On Absence and Loving Love...{or not}

I'm sorry I've been a little sketchy on these here parts, I have a couple of stuff going on and that I have to deal with, but I do have a few posts scheduled...we have the Worship posts on Sundays and a few more post  left in the How To Tuesdays series, so you'll still see me pop up here and there.

After next week, I'll be sure to explain everything in greater detail :-)

For now, I've been thinking about love. I've been out of the dating game for a looong time. Like I haven't had a boyfriend for, wow almost more than 3 years a long time now. My entire life I've had 1 serious boyfriend and well, we all know how that ended. I've dated here and there but nothing serious or official. I've always thought that I'm fine with it, at this point in my life, I don't want to date at all and I thought it was because I was taking time out and focusing on myself and all that. To be honest I'm more happy now single than I was going out with all these randoms. My life for the most part is pretty fab. I've finally adopted that Christian mindset my mom has always wanted me to have, of "Isn't dating kinda useless if I'm not ready for marriage? Where am I supposed to take all that passion?"

A couple of days ago though, I saw this post on social media from a girl gushing about her new found romance and I just smirked and rolled my eyes a little bit and I was shocked at myself a little bit because I'm usually the "Yay! Go you!" type. So I realized, "Wow, I might actually have issues with this dating stuff and that's why I'm avoiding it!" 

It wasn't so much a jealousy issue, it was a "no trust issue." Meaning, a part of me doesn't trust men at all. I mean, my past has been in the words of Penny Hart "roof stoof".{rough stuff}

Source: timewastersonline.tumblr.com via Jenn on Pinterest

In fact it's great that I've used Penny as an example because like her, I've gone in time and time again with the best of intentions and come out crushed on the other side and well, getting ready to do that again doesn't exactly feel like a great venture.

I know what you're thinking, what's the Christian thing to do here? I know my heart shouldn't be jaded, and it's not, God gave me a brand new heart and I'm not heartbroken AT ALL, I'm just scared out of my mind when the thought of falling in love or not falling in love pops into my head. In my mind, I'd be married right now. That was my life plan forever to be married by 24, the year I get out of college. I'm about to turn 23 in a couple of weeks, so obviously, that hasn't worked out.

I just don't know if I'm ready to do it. Put my brand new expensive heart out there for anyone to crush it. I've been through it and lemme just say it right now, those first few weeks of ecstasy are absolutely not worth the end result. Everybody around me is raising a baby, married, engaged, co-habitating, seriously dating or wanting to start dating. I.just.can't. Sometimes it works out, case in point my bestie and her boyfriend of 5 years, sometimes it doesn't case in point...do I need to finish that?

I don't know if this means I'm carrying baggage into a relationship because well, I'm not looking for one. I wouldn't even call it baggage, I call it self-preservation. This heart was bought at a price, His blood, and I know how much it took for God to get me to a place where I could love again at all, so putting His healing on the line for a couple of weeks of excitement...?

There are so many cons to giving your heart away. Too many.

The end.

For once I'm not going to try and explain this away or find the silver lining or the inspirational quote to push me out of this. Right now in my life, my heart and mind are just sitting here.

xx
Jo

Date Night Ideas: Love Letters

Source: vi.sualize.us via Mary on Pinterest

This is a good one,

Source: etiquetteforagentleman.tumblr.com via Jamie on Pinterest

Imagine with me for a minute, if occasionally during the week, when either you or your special someone feel inspired, or touched, you wrote each other a little note and put it in one of these, set up somewhere in your house:


A mason jar:

Source: marthastewartweddings.com via Ashley on Pinterest

Or a good looking mailbox that fits your decor:

Source: braidmetojune.tumblr.com via Courtney on Pinterest

Then once a week/fortnight/month whatever your date night rules are, you carried these out with you on your date and went through them?

Source: via Addie on Pinterest

Source: etsy.com via Mandie on Pinterest

Source: insomniaticthoughts.tumblr.com via Wandile on Pinterest

Source: etsy.com via Wandile on Pinterest

Source: woolcotton.tumblr.com via Wandile on Pinterest

Source: highestcommondenominator.tumblr.com via Wandile on Pinterest

Source: highestcommondenominator.tumblr.com via Wandile on Pinterest

Ever the Hopeful Romantic,
Jo

Letters

Quotes

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”

source

 

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

source

xo

Jo 

PASSIONATE PURSUIT

This is sort of my theme for this week; passionate pursuit. I’ve gotten a lot of flack this week from my mom and my best friends, Joe and Mich about my list. You know what I’m talking about, the list.

Well, I have a list of what I’m looking for in…a man. It’s very long and very detailed and I am admitting my madness on the inter-webs…and I said inter-webs, I’m guessing my cool card has been revoked. I’m sorry, I’m a girl! A girl who’s been through a lot and just doesn’t want anymore drama in her life, hence, the list.
So, my friends and my mom are all, “You’re insane, you’re way too picky, this will never work, it’s never gonna happen!” As for me, I figure, hey, it’s my life and I have the right to make any sort of list I want. Look, I know, realistically I’m not going to get the guy on the list and in a way it’s not really about the list, it’s about hope and it’s about a gift.

Source: gear.fivestarman.com via Neil on Pinterest

I want the gift, to be passionately pursued not in a gross way like a stalker, not in a sinful way like an obsession, but as a gift. I want to passionately pursue, I want the gift. The gift of loving and being loved; being desired and desiring, that’s all. Maybe the easiest way for me to express that and channel that is through a list.

Source: 25.media.tumblr.com via Susana on Pinterest

Mich told me, as long as you have someone, anyone, nothing else matters; on the other hand, I think that it would also be incredibly sad to be lonely when you’re with someone than to be lonely alone. Your spouse should be your standard, by which you measure anybody else of the same sex. It may not start out like that, but given time, understanding, love that’s where it should end up. What’s wrong with wanting a head start on that? ;-) I mean, don’t you want to wake up every day knowing that the person you’re with wasn’t just some random person you settled with just because they were there? Doesn’t it feel about a million times better know that what you have is a gift, a miracle, a blessing? Call me a dreamer but I think that would be awesome.

Source: weheartit.com via Janessa on Pinterest

I think it’s this whole salvation thing…I got a taste of love, a taste of pursuit constantly getting dazzled by God. He drives me crazy sometimes and I’m yet to fully understand Him, but He makes my heart melt and my soul fly and I don’t know how to give that up. More than that, I don’t know if I’d want someone who drained me of that instead of keeping me full.

Everybody deserves to be passionately pursued – list or no list.

xo

Jo