A little break from Switchfoot, tell me what you think about this...
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Finally Took The Wet Plunge
Last Tuesday, I went to Church to shoot my video for my testimony. Most of you have already know my testimony. It's just a long complex story and as much as I would have wanted to go into everything, there's only so much you can say in two minutes, you know. So I chose just a part of it and in the editing they emphasized how I dealt with my dad's death. I didn't see it, but I hope it turned out o.k, and helped someone going through the same thing.
So, the weekend of my baptism finally arrived. Saturday morning I woke up with a panic attack because I thought it was Sunday. I have to admit, I was more than a little nervous taking the plunge, and I mean that literally and figuratively.
It's no secret that this salvation thing has been a struggle for me. I have great days, good days and bad days. I have extended periods of bad days and amazingly sweet and thoughtful good days. I have this pestering fear that maybe this is all just a phase and I'll just backslide again...that's not the fear exactly, the fear is that now that I know what it's like to be saved and rely on God, how will I survive if I backslide and mess up so bad, God, you know, leaves me.
This baptism was just a big deal to me because, in many ways it was like a wedding. It's something that I waited a long time for, it's something that took a lot of preparation for and it's something I only want to do once in my life because the change has already been made permanent.
Sunday was a lot better, I woke up pretty relatively calm. I decided I wasn't going to put a lot of pressure on myself, to be perfect or anything, but to just go as I was. My mum took me to Church, my Lifegroup unfortunately didn't manage to make it on time except for one of my closest friends. On a side note, I know I love my mom more than anything, but seeing her standing there with me and taking me through that, I just LOVED her SO MUCH MORE if that's even possible. It was just so cute, she took pictures and she was holding my hand. I was really happy and that was definitely one of the best days, actually, the best day of the year thanks to her, and her love.
My little testimony video played in Church, 2 minutes later, it was all:
"Do you accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your Saviour?"
"I do."
"Do you renounce satan and all his works?"
"I do"
"I now baptize you in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit."
Cut to water painfully shooting up my nose, tears in my eyes, freezing in the wind, changing in a tiny bathroom stall and back to Church. It all went pretty fast and it's still sinking in, but I have to say as much as it wasn't all doves settling on my head or me being struck down by the "Power" It was still an amazing experience.
I can't say I think that water baptism is the only way to heaven. I know there's been a lot of debate on that. I believe that accepting Jesus is the only way, but for me, it's something to draw from. You know, in the tough times I'll remember Sunday the 10th of April and I'll remember whose I am. To me it was also like, I know I've been forgiven, but there's just something symbolic about getting into the water with all your issues and them being washed away completely. Like a cleansing or a purging. It was also like a covenant for me, at least with what I learnt in my Religious Ed classes:
Though I'm weak and I might fall away, God never breaks His covenant.
Oh and guess what I bought for myself:
Yup, the NIV One Year Bible. I decided yesterday, even if I technically had no one to make a big deal about this day, I would make a big deal out of it myself. That's one of the reasons I miss my dad sometimes. My dad was over the top when it came to celebrations, Christmas, he was the one who set up the tree and the house every year, and stayed up with me past midnight on New Year's when the rest of my family was asleep. My birthdays, he always asked me if I was throwing a party and if I was he would be most involved in it. He was just like me, or rather I'm just like him, because we both save old cards, we both like to give cards, we're both into celebrating every single thing.
I have to admit, I was a bit disappointed and felt kinda bad that my LG and friends didn't make it for the baptism and didn't want to hang out and go for lunch, like we'd planned for Sunday, but instead of getting into that, I understood them, that this wasn't like a big deal kind of thing to other people and that's cool.
Since it is to me, however, I did what I'd have expected to be done, bought myself a Bible, bought me and my mom lunch, we ate pizza and Steers fried chicken and fries, she caught on to the festive spirit and baked me two cakes, needless to say, today we were first at the store to buy Tums, we were so sick!
At least with the Bible I'll be more able to keep up with the readings than through PDF. It's really good, small, convenient to carry around, plus it's not an "in your face Bible" you know what I mean, it won't make you look or feel "Holier than thou" when you take it out to read in a bus or on a queue. It's just cool and understated. Every day also has a highlighted verse, so even the days you're not feeling theological and you're really not in the mood to delve deeply into the readings at least you'll have one verse to go with.
Anyway, it wasn't a "perfect day" but it was an amazing one. April 10th, my B-Day.
So, the weekend of my baptism finally arrived. Saturday morning I woke up with a panic attack because I thought it was Sunday. I have to admit, I was more than a little nervous taking the plunge, and I mean that literally and figuratively.
It's no secret that this salvation thing has been a struggle for me. I have great days, good days and bad days. I have extended periods of bad days and amazingly sweet and thoughtful good days. I have this pestering fear that maybe this is all just a phase and I'll just backslide again...that's not the fear exactly, the fear is that now that I know what it's like to be saved and rely on God, how will I survive if I backslide and mess up so bad, God, you know, leaves me.
This baptism was just a big deal to me because, in many ways it was like a wedding. It's something that I waited a long time for, it's something that took a lot of preparation for and it's something I only want to do once in my life because the change has already been made permanent.
Sunday was a lot better, I woke up pretty relatively calm. I decided I wasn't going to put a lot of pressure on myself, to be perfect or anything, but to just go as I was. My mum took me to Church, my Lifegroup unfortunately didn't manage to make it on time except for one of my closest friends. On a side note, I know I love my mom more than anything, but seeing her standing there with me and taking me through that, I just LOVED her SO MUCH MORE if that's even possible. It was just so cute, she took pictures and she was holding my hand. I was really happy and that was definitely one of the best days, actually, the best day of the year thanks to her, and her love.
My little testimony video played in Church, 2 minutes later, it was all:
"Do you accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your Saviour?"
"I do."
"Do you renounce satan and all his works?"
"I do"
"I now baptize you in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit."
That's me under water.
Cut to water painfully shooting up my nose, tears in my eyes, freezing in the wind, changing in a tiny bathroom stall and back to Church. It all went pretty fast and it's still sinking in, but I have to say as much as it wasn't all doves settling on my head or me being struck down by the "Power" It was still an amazing experience.
I can't say I think that water baptism is the only way to heaven. I know there's been a lot of debate on that. I believe that accepting Jesus is the only way, but for me, it's something to draw from. You know, in the tough times I'll remember Sunday the 10th of April and I'll remember whose I am. To me it was also like, I know I've been forgiven, but there's just something symbolic about getting into the water with all your issues and them being washed away completely. Like a cleansing or a purging. It was also like a covenant for me, at least with what I learnt in my Religious Ed classes:
- Statement of agreed terms
- An oath by both parties to observe the terms
- Consequences upon breach
- The formal ratification by the external act
- Witnesses
Though I'm weak and I might fall away, God never breaks His covenant.
Oh and guess what I bought for myself:
Yup, the NIV One Year Bible. I decided yesterday, even if I technically had no one to make a big deal about this day, I would make a big deal out of it myself. That's one of the reasons I miss my dad sometimes. My dad was over the top when it came to celebrations, Christmas, he was the one who set up the tree and the house every year, and stayed up with me past midnight on New Year's when the rest of my family was asleep. My birthdays, he always asked me if I was throwing a party and if I was he would be most involved in it. He was just like me, or rather I'm just like him, because we both save old cards, we both like to give cards, we're both into celebrating every single thing.
I have to admit, I was a bit disappointed and felt kinda bad that my LG and friends didn't make it for the baptism and didn't want to hang out and go for lunch, like we'd planned for Sunday, but instead of getting into that, I understood them, that this wasn't like a big deal kind of thing to other people and that's cool.
Since it is to me, however, I did what I'd have expected to be done, bought myself a Bible, bought me and my mom lunch, we ate pizza and Steers fried chicken and fries, she caught on to the festive spirit and baked me two cakes, needless to say, today we were first at the store to buy Tums, we were so sick!
At least with the Bible I'll be more able to keep up with the readings than through PDF. It's really good, small, convenient to carry around, plus it's not an "in your face Bible" you know what I mean, it won't make you look or feel "Holier than thou" when you take it out to read in a bus or on a queue. It's just cool and understated. Every day also has a highlighted verse, so even the days you're not feeling theological and you're really not in the mood to delve deeply into the readings at least you'll have one verse to go with.
Anyway, it wasn't a "perfect day" but it was an amazing one. April 10th, my B-Day.
Money and the Silent Treatment
The Captain and I haven't seen each other for days now. We had a bit of an argument over money on Thursday. Saving up has just been hard for both of us and things reached boiling point when I'd used up my budget allowance by Wednesday so I couldn't afford to do anything. I tried using my ATM card to like get more money, but then he's on the mobile-banking system where any transaction gets text messaged to your phone and he found out. It was just a big mess. I know I was wrong, but I just needed to get away for awhile. So I went back home to my mom's and switched off my phone all weekend, don't worry, I told him and explained what was going on with me and that I just needed a couple of days.
I actually got to thinking, and I realized, most of the time our arguments are because of me. I mean I blame him, and not just him but other people who I don't get along with, but when I look at how these people get along with the rest of the word, they're great. So when everyone around you knows the sky is blue and you go around insisting that it's pink, you've got to realize they're not the crazy ones...you are. I am definitely crazy. I'm not saying I'm always wrong, and he's always right, but I do tend to judge people by a higher standard than I judge myself and it's not cool. I really want to try and change that.
Anyway today I met with my beloved, I told him my realization. He tried to console me, telling me that I'm not that bad, lol, but I did ask him for help and he agreed. We also went looking for an engagement ring. So interesting, the price ranges I mean...there's the 6000, the 12000, the 80000 shilling. There's engraved or not engraved, there's the matching set or single, there's silver, and platinum, yellow gold, white gold, diamonds, fake diamonds. I mean...it's endless.
Obviously, every girl dreams of the platinum and diamond ring, and I most certainly did, but as I grew older I started thinking yellow gold is more common in Kenya and maybe more practical. Also, there are so many fake silver rings selling everywhere, I don't want people to doubt my ring. I really really like the thought of not going traditional with the yellow gold and doing something different.
Anyway, I found a couple of designs that I liked, and we decided to do a matching set, because it's relatively cheaper and I don't see the point in buying an engagement ring that I'm not going to wear for the rest of my life. Now some of these may be over the top and we probably won't have the money to buy them, but a girl can dream can't she? :-)
I'm going to upload those pictures as soon as I can.
Have a great day my lovies.
XO.... T.M
I actually got to thinking, and I realized, most of the time our arguments are because of me. I mean I blame him, and not just him but other people who I don't get along with, but when I look at how these people get along with the rest of the word, they're great. So when everyone around you knows the sky is blue and you go around insisting that it's pink, you've got to realize they're not the crazy ones...you are. I am definitely crazy. I'm not saying I'm always wrong, and he's always right, but I do tend to judge people by a higher standard than I judge myself and it's not cool. I really want to try and change that.
Anyway today I met with my beloved, I told him my realization. He tried to console me, telling me that I'm not that bad, lol, but I did ask him for help and he agreed. We also went looking for an engagement ring. So interesting, the price ranges I mean...there's the 6000, the 12000, the 80000 shilling. There's engraved or not engraved, there's the matching set or single, there's silver, and platinum, yellow gold, white gold, diamonds, fake diamonds. I mean...it's endless.
Obviously, every girl dreams of the platinum and diamond ring, and I most certainly did, but as I grew older I started thinking yellow gold is more common in Kenya and maybe more practical. Also, there are so many fake silver rings selling everywhere, I don't want people to doubt my ring. I really really like the thought of not going traditional with the yellow gold and doing something different.
Anyway, I found a couple of designs that I liked, and we decided to do a matching set, because it's relatively cheaper and I don't see the point in buying an engagement ring that I'm not going to wear for the rest of my life. Now some of these may be over the top and we probably won't have the money to buy them, but a girl can dream can't she? :-)
I'm going to upload those pictures as soon as I can.
Have a great day my lovies.
XO.... T.M
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Engagement and Satisfaction
It's just hit me that as much as The Captain is to me, a sweet and romantic guy, and I always feel like I landed the jackpot when it comes to him, yesterday I realized just how much of a guy he is when it comes to wedding planning. At some point we were even tempted to throw the towel in and just go to the A.G's office and get married, like you know, elope.
It's just that sometimes you get so caught up in the numbers and finding the right people and the right deals. We're also just starting out, and frankly, we can't afford, and I cant imagine putting down a million shillings for a wedding. Then there's so much pressure like from my family, I'm the last born kid and everybody expects my wedding to be the best. Friends are also an element of pressure, because each wedding tries to outdo the one before. Pressure also comes from the two of us. We want to get married, we want to be together, and that's crazy. I mean, we both agree we're tired of saying goodbye every day, and we want to live together. Ah, it just gets too much to bear at times.
Then yesterday I realized how important it is to be open and honest. Like we sat down (over the phone) and talked about it. It's also made me realize, how like Raha said people are never satisfied. I have this amazing guy, I'm planning a wedding and still I'm complaining!
XO.... T.M
It's just that sometimes you get so caught up in the numbers and finding the right people and the right deals. We're also just starting out, and frankly, we can't afford, and I cant imagine putting down a million shillings for a wedding. Then there's so much pressure like from my family, I'm the last born kid and everybody expects my wedding to be the best. Friends are also an element of pressure, because each wedding tries to outdo the one before. Pressure also comes from the two of us. We want to get married, we want to be together, and that's crazy. I mean, we both agree we're tired of saying goodbye every day, and we want to live together. Ah, it just gets too much to bear at times.
Then yesterday I realized how important it is to be open and honest. Like we sat down (over the phone) and talked about it. It's also made me realize, how like Raha said people are never satisfied. I have this amazing guy, I'm planning a wedding and still I'm complaining!
XO.... T.M
Satiety
I'm still in the middle of doing these stupid exams, and I got myself thinking the other day, "I wish these exams were over so I could relax a little" Then it hit me it's only 5 days of my life, I've basically been relaxing the whole year.
Then sitting at home, I realized how badly I want to buy a sofa, and really it's not because I need it, I just want it.
In Economics we say, Human wants can never be satiated. People are never satisfied. I bet that once I buy that sofa which I'm saving up to buy for my birthday, something else will come up, so on and so on.
Is this like greed or is it, you know, more acceptable?
Then sitting at home, I realized how badly I want to buy a sofa, and really it's not because I need it, I just want it.
In Economics we say, Human wants can never be satiated. People are never satisfied. I bet that once I buy that sofa which I'm saving up to buy for my birthday, something else will come up, so on and so on.
Is this like greed or is it, you know, more acceptable?
Dominga Paz
***Hi guys, Raha from Paradigm here, I started Bent Reeds to write about love and life, well, one of my bestest friends has lovingly offered to be in charge of this blog. She is recently engaged and she knows way more about this topic than I ever will. She's also just as funny or even more funny than I am, and her and her other half are two of the most amazing couples I know. So, this is her first post of many, don't worry I will be on her and I'll make sure her fiancé "The Captain" is on her to write daily.
XO Raha ***
I think I've watched enough Mexican Telenovelas to know a little Spanish. What I meant to say was, Peaceful Sunday...but I don't know how to translate all that.
Anyway, Spanish is irrelevant to this story. Today was a particularly nice morning. The Captain woke me up at around 7, I got showered and ready for Church, and we actually made pretty good time. So, thanks for waking me up hun!
After Church, we went shopping, but not my kind of shopping, shopping for groceries. I actually saw a lot of stuff that I wanted but couldn't get, like Perfume, a soap dish for my bathroom wall (you know, the type that sticks onto the wall) but, we left the supermarket, without him letting me make a single purchase. We're on a very strict budget...o.k let me just be honest, The Captain has me on a very strict budget...one that is driving me crazy even though I know its good for me, and us and our future blah blah blah...but it's just soooo hard!
We did find a bunch of great deals, like cabbage for Ksh.5. And, I did make a few pretty good budgeting choices like, buying green grams, they cost me Ksh.85 and that's like 20 dinners covered in case I don't feel like buying anything else, it's like a staple. I wanted peas, but apparently, they aren't in season. I'm also starting to get so domesticated, like now I know what it means when people say, "wow, tomatoes have become so expensive!"
After shopping, we got home, no water so we had to use our reserve tank to do our laundry, and by we, I mean I did laundry, The Captain watched a movie, I cooked lunch, we both watched the movie. Afterwards, I had to study, he had to go meet his boys and watch football, or whatever it is guys do on a Sunday afternoon. Here's where I was totally floored, he goes like, "Babe, my boys are calling me, but if you need me to stay, I'll stay." At first I thought it was a trick question, like if I say stay, he'll resent me or say I'm a ball and chain or all that stuff, but I decided to go with it, and just be honest. I said, "Hun, I really need to study, and focus, and I focus best when you're here yelling "FOCUS" in my ear, and I need that, I'd really appreciate it if you stayed."
He stayed, and we've been studying/laughing/exchanging glances/cramming/quizzing each other/watching t.v since.
Right now I'm on a bit of a break, to do my little sister that I never had the favor of writing on her blog. She doesn't know this, but she's the one doing me a favor. I love reading 20th Paradigm and I'm sure one day her website will be incredibly massive and she'll make a difference with it! I love you small sis!
I just said, "I am dying to eat some chicken and fries", he just said, "That's Ksh.210, or 420 for both of us, that's not going to happen." It's not what he said, it's how he said it that to me just sounded like, "Yeah, let's go out and grab some dinner." I'm sure I can convince him.
*Hey, this is the fiancé here, apparently called The Captain, just letting you know, that no, she didn't and won't convince me!*
XO.... T.M
XO Raha ***
I think I've watched enough Mexican Telenovelas to know a little Spanish. What I meant to say was, Peaceful Sunday...but I don't know how to translate all that.
Anyway, Spanish is irrelevant to this story. Today was a particularly nice morning. The Captain woke me up at around 7, I got showered and ready for Church, and we actually made pretty good time. So, thanks for waking me up hun!
After Church, we went shopping, but not my kind of shopping, shopping for groceries. I actually saw a lot of stuff that I wanted but couldn't get, like Perfume, a soap dish for my bathroom wall (you know, the type that sticks onto the wall) but, we left the supermarket, without him letting me make a single purchase. We're on a very strict budget...o.k let me just be honest, The Captain has me on a very strict budget...one that is driving me crazy even though I know its good for me, and us and our future blah blah blah...but it's just soooo hard!
We did find a bunch of great deals, like cabbage for Ksh.5. And, I did make a few pretty good budgeting choices like, buying green grams, they cost me Ksh.85 and that's like 20 dinners covered in case I don't feel like buying anything else, it's like a staple. I wanted peas, but apparently, they aren't in season. I'm also starting to get so domesticated, like now I know what it means when people say, "wow, tomatoes have become so expensive!"
After shopping, we got home, no water so we had to use our reserve tank to do our laundry, and by we, I mean I did laundry, The Captain watched a movie, I cooked lunch, we both watched the movie. Afterwards, I had to study, he had to go meet his boys and watch football, or whatever it is guys do on a Sunday afternoon. Here's where I was totally floored, he goes like, "Babe, my boys are calling me, but if you need me to stay, I'll stay." At first I thought it was a trick question, like if I say stay, he'll resent me or say I'm a ball and chain or all that stuff, but I decided to go with it, and just be honest. I said, "Hun, I really need to study, and focus, and I focus best when you're here yelling "FOCUS" in my ear, and I need that, I'd really appreciate it if you stayed."
He stayed, and we've been studying/laughing/exchanging glances/cramming/quizzing each other/watching t.v since.
Right now I'm on a bit of a break, to do my little sister that I never had the favor of writing on her blog. She doesn't know this, but she's the one doing me a favor. I love reading 20th Paradigm and I'm sure one day her website will be incredibly massive and she'll make a difference with it! I love you small sis!
I just said, "I am dying to eat some chicken and fries", he just said, "That's Ksh.210, or 420 for both of us, that's not going to happen." It's not what he said, it's how he said it that to me just sounded like, "Yeah, let's go out and grab some dinner." I'm sure I can convince him.
*Hey, this is the fiancé here, apparently called The Captain, just letting you know, that no, she didn't and won't convince me!*
XO.... T.M