same weird, traditional song on repeat, over 3 times.

So, I woke up angry and told my Caretaker to handle that. The caretaker, decided to use me a his scape goat, and added a lot more stories to my 9 words, "please turn it down for the next few minutes" you know at least until when people are awake! The caretaker, goes and calls the wrong person, and tells her how I complained that they came in drunk last night, etc, and how she's making my life hell. Which is all true, but, I didn't say all that. My request was simple, "turn it down for a few more minutes", you know at least wait until the sun comes up on a SATURDAY MORNING!

So, the woman, who today I discovered is a total psycho, went, well, PSYCHO. She was up and down the hall screaming, "Why are you telling me to reduce my volume? Why are you telling me to reduce my volume? I'm paying money, not stones!" Now, if you're Kenyan, I'd like you to please imagine with me, a big woman, straight from, "the lakeside", still in her nightgown, screaming very dirty Kiswahili, with a broom in her hand.

The rampage continued to the caretakers house, where she was banging the door calling him, or rather screaming, "You idiot, you cow, all you're good for is eating grass!" Then she went back to the house, turned up the volume to max, and started screaming, "All you stupid neighbors, wake up!" Of course, by this point, I'm totally freaked out, I mean, I'd never seen anything like that. So I walked out, and asked her friend what was going on, and she told me how the caretaker told her, the neighbors were complaining that they came home late. I calmly explained that the music was too loud for 7 a.m and the SANE friend told me she's sorry and that she'd turn it down. At the same time, psycho woman was still continuing with her rampage.

I mean, come on, we all have radios, I mean, I have a pretty rocking sound system too, we all do, but, 7 a.m? Come on? Grow Up! Also, what's up with going psycho over such a small issue?

Anyway, this means two things for me.

1. I'm never spending another weekend at my flat. I'd rather go to my mom's quiet house, comfortable bed. Oh, plus, yeah, maybe my mom misses me :-) Bonus, cuts on my electric bill and groceries, right?
2. As soon as my bills come in this month, I'm moving to the other side of the building. I fear for my life. That's no exaggeration. Just this week, the psycho's boyfriend was fighting with some guy in front of my window, yes at 7 a.m. Today, I honestly thought that she'd attack me. I'm pretty tiny compared to her. I'm barely 5"4!!!

So, I guess the Christian me, should be, you know, praying for her or whatever. I am. Right now though, the prayers are mostly, "Oh God, punish this woman with hell fire and brimstone. Kick her out of my building" I know that's not right, but I can't help it :-)

On a serious note though, God, totally answers prayer, and I know nothing is far from his view, and everything on earth belongs to him, me, that woman, our music, our building. So, I should try to look at it from God's perspective. Not lose it so easily. Maybe God is trying to tell me I should wake up early. Or, trying to teach me tolerance. Ah, it has to be something! I just can't let myself believe that God is just putting me in this situation to get some entertainment out of my exasperation.

Oh, to add on to my "amazing" day, today, I went to town to pick up the car "William Pro" from my brother. This entailed a long, LONG walk from Bus Station to Alliance Francaise on Loita Street carrying my overnight bag and this heavy Dell. William's fuel gauge quit working a while ago, so, I asked my brother before I left, "Is the car fueled?" and he said, "Yeah, I just put 500 bob in the morning" I bet you can guess what happened next...

Before I get to that, in the interest of full disclosure, I should probably confess that I stopped at Capital Center used my weeks savings for coffee and Strawberry Black forest cake. Hey, I had a stressful morning, I needed Chocolate!!!! (By the way, I haven't drank coffee in almost 8 years. It's disgusting! Has coffee always been that bad? No matter how many sugar sachets I put in, it was still bitter. Plus, Dorman's are just a little bit ridiculous with their tiny palm-size coffee cups for 160 bob (biggest purchase regret ever!) The cake however, is still my favorite in the world. Anyway, this is totally irrelevant to the story.

....so, I'm driving back home, and, the car stalls, in the middle of traffic. It just died. Here's the kicker, I was like 2 seconds away from the Petrol Station. Surely William, why do you always stall 2 seconds away from Parking Spots or Petrol Stations. However, since I've become quite an expert with stalling cars, I was able to handle it pretty calmly, despite all the leering men, passing by, saying, "Aww, madam, sorry"

Please tell me this is the worst this week can get.

Fasting?

So, today, with the exception of a couple of episodes of Modern Family, I have watched absolutely no t.v. I'd forgotten how amazing it is to simplify! I feel amazing, and recharged, and you know what, I've made a big decision.

Fasting, has been my biggest weakness in Christianity. Bigger than prayer, which I'm not all that good at, and bigger than reading my Bible, which I am also not that good at.

Excuses Reasons are, in High School and even now at times, I struggled with my weight, and developed a bit of anorexia. I used to binge and starve, and binge and starve, until I got stomach problems, long story later, I'm pretty much used to not eating. So when it came to fasting, not eating, it ended up being the same thing as High School where I'd starve all day, and binge once the fasting hours were over, which brought back the old stomach problems and roused the anger of my over-protective mom. Plus, it didn't really make me feel closer to God.

Yesterday however, with the power outage, I spent more time with God, and prayed more, and felt more connected than I have for the last couple of months.

So my big decision is that I'll be fasting from all things electronic and media. Apart from receiving phone calls and texts, and doing assignments, I won't use any gadget, no t.v, no DVD's, no computer, no PlayStation, no music, no Facebook, no twitter, no blogger. Nothing.

I think that'll work with me, as I work toward the food fasts I mean.

Facts About Raha

1. My name is not really Raha, though, some of my friends call me Furaha both of which mean happiness because I'm almost always smiling, even when I'm mad.
2. Until recently, and on weekends, I live with my mom, though now, I live alone, in a tiny little bed sitter, that I love!
3. I am the worst saver, in terms of money, or any other situation that calls for keeping something for later.
4. I am the biggest romantic. My computer is full of romantic comedy series and movies, and I'm always the one hoping for romantic gestures.
5. I am a very emotional. I'm a pink girl, which is both a blessing and a curse. A curse when I end up crying at the most inappropriate of circumstances.
6. I am a taurus, or rather my birthday is on May 11, and birthdays and holidays are pretty big with me. I am the type who finds every reason to celebrate any occasion.
7. I am a Christian, oops, I guess this should have come first. God leaves me speechless.
8. I am pretty easy to understand.
9. I am young (21) and will always be young at heart, and fun-loving!
10. I am sarcastic, but in a funny way, not a rude way.

What To Do

I'm feeling a little bit like an unfaithful wife, or a neglectful mother...at least I feel a bit like I'd expect those type of people to feel. Honestly I have no logical reason why I haven't been blogging as much as I used to. No excuses, I've just been lazy, in more ways than one. Sadly, also, all the gains in self-discovery I had made, have flown out the door...

Yes, I still do my Mizizi, and Bible things, but not that much, mostly, just when I remember, but, all the other cool stuff I used to do, like...umm, I can't think of any right now but you know I'm a pretty cool gal, anyway all those things I did to mae me feel strong and untouchable, are gone.

Especially on Tuesday, when I was forced to tears by a rude comment, my doctor had made. Can I just say first, that this doctor is a bit of an...he's just a...you know what, he's just not a nice person. He's the only specialist in that field, in a public hospital, so he feels a bit like he's God's gift to mankind, in the worst way. He's worked there for 15 years, he's never taught anyone his skill, probably from his deep seated need to feel needed, and a huge chunk of insecurity, basically, you can tell, I just don't like the guy. Yes, I tried praying for him. I had an appointment with him on Monday, and I got to the hospital at around 8, 9 came and went, so did 9, 10 and 11, at  12, his intern calls me and says that the doctor is probably not coming and that I can continue to wait or come back the next day. So, that day I was full of grace and forgiveness and prayers and humbly came I on the next day,where he was a complete...well  he was rude. He wanted to leave my treatment half way, I basically had to convince him and tell him, HOW TO DO HIS JOB, and offer me the service I'VE BEEN PAYING FOR!!!

I mean, what the heck? Right?

So, the obvious thing would be to report him, but then what, like he knows, he's the only specialist, though his skills are wanting, and if he leaves, I'd be stuck, so what does a Christian do in a situation like this? Blog, hehehe, yeah, this has blown off a little steam. But, really, what does a Christian do in a situation like this?

Confessions

So, the last few weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind. Moving out and getting that done and all sorts of other stuff and I haven't stopped to breathe for a long while.

Can I just say, today I woke up and read this Bible verse, neither depth nor height nor bla bla bla all that stuff can separate us from the love of God. I've always been of the school of thought that God's goodness and providence has always been reserved for "those" people, because, as you know I've had a million prayers unanswered. This week, and for the past few weeks however, some stuff happened like, me feeling guilty when I don't pray or, not being able to miss Church or my Mizizi class even when I absolutely don't feel it, or a bunch of other stuff like that.

Point in case, this past Tuesday, I was in a horrible mood, more on that later, but I totally, absolutely didn't want to go for my class. So, I said...God, if there's traffic, I can't go. Well, there was absolutely no traffic. On Thika Road, Jogoo Road and Mombasa Road at 5-6 p.m which is like the thick of Rush Hour. To add on to that, one of my closest friends from my class just happened to call me somewhere in the middle of that and asked me where I was, and I couldn't lie and say "I'm sick" so I just had to go.

Yes, God's been good to me. Me being good to God, that's another story. I mean maybe in some aspects I've tried but mostly, if God and I were dating, I've been a pretty bad girlfriend. Like I said, not praying as often or as openly as I should, not reading the Bible as often as I should, holding all sorts of grudges, taking God on guilt trips from here to the moon, not blogging as often as I should...you get the idea.

I'm going through my past posts and I'm trying to get back to how it was then. I think it's working, I mean I'm here aren't I? Hahaha.

Love and Blessings





  

Pics!

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My "Create" Application

I'm sitting here in my new little flat/bedsitter, drinking yogurt out of a wine glass that's more of a champagne flute, or somewhere in between, because everything tastes better out of a "wine flute" hahaha, watching Fareed's "Comedy Club Live" on Mnet, and my feet soaking in hot water. I simply cannot think of what would make this day better. I'm totally living the good life at this very second.

I'm finally all moved in, just a couple of things left here and there. I love this house. It's mine. Aaaah!

So, Pastor M just finished the series on Create and this was my Create solution. I mean, the Sunday he preached about how we should look at the systems in place, I was totally worn out from commuting 5 hours every day going to school and I was on the brink of a breakdown, trying to jeep up with classes and studying. Monday morning I realized, why aren't I taking advantage of the system in place, which is off-campus housing.

I can say it was really a message from God, because, I didn't struggle at all. My mom didn't put up too much of a fight and she ended up supporting me. The building I wanted and the house I wanted were all available. The move itself I can say was a lot easier than I thought it would be, I mean it was expensive as heck and it took three trips to move all my stuff in, but otherwise it was good, mostly because my boy BFF did all the heavy lifting. Oh and my aunt gave me a TV for free.

I went shopping for some stuff on Sunday with one of the girls from my Mizizi class and my girl BFF which was tons of fun.

So this is my first day here and I'm loving it so far.