So, where we left off last week, I was having a bit of a crisis of faith. I still don't quite know where I am, but I do completely recognize where I'm not. I don't want to go back to the old me, 100%. Hiding behind friends and drinking and all that stuff. I also know that my life is crazy chaotic without God.
I have to admit, me taking off last week, was my silly attempt at trying to guilt God into doing stuff for me. That's how a lot of us get what we want, right? But, I realized yesterday as I was heading to church how dumb that is. Then during worship, we sang this song, "Yesu umeniweza" which basically means, "Jesus you've overwhelmed me" and I just felt that He truly had. To add to that, Rigga (the worship leader) read this Psalm:
Psalm 37:3-8 Trust in the LORD and do good; live in the land and be safe. Seek your happiness in the LORD, and he will give you your heart's desire. Give yourself to the LORD; trust in him, and he will help you; he will make your righteousness shine like the noonday sun. Be patient and wait for the LORD to act; don't be worried about those who prosper or those who succeed in their evil plans. Don't give in to worry or anger; it only leads to trouble.
When I used to read that it'd be verse 4 that got my attention:
Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.
I was glad that, that wasn't the part he emphasized, rather he reminded us that when we spend time with God, and take the time to know Him and His word, that we'll know what He wants for us, and our desires will be His desires.
I also read through a couple of my old posts and I came across one where I'd written how, we focus so much on the answer, we forget to focus on God.
I still can't say I'm 100% where I want to be, or need to be, but I am thankful that God didn't let me fall into old habits and patterns and more than that He reminded me so vividly of how my life would suck without Him. That disturbing, almost haunting feeling of "wow, I need to pray" is so much better than, "wow, I need a drink" or worse, and I've done worse. It's a constant battle, yeah?
Anyway, that's where I'm at...not quite there, but wanting to be.
I have to admit, me taking off last week, was my silly attempt at trying to guilt God into doing stuff for me. That's how a lot of us get what we want, right? But, I realized yesterday as I was heading to church how dumb that is. Then during worship, we sang this song, "Yesu umeniweza" which basically means, "Jesus you've overwhelmed me" and I just felt that He truly had. To add to that, Rigga (the worship leader) read this Psalm:
Psalm 37:3-8 Trust in the LORD and do good; live in the land and be safe. Seek your happiness in the LORD, and he will give you your heart's desire. Give yourself to the LORD; trust in him, and he will help you; he will make your righteousness shine like the noonday sun. Be patient and wait for the LORD to act; don't be worried about those who prosper or those who succeed in their evil plans. Don't give in to worry or anger; it only leads to trouble.
When I used to read that it'd be verse 4 that got my attention:
Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.
I was glad that, that wasn't the part he emphasized, rather he reminded us that when we spend time with God, and take the time to know Him and His word, that we'll know what He wants for us, and our desires will be His desires.
I also read through a couple of my old posts and I came across one where I'd written how, we focus so much on the answer, we forget to focus on God.
I still can't say I'm 100% where I want to be, or need to be, but I am thankful that God didn't let me fall into old habits and patterns and more than that He reminded me so vividly of how my life would suck without Him. That disturbing, almost haunting feeling of "wow, I need to pray" is so much better than, "wow, I need a drink" or worse, and I've done worse. It's a constant battle, yeah?
Anyway, that's where I'm at...not quite there, but wanting to be.
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