Bethel Music Without Words, God I Look To You Video

It's no secret Bethel Music has rocked my world and my life has changed. This song is one huge example how Once You Go Bethel, Your Spirit Starts to Wrestle...hehe I'm sorry that was bad! :-D

Anyway, I commented on YouTube and I got 5 likes :-)

This song spoke to me then and it speaks to me now. At first when I listened to this album, I just enjoyed it and enjoyed His presence and I didn't try to pray or add any words or anything, I just soaked. But a couple of nights ago driving home from worship practice a lot of spontaneous songs came out and it was really fun to play around with it and hang out with God.

Side-note: God is FUN.

Today though was not a fun day. I was actually supposed to go to school (KU) today for some records but I was am so fearful. I prayed about it, I declared victory over it leading worship this weekend, the team prayed for me, but today I was just scared. Over and over that part of my life has been met with disappointment and I was scared to go and face the same result.God asked me in the morning, pointblank, "are you a hypocrite Joanne?" Yeah, I know, harsh. My job hasn't called me in yet, at this point, I'm not sure I'll be called in at all. I know I'm not getting paid much but I'd rather have that than be unemployed. I've felt so low today, I've caught a cold and my sinuses are on fire! Temptation came in strong today.

So God's question, though harsh, is valid. He keeps telling me stuff, I keep ignoring Him. He said a bunch of times, "Don't be afraid, trust in God, trust also in me" (John 14:1) The song that just started playing is telling me the same thing. (Rauka by Kanjii Mbugua)

Lord, I don't know what to say. You amaze me. I'm blown away by your love. You know how many tears I've cried in awe of you. Why am I so scared when you are with me? I look to you. I have heard of your great works. You have given me victory, and I thank you.

What I wrote 1 month ago on Youtube is ministering to me now which is kinda funny and why I love blogging.

You see, victory is victory, there's no 2nd class victory with God. I am victorious. That's just who I am. God is moving on my behalf. I need to stop looking at myself or looking at the situation and look to God. I've ignored Him and that's what's causing all this fear and hopelessness. He's awesome though because the moment I turn my eyes toward Him, He comes running straight to me with arms wide open.