thoughts

As I’ve grown up, mostly over the past year or so, all I’ve wanted or searched for is contentment. You know those moments when you’re full and healthy and you almost want to take a picture of that moment and frame it so you always remember how it felt.

I was talking to my sister a couple of days ago and she told me how when she met her husband, she didn’t want to deal with any of the drama that came with her past relationships and she didn’t feel the need to try so hard.

I’ve always wanted to have that. A relationship where you don’t have to constantly police your partner. Worried about where they are, what they’re doing, who they’re with. It’s a hell of a scary thing trusting someone with your heart. Personally, my biggest fear is being blind-sided, you know what I mean, being happy and in love and then suddenly the other person hates you, and leaves you for no apparent reason.

That’s what I’m trying to do, or to be like from now on. Trust that whoever I’m going out with knows as much as I do how lucky we are to have found each other, and appreciates not only that fact, but also appreciates me.

Ideally. I think I have a lot of love in my heart and I’d want to give all that away…there’s always part of you that doesn’t want to give 100% because it’s too much to get hurt when you’ve given it you’re all.

It’s crazy. The world is insane and I wish love didn’t have to be complicated as well.