Joan's Dream Finances

Well, it's no secret how hard it is being a college student. It's extra interesting to be an internatinal Bible student in a city where you can't work. It's been difficult at times and there's not a day I don't wake up feeling this cloud over my head like, "YOU SHOULD BE DOING SOMETHING!!!" "You should be making money!!!" I think that's just a human thing, amplified by a being-from-a-developing-country-living-in-America-you-should-be-sending-money-to-the-motherland thing. Yes, I have actually heard that exact line before! :-D

Thing is, I've never worked harder in my life than when I've been here. No honestly, this doesn't feel like me at all. Even in Boarding School where we had some CRAZY chores to do, lets just say, washing public bathrooms with no gloves on again wouldn't be my 1st rodeo. School and being here has been intense. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE IT, there's really no place I would rather be, for REAL! But contrary to popular belief, it's not all Jesus Culture Concerts and Fire Tunnels, lol.

The past few days I've been asking God to make this house a home.

Bill preached yesterday about "house" in the Bible having different meanings, family, land, temple etc. All of that is what I mean. I'm tired of being scared to breathe lest this dream is blown away. That's no way to live. I'm tired of having days of guilt if I buy a $7 dinner with my friends. I'm not going to live under that. I'm tired of falling more and more in love with a country while battling the thought of never going there! (Italy Mission Trip). I'm tired of eating canned beans for dinner every day, I want steak!

So being that it's Christmas time and gifts are in the air, I thought I'd send my Christmas list to God. I drew up this budget, what would it take to make this house a home. The next 2 years I'm still a student. The next 2 years of hard work and serving where I'm at. I decided to go big with it, that's why it's a "dream" budget. I'm not frivolous by any means, even when I do get $100 a month for groceries, I'll still be shopping the sales racks at Winco, but I just felt that I need to ask for more than enough and stop living on the poverty line, or the barely making it avenue.

Once I put a number to it, it felt a little lighter, it's actually way less than the number I'm trusting God for with the thousand dollar testimonies released over us. In the grand scheme of things, this is nothing. I know Jesus paid for it all, I know my Father provides, this is a LOT in my eyes, but it's not in His. This is 5 pairs of shoes to Kim Kardashian, how much less is it to God? :-D

I don't know guys, I don't know the profound principle for bringing breakthrough, I don't know the right words to say or the bold prayers to pray, all I know is I'm His kid, I'm in His will & He paid for everything. That's gotta count for something right? He gave me a promise. That's gotta count for more right? I need to be a living testimony. How can I lead without that? I need to be the proof that God is Good! I need to be the light of what I preach and proclaim Him to be. I don't want to just hear about Him and repeat what I've heard, that's awesome, but I can't ask a stranger to expect supernatural breakthrough if I'm not it myself. I want to look at myself and be it.

With that, I let go. I'm choosing His rest now.

So here's to trust and here's to hope and here's to the celebration to come.

You are worthy of it all God.

Mission Trip Update 2 - Team Meeting 1

Catch Up:
Update 1

OK, so I just got back from my first Mission Trip Meeting that was all sorts of exciting!

Tonight we just got to meet the team, hear each others stories and each of our hearts about how we got here and why we picked this trip. We also got to hear from our amazing team leaders their hearts for Italy and some of what we'll get to do or accomplish there.

One of the things I'm excited about is we hold a conference for Pastors & Business Leaders and Youth who are absolutely hungry for God and really pursuing what we get to live and grow in here in Bethel, that is God's Kingdom on earth as it is in Heaven...in other words a lifestyle of love encounters with Jesus and displays of that through healing, breakthroughs and miracles. It's personally exciting to me because I was that "hungry youth" pursuing that in my home country with no idea what it looked like and no connection whatsoever. So our team is going to be focused on not just hosting a fantastic conference, but also establishing a network and relationships that will be built on for years to come. I think we are in the 2nd year of the school going on this particular trip, so really being at the forefront of that is so exciting to me, and totally up my ally in terms of learning how to foster relationships for when I start a Church or Ministry or something like that.

Another thing is learning what the stuff we've been learning looks like placed in this cultural setting. Italy is really the heart of religion and whatever affects the heart affects the body. I can't begin to describe how great I feel just to begin to dream with God about what that will look like when old cathedrals are filled with ardent worshipers filled with the Holy Spirit. The family heart is also so strong there and my mind is swimming with possibilities of how this nation can change the world. God is SO good! When I started this blog post I had no idea it would end up here :-)

Financial update; we had some crazy testimonies released over us. Expenses decreased just enough to cover the deposit, anonymous donations that went just over what was need to cover both tuition and the deposit, finding money, receiving unexpected money, how a group didn't lose a single student due to finances. I am just pouring that over myself as I go to bed tonight! God is so good and beautiful & sweet and He is absolutely perfect and I choose to believe Him. God do it to me!

If you guys want to partner with me & this big crazy dream, please head on over to https://missiontrips.ibethel.org and fill in my name (Joan Maina) in the search box or use the easy link below. This gift is tax deductible(!) and you will receive a statement at the end of the year for your tax records. If you wish your gift to be anonymous, please check the anonymous box. This will allow you to receive an end of year statement, but will not allow me, to see your name.

https://missiontrips.ibethel.org/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&donor_search=Joan+Maina

(If online payment is not an option, check donations can be made payable to Bethel Church and mailed to the following address: Bethel Mission Trips Department, 915 Twin View Blvd.,Redding, CA 96003. Please include a note with my name (Joan Maina) with the donation to specify which student you are so generously supporting.)
I love you guys, thanks for reading. Please keep me & the team in your prayers!

Joan

Anxiety never won any battles, but joy...

 When I got here, all the prophetic words I got were about joy. How God would give me joy, how I'm a giver of joy, how I'm a rainbow in Heaven (yeah, I love Bethel, people speak life into you constantly). I always used to laugh and tell these people how back home my friends call me Furaha which means joy, so their words were spot on.

This week has really brought me back to the point where I realize the strength of those words.

I woke up with a fever and headache on Monday. I chalked it up to sleeping with the fan on and maybe catching a cold that night, so I took some paracetamol and went to school. By the end of the day, I was burning up and getting cold chills and burning up and getting cold chills. Yup, full on fever. I had my carpool group pray for me then got home and put on some worship, sang, declared God's goodness, said no to sickness, even did laundry & went back to Civic for Bethel's Vision Night. I got to meet Bill Johnson!!!!! After that we worshiped some more, and celebrated and then went home.

Natalie, Bill & I. (Fever literally 20 minutes before this. Ha!)

Cut to 10PM, I could not sleep! Fever came back and I was praying & tossing & turning in bed. 12 midnight, my stomach gets in on the action and I feel like I'm on a roller coaster after eating a gallon of ice cream. I tried to get up but I was so dizzy I knew for sure I'd hit the floor. By this point I was almost crying, so I text my housemate for help & pray God wakes her up lol. She comes in & gives me some medicine and prays for me and I'm finally able to sleep after 1 more hour of tossing & turning. (Thanks Laura!)

The next day, Tuesday, I had school. I'm still sick, I wished I didn't have to go, but I go anyway, because really, it's BSSM. I love it way too much to stay home and who knows if that's the day the biggest thing to happen will happen? I also figured, it would be easier getting better in Worship than in bed, right? I got checked out by an awesome momma from my Revival Group who's a doctor & she made me feel like I was back at home with my mom.

Turns out, the biggest thing to happen did happen at school, when the Holy Spirit fell so strong in the front of the hall, half of us rushed to the front & fell on impact! It was a mosh-pit of laughter & electricity. Needless to say, fever, nausea & all symptoms were gone after a couple of hours of rest after I got home that night. Hallelujah!

Today, is Thursday. I got out of school at 3:15, missed the 3:30 bus, had to wait for the 4:25, which was late, so I missed my connection meaning I had to walk about a mile & got home at 5:30.

Last but not least, the 'ole bank account dwindling down. The stark realization that I have money going out but have not had a single cent coming into my hands, not being able to work here & just not seeing the kind of breakthroughs you hear from others. People are writing support letters. I don't even know who to write to! My small family who've probably already given all they can? It's literally a draining feeling when your funds are draining.

This was my week. Was I frustrated? Yes. Did I feel like crying? Yes. Was I homesick & missing my mom and my car?! Yes!!! Did I want  to complain? Yes! When I missed my morning bus, I did write to my sister to complain. It was my 1st reaction. When I was sick did I want to mope around the house with a blanket and skip school? Yes! Am I scared about money, mission trip funds, 2nd year tuition? YES!!!

BUT, approximately 5 seconds after my initial reactions, joy comes over me. I was telling people, "I have a fever" with a smile on my face which looked weird, but I just couldn't help it. I'm riding the bus despite how much I wish I had a car, worshiping and singing  and I'm genuinely happy. It would be one thing if it were me & I was getting myself through all these situations, but it's not me. On my own, I'm not strong or brave or persevering or a fighter or any of those things. It's the neatest thing to ride on the wave of God working on me in the background.

I used to use sadness or moodiness to manipulate the will of God. Like, "God, I'll just be sad until you do this" Now I'm learning I don't have to be like that. God is good. God is really good. I'm His daughter. I'm smack dab in the middle of His will. His hand is not  too short that He will not save me or put me in the exact situation I need to be in in the perfect way & time.

Anxiety never won any battles, but joy...joy kicks some A*

My Punch in Fear's Nose

I am so disappointed in myself for not keeping up with this blog. Life has been incredibly exciting and I should be chronicling all of this, but between school, homework, Bible reading, Hulu and trying to get a life ;-) this blog fell way behind. However, it was sort of a good break and I feel like now I can come back with a bang and a second wind & get this back on track.

I am honestly so full of joy and excited over what God's been doing and what He continues to do. Right now, I have no great goals to accomplish because everything I set out to do through this year, God has already come in and blown my little ideas out of the water and given me so much more.

I struggled my 1st month here, getting used to being away from home and away from life as I knew it. The culture shock was crazy - no amount of blog reading or TV watching will prepare you  for being submerged in this (way) different culture, but to be honest I love it. I love being asked where I'm from and having a story to tell and meeting all these people who have a heart for Kenya! My country is in good hands & hearts.

The more I'm here, the more my heart is stirred to travel. I've never pictured myself as being confident or strong enough to survive in another country...forget America, America is easy and diverse, I'm talking Asia or Russia or Scandinavia...but the more I'm here and interact with my AMAZING Revival & Small Groups, the more I am so excited to go and I pray God enables me to travel to those countries and continue to live this dream of going around the world, seeking Him and learning & teaching His love.

Like I said, my expectations have been blown away as far as what I think I came here for, now I'm at a place where I'm asking for more and expecting nothing but greatness. Do I know what I want to do for the rest of my life? Yes and No. Simply because I've come to realize my carefully mapped out life won't work in this environment. I truly believe whatever I choose, I am being empowered to make maximum impact. Whether it's leading worship, writing, teaching, preaching, marketing, prophesying, being a wife & mom, all of it. I'm growing in my confidence daily & that in itself is a miracle. It's freeing, scary and exhilarating and this is a wonderful season.

My immediate goal is to rally potential BSSM students from Africa and encourage them that the door is wide open and waiting for YOU. Something incredible is growing from here. This is an army rising up. We may not be the best or the only choice out  there, (although I believe we are ;-) wink) but there is definitely something tangible rising out of here. God is moving really powerfully and I believe He's releasing generals into Africa through BSSM. If you have any questions please feel free to let me know.

Financially, it has been a challenge. I haven't enough money to start putting toward my mission trip nor to my 2nd year tuition, to be honest, even my rent & expenses after December. I've learned though that I don't have to carry the load on my own, and I am so thankful to be surrounded by an army that's ready and waiting for a call to action. I'll be working on some support letters and I hope to send those out pretty soon. In the meantime, please email me or check out the links on the sidebar if you are wondering how you can contribute and sow into this vision and partner with me.

More than anything, I ask for your prayers. I really ask for your prayers. We are taught to kick fear in the face here, but I can only kick so much until my legs grow weary and I need an extra boost. The Holy Spirit is that boost and I need your prayers over me. The fact that I'm writing this and putting my heart sort of out there is a left hook on my part :-) He makes me brave.

The Grand Scheme

Today I made the final step in a process that's been long overdue. This is my last official year at home, my last official semester of school. When we were kids we used to say, "when I grow up I want to be..." and I'm there. Ha, I'm actually a grown up! This is the year where I get to be whatever I dreamt I would be and do all the things I dreamt I would do.

When I say dream, I mean literally, what happens in the middle of the night, because I've had this particular recurring dream on and off for a long time, especially last year, and also dream in the sense of deep desire or sense of hope. 

So, over the course of the last few months, I've been trying to get one of those dreams off the ground. Yesterday I was at the bank figuring some things out and finally today was the last step in that whole process, actually if you think about it, it's the 1st of many steps. I was at the post office trying to figure out how to mail an important letter and I was so freaked out wondering if it was going to make it safely or not and looking for the right post box, since there were 4 different boxes, pone for Nairobi, one for Coast, one for Air Mail and the other for Upcountry. I finally dropped it in and it made a loud sound and I'm freaking out thinking, "why would the box be empty??", and later realized, "Well, its a good thing it's empty that means the mail goes out everyday, right?"

Anyway, after I left the post office, I started thinking, in the grand scheme of things, this is the least of things I should be worried out. Like I said, mailing that letter was the 1st of many steps. There are a million other things to consider and to pray about and this is nothing. The letter will arrive safely! (In Jesus name, Amen and Amen!)

via

I'm re-reading Bill Johnson's book, Center of The Universe and he says,

"...why would God bypass my important list, filled with Spiritual priorities, and answer a desire that has nothing to do with anything that is obviously holy? The only answer I can come up with--because He wanted to. 
Our Heavenly Father is perfect in every way. There is no waste in Heaven's government. And in His perfect wisdom, He knew that it was more important for me to learn about His character as the Father than it was for me to have my "priority prayers" fulfilled...How refreshing it is to see that He cares about things that score very low on the Eternity Rating Chart just because He Loves Me."

He goes on to give the story of King Cyrus out of Isaiah 45:3 where God promises to do a whole lot of things for Cyrus that may not appear "spiritual" but just to show Cyrus beyond a shadow of a doubt that God had called Him and its God who put Him there.

Bill says,

"...God sometimes takes care of things that are not important just to remind us that He knows every desire and need we have. And as our Father, His reach is so far that it touches those things that have nothing to do with eternity. It seems to me that God simply wants to build our confidence in who He is and what He is like."

I'm trying really hard to work on my prayer life. It's like in my head, I know I should pray and I think about praying, but I just don't really get around to doing it. I feel like God is so into my life and I should do everything I can to lean into Him. So here's my strategy, it's a little weak, so don't get your hopes up. When it's time to pray, I sit/kneel or whatever and just be quiet. My problem is,

1. I hate quiet. I always have music playing or the TV on.
2. I just don;t know what to say!

So, I figure, if I get into the habit of setting time aside, sooner or later the words are going to come. Hopefully.

As always, I'll let ya know.

xx
Jo

How to Stick to Your Calling

I have this issue of Jesus picking favorites i.e. John. I guess it’s a good idea, not to look at Jesus as you know the top of the clique and picking His favorites. I have to understand this context. At that point in His life, Jesus had only been in ministry for a couple of years. He didn’t have a huge following like He does now. He picked a couple of ordinary guys who he could walk with. Out of these 12, we get the whole, "many are called but few are chosen" line. 

Jesus looked more at the hearts of these people, at their devotion to him, at their potential, which everyone had potential. He never turned anybody away and made each person feel like they belonged. When he was healing the sick, I don’t think his mind was like “these guys are wasting my time and I really wanted to hang out with John,” In fact when he was resting with the disciples and people came up to him and the disciples tried to turn them away, he says “no let them come.” As long as you press in after him, he won’t turn you away.

Many are called, but few are chosen, and being chosen in God’s context is totally different from the world’s. It’s not about being more special, more gifted, more of anything than anybody else. In fact, Jesus has a reputation for picking the least special. It’s about your heart and how badly you want God, and how much you press in to meet him. Abraham was full of faith, Noah was righteous, Esther was courageous, but even in all these traits that these heroes of the Bible are known for, they had their weaknesses, Abraham didn’t believe Sarah would get pregnant, Noah got drunk, Esther was scared about stepping out and Mordecai had to encourage (if not push her)

For me, right now, I’m called, but I’m scared and discontent. Doubts fill my head ever so often. I’m scared of the Holy Spirit wrecking me, because I’m afraid my heart will explode, either out of fear of that supernatural encounter or out of fear that I’ll just be so full of love and emotion and joy and all that (God, I was horrible and evil, yet you still came to me) or out of fear that I’ll just lose control.

So at the same time, I’m learning about Jesus, how he only wants the best for us, and how his love didn’t come to steal, kill or destroy my life, but to give me life.

I’m also learning about sin. Man, the devil does not give you a break. Honestly, last night I went from questioning if Jesus has picked me, if he cares about me, to feelings of worthlessness, straight on to my old patterns of sin. Depressed->comfort food->maybe I should give that old boyfriend a call. I just opened one of the sermons on my computer and played it on a loop until I fell asleep (clutching my Bible to my chest) and God is faithful, my mom called me and cheered me up for absolutely no reason, just to check up on me. And there I was doubting Him, smh!

Sin is inevitable in the life of a human. Jenn Johnson said it best, “Everybody poops, but you’ve gotta flush!” Temptation is all around us and because we were born out of sin, that sinful nature is ingrained in us. However when we got saved, Jesus shed his blood to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 

We put to death that old sinful nature and became clothed in the righteousness of Jesus. Problem is, once you become conditioned to do something, it’s hard to break old habits. This is why the Bible splits into two the heart and the mind. Your heart is changed instantly because the Holy Spirit takes root and changes your heart, that old sinful nature is taken out of you. The mind though needs renewing. The bible says if we say we have fellowship with him, yet keep walking in the darkness that’s a lie (1 John 1:6) This means, for a true life change/revival/renewal, we break the old habits, by building new habits and conditioning ourselves to holiness. So, obviously this could take time, but it’s inevitable. A change of heart will lead to a change of mind. You have to consciously choose to do right in a situation and soon, it will come naturally. We have to choose to walk in the light as he is in the light. 

In the meantime though, we might still sin, and this sin might lead to consequences that we have to suffer here on earth, but we have an advocate in Jesus, who atoned for our sins. 1 John 2:1. This isn’t a license to sin, like I said, on earth we will reap the consequences of that, if you rob a bank, you’ll go to jail, if you lie to your mom, you’ll feel guilty. 

Think about it this way, when I get married, and my husband forgets my birthday, I’ll be hurt, but of course I’ll forgive him. If I forget his birthday, of course he’ll forgive me, but, even though I know his forgiveness will always be forthcoming, why would I want to disappoint someone that I love? When we sin, we’ve already been forgiven, because Jesus already shed the blood to cover our sins, and love covers a multitude of sins, but why would I want to hurt someone I love? It’s not just about the blood, the sin, heaven, hell. It’s about love. It’s about connection. When someone expresses love in its purest, truest form, why would you want to return that by hate?

1 John 5:1 says, "For this is the love of God that we keep his commandments, and his commandments do not weigh us down, because everybody who’s been fathered by God has conquered the world." 

Like I said, last night, I was tempted to go back to my old pattern of sin, and Jesus would have forgiven me, that’s a given, but to hear the devil laughing in my ear, telling me I’m such a failure. I hate that. I don’t want to hear those words ever again. Even worse, to lose all that I’ve worked hard for, in building this connection with God again, losing that tiny measure of Holy Spirit that’s been placed on me so far and shutting down the Holy Spirit in me, and letting Him see me like that. I can’t do that again.

This applies to major issues, like sexual immorality and minor issues like, lying.

So, how do we stay true to God, to our calling and kick temptation's butt at the same time?

1. Remember, just because you’re chosen, it doesn’t mean you take your gifting and keep it to yourself. That’s why John says, what we have seen we announce to you also: 1 John 1:2 It's for the good of the Church and for the community.
2. The love of God is perfected in those who obey Him, like in Jesus. We have to walk as Jesus walked: 1 John 2:5-6
3. John says it twice in 1 John chapters 1 and 2; salvation doesn’t end at the prayer. If you say you’re saved, but you walk in the darkness, it’s a lie. Salvation results in change.
4. If I keep the commandments, I reside in God and God resides in me, and God in me is shown by the Holy Spirit he gave me: 1 John 3:23-24
5. There are many false teachers among us, and we should test them. Every spirit should say Jesus came in the flesh from God: 1 John 4:2

Remember the mission of Christ can be summed up as LOVE and RELATIONSHIP not LAWS and REGULATIONS

John talks a lot about love:

1. Love is sacrifice like Jesus gave his life
2. We should love one another because love is from God, and EVERYONE who loves has been fathered by God and knows God: 1 John 4:7
3. God is love: 1 John 4:8
4. Love isn’t that we loved God, but that He loves us and sent his son to atone for our sin 1 John 4:10
5. We come to know and believe in love God has in us: 1 John 4:16 But this love is perfected in us, so that we might have confidence in the day of judgment
6. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear, because fear has to do with punishment and there is no punishment in love. 1 John 4:18
7. Everybody who believes in Jesus, can call God father. We should love everybody fathered by God 1 John 5:1

Finally, John ends his 2^nd letter by saying guard yourself from idols  in 2 John 5:21. We know from experience that teptation comes up from the idols we've placed in our lives, for example, if I'm a lover of money, it's easy to be tempted to sin, if I'm a lover of immediate gratification, I'm more inclined to take the easy way out and cheat or lie or have affairs when things aren't going well at home.

John says if we guard ourselves from idols, we develop FAITH, EXCELLENCE, KNOWLEDGE, SELF-CONTROL, PERSEVERENCE, GODLINESS, BROTHERLY AFFECTION, UNSELFISH LOVE

If these things are mine and continuously increasing, they will keep me from becoming ineffective and unproductive in my pursuit of knowing Jesus more intimately. However if I forget these things, I’m blind or nearsighted because I’ve forgotten about the cleansing of my past sin. I should also be sure of my calling and election so, I won’t stumble into sin and entry into the Kingdom of Jesus will be richly provided for me.