How to Own Your Singleness! - Part 1

At a recent Young Adults meeting at my Church, I learned that "people who love their lives are characterized or marked by ownership. We can't gain any traction in life until we become owners." (Quoted from Jeremy Riddle) I am definitely guilty of waiting for the next season so my life can begin. So I started thinking, what can I do to maximize and own my life where it's at right now? I came up with a list of things and here's a few of them.

1. Have a Big Yes
As you should know by now, this is my go to advice to any problem. Have a big yes in your heart because a strong yes is your best no. I can't be in 2 places at the same time. In saying yes to owning my life in this season, I'm saying no to moping around and feeling sorry for myself because I have no one to watch 24 reruns on Netflix on a Saturday night with.

2. Realize That Your Life is Marked by a Lot More Than Your Relationship Status
Steven Furtick put it best this past Sunday, "Singleness and marriage are both gifts but they are not The Gift; the real gift is Grace. It's gonna take grace for our selflessness, faithfulness, commitments, relationships, all of it to work. The same grace God gives people for marriage is the same grace He gives to single people. Some of you are so focused on the gift you want from God that you're missing the grace He's giving you right now." That's the gift we should be contending for: a life marked by grace.

 
3. Become The Person You've Always Wanted to Be
I want to be a woman marked by God's Grace, I want to live in confidence of Him and who He is in my life, I want to be generous and kind when no one's looking, I want to go above and beyond for strangers without expectation, I want to be focused and determined to bring to pass what He put on my heart - that's a girl I'd wanna not make single, haha. So, who do you want to see when you look at yourself in a mirror in a month or a year or 10 years?


4. Sort Through Your Past
This is the best time to find out what makes you tick and get some counseling or inner healing if you need it. True, some issues will only become apparent after you're in a relationship or in certain situations, but most things, you can deal with right now and make life that much easier when you move to the next season whether that's dating, marriage or staying single.

5. Be Fully Present in Your Current Relationships
Develop deep family connections where you are right now. Move beyond the surface and let yourself be fully known and seen by a group of people who love you and want the best for you. The older you get, the more family you should have because family isn't just the people you share blood with, it's the people you love and that love you back. Pray for God to set you up with some spiritual parents, sisters and brothers, people who'll have your back.

Be sure to check in tomorrow for part 2 of this post!

Sex, Media & Feminism - My Open Letter to Beyonce

Dear Bey,

I jumped off your bandwagon.

Before any of your bees come a stingin' in reply to my post, hear me out.

I was sorta cool with the whole, "I transform into another person, and this other being comes out of me and I named her Sasha Fierce". I defended you against all the "Illuminati" drama that surrounded you after watching your documentary and seeing how many times you attributed your success to God. Now though, it's just not worth it to me.

Someone on my Instagram posted a video on their feed from one of your concerts on this tour. Crazy costumes aside, you basically wiggled and showed everything plus the kitchen sink in front of HD cameras for all the world to see. It's no longer about clever lyrics or enviable choreography in high heels, now it's string undies - and I mean string - and barely covered behinds. I'm all for sexiness and I applaud you totally for making women around the world feel sexy and confident no matter what the shape of their bodies or color of their skin is. You have done a great thing for women, for me personally as a black woman. But honestly, there has to be a line drawn somewhere and you've crossed it.

This whole new album and the explicit videos, I just don't get it. I mean, how can this be healthy for anyone or any marriage. You've got it. You're a game changer. All these "PYT's" coming up are just trying to live up to you and your talent and you are SO talented. You are probably one of the best vocal talents of our generation and a songwriting genius. You are a voice honored and respected by many and so many people look up to you. 

You added this line to feminist Chimamanda Adichie's TEDx talk which wasn't in the original speech "We teach girls that they should not be sexual beings in the way that boys are". And boldly declared your FEMINIST stance. Well now, we ought to be teaching our boys not to be sexual beings in the way that women are because if we go on like this, with absolutely nothing left to the imagination, what sort of world are we heading into?

Feminism in my humble view is about defining, establishing and defending equal rights between men and women. Catchy anthems won't be enough to raise the standards if you don't model them in your own life. Catchy anthems will fade away but what you show through your life, that's what people will remember. You can't just talk a good game Bey, you gotta actually be.

You are setting a standard I can't live down to. I don't think men are going to be performing naked anytime soon and while they get more suave and sophisticated in their suits and ties and designer labels for their performances, you inspire us to keep degrading ourselves and becoming objects men ogle and view as sex symbols rather than people. The complete antithesis of feminism.

I mean have you seen Amber Rose's outfit to the 2014 VMA's? Or Rihanna's sheer everywhere dresses? Don't! This industry now is 70% porn, 20% marketing and 10% explicit music. It's hard to live in a world like that, it's enough of a battle to fight for purity by setting up filters on my computer, but this is People magazine, Youtube & every channel on TV.

Beyonce, Nicki Minaj, everyone, I don't need to know what goes on in your bedrooms, come on!

I get it. Your definition of feminism as confidence in your sexuality and owning it. By all means, own it! Don't give it away on the media silver platter. That would speak volumes louder for feminism than pin up posters in man caves and teenage boys bedrooms. In the same breath I would warn that placing your confidence on something as wavering as how tight and right your body is and many times you can wind, grind and twerk per minute is a very bad idea.

Being a woman in a man's world isn't just about equal wages, it's about respect. More than that it's about honor and value. I don't care if women top the charts or we get the promotions just because we are women. I care about being valued and honored and respected first because I am a person and second and most importantly because God made me a gifted woman and that is a pretty awesome thing.

I have no right to speak into your life, you are probably never going to know I exist, but I do respect the voice and position you have over this generation, and I pray that somehow the tides will shift and this public sexual craze will stop being how you or the rest of us are defined.

Once A Fan,

How to Fight Fair

The world is unprincipled. It's a dog eat dog out there! The world doesn't fight fair. But we don't live or fight our battles that way - never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected around the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.

2 Corinthians 10:3-6 (The Message)

Kris Vallotton said something really funny on his Facebook page this week. He was talking about how he always believed that the people who didn't like him didn't like him because they simply didn't understand him. This week though, he came to the realization that some people do understand him, they just can't stand him.

I guess we all come to that point growing up. The point where we realize that God loves us, we love ourselves, we are worthy of love and some people love us, but not everyone will like us. Not everyone who used to love us will end up liking us, for example, that childhood BFF you used to have until you quickly found out forever meant your first year of college (o-0)

I read a lot of books. One book that really put into words what I believe about connection, communication and boundaries is Danny Silk's Keep Your Love On*. We all have to pick our own core values and life rarely allows us to disagree with someone we hold the same core values with, so how do we handle it?

1. Have a Big Yes
As you should know by now, this is my go to advice to any problem. Have a big yes in your heart because a strong yes is your best no. I can't be in 2 places at the same time. In saying yes to my desire to maintain a healthy connection, or at worst to break the connection in the least hurtful way, I'm saying no to my desire to prove I'm right and they are wrong.

2. Stick To Your Core Values
Just because someone else (it's always someone else ;-) ) doesn't fight fair doesn't mean we should follow suit. The moment you step out of your values is the moment you lose credibility in front of yourself and the other person. Honor and value. "we don't live or fight our battles that way - never have and never will"

3. Always Remain Humble and Peaceable
The tools you derive from your values should not make you feel superior or better than another person. It's not about being right and the other person being wrong. We never grow that way. It's not about you being a doormat either and letting people walk all over you. Aim to take what you can use for growth and run with it while at the same time, not letting the other person rob you of your joy or (God-given) identity.

The goal is restoring the relationship and rebuilding trust, not making the other person believe what you believe about the situation, about who (you think) they are or about you. "The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation"

Hope this helps!


*You can find Danny's book at the Bethel Store, Barnes and Noble or on Amazon

Endless Ocean by Jonathan David Helser

In the beginning

You were singing

In the end you will still be

Singing over me

In this moment

You're right beside me

Everywhere you're in the air that I breathe

You are an endless ocean, bottom less sea

You are an endless ocean, bottom less sea

In my sin

You kept loving

Theres no end to your forgiveness and mercy

Every morning 

You keep coming

The waves of your affection

They keep washing over me

You are an endless ocean, bottom less sea

You are an endless ocean, bottom less sea

Al those angels

They are swimming in this ocean and they still can find no shore

Day and night night and day they keep seeing new sides of your face

You are an endless ocean, bottom less sea

You are an endless ocean, bottom less sea 

Oooh, ooh, oooh, oooh

There's no end to the affection you have for me

There's no end to the affection you have for me

About

OK, so where do I start? Well if you're here from my old blog (oldjoannefuraha.blogspot.com) then you pretty much know me, but just in case you're new...

Well, my name is Joanne. I am 24 years old currently living in sunny Redding, California. I am a student at the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry (BSSM), you know Jesus Culture, Brian and Jenn Johnson, Bill Johnson, Bethel Music, yeah those guys. I also just graduated college where I studied Marketing.

I am extremely passionate about Jesus and my pursuit of Him has led me across the world and back. Basically, my life was changed when I fell in love with Him and He just makes me happy :-) I LOVE my mom and she is my everything.

I love to write, blogs, articles, stories, music etc. One of my long term goals/20 year plan is to be a full time writer & speaker hopefully about love, relationships and family. At school I'm learning a lot about identity, connection & communication, and those things really resonate with my heart. I love music a lot! I tried learning to play guitar and piano...still trying, but I do like to sing.

I am also passionate about community. Getting around amazing people, fathers and mothers and amazing friends. I love to laugh and sit together and talk and have chill moments with people I love. My perfect evening is me and a couple of friends, cozy lighting, good conversations, music and food.

So that's basically what this blog is going to be about. All things good in my life, in my faith, in beauty and in lessons learned along the way. Hope to see you around!

Dear Dad...Take 5

Dear Dad,

It's been 5 years now. I don't know how this works, but I am hoping you're busy up there and God pulls you away for a second to read this letter.

I really just wanted to honor you today. To make sure that you knew you weren't forgotten.

I love you and I miss you immensely. I try and remember the way you smell, the way you smiled and laughed, the jokes you cracked with mom watching the news. I remember Sunday's going to buy the newspaper with you and how you always bought me fudge chocolate. I remember watching the small hand reach "5" and going to sit out on the curb waiting for you to get home from work and you would swing me high in your arms. I remember being forced to go upcountry with you but always being so happy to see you fit in and love being in your childhood home. I remember you waving to people on the sides of the road and feeling like a celebrity because everybody in Nyeri, it seemed to me, knew you.

I remember you working out back every weekend, building and creating. I remember all the photographs you took. I remember never needing a repair man or a painter or an electrician in our house because you did it all and you did it well. I remember putting up Christmas decorations and birthday decorations and the birthday parties you always insisted I have. I remember you tapping on the window when you were barbequing to say, "wee, kuja". In other words, "come get the grub." I used to get so annoyed because you were interrupting my TV watching every 5 minutes, but I would give up every DVD I own for a chance to hear that annoying tap on the window and seeing you tasting some nyam chom. Here's one thing I failed to appreciate, you carried celebration. I don't think I've celebrated much since you left.

I remember you insisting that mom get me chocolate for our last valentine's together. I remember your sadness that you couldn't buy me better looking earrings than the ones I last showed you (PS, I was offended that you didn't appreciate my taste!) You showed me a new side of you, the dad you always wanted to be and I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to live in that reality longer than we did.

I carry no regrets. I carry no hurts. I carry no daddy issues. God has done a good job fully taking over as Dad where you left off. He's been sorting me out. For a while there, I blamed Him for letting you leave us, I felt like He had let me down. Now I realize that God has never let me down. He can't let me down...ever. What happened, broke my heart. It is what it is, what it isn't is "from God to make me strong".

Everybody says that you would be proud of me, but the thing is, I just don't know that. The one thing I wish I had, was you to tell me those words. It seems the older I get the more I need someone to tell me "well done" or that I'm doing a good job. Those are words you just need a dad to tell you. Again, God has sorted me out in a way. I am surrounded by a band of fathers and mothers here at Bethel who say those words to me. I guess it's time I started believing them. Maybe in believing them, I honor you.

However this works, this is to let you know, I value who you are to me. You are my dad, without you I wouldn't be here. I am proud to be your daughter. You were an amazing man. History will remember you fondly.

Love,
Your Daughter.

July 2014 Insta-Recap

I went to the hairdresser's to cut my hair and she was like "What! No! A girl's pride is her hair, YOU CANT CUT YOUR HAIR" and I was like, "When you've been in a place where gorgeous people told you you were beautiful every day with no makeup on and wearing baggy jeans and sweatshirts, you kinda start believing you are or atleast God is on you and He's the beautiful one and then all these other things don't matter as much" all this to say...I cut my hair today, I'm still a girl & proud and..I miss Bethel :-) #bssm

 

Traditional studio potrait #riteofpassage #graduation

 Sometimes love can just be love, simple, easy, uncomplicated, that goes beyond race and language. Love for the sake of love because we've been loved #journaling #giveanintrovertajournalandfreetime #love

reading this book is a bit like reading the old king james version of the Bible...its still great but coffee & a desk goes better with it than warm milk & a bed. This is when I pull out the "english isn't my first language" excuse lol #earlymorninghomework #definitelynotlatenight #summerreading

officially done with Kenyatta University, handed in my school ID, picked up my degree, it's over! This feeling is unbelievable, I literally didn't think I'd ever get here #ThankYouJesus

Mr & Mrs Edwin Njuguna!

#thatawkwardmoment when your perfectly timed comeback is an #epicfail

when I was a teen I was obsessed with God...obsessed! and all the Christian leaders I watched made a big deal about witnessing but I was painfully shy, so I made these tracts/printouts and I snuck them into my friends & family's stuff, just found this in my mom's desk...she kept hers :-) man I wanna be as passionate about Jesus as I was back then and more #hadlifemorefiguredoutasateenthananadult #wheneverythingwassimpleandeverythingwassafe

Blackout = fireplace story times with mom #makinglemonade