I Thought It'd Be Bigger...

I have a ton of notebooks and journals. I have an online journal and I have this. When I get them, I always say, this book will be dedicated to this topic etc etc. I feel like I've ignored this blog though, when the truth is of all my journals, this one probably feeds me the most. Knowing I can come here and track my life and how I've grown for the past 4 years is awesome. I've gotten all of my jobs because of this blog. I think because of that, I've not been motivated to write as much because I started writing for everyone else and not for me.

That's going to change though, starting from today. The truth is, my life every part of me, what you read here, this is all what makes me tick, what makes me a FANTASTIC employee, a great creative mind, and generally great.

Anyway, down to the nitty gritty. So lately, I've been in a season where my faith has been confronted a lot. Everything about my life speaks to the fact that I know God and I'm living for Him, but sometimes, you hit a speed bump and you have to navigate your way through it.

My speed bump has been the question, is God really real? I might be a totally sold out Christian, but I'm still living in this world and I see the same things everybody else sees and I wonder sometimes. I'm not talking about the big issues of the world, wars and violence and climate change, I'm talking about, if God is real then why am I still struggling in areas where He knows I need Him?
In this season, the first 5 minutes of my prayers have been spent repeating, "God you are real" over and over again because I need to get myself to believe it.

I grew up on intellectual faith, I know He's real because I know the Bible is real and I love what the Bible says. In my brain, I know God is real, there can be no other way. I know He is real because I am here, I am way too complex to have just appeared or evolved out of a monkey. I Intellectually, I have no doubt as to the realness of God, and the God from the Bible is a God I would give my life to.

I graduated to a social faith, where I know He's real because my mom prayed every morning and night aloud for my entire life and probably even before then. I know He's real because my mom has given away all her life savings to see the advancement of the people she's responsible to love and by extension to God. I know He's real because I am surrounded by people who paused their whole lives to pursue Him. I know He is real because people have personal stories about Him and the God from those stories is a God I would give my life to.

I've had a little bit of experiential faith where I know God is real because I'm here in the land of my promise pursuing my dreams and that door was opened supernaturally. I know God is real because I've lived a year away from home successfully. I know God is real because of the favor on my life to be able to work for some of the best people in the world, doing jobs I could never have dreamed of. I know God is real because of the moments I've felt Him, when His words have jumped off the page and literally knocked the wind out of my chest. I know God is real because at my weakest, He's used me to touch people's lives even when I didn't intentionally go after that. I know God is real because of the way I physically react when He comes close. I know God is real because of how I feel when I speak in tongues or pray a specific prayer over someone that meets their needs.

So I was having this conversation with a friend on our morning run and a man appears out of nowhere, walking his dog and he starts conversation with us and reads to us out of "Jesus Calling" the devotional. Everything He says responds to every question I had in my heart. I know God is real because of divine encounters like that. How does that even happen. We watched him walk away and half of me was waiting for him to disappear in front of my eyes because it felt too perfect, like an angel came to deliver the word at the precise time I needed it.

Later today, a girl came up to me during worship and prophesied over me again speaking His words directly into my areas of doubt. I know God is real because she could have said anything else in the world, but she said those words.

I feel like this is where I'm at, God keeps showing me things to show me He's real and I get it, I really do. There's virtually no reason not to get it, but I feel like the kid in this Subaru Outback ad, "I thought it'd be bigger". I'm not saying it to hurt my Dad, I'm only saying it because He said there would be more, there would be greater. He played up this whole salvation thing so much, that there has to be more to it than words and twitches.

I don't think being set financially would make Him anymore real, even if it was like a million dollars fell from Heaven directly, well maybe then, jk. I don't think me meeting "the one" and getting married would make Him any more real. I don't think a green card and a job offer would make Him any more real, well maybe, lol again, jk. With all these things and nothing more, I'd still be back here in a year asking the same question. I thought freedom would be more free. I thought joy would be more joyous. I think it's OK to be like this kid. I'm so appreciative for every small beginning, but I thought it would be bigger. I'm ready for bigger. I need my ginormous bison to walk toward me. I don't know what that looks like, but I need it. I know God is real, maybe the problem is, I have made Him too small in my eyes.

Miracles & A Good God!

Today I saw a woman who had a torn meniscus & couldn’t bend her knees, get up on stage and kneel down. Yep, you read that right. Wanna know what the best thing is? That isn’t even the half of it. I saw a woman who dances through her pain from severe arthritis worshiping God, get healed. I saw a woman whose body was so weak from having Parkinson’s disease for 5 years walk up on stage without her cane which she has used everyday coming to school. Today, she walked laps around the auditorium, jumped up during worship & testified of a good God!

don't need that cane anymore!

“God is good” isn’t just a call from stage for the church to respond, “all the time”! It’s the truth! God is good! Believe it!

Oh dear friends, believe it.

I was in a room full of people praying for friends who had one arm shorter than the other, I prayed an off-handed, “God please do it” not really believing it could happen, heck, I didn’t even stand up from my seat, I just did the standard, hand stretched out toward them thing we do in church. Two seconds later, I jumped up from my chair because I literally saw the shorter arm growing 2 inches to be the same length as the other. With my own frigging eyes! I saw a drunk man give his life to Jesus.

As my friend so aptly put it, this is the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry dang it! And we believe in a good God!

I saw a room full of people today, with their arms stretched out to celebrate and adore their Savior. God isn’t just laid back on His recliner basking in the praises of His people; He’s on the edge of His seat, raring to move when His people finally start believing & declaring who HE IS. He called Himself Healer. We didn’t call Him that, He said, word for word, I am the Lord who heals! He called Himself Provider, I’m not putting this label on Him He said, I will surely provide. 

I should know...I'm an international student. I can't work. I can't just call home for money, but this is my 5th month here & the bills are getting paid. I don't know how, but it happens. He called Himself Provider, His will, His bill.

I saw a woman. People look at Heidi Baker & admire all the work she’s done and the sacrifices she’s made being a missionary in Mozambique. I saw her deep, deep love for Jesus. Nothing stood between her and Jesus. All she did, she did for the love of Jesus. When she smiles, she reminds you that Jesus smiles. 

Painting by Theresa Dedmon (Compelled by Love The Movie)

The savior smiles! That’s the picture we need in the front of our Churches, not a forlorn savior with His hand on His heart, or worse, a crucified savior hanging on a cross. A smiling Jesus who delights in His children. In His friends. A good God who gives good gifts!

PS:

You can read about my life moving from Nairobi, Kenya to Redding, California and read about my Mission Trip to spread more of the good news that God is Good, to Piemonte & Naples in Italy this March. The trip costs $2550 & so far I've raised $255 and need to make my 2nd payment in 2 short days. Here's the link, and the link to donate!

Joan's Dream Finances

Well, it's no secret how hard it is being a college student. It's extra interesting to be an internatinal Bible student in a city where you can't work. It's been difficult at times and there's not a day I don't wake up feeling this cloud over my head like, "YOU SHOULD BE DOING SOMETHING!!!" "You should be making money!!!" I think that's just a human thing, amplified by a being-from-a-developing-country-living-in-America-you-should-be-sending-money-to-the-motherland thing. Yes, I have actually heard that exact line before! :-D

Thing is, I've never worked harder in my life than when I've been here. No honestly, this doesn't feel like me at all. Even in Boarding School where we had some CRAZY chores to do, lets just say, washing public bathrooms with no gloves on again wouldn't be my 1st rodeo. School and being here has been intense. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE IT, there's really no place I would rather be, for REAL! But contrary to popular belief, it's not all Jesus Culture Concerts and Fire Tunnels, lol.

The past few days I've been asking God to make this house a home.

Bill preached yesterday about "house" in the Bible having different meanings, family, land, temple etc. All of that is what I mean. I'm tired of being scared to breathe lest this dream is blown away. That's no way to live. I'm tired of having days of guilt if I buy a $7 dinner with my friends. I'm not going to live under that. I'm tired of falling more and more in love with a country while battling the thought of never going there! (Italy Mission Trip). I'm tired of eating canned beans for dinner every day, I want steak!

So being that it's Christmas time and gifts are in the air, I thought I'd send my Christmas list to God. I drew up this budget, what would it take to make this house a home. The next 2 years I'm still a student. The next 2 years of hard work and serving where I'm at. I decided to go big with it, that's why it's a "dream" budget. I'm not frivolous by any means, even when I do get $100 a month for groceries, I'll still be shopping the sales racks at Winco, but I just felt that I need to ask for more than enough and stop living on the poverty line, or the barely making it avenue.

Once I put a number to it, it felt a little lighter, it's actually way less than the number I'm trusting God for with the thousand dollar testimonies released over us. In the grand scheme of things, this is nothing. I know Jesus paid for it all, I know my Father provides, this is a LOT in my eyes, but it's not in His. This is 5 pairs of shoes to Kim Kardashian, how much less is it to God? :-D

I don't know guys, I don't know the profound principle for bringing breakthrough, I don't know the right words to say or the bold prayers to pray, all I know is I'm His kid, I'm in His will & He paid for everything. That's gotta count for something right? He gave me a promise. That's gotta count for more right? I need to be a living testimony. How can I lead without that? I need to be the proof that God is Good! I need to be the light of what I preach and proclaim Him to be. I don't want to just hear about Him and repeat what I've heard, that's awesome, but I can't ask a stranger to expect supernatural breakthrough if I'm not it myself. I want to look at myself and be it.

With that, I let go. I'm choosing His rest now.

So here's to trust and here's to hope and here's to the celebration to come.

You are worthy of it all God.

Mission Trip Update 2 - Team Meeting 1

Catch Up:
Update 1

OK, so I just got back from my first Mission Trip Meeting that was all sorts of exciting!

Tonight we just got to meet the team, hear each others stories and each of our hearts about how we got here and why we picked this trip. We also got to hear from our amazing team leaders their hearts for Italy and some of what we'll get to do or accomplish there.

One of the things I'm excited about is we hold a conference for Pastors & Business Leaders and Youth who are absolutely hungry for God and really pursuing what we get to live and grow in here in Bethel, that is God's Kingdom on earth as it is in Heaven...in other words a lifestyle of love encounters with Jesus and displays of that through healing, breakthroughs and miracles. It's personally exciting to me because I was that "hungry youth" pursuing that in my home country with no idea what it looked like and no connection whatsoever. So our team is going to be focused on not just hosting a fantastic conference, but also establishing a network and relationships that will be built on for years to come. I think we are in the 2nd year of the school going on this particular trip, so really being at the forefront of that is so exciting to me, and totally up my ally in terms of learning how to foster relationships for when I start a Church or Ministry or something like that.

Another thing is learning what the stuff we've been learning looks like placed in this cultural setting. Italy is really the heart of religion and whatever affects the heart affects the body. I can't begin to describe how great I feel just to begin to dream with God about what that will look like when old cathedrals are filled with ardent worshipers filled with the Holy Spirit. The family heart is also so strong there and my mind is swimming with possibilities of how this nation can change the world. God is SO good! When I started this blog post I had no idea it would end up here :-)

Financial update; we had some crazy testimonies released over us. Expenses decreased just enough to cover the deposit, anonymous donations that went just over what was need to cover both tuition and the deposit, finding money, receiving unexpected money, how a group didn't lose a single student due to finances. I am just pouring that over myself as I go to bed tonight! God is so good and beautiful & sweet and He is absolutely perfect and I choose to believe Him. God do it to me!

If you guys want to partner with me & this big crazy dream, please head on over to https://missiontrips.ibethel.org and fill in my name (Joan Maina) in the search box or use the easy link below. This gift is tax deductible(!) and you will receive a statement at the end of the year for your tax records. If you wish your gift to be anonymous, please check the anonymous box. This will allow you to receive an end of year statement, but will not allow me, to see your name.

https://missiontrips.ibethel.org/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&donor_search=Joan+Maina

(If online payment is not an option, check donations can be made payable to Bethel Church and mailed to the following address: Bethel Mission Trips Department, 915 Twin View Blvd.,Redding, CA 96003. Please include a note with my name (Joan Maina) with the donation to specify which student you are so generously supporting.)
I love you guys, thanks for reading. Please keep me & the team in your prayers!

Joan

It's Not My Faith, It's By Grace

Monday Commentary: The Hunger Games

This weekend at Mavuno we kicked off a new series led by my favorite, Pastor Simon "the man" Mbevi. You can watch it here or read the sermon notes below, bless you guys!

"This month we will be talking about the games of life. Everyone wants the best out of life. You want to live well. But how can one maximize on the short life we have here? Is it possible to find true satisfaction, for real, in this life? And if so, how? How can we score consistently in this game?
The preacher in Ecclesiastes 1:2 says something depressing: Meaningless! Meaningless! Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless! Was he just having a bad day or is it the depressing reality?

We will look at 4 basic rules of the game of life. These guidelines ensure you play the right game, in the right way to get the right scores. Put your sports gear on, and lets go to the field! I will be your trainer and a fellow player for the next 4 weeks. Let’s get to the field, for Training Session 1."

Click to Keep Reading or watch the video after the jump:

  

The Night Before My Birthday: 23 Wishes & Dreams

It's my birthday tomorrow! I'm turning 23! This is officially my first birthday that I haven't looked forward to or pestered anybody about. I just might be growing up :-)

Well, birthdays go one of 2 ways, 1. I can be happy and celebrate another year of life. A chance to have a "new year" in the middle of the year. 2. I can be sad thinking about all the things I wish I had but don't have.
Sooo...I'm choosing to be HAPPY! This is really truly a year God's given me and I know some incredible things are about to happen this year simply because of my realization of His love toward me.

So here are 23 hopes I have for this year, some of them are stuff I feel God's led me into, some of them are just stuff I really would love to see happen/pray happen. Next year, we'll review. Let's get started.

My Top 23 Dreams For May 11th 2013-May 11th 2014

1. Tighter bonds and love in my family: I say this every year, I can't get enough. We're good now, especially my mom, sister and I, but I hope it grows. Not just the three of us but the whole family, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, in-laws...I just pray for a strong healthy family unit.

2. Healing: There's a lot of areas I see a need for healing around me. Mom has issues with arthritis and joint pain, grandma has arthritis and ulcers, I see a couple of stuff I haven't dealt with like trust issues (trust in God, trust in guys, trust in friends...) and generally healing all around in some specific areas. Also maybe reach my target weight/fitness level i.e. get healthier. I'm 132 pounds now, if I could get to 120, that'd be awesome. 12 pounds in a year doesn't sound too hard right?

3. Freedom to travel: I have the doors of the world open to me, but I have to walk through the gate known as Immigration Control wherever I decide to go. I'm just trusting God for favor. I want to travel the world and learn from incredible pastors and be part of teams that are catalysts for change around the world. I would love like joining Dominic Russo in Honduras today and seeing the change happening there. Going to Australia with Bill Johnson and seeing revival. Going to Zimbabwe with Heidi Baker...I mean, there's so many crazy ways God's provided that need not just bureaucratic favors but also financial favor. However, the more I write this, the more I feel my heart toward missions...who knows?

4. Going to School of Ministry: This is the biggest goal of the year. I'm looking for a corporate job as I wait on God to show me exactly how to enter the Church scene. I am 100% sure, even as I look, that it'll be temporary, my future is Church, no way around it. First step, training. I hope I get the chance to do this and get some qualifications.

5. Getting great friends: The year started off with me deciding once and for all with this prayer, "God, I've prayed for friends all my life and you've provided along the way, however, I can't be the one chasing people down to build relationship all the time, there has to be give and take, so God for the next few weeks I'm going to give, I'll be the one initiating conversations and all that, but after that, I'm done. I want to feel wanted and sought after too." Well the plan worked in that, I know where my friendships fall now, but it has left me needing a more solid group of friends. I pray for that this year. I don't know how God will do that, but I'm sure He will. He already has started and I'm super thankful.

6. Building long-lasting networks: I want to do something of my own in the future in terms of ministry, so I definitely want to build a great network of mentors, partners and friends. Connections that are solid an maintainable.

7. Singing BGV for people I admire: This already happened this year. In the past year I've sang in service when Kanjii, Mike and Osayi Onen and Angie Gachui have led worship, a year ago I could not have imagined that! This year I want to take that up a notch higher. God knows I have crazy dreams in my head like singing with Bethel and Elevation :-)

8. Being friends with people I admire: a lot of times I look at people who are popular or famous or who are just plain too cool for school and thought "oh no, she's way too cool to be friends with me" or "he'll just think I'm a fan or a stalker and want nothing to do with me" This year though I'm trusting God to sink into me the value He's placed on me and for me to walk in that identity. I trust for favor and for peace even as I meet these people who ordinarily would not notice me, that somehow God would put a target on my head that they would notice and seek after my value.

9. Favor with leadership: I want to be friends with leadership. I want personal mentoring, I want spiritual fathers and mothers I want them to stop me at the supermarket and say "Oh hey Joanne!"

10. Getting my Bachelor's degree: finally be done with KU!

11. Visiting Elevation Church: this is my dream to see the worship and production and...

12. Meeting and talking to Steven Furtick: How can you not be inspired by this guy, he's built a Church with 7 locations and 12,000 congregants in 6 years! AND he's like 32?! I want whatever He's having. I want to be him when I grow up :-)

13. Stepping out of my comfort zone and doing something radical for a stranger who is "the least of my brothers" People rejected by society: I constantly see people sick or begging on the streets and think to myself what'll happen when I come back from BSSM with my friends and we're walking along Nairobi and come across this guy? If I really want to be like Jesus what would He do? He'd talk to them, touch them, pray for healing for them. Can I do that? The answer is no, but I want that to change about myself. I give money, fine, but I want to ask them their names and stories and love on them.

14. Developing a worship song for Church: I've written a few songs and I want at least one of them to turn into something.

15. Preach a full sermon: yup!

16. Have a relationship with the Holy Spirit and speak in tongues: prayed for this for the longest time, I know it's a weird thing to pray, but I just feel like there's a level of intimacy I want to achieve and I'm not there. A lot of time I felt like maybe I was just afraid because well I don't know what's going to happen, I don't know if I'll fall or if I'll see heaven or if Jesus will walk nt the room, I thought fear held me back, but I've had so many other experiences that I know it can't be fear. So maybe it's timing. He will come when He want to come, all I can do is be ready for it by being able to host His presence...having a solid devotional life.

17. Lead someone into an encounter with Jesus

18. Be more private: I know this is weird since I'm a blogger!!! But my sister mentioned something to me last night. I was telling her about a friend of mine who posted a pic on FB of her in Asia and saying that's what I like about her, she didn't parade all over the internet saying she was going to Asia, she just posted a pic and we figured it out for ourselves. Her whole life isn't on her profile page. My sister told me that's a girl who's secure and confident in her own life. I thought to myself, yeah, hmm, I'm not like that! I'm going to be totally honest and say, yes, a lot of times when I post stuff on FB or twitter, I'm showing insecurity or self-involvement. When I'm alone, I go on twitter when I have no one to talk to, when I'm sick I post it to FB, when I see a quote that touches me I have to share it, a part of that is thinking, maybe if I show the world I'm a Christian, I will really be a Christian when the truth is, I'm a Christian because I'm a Christian! Half the stuff I RT or Share would be better suited for my journal rather than my profile page! So this year, I'm drastically reducing my social media stuff. I'll focus on blogger and instagram. My blog is an extension of my journal and I love blogging even if nobody reads it so it'll be the one thing I stick to.

19. Read my Bible, pray and soak faithfully: I have to stick to this, I do good for a week then quit. I was talking to my sister how when Daniel was told he couldn't pray for 30 days it was such a huge deal for him and he couldn't survive without prayer, in fact, he'd rather die with prayer than live without it. If I was told I couldn't pray for 30 days I'd be like, :-/ heeh...ok. It's the biggest thing about me I'd want to see changed, my intimacy with God. The way I read my Bible reflects on the way I handle the rest of my life. If I'm wishy-washy with this it leaks into my school work, my time-management, my relationships, how I handle money...

20. Develop the inner peace to be pursued: I'm just learning now the art and the peace that comes with being pursued. Not thinking, "how do I get this guys attention???" and just being at peace knowing if this is the guy for me, he would move heaven and earth to get to me. I've started to realize, everything I can do to get attention from a guy he can do for me, like come sit next to me at a party or fish around and get my number or track me down on Facebook. I've learnt to not lead the conversation on dates or texting, if he doesn't ask me questions and only expects me to come up with talking points, I'm not going on a 2nd date. I have learnt that everything I can do, he should have the wherewithal to do. Even if it's Googling questions to ask on a date. There's no excuse. I'm not dating a passive guy anymore. I've spent my life pursuing and leading the relationship, in my past relationship, I paid for dates and bought drinks thinking this is what it meant being a low maintenance woman. The truth though is, I as a woman already bring in my part of the equation. I will love you more than you've ever be loved, I will make you the most cared for man on the planet, all I'm asking for is for you to be a man. Be someone I'm proud to be led by.

21. Fall in love: After being pursued...God, I really want to fall in love. I want to have a best friend and a partner and someone who speaks my language. I want to find out what love really is. I want to see how patient I can be personally, how good I'll be at being cool and setting boundaries and taking it slow and if all these months of salvation have changed my dating persona :-) lol. I want to be in love, to be loved wholly, completely and wholeheartedly. To be valued and respected and wanted.

22. Be in a great relationship: being in love is great, but I pray this guy is the real deal. I don't want to commit myself to a guy who's going to wake up a week from now and say, "Oh, I made a mistake, I don't love you anymore." I can't go through that again. I'm praying for a slow-burn rather than a fiery furnace that quickly burns out or is snuffed put by externalities. A love that grows. A man who'll really think about me and put me first and count the cost before making any moves. I want to be free to enjoy each other without either of us worrying about what the other might do to hurt them. I want us to be free to LOVE. I want us to have fun. I want to see him grow in his relationship with Jesus. I want to be inspired to grow. I want to romance and sparks and all that good stuff. I want peace. At the end of the day, I want to praise God for a husband who held me and told me God is with us and will take care of us.

23.  Fall REALLY in LOVE. Like for real, no turning back, I'm in this, you are mine and I am yours, kinda love.

If I could have one bonus wish that covers all these others it'd be this:

Faith: This is a whole lot of stuff I want for my life and none of them can be done without the provision of God. I want this year to be one of the building stones for the rest of my Christian life. I want to look back and say, "my God who provided rent for me when I was 23 and had absolutely no money, will provide this time" I pray God for incredible testimonies not just for me, but that through them other people can get a renewal of their faith and hope. I want to awaken the dreamer God put in us. I want this to be the year I'm audacious in my faith. I want to follow after the people that inspire me for living out God's purpose with such excellence and strength, building ministries with incredible impact and be an inspiration as well. God says to ask for the nations, I'm asking for the nations. I want to be that one!

Lord change me, make me, mould me into that person you need, that person you made me for. No more mediocrity and just getting by!

Happy 23rd Birthday To Me!

Journey To BSSM Part 3

God showed off.

He pulled one out of his hat today. I woke up, first thing I did as usual was check my email, guess what I find waiting for me?

Update: Got this in the mail a couple weeks later

I GOT IN!!!!

I got my acceptance letter (e-mail) to BSSM! Can you even believe it?! I'm going to be worshiping here live and in person! 

source

It’s insane! I texted my mom and sister immediately with the news. I had to leave for class at KU but the only thing on my mind all day was I GOT IN! The cool part is my profile page on the school website changed from “Applicant in 1^st Year” to “Student in 1^stYear” hahaha! How cool is that?!

The euphoria is amazing and the grace I feel right now and God’s hand over my life is so tangible! I absolutely don’t deserve this by my own merit, it’s because if Him and who I am (daughter of God) because if His great love for me.

I’m Bill Johnson’s and Kris Vallotton’s and Bethel Church’s student!

Are you kidding me?!!!

Mom got home and immediately asked to see the letter. In the middle of reading it, she told me to go see my aunt Catherine to advice me with some travel details. After she finished reading it, there was this long silence and I think it hit both of us:

1.       This is going to be near impossible. The amount of money and the sacrifice this would take is insane. I don’t know how I’ll do this. I don’t know if this is even feasible or a good idea. I was going over all this in my head and God reminded me that this isn’t about me. I was chosen to go to Bethel, it’s not about me, it’s not about the interview, it’s not about how good my application was or wasn’t. There’s a huge picture at play here. It may not be fully visible to me; maybe I’m a part of Bethel’s vision or Mavuno’s vision or my own vision to change this world. I don’t understand it fully but I know something huge is about to happen. I’m joining an army of revivalists and all He’s asking for me is to trust Him.

2.       This is real. I’m actually facing the prospect of leaving my family and starting over in a foreign country with absolutely no connections. I’ve never been away from my family. Now we’re looking at 9 months!

Anyway like I said, God’s been writing this story for the longest time and I’m more than willing to be player in it. I told Him, I don’t care how this ends up. I tasted His goodness and there’s no way I can go back to life without Him. He’s brought me from so far and He’s made me so happy!

This Church has changed my life. I’ve loved this school and this church and these people before I even knew about them. I have faith that what I’ve seen in my dreams and all the words spoken over me will be found in this journey. The hope I have for what’s to come makes me so happy and spurs me on in my pursuit.

Catch Up:
Part 1
Part 2  

The Grand Scheme

Today I made the final step in a process that's been long overdue. This is my last official year at home, my last official semester of school. When we were kids we used to say, "when I grow up I want to be..." and I'm there. Ha, I'm actually a grown up! This is the year where I get to be whatever I dreamt I would be and do all the things I dreamt I would do.

When I say dream, I mean literally, what happens in the middle of the night, because I've had this particular recurring dream on and off for a long time, especially last year, and also dream in the sense of deep desire or sense of hope. 

So, over the course of the last few months, I've been trying to get one of those dreams off the ground. Yesterday I was at the bank figuring some things out and finally today was the last step in that whole process, actually if you think about it, it's the 1st of many steps. I was at the post office trying to figure out how to mail an important letter and I was so freaked out wondering if it was going to make it safely or not and looking for the right post box, since there were 4 different boxes, pone for Nairobi, one for Coast, one for Air Mail and the other for Upcountry. I finally dropped it in and it made a loud sound and I'm freaking out thinking, "why would the box be empty??", and later realized, "Well, its a good thing it's empty that means the mail goes out everyday, right?"

Anyway, after I left the post office, I started thinking, in the grand scheme of things, this is the least of things I should be worried out. Like I said, mailing that letter was the 1st of many steps. There are a million other things to consider and to pray about and this is nothing. The letter will arrive safely! (In Jesus name, Amen and Amen!)

via

I'm re-reading Bill Johnson's book, Center of The Universe and he says,

"...why would God bypass my important list, filled with Spiritual priorities, and answer a desire that has nothing to do with anything that is obviously holy? The only answer I can come up with--because He wanted to. 
Our Heavenly Father is perfect in every way. There is no waste in Heaven's government. And in His perfect wisdom, He knew that it was more important for me to learn about His character as the Father than it was for me to have my "priority prayers" fulfilled...How refreshing it is to see that He cares about things that score very low on the Eternity Rating Chart just because He Loves Me."

He goes on to give the story of King Cyrus out of Isaiah 45:3 where God promises to do a whole lot of things for Cyrus that may not appear "spiritual" but just to show Cyrus beyond a shadow of a doubt that God had called Him and its God who put Him there.

Bill says,

"...God sometimes takes care of things that are not important just to remind us that He knows every desire and need we have. And as our Father, His reach is so far that it touches those things that have nothing to do with eternity. It seems to me that God simply wants to build our confidence in who He is and what He is like."

I'm trying really hard to work on my prayer life. It's like in my head, I know I should pray and I think about praying, but I just don't really get around to doing it. I feel like God is so into my life and I should do everything I can to lean into Him. So here's my strategy, it's a little weak, so don't get your hopes up. When it's time to pray, I sit/kneel or whatever and just be quiet. My problem is,

1. I hate quiet. I always have music playing or the TV on.
2. I just don;t know what to say!

So, I figure, if I get into the habit of setting time aside, sooner or later the words are going to come. Hopefully.

As always, I'll let ya know.

xx
Jo

Faith / Quarter Life Crisis / God

I won't lie, these last couple of months have just been tough. I find myself having a headache every Sunday afternoon because the thoughts just come piling on!

Quarter-Life Crisis is a REAL thing ya'll!!!

Anyway, I feel like God's put it on my heart to grow my faith. Everyday I see, read, hear stories of how God did something miraculous in someone's life and I'm like "Yayy! God, thats awesome" but at the back of my mind it's like, I believe God can do stuff, crazy amazing stuff, just not for me. That's a sinful attitude to have in a way, because,

1. it's calling God a liar, 
2. it's putting your own pride/lack of faith/devil's lies above God's truth, 
3. it's diminishing the work of Jesus on the cross since He died so that we could get the glory and live in the promise of being sons and daughters to God. Sons and daughters don't get "barely enough to survive on". They get to enjoy everything their parents provide for them.

If for example, I believe I'm called to do something, despite the fact that there's no earthly way that it's possible for me to do it, yet, I know God prepared me and led me to do this thing, why should I stress and agonize over how it's gonna get done, the nitty gritty of it, almost like telling God, "OK, now...you're going to do this, pull this string, talk to this person, open that door, and then you can do what you said you'll do, got it God?"

Then God's like, "Sorry, could you just go slower, I'm taking notes, so after I pull this string who do I talk to?"

NO! Can you imagine?!

Me. Joanne Furaha. 22 years old. Mistake-maker. Regret-haver. Rude, Sarcastic and Defensive. Basically imperfect only made perfect by His works not mine. Joanne, giving instructions, making a plan for, the planner of planners, {sunrise, sunset, seasons, tides so surfers can surf, oil discovered just as Kenya is planning Vision 2030} really?

Anyway, so I'm going to force myself to just chill AND get filled up on His "juice".

Don't get me wrong, I'll still pray for stuff to happen. I'll still buy the proverbial "lottery ticket" but, I won't stress. {Remember the story of the guy who prayed everyday for years, 'God let me win the lottery'; finally God comes down and says to him, 'Dude, please go buy a lottery ticket'}

We say at Mavuno, when God shows up, there's a showdown. So, I'm going to focus on God showing up in the day to day devotion life, prayer, worship and then in the other "seemingly impossible" stuff, to just let Him come and do what he does.

The Complicated Mind of Joanne

I read this blog post the other day that really reflected what I'm saying, here's a clip and please click here to read the rest.

I believe when a word is released, there is also a grace released for whatever was said, to be. 

I love the story of Jesus and Peter walking on water. The disciples are on a boat in the middle of a storm and Jesus walks on water towards the boat and says "Take courage, don't be afraid, it is I. Come." And Peter gets out of the boat and starts walking on water towards Jesus. 

Ahem. Let's just pause for a minute...

... a bunch of guys are on a boat in the middle of a storm. A STORM! And they were SCARED! And then, out of nowhere, Jesus appears on the water... NOT in a boat on the water... but WALKING... like.. with His feet... ON TOP OF THE WATER! And THEN He says "Don't be afraid, come". Come walk on this water in the middle of this scary storm. 

Except He DIDN'T actually say "Come walk on the water in the middle of this scary storm." 

He said "Don't be afraid... come."

We've heard this story many times... and we know how it ends. But Peter didn't. We know that Peter doesn't die that day. We know that He walks on water and then when he takes His eyes off Jesus and focuses on the storm instead, he begins to sink. But Jesus reaches out and He saves Peter.  What Jesus says next just amazes me. He doesn't say "Oh Peter, good job. That sure was a scary storm!" Or "Gosh, I'm sorry for having you come out on the water in the middle of that storm... that wasn't very nice of me."

NO!

Jesus says "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" Why didn't you trust in ME?

Jesus told him not to be afraid, and He expected Him to listen... to believe... 

I think of so many things in my life that scare me... dreams that I'm stepping in to, roles that I'm taking on... and Jesus has asked me to trust Him, to believe Him, to follow Him. 

He expects me to listen.

He expects me to follow Him.

He expects me to respond with faith.. because HE has released grace for me.

I had a dream a few months ago where a Lion came into my house. I was so afraid and ran upstairs closing all doors behind me. The last place I could go was the bathroom and I shut the door. I could hear the lion coming up the stairs and I KNEW that He had the power to break in. Sure enough, He broke down the door and there I was standing face to face with Him. But to my surprise, He wasn't a scary Lion... He was friendly! In fact, instead of His tail flickering like lion tails usually do, it was wagging with excitement... like a happy puppy! I realized in the dream that it was a friendly lion! Still SO powerful, but friendly and happy! In the dream, the lion said to me, "you are too afraid"... and I knew He was beckoning me to step away from fear , and to step IN to COURAGE. 

So what now?

 Storms and scary circumstances come in each of our lives. We can stay in the boat, or we can lock our gaze on Jesus and move towards Him. I know that no matter how scary and impossible a situation looks, that Jesus is my safe place. He is faithful, He is good, and He is a powerful, friendly Lion :) So... I'm getting out of the boat. I'm locking my eyes on Jesus, and moving closer to Him for the rest of my life....

Here's to walking on water... :)

Right, so come and do what You do God!

xx
Jo