Benefits of a Boy BFF

You know my boy BFF, how about an update of his texts to me in different parts of the last couple of months...

On unrequited love...
"You are one great girl. You would be a bundle of joy to whoever gets to have you. You don't need to be the kind of girl who has to put clues together to give yourself hopes about anyone. If he is waiting for something to bang him on his head to realize the kind of treasure that you are then he is too dumb to be with you period!"


On me saying I've given up on love:
"I wouldn't want you to go through any kind of heartbreak. True love will surely come your way. Just hope and pray that you get to notice it and capture it once it comes your way."


When I met this guy...
"You've found your soul mate...now lock him up."


When I doubted this guy:
"He is not just a guy, he's your one true love. The man of your dreams"


Hehe...that one is yours unless you throw him away. He is sooo into you just as you are crazy about him. Its like a well drafted plan coming together. This is destiny."




I thank God for a lot of things, but today I thank Him for a friend like Joe. Where would I be without you!

Joy

So, a couple of things I'm working on. First, to stop using the word "like" in sentences. Its really a bad habit that I have to stop. Second is too stop using "so" to begin a sentence, like I do here.
Apart from that, I'm doing my CPA exams in about 9 days, and I can't focus at all, but I know some drive will kick in at some point. I also sent out a job application to what is probably my dream company that I hope I get to join. Tonight I've got life group and afterward was planning on going to the Mavuno Worship Night.

I kind of owe God on that one. The last time I went, I prayed for something really hard and I promised God if I got it I would go back...I honestly cannot express how happy and grateful I am that it seems to be working out and that God's answered my prayers, even though, honestly I gave up somewhere in the middle. Thank God also for grace, that covered that little blunder right up!!! :-)

A little thing that sucks though is that I have a bad track record when it comes to trusting God to work in my best interests. You guys know this about me. I tend to get a hope-high. I hate the crash that follows. This time though, I'm really trying to keep my focus on God. Its funny that we always worry so much about what will happen if bad times come, and never worry about the good times. What'll happen when success or that job, or relationship or kid or whatever else you've been praying 5 months for, comes...do you rejoice in God at that minute and forget him the next day?

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I'm honestly terrified thinking that the very thing I spent months praying for, would be the very thing that would separate me from God. I found a very great devotional at Kerry Shook's website that explained that real joy is awakened in you when you give God not only your disappointments but also your prosperity. You see, when we get these little victories in our lives, they obviously cause happiness, but happiness, like every other human emotion is fleeting. Joy, is a fruit of the Spirit and a gift from the Father. If we give our little victories to God he turns them into triumphs and gives us joy in the process.

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How can we use that job that we've gotten or that relationship that we've prayed for, or that child that you've hoped for for God's glory? Doing all you do with excellence is the first thought that comes into my mind.

"Every job you have to do, work at it with all your might as if working for the Lord" 

• Do your job with zeal...let it be known that nobody works harder, respects more or tries harder than you.
• Love your partner with zeal...let it be known that nobody loved more, cared more or was more "worth it" than you
• Be a good friend...let it be known that you were always there whenever your friends needed you and you played a positive part in their lives

Whatever you do, be legendary. I believe that's where it starts, from the heart.

"If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames that I might boast, but I have not love, I gain nothing."

1 Corinthians 13:3

High School Stories

I went to a very public, very strict High School. It was a boarding School, actually top twenty Schools in the whole country, so academically it was great, but I repeat way too strict.

What happens when you stick 1000 girls in a confined area with no outside contact except an occasional letter from home, or if you were lucky, a cute boyfriend who played rugby in another school...hmmm...I digress. What happens, is girls go crazy!!!

Every Sunday night, we'd have different groups holding Bible Studies out in the quad in the middle of the two huge dormitory buildings. Every Sunday night at around 8 p.m, it began...

Screaming, applauding, laughing, or as we called them back then, "holy screaming", "holy laughter", "holy laughing"

Picture 12 year old me, because I went to school when I was 12, in this new place, away from home for the first time ever, Presbyterian-Raised, seeing all this!!! I was seriously freaked out.

Now I don't know if it was really the Holy Spirit or it was just emotions and adrenaline gone wild...so I usually just reserve my comments on all that stuff.

Monday after my first Sunday Night experience...we were in class, and we were being asked the "what do you want to be after school-and-how are you working toward it"

So, I was freaked out by the previous night and I was sure that if I didn't "step up" for God, I would surely go to hell. So, I raised my hand with tears running down my cheeks and said, "God has just told me I want to be a pastor" Guys, God had not told me anything, that, I'm sure of.

But, remembering that just got me thinking, why do we do what we do? Is it because everyone else is thinking, or out of fear like me, or because you truly enjoy what you do and can't picture yourself anywhere else.

What I've decided to do, is live on purpose, not accidentally. Like:

• Do because I enjoy what I'm doing (although sometimes like now studying for my CPA I'm guessing I'll have to beg God for passion, because it's a means to an end)
• Love because I truly love and because I can't picture doing anything else but loving the people God placed into my life

And so on...you get the idea...

As We Keep On Praising We Keep on Rising

O.K Prepare yourself for the most awesome music video in the world!




So watching that, picture me jumping up and down dancing to this song! It's an awesome praise song, I love how they merge the pop beat with the ragga vocals...I could go on and on, but really do I have to?? It's an awesome song. It's titled Holy Ghost Fire.

According to the guys, it's inspired by:

Acts 1:8 "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Jude and to the ends of the earth."






What's more to say except,

"As we keep on praising, we keep on rising......."

Complainers Remain, Praisers Give Reign

So this week I caught a sermon by Paula White and she talked about the verse, "I will bless the Lord always. His praise shall continually be in my mouth" It was an awesome sermon. She illustrated by using John the Baptist. John's father Zachariah. His name means "to look back" or something like that. John's name means, "to proclaim" God's plans for John were to make the way ready for Jesus, to proclaim the good news. He literally had to shut the past up (Zachariah going dumb) so that, you know His plans for John aren't interfered with. How funny is that! Pretty cool :-)

She also talked about how when they were building the wall in the Old Testament, God ordered that praisers be put in the middle of the mourners and the laborers. You can't build the future while mourning the past, and God Himself didn't want the laborers to be distracted. Their mourning would be covered in praise. In the same way we can't work on our future if we keep hanging on to the past. We have to cover our past in praise and look forward into the future. You can't get new wine if you're holding on to old wine skins.

So, I decided to apply this, "Praise God always" thing the past two days, and let me tell you, technically it's been a crazy couple of days, but every couple of moments I took a deep breath and said "God is always working for my good" and situations that would have seemed horrible, I realized I could handle.

So, dear readers, remember,

It's not all God-Sent, but it is all God-Used!

Mad Love Lounge

Mad Love Lounge is a concert here in Nairobi that spotlights urban youth gifted in gospel hip-hop and spoken word.
Now I am definitely not a stranger to Mad Love. I've been going on and off since the days they were based at Kula Korna (restaurant, Hurlingham) I've enjoyed each and everyone....and they brought International Artist "Da' Truth" to Kenya....so yeah, in short, I'm a fan.

Today however was legendary. I don't know if it was because I was still on a worship high from Church or because I had amazing company...whatever it was, todays' perfomances were on top.
Highlights were of course BMF who also performed at Church and who I got to meet. Eko dy da also has a couple of new tracks out "na na na na.....ghetto...." Mr. T and Saint P were also great. Number 8 the poet also did justice to the Spoken Word part of the night.

I'll do detailed reviews over the next couple of days,
coz thas how we do... (say that in like a hip hop tone lol)
...here on The Sound : : going beyond the music and hype and finding the truth beneath the beats

Benvenuti!

BENVENUTI!

So here's something you didn't know about me...I just started learning Italian. Now, you may ask, if you're going to learn a foreign language, why not learn something like German or French. Well my dears, French or German doesn't sound like this...

Le roso sono rosse, le viole sono blu, lo zucchero è dolce, e così sei tu. Ti amo.


That sounds way better than, Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you. I love you. :-) Also, it's a beautiful country...you know...from the pictures...plus I just want to.

So, dear readers, parla italiano? I'd appreciate the help :-)


Arrivederci! Un milione di baci, 
Raha

I Know Who I Am

O.K this Jeremy Camp song came at me at such a good time, I had to do a post. Today, right after I posted in the morning, I fell smack in the middle of temptation...yeah, and how I managed to avoid it, I don't know. Actually, I didn't 100% avoid it, I mean I was about to do it, but I stopped in the nick of time...I'm sorry for being so vague, but I'll explain at Paradigm later.

Anyway, this song captured me because he takes a break from looking up with all the worship tracks and takes a look inward at himself and his issues.

I can't find a video of this song to post, but the lyrics are:

I try so hard but I always fall short

So I've faced the truth of my weakness,

There's nothing good that I can bring forth, but I stand in the strength of your presence 

I've wasted time always trying to face things alone,

but I wait here now and I lay it all down

I know who I am and I know I'm not able to stand on my own 

I can't live all alone

So I'm taking my hands and I'm reaching them out

and I fall down, I fall down for you, and I fall down

In times of brokenness always you show the depth of love that you bring me

I'm kneeling down in your presence I know your source of life I'm receiving

I place myself in your arms that will always lead me

And I won't let go cause there's nowhere else to go

I don't know why the things I want to do I always run from now

Because I know apart from you there's nothing I can do

Where life will become new

Trust me its an amazing song, so if anybody wants it you can buy the CD Speaking Louder Than Before or just ask me if you see me on the streets.

Also you can check out Jeremy's YouTube for more awesome vidz.



Lyrics property of Jeremy Camp and his management. Check out their website for more.

Let It Fade

O.K so I haven't posted in a while, and that whole long sordid story was explained over at 20th Paradigm, but today I come back with a hit. I got Jeremy Camp CD's from a friend of mine and I loved almost every single song. Jeremy's been inspirational to me, as I said before, because of his personal experiences and despite all that he went through still trying to seek God and his purpose in the midst of that. His songs reflect growth and the power that God has to transform people through circumstances.

Now I've failed a lot when it comes to that last bit. My life is marked with rebellion and obviously, I'm scared of going back to that, especially now that I've experienced all that God's freely given to me. Despite this, what I did has left some scars, emotionally, physically...and I still have the same thought and reaction patterns I developed at that time, only now I have to remember to add a "What Would Jesus Do?" bit to them. It's hard carrying all of that responsibility. But, I stumbled across 1 Corinthians 5. The passage talks about how the love of Christ controls us, and because of that we have the help to no longer live for ourselves. I loved...

v. 17 So then, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; what is old has passed away – look, what is new has come!


The song is from the CD Beyond Measure



The theme that runs through the song is surrender, that we don't have to hold on to stuff or try so hard, in Christ, they will be gone and you will find rest...

Let this old life crumble, let it fade

Let this new life offered be your saving grace

Let this old life crumble, let it fade, let it fade

Lyrics and Video belong to Jeremy Camp and his management. Please check out his website, for more details :-) 

Where I've Been?

It gets to a point in life where we've got to be real with ourselves. I haven't been able to sleep the past couple of days. It was just thinking about the usual stuff...things not going as planned. I was watching TBN's Praise The Lord Show yesterday and I caught a Speaker, saying how he was at a meeting and the worship was amazing and everybody's hands were raised and it was totally moving...a couple of minutes later the Service Leader asked, "How many of you are depressed?" and almost everybody's hands shot straight back up.

You guys know I've had my struggles with depression. Just a little mention on that. I know, especially for Kenyans being he hardcore country that we are, depression ranks among the least of what I guess I can call Health Problems. Yet, suicides, alcoholism, murder-suicides and most crimes are still rampant and they can be easily avoided if mental health was taken a bit more seriously. Depression isn't just a melancholy mood that you can just snap out of. If we removed the stigma, made it possible for people to go out and talk about their situations and get help before they turn to drastic measures, we could nip these problems in the bud.

Anyway, back to me :-) I've been o.k. for a while so somewhere along the line, I let down my guard. So the sneaky little devil sneaked up on me. Physically it started with headaches here and there, then a little bit of acidity and heartburn, then just feeling low and wanting to sleep all day, missing Church because I want to sleep all day, then the peak was the complete opposite with crazy insomnia. I'd literally only catch some sleep at midnight and wake up at 2 a..m. Then came the lashing out. Finally I ended up in tears on the bathroom floor. It's always the same pattern, and I can recognize it when it happens, but I just can't get out of it. I usually feel like I can't deal with life, like everything is hopeless, every emotion and every thought is amplified. I mean I can be thinking about a friend who hurt me 10 years ago, and the pain will be like 10 times more than what you'd expect. Guilt, fear, anger, the tiniest of thoughts is amplified and it feels 100 times worse than what-rationally-I'm supposed to feel.

Another Speaker on Praise The Lord, Pastor Troy Gramling, said something that really encouraged me. He said, that we will get problems and afflictions in life. It feels horrible, but it's a burden that God's trusted you with. God is a loving God. He made us to love Him and He intended for us to live in His love. What we go through here on earth...God's trusted you enough to let you go through that experience because He knows you can go through it and come out on the other side still holding fast to Him.There's also the whole aspect of Him using our experiences to show Himself strong.

Another Speaker Dominic Russo Jr. who I absolutely loved, talked about how God always resources His front-line. We never go into battle unarmed.

Pastor Troy also talked about how we need to be honest with ourselves. When we stuff...stuff down, sooner or later it's all going to come bursting out. I liked that because it's what the Pastors at Mavuno talk about. The aspect of being real and coming as you are.

When I was going through what I was going through, I'm lucky that I have my mom and I thank God for her. First, because she recognized what I was going through and she gave me my space and didn't bug me to talk to her or tell me what to do. That's hard because can you imagine being stuck in a house with someone who's walking around like a zombie and who's not eating or talking to you?! Second, she was there when I was ready to talk and she just listened, she didn't tell me I was being irrational or that I was overreacting. This is hard because my issues are so blown up in my own head and I, myself, know I'm overreacting, can you imagine the temptation to just slap someone across the face and say "shut up you're overreacting!" lol. Third, she didn't try to solve it on her own. She told me to pray about it, which was the best thing I could have done.

Normally, I wouldn't tell someone, "Pray over it" I just feel like it's a cheap, Christian cliché answer. I realized though, that sometimes, what else can you do? I know more than anyone, I can't handle my stuff without help from God. I just sat down, read my One Year Bible and I slept for the first time, the last two nights in a row without any problem. My problems haven't gone away, but my attitude is slowly but surely changing. That's always a good thing.

So there you have it, that's where I've been the last weeks or months. I'm getting better. I am better.

Belting It Out

O.K I won't get into this song, and not because I'm not feeling deep today (honestly, I'm not feeling deep today, LOL) Anyway, I just woke up and thought about it. If you ever want to just have fun screaming out a song, this is it! Yeah, I also have Toby Mac CD's, hey I'm a collector, collector have random selections...plus I've loved Toby Mac since the DC Talk days.

Anyhoo...enjoy the song, say goodbye to your vocal cords, because you have to bring out your inner rock star and belt this out! :-) :-)



By the way, it's my birthday tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As usual...music belongs to Toby Mac, Diverse City and their management. Please check out their website for more details :-)