Can't We All Just Live Together...

I am surrounded by some very opinionated people. I'm pretty opinionated myself, I'm just not very confrontational so if we go on and on in a debate and you refuse to accept I'm right, then I'll probably just nod and say, "OK", while thinking, "you are so wrong, I feel so sorry for you" :-p

Anyway, I'm constantly inundated by people's opinions particularly on being a single "Christian" woman. Ick!, I hate that term. It sounds so death-by-plague-ish. This is the point of my post.

I'm sick of people villifying other people for their choices on how they choose to handle the seasons in their lives.

You see posts like, "why do you think the grass is greener on the other side, just find happiness in being single" or "you'll never be content when you're married if you're not content by yourself" I don't know how to describe these statements, I'm sure you know what I mean though.


There's definitely truth to them. I'm just like, on the other side of the coin, quit shaming people for their feelings! I, for example, am perfectly content in who I am and what I'm doing in my life. I can be content and still be hungry for more. Every time though, that someone tells me something like, "Did you go to Bible school for Jesus or for a husband?" mostly other single people, by the way, they imply that I have a reason to be ashamed of my feelings. My truth is that there was room in my heart for both Jesus and dating and that is no more right or wrong than your uni-directional heart. I've got some pretty awesome things going on in my life, I kinda have a desire to share them, there's nothing wrong with that? Don't put me in a place where I have to hide or be ashamed or be fearful about the condition of my heart when I know and God knows that I have no reason to fear or be ashamed.

So, yes Christian world, I am ready to mingle and grab coffees and dinners and it's NOT A BIG DEAL and it's nothing to be ashamed or fearful of!!! Oy Vey!!! You'll either sink or swim, but you'll never know by sitting in the middle of the boat with your eyes squeezed shut.

"So, yes Christian world, I am ready to mingle and grab coffees and dinners and it's NOT A BIG DEAL and it's nothing to be ashamed or fearful of!!! Oy Vey!!!"

So I know it's kind of ironic writing that people should stop writing to disparage others while it may sound like I'm disparaging those people myself, so I'll end my rant here. My point is just to ask, can't we all live together? Handle your seasons the way the Holy Spirit and your community is leading you to handle it, and let me handle mine the same way. There's room for all of us.

How to Own Your Singleness - Part 2

Yesterday, I introduced the topic on how to enjoy your single life. Truth be told, I can probably add 10 more points to this list - proof that there is great joy to be found in this season of life. Here's part 2, let me know in the comments or #lifestartsnow if you do one of these.

6. Travel
Even if it's just a 30 minute road trip to see a waterfall in a neighboring town. Roll the windows down, turn the music up and go. I'm lucky to have traveled quite a bit over the past year and I remember my first night ever in a hotel room by myself in Dubai. I've never felt more exhilarated in my life. I explored and got lost in my hotel and laughed trying to find my way back to my room, I ate a bunch of food, I took a long bath, I sat out in the balcony and breathed in a new city...it felt good, I felt free. Anyway, point is do some exploring! It's great to share experiences with someone but it's also really exhilarating to do some things on your own.

7. Let Go of Desperation & TRUST God's Timing
It's easy to be desperate and clutch onto every word and every glance, every introduction and every coffee date thinking it will lead you to the one. Learn to let go and trust God's timing. Statistically, you will get married at some point. Forget statistics because they don't really know the heart. God knows the heart and exactly what our hopes and desires are. For example, mine is to be pursued from the very beginning. I know it's against the whole, "millennial independent woman" thought process and I've seen the skeleton "waiting for the perfect man" memes; but I also know He knows it's a big deal to me and it's what I personally need. In order to be pursued though, I have to let go of the desperation and stand on God's timing.

8. "I Love You" is way better than "I Want You" in the long run
In other words, love feels better and lasts longer than lust does. I want to meet someone who will see me and want to know me and fall in love with the person I am. I want to meet someone, know them and grow in love with them. Wanting them should come as a result of loving them. If I want someone before I know enough to fall in love with  them, then I'll want a lot of people in my lifetime. All attractiveness aside, I want to trust that their "I Love You" is sure and unwavering because that is a beautiful thing.

How to Own Your Singleness! - Part 1

At a recent Young Adults meeting at my Church, I learned that "people who love their lives are characterized or marked by ownership. We can't gain any traction in life until we become owners." (Quoted from Jeremy Riddle) I am definitely guilty of waiting for the next season so my life can begin. So I started thinking, what can I do to maximize and own my life where it's at right now? I came up with a list of things and here's a few of them.

1. Have a Big Yes
As you should know by now, this is my go to advice to any problem. Have a big yes in your heart because a strong yes is your best no. I can't be in 2 places at the same time. In saying yes to owning my life in this season, I'm saying no to moping around and feeling sorry for myself because I have no one to watch 24 reruns on Netflix on a Saturday night with.

2. Realize That Your Life is Marked by a Lot More Than Your Relationship Status
Steven Furtick put it best this past Sunday, "Singleness and marriage are both gifts but they are not The Gift; the real gift is Grace. It's gonna take grace for our selflessness, faithfulness, commitments, relationships, all of it to work. The same grace God gives people for marriage is the same grace He gives to single people. Some of you are so focused on the gift you want from God that you're missing the grace He's giving you right now." That's the gift we should be contending for: a life marked by grace.

 
3. Become The Person You've Always Wanted to Be
I want to be a woman marked by God's Grace, I want to live in confidence of Him and who He is in my life, I want to be generous and kind when no one's looking, I want to go above and beyond for strangers without expectation, I want to be focused and determined to bring to pass what He put on my heart - that's a girl I'd wanna not make single, haha. So, who do you want to see when you look at yourself in a mirror in a month or a year or 10 years?


4. Sort Through Your Past
This is the best time to find out what makes you tick and get some counseling or inner healing if you need it. True, some issues will only become apparent after you're in a relationship or in certain situations, but most things, you can deal with right now and make life that much easier when you move to the next season whether that's dating, marriage or staying single.

5. Be Fully Present in Your Current Relationships
Develop deep family connections where you are right now. Move beyond the surface and let yourself be fully known and seen by a group of people who love you and want the best for you. The older you get, the more family you should have because family isn't just the people you share blood with, it's the people you love and that love you back. Pray for God to set you up with some spiritual parents, sisters and brothers, people who'll have your back.

Be sure to check in tomorrow for part 2 of this post!